“Yeah, you skipped way too many chapters there. Back up.”
“Do we have to talk about this?”
“Yes, of course, who do you think I am?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Okay, we slept together, alright? Is that what you want to know? I was feeling reckless, or something, I don’t really know. But this morning, I felt like a total selfish asshole for having even a little bit of fun and I couldn’t stop crying. I told him about Mom and he told me he might be able to help. I’ve been desperate, Corinne, you know that. I’d accept help from anyone.”
“Looks like you’re getting it,” she mused.
“I had no idea what I was getting into, to be honest. When they pulled up on those bikes, looking like a bunch of outlaws from some Netflix series, I was just as surprised as you.”
She nodded, reaching over and grabbing my hand in hers.
“I get it,” she said. “And hey, we can use all the help we can get, right? They seem legit. As legit as they can be in those vests.”
“Cuts.”
“Huh?”
“They call them cuts — apparently.”
“Cuts, right,” she said. “Well, like I said, nothing wrong with some help, some fresh eyes. And a little eye candy never hurt anybody, did it?”
“Corinne, be good,” I said. “I’m sure guys like that are all partnered up.”
“You’re right,” she said. “And probably with some really tough women, too. Doesn’t mean I can’t fantasize,” she winked.
“I guess not,” I laughed.
“So what now?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s been a long ass day. I think I’m going to say goodnight to Maddy and go to sleep.”
“Sounds good,” she said.
“How was Maddy this weekend? Did she seem any better? She barely said two words to me.”
“I think, like me, she was in shock to walk in and see all those guys.”
“Right,” I nodded. “I should check in on her.”
“Just go easy on her, Sage,” Corinne said. “I think she doesn’t want to talk too much.”
“Alright,” I replied. “I understand.”
And she was right. As soon as I knocked on Maddy’s door and opened it slightly, I felt her vibe. She was closed-off and would barely look at me as I sat on her bed.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey.”
She sat with her face in her phone, scrolling through twitter.
“How was Portland?”
“It was fine,” she shrugged.
“Sorry for the lack of warning for the Gods.”
“Think they’re really going to be able to find Mom?” she asked, finally looking up with a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“I hope so,” I replied. “I’m at the point of not refusing help from anyone.”
She nodded, quiet again.
“I met Colt at a bar. He offered to help when I told him about Mom,” I said, skipping many steps in the story. “This is the kind of work the Gods do. Seems to be pretty good at it and organized, too.”
“We’ll see, I guess.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, slowly. She focused on her phone again, and I got the hint. I stood up, kissed her on the forehead and headed towards the door.
“Sage?” she called before I closed it.
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad to be home,” she said, her voice sad and low. I smiled at her, my heart breaking that I couldn’t take all her pain away.
“I’m glad you’re back, too,” I replied. “Love you, sis.”
I closed the door with a relieved sigh, and headed back to mom’s room after saying goodnight to Corinne, who was already settled on the couch in front of the fireplace and television. Flashes of Colt and me lying there last night thundered through my head, sending a shiver of desire rushing through me.
I’d spent so much time feeling terrible and guilty today that I’d not taken the time to realize just how much I’d enjoyed losing myself in his arms, even if just for a little while.
I was particularly grateful that Maddy seemed relatively okay with things. As I went to bed alone, though, I felt just a little lonelier than usual.
Turns out, going to bed in my missing mother’s bed while thinking about a one-night stand with a hunky biker was not a good mix. I pushed all thoughts of Colt away, closed the door, and changed into a pair of black leggings and a tank before lying wide awake and staring up at the ceiling.
It took two seconds before I jumped up and began pacing the room in frustration. I gnawed on my nails, my head racing as the events of the day failed to fall neatly into organized little slots in my brain.
So much had happened in the last twenty-four hours that I was just spun in a tight little ball. Sure, I was grateful for all the help, for Maddy being home, for all of that. But somehow, meeting Colt last night changed everything.
I was less in control now that the Gods had taken over.
And that freaked me out.
I’d been here for over two weeks, calling all the shots in organizing the search for Mom in every aspect. And without really asking, albeit with remarkable gentleness and kindness, this group of wild looking strangers had swept in and ripped the rug out from under me.
Of course, I’d allowed it.
But once again, I thought, what had I gotten myself into?
I plopped down hard on the edge of the bed, my body screaming sheer exhaustion and begging for relief. A soft thud sounded below me and I stood back up.
“Oh, great, I broke the damn bed,” I muttered to myself, as I sank to my knees and lifted the white lace dust ruffle to peer into the darkness. A thick leather-bound book lay there, wrapped in a long leather lace and tied tightly.
I pulled it out, my heart racing.
It must have fallen from under the bed frame, because it had definitely not been there before. I’d checked. I’d seen the cops look under the bed myself, knowing they wouldn’t find anything.
