“Why has all this misfortune fallen upon us?”
The Goddesses were silent on this topic.
She wondered if their silence was because she was so lucky, so blessed with love, laughter and prosperity. Was she not grateful enough?
The cloud of misfortune felt so dark, so heavy and so silent. The Goddesses must surely see it more clearly than she did. They refused to answer.
Ever since she was a small child, Delphie had relied on the Goddesses to guide her, support her and care for her. Even when she lived with Levi Johansen, the Goddesses intervened to help her. After all, they brought Celia into her life.
Delphie had tried to reach Celia but Celia was silent as well. Only her clients received her psychic support. Otherwise, the spirits and Goddesses were quiet. She’s meant to ask Jacob or Katy but in the middle of Christmas preparations, she kept forgetting.
Snuffing out her candles, she said a closing prayer to Quan Yin and began getting ready for her day. Sam had wanted to get some sleep so he slept in his rooms last night. She made the easy journey down the stairs to the kitchen. Hearing rustling in the living room, she went out to see who was up.
She stopped short at the doorway to the living room. Jacob was standing in the middle of the living room with ornaments flying around him. With a flick of a finger, an ornament would fly to the tree then gently settle on a branch.
“Damn it! You little shit! I knew you were going to do this!” Wearing flannel pajamas, Valerie pushed past Delphie. “You get to decorate the tree every year. You better not have put my favorite ornament on the tree.”
Jacob smiled. Valerie’s favorite ornament hovered in front of her face.
“Want it?”
Valerie snatched it from the air. While ornaments flew around her, Valerie skipped to the tree and placed her ornament. She kissed Jacob’s cheek on the way back to the kitchen.
“Your skills have improved,” Delphie said. “And your other abilities?”
“Just a second, I’m almost done,” Jacob said. An angel holding a star lifted to the top of the tree. The tree shimmied and shuddered as the angel settled on the top. “I figured I should practice. Jill wants to do our tree the old fashioned way.”
“Your other abilities?”
“What about them?”
Jacob walked to Delphie to hug her.
“They’re stronger than they were, especially since Jill’s here. I don’t know if it’s something about Jill or if pining for her all the time made me weaker. I’m a lot stronger when she’s around.”
“Love will do that.”
“I think it’s her.” Jacob smiled. “Katy’s powers are stronger when Jill’s around. Yours too.”
“I’ll have to pay more attention,” Delphie said. “Have you talked to your mother lately?”
Delphie tried to make her voice casual as if she was curious, not desperate. Jacob gave her a long look.
“Stop psychic-ing me.” Delphie used Jacob’s favorite saying back at him.
He laughed.
“Johansen has you in a cloud, Delphie,” Jacob said. “That’s why you feel shut off. Do you remember feeling this way before?”
“Not until you mention it, the cloud started after I saw him again,” Delphie said. “And yes, I was like this before. Even though the Goddesses supported me, and I could see their support daily, I couldn’t hear them. Not until I was free.”
“How did you get free?” Jacob asked.
“They put Levi on some medication,” Delphie said. “It just happened.”
“Huh,” Jacob said. “I’m going to try to make coffee from here. Want to watch?”
Delphie wrinkled her nose at the vision of coffee grounds all over the kitchen. She shook her head.
“I’m making coffee, Jake. Don’t mess with me,” Valerie yelled from the kitchen. “I’m tougher than I look.”
Laughing, Delphie pushed Jacob into the kitchen.
“I need practice,” Jacob said. “Big objects are easy, but it’s the finer details take real practice.”
“You’re stronger than Levi ever was,” Delphie said. “Thanks for the coffee, Val.”
“Easy to do with HANDS.”
Valerie held her hands up to Jacob’s face. He laughed. Singing ‘I’ve got the power,’ Valerie trotted upstairs to change.
“You have to kick this thing,” Jacob said.
“I can’t,” Delphie said.
“You couldn’t,” he said. “You can now. What’s the question?”
“Why has all of this misfortune come over us?” Delphie asked.
“What misfortune?” Sam asked on his way into the kitchen. He hugged and kissed Delphie good morning.
“All these law suits, Val losing her movie, poor Sandy’s past coming back to hurt her, Jacob’s heart problems, the company’s struggles, the list is pretty long. And it’s happened all at once.”
“I lost my baby,” Honey wheeled into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
“Honey’s baby,” Delphie said. “The doctor said the baby was fine.”
“No genetic problems. There was no reason for the miscarriage,” Honey said. “They’re guessing it was because of the injury but…”
Honey shrugged then sighed. Delphie kneeled to hug her.
“That’s a lot of misfortune,” Delphie said.
“At least we have each other.” Sam placed his hand on Delphie’s back. “That’s all that matters to me.”
Delphie stood to hold him.
“I think it’s Johansen.”
Delphie’s head jerked to Jacob. Jacob poured a travel mug of coffee for Honey. He gave her milk and poured a cup of coffee for himself.
“Then Johansen must die,” Honey poured the milk into her coffee and gave it back to Jacob. “Asshole. I don’t even know the man and he takes my baby? MJ better not find out. He will flip out.”
“He’s evil,” Delphie said. “He can do things… You’d be surprised.”
“How did he get in the house?” Sam asked. “I thought the house was protected by white light or Goddesses or some other thing.”
Jacob nodded to Delphie.
“I didn’t let him in,” Delphie said.
“Cloud?” Jacob asked.
“Oh God,” Delphie’s hands flew to her face. “It’s all my fault! Just like Delbert. It’s all my fault!”
“That’s how,” Jacob said. “He rides in on your guilt.”
“I was there when Delbert died, Delphie. Delbert did what he wanted to do, what he needed to do for himself,” Sam said. “Surely you know that.”
“I don’t give a shit how he got in here,” Honey said. “I want to know how to get rid of him. I don’t play nice when people hurt me or my family. It’s all just bullshit!”
Honey wheeled out of the kitchen.
“You have to let go of your guilt.”
Jacob put his hand on Delphie’s shoulder. He kissed her cheek then went up the stairs to his apartment.
“He’s right.” Sam prepared a cup of coffee then started another pot. He turned on the burner to the tea pot. “What would it take to let this go?”
“Forgiveness,” Delphie said.
“Whose forgiveness do you need? Celia never blamed you. Ever. Her mother always said that Delbert did whatever he wanted to all his life. Even Celia’s weirdo sister never thought it was your fault.” Sam pulled her to him. “I never thought it was your fault.”
Delphie rested her head against Sam’s shoulder.
“Jake decorated the tree,” she said.
“I hope he’s not too shy to un-decorate the tree this year,” Sam said. “That’s the real work.”
Delphie chuckled.
“Forgive yourself,” Sam said. Kissing her forehead, he stepped back. He made Delphie’s green tea then gave her the cup. “I need to keep moving.”
Delphie nodded.
“Ask Celia to help you.” Sam turned at the door. “If anyone can do the impossible, it’s Celia.”
Sipping her green tea, Delphie realized that Celia would fix this. Celia would think it was funny. She just needed to ask. When she was a child, she never asked to be free of Levi Johansen because she didn’t know she could. She didn’t know life without him. She knew life now.
Delphie jogged up the steps to her apartment. Sitting back down on her meditation bolster, she lit the candles and restarted her incense. Closing her eyes, she whispered:
“Celia, help me lift this cloud.”
The silence was deafening.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
You’re not God
Two weeks later
Monday morning —– 7:30 A.M.
“It’s Ok to drop me here,” Nash said. He shifted as if to get out of Aden’s moving SAAB sedan.
“We can go another block, Nash,” Noelle said from the back seat.
“That’s not school property either,” Sandy said. “Plus the windows are dark. Who’s going to know the contraband drop off?”
“I don’t want you to get arrested or something,” Nash said.
Sandy laughed.
“Look, there’s Teddy. That’s his guardian, Andy.” Nash pointed to the bodybuilder and the boy walking on the sidewalk. “Have you met him?”