I sat on the bed, and held it in my hands. The green leather binding was handmade, like something you’d get at a craft’s market. From the outside edges of the pages, the craftsmanship was evident.
I knew right away what it was. My mother’s journal.
It even smelled like her, wafts of her rose perfume hitting me at once.
My hands trembled as once again, the enormity of everything hit me again. I was staring at my mother’s journal, contemplating actually opening it. The thought that this was absolutely unacceptable was not lost on me.
But what was I to do? What would she want me to do?
I took a deep breath, attempting to slow my pounding heart.
Staring down at the book, the realization that it could answer all the questions I had, could maybe help me finally find her, could be the key to everything — it was too much for me to handle.
“I can’t,” I said, shuddering as I threw the book on the bed like it was made of flames, and stepped away.
What if that didn’t say anything about what happened to her?
What if, instead, it said other things — things I didn’t need to know? Personal things about my mother’s personal life, her thoughts, her desires, her — god forbid — her actions.
Yes, I know I sound like a prude, but it’s my mom.
One assigns certain traits to their parents and those facades need to stay intact. No, this was not a job for me.
I needed to call in someone stronger than me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
MADDY
Portland with Corinne was fun. But I felt more alone there than ever. I knew she meant well, and she was sweet and welcoming, and tried her hardest to get my mind off things, but what could she do really?
I should be thinking about my mom.
I should be worried.
It’s definitely not time to move on and just accept this as the new normal.
I couldn’t imagine ever giving up looking for her.
That’s why I was stoked to see Sage digging in — and while it might be unconventional to have a big group of scary bikers looking for Mom — at least it meant Sage was nowhere near giving up, too.
Now that I was back home, it felt good to burrow under my own covers in my own bed, and shut out the rest of the world.
The last few weeks had been hard. Sage had insisted I keep going to school and all my friends had a million questions and a look of pity in their eyes when they looked at me. I hated it.
The only person I wanted to hang out with was Ethan. He was the only one who wasn’t asking probing questions I didn’t know the answers to and the only one with unending patience with my endlessly changing moods. Even my best friend was bugging me like crazy.
I texted Ethan now to say goodnight and let him know I was back home. I was looking forward to seeing him again. He’d even been cool about slowing things down physically after Mom went missing, without missing a beat. There was no way I could think about that stuff right now.
“Sweet dreams. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. I’ll wait for you by the front door.”
I sighed as I read over his text. I’d found a good guy, without even trying. I wished I could share this with my mother, actually. She’d like him a lot. If she ever got over the fact that he was a little older than me. A faint smile lingered on my lips as I longed for the little arguments we used to have.
It wasn’t long before the tears began streaming down my face, and I was so grateful for the privacy Sage had given me tonight while I settled back into being home.
I was so worried about my mother.
My mind was constantly racing with horrible thoughts of what she may be going through.
I had to keep the belief that she was still alive close to my heart.
The alternative was just not acceptable.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
SAGE
Corinne sat on the edge of my bed, her eyes sparkling as she eyed Mom’s journal.
“I can’t do it. You have to.”
“You want me to read your mother’s journal, Sage?” she asked.
“What if there’s…you know…sex stuff in there?” I wrinkled my nose.
“What makes you think I want to read about your mother’s sex life?”
“I don’t!” I insisted. “Nobody wants that. But you have to. I certainly can’t give it to Maddy!”
“You could give it to the Gods.”
“That seems so…wrong, don’t you think? It’s like letting them into her underwear drawer, only worse. The cops already went through that. I just feel protective about it, in a way. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” she replied, taking the journal from me and untying the long lace that wrapped around it. “This is weird.”
“I know.”
“It’s okay,” she nodded, taking a deep breath. “Listen, I’ll just take this into the other room and let you know if I see anything of interest, okay?”
“Sure,” I said, sighing in relief. “Thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome, I think,” she said, walking to the door. “But I swear, Sage, if I find out your mom is into some kinky swinger sex or something, I’m never going to be able to look her in the eye again.”
“Well, that’s fine, because you aren’t her daughter,” I replied.
“Fair enough,” she said. “This is pretty long. Why don’t you go to bed and we can touch base first thing in the morning?”
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll check in with you before I take Maddy to school.”
She winked and padded off down the hall with all of my mother’s secrets cradled in her palms.
“Forgive me, Mom,” I whispered, as I closed the door and collapsed back on the bed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
SUNNY
Darkness blanketed the landscaping around my cabin, the tall pine trees surrounding it blocking out any light the almost-full moon provided. Faint light from a small lamp in the corner of the living room poured out of the window, lighting my way as I stepped up onto the front porch.
I pulled out my keys, unlocking the several locks on the front door. You could never be too careful. The last thing I needed was for some curious or cold hiker wandering into my cabin.
I’d fallen into a bit of a routine the last few weeks, and to be honest, it was wearing on me a little. I’d never done anything like this before. I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to put an end to it yet, either. But something had to give soon.
I needed to make some changes before things went truly downhill.
I sensed Frannie was about to break, too. She’d been so strong all this time. She’d taken everything I’d given, every punishment, every demand, every word, like a champ. Like she hadn’t yet given up hope of somehow making it out of this and going back home.
Me, well, I wasn’t so sure of any of that.
She wasn’t ready yet.
I wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready, if I’m being frank.
Look, I’m not a monster, okay? You can stop thinking that right now.
I like to think of myself as more of a rehabilitation advocate. I’m trying to help her.
You’ll see.
This first thing I did when I got to the cabin was put on the music. My mother’s favorite songs. Always about me, or at least she liked to pretend they were.
Within seconds, the cabin was filled with the sounds of Bobby Hebb’s soulful voice. I sang along with him, my heart soaring with joy as I heard Mother’s voice in my head, too.
“Sunny,” I sang, as I unlocked the door to the basement, “yesterday my life was filled with rain. Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain…”
I stomped down the stairs, smiling when I saw Frannie sitting on the ground, the handcuffs wrapped around her wrists, the chain attached to her naked waist still tightly secured to the wall.
It sounds so much worse than it is. It’s very warm down here. She has access to the bathroom, anytime she needs it. She has food, water, even a television to watch and a mattress on the floor.
She’s totally cared for.
She may not be happy, but time will fix that. I’m working on it.
She looked up at me and I continued singing, flashing her a warm smile and dancing a little as I pulled some clothes out of the closet. “Now the dark days are done, and the bright days are here. My sunny one shines so sincere. Sunny, one so true,” I pointed at her, doing a little spin to try to make her smile. “I love you!”
She didn’t smile.
She hasn’t smiled the entire time I’ve had her here, unfortunately.
But like I said, I’m working on her.
“Oh, Frannie, you’ve got to lighten up!” I said to her now. “You know, there are people out there who have it much worse than you do.” The words echoed in my head, only it was my mother’s voice saying those words to me. So very long ago. To say I missed her was an understatement.
“Are you going to let me go today?” Frannie asked. She asked the same question every day.
“Not yet,” I answered. “Soon.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“I’m not sure yet. I’ll know when the time comes.”
The song still played in the background, floating down the basement staircase and filling up the small, dark space down here. “I’m sorry there aren’t more windows down here, love.”
She looked up at me as I pulled a long, dark dress from a hanger, watching me with thoughtful eyes. I held up the dress, “Isn’t it lovely?”
She shrugged, disinterested. “It’s black velvet. A little heavy, but the floral embroidery is to die for, don’t you think?”
She raked her eyes over the dress, then quickly looked back at me.
“Stand up.”
As I mentioned, she’d been pretty obedient up till now, but her rebellious streak must be blossoming because she was the complete opposite in this moment.
“No.”
“No?
” I scoffed. “What do you mean no?”
“I don’t want to listen to you anymore! It’s been weeks! You have to let me go! Now!”
I watched her little scene play out, her voice defiant and loud. And totally adorable.
“Aren’t you cute today?” I asked. “Now, the last thing I want to do is show you what happens when you don’t do as I ask. So, I’ll ask nicely. Please, Frannie, stand up and put this lovely vintage dress on.”
Silently, she shook her head, her eyes daring me to do…something.
“Hmm,” I murmured, cocking my head. “Okay, then. I’ll be right back.”
Quickly, I fetched a few things upstairs and came back down, finding her sitting in the exact same position, the dress lying next to her on the mattress on the floor.
“I was hoping you’d found some good sense while I was gone but I guess not.”
“Why are you doing this? You’ve never given me a straight answer. None of this makes sense. Please, at least tell me why you’re keeping me here?” Her eyes were begging for answers and for a quick moment, I almost felt sorry for her.
“I’m here to teach you the lessons you need to be taught, Frannie. Trust me, you’ll thank me when this is all over.”
“And yet you have no idea when it’s going to be over?”
“Not yet, darling. Soon, though. Don’t worry.”
“That’s easy for you to say! You’re not chained up in a basement!”
“You need to calm down, darling. Now, this is your last chance to play nice, Frannie. Either stand up and put the dress on, or I’ll have to punish you.”
“No!” she shouted. “I’m done with your sick games!”
“Fine,” I shrugged. I walked over to the corner of the room and plugged in the iron I’d brought down with me. I turned it on and waited silently for it to get hot, ignoring the glare she was giving me. “I hate to do this, Frannie, really I do.”
CHASING SUNSHINE: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK THIRTEEN) Page 9