“I’ve met Captain Ramirez,” Sandy said. “Should we stop here?”
When she pulled to the curb, Nash jumped out of the car. Sandy watched the large man and the boy turn to greet Nash. She smiled at how happy and excited the boys were to see each other. For all the chaos of the last few months, Nash had landed on his feet. His grades were good, he enjoyed school again, and he had a nice friend. She was about to pull away when Nash tapped her side window. The window was half down when he threw his arms around her neck.
“Love you, Sandy. Thanks for taking me and… being my Mom.”
And he was gone. She watched him run off to be with Teddy. Sniffling back her tears, she and Noelle waved as she drove by.
“We’re both really happy you’re going to be our Mom, Sandy,” Noelle said.
Looking in the rear view mirror, Sandy nodded to the girl.
“That was the best Christmas I’ve ever had,” Noelle said. “Everything was perfect. And mostly that was ‘cuz you were there. Dad’s nice, you know, but he’s just a Dad. He doesn’t think of decorating or pretty packages or stockings or special breakfast or friends or clothes shopping or parties or… He thinks of boy stuff, practical stuff. Not nice stuff.”
Sandy pulled up to the Marlowe School. Noelle came around the car for a hug and a kiss.
“See you tonight, Mom!”
Noelle waved then ran up to the school. Overwhelmed with emotion, Sandy sat for a moment after Noelle entered the Marlowe School. With a sigh, she pulled away from the curb.
She was about a block away when she saw her biological father walking up the sidewalk. She wasn’t sure why he surprised her so much. He lived a couple of blocks from the school. The sight of him brought shivers down her spine. Her heart raced and her breathing was tight. She turned on the next street to get away from the sight of him.
Pulling over, she dialed the number the child pornography unit gave her. They assured that they were moving on her father soon. Don’t worry Sandy, they said. We have people tailing him. This will be over soon.
Soon.
~~~~~~~~
Monday mid-day — 12:05 A.M.
“Sir? If you could follow me.”
The nurse led Mike and Valerie into a small comfortably decorated room. There was a love seat, a television with DVDs stacked around a player and a variety of magazines.
“You know what to do?” The nurse asked.
Mike nodded. Valerie plopped down on the love seat.
“Very well. Leave your sample in the slot.” The nurse pointed to a box in the wall with a metal door attached to the other side of the wall. “Click this switch so we know it’s there. We’ll take care of the rest. The doctor will see you when you’re done.”
The nurse closed the door. Mike shifted back and forth then blushed.
“I thought you did this all the time.” Valerie said.
“Yeah, Val, I’m perpetually masturbating in doctor’s offices,” Mike said.
Valerie laughed.
“Can’t stop myself. I have two obsessions – the Captain Crunch and masturbating in doctor’s offices.”
“Ooh, I’m not on your obsession list,” Valerie said.
“Why do you think I masturbate so much?”
“I thought you did this here before,” Valerie said.
“I did,” Mike said. “They had to check motility and health and count and whatever the fuck else.”
“And?” She unzipped his pants.
Mike slapped at her hands.
“I can’t talk to you about jerking off and do it at the same time.”
“Oh, okay.” Valerie leaned back on the love seat.
“As you know, my test results were excellent. I have good fast moving healthy sperm. I told Candy and she was like ‘Why don’t you just come over then?’ And…”
“And?”
“I am happy to donate,” Mike said. “I don’t want to be involved.”
“Oh,” Valerie said.
“Kinda grosses me out,” Mike said. “Candy was pissed. Well, you saw how she was at Christmas. Jazmyne came up with this alternative. I give a sample and they will put it in tubes or whatever. Candy and her wife can do what they want to with them.”
“Sounds like you’ve thought this through,” Valerie said. “Why are we here today?”
“You wanted to see the fertility specialist, so I made an appointment for us. You know kill two birds.”
“I took all those blood tests last week,” Valerie said.
“Today is our consultation,” Mike said.
“Oh,” Valerie said. “If we have to do this, will you be grossed out?”
Mike groaned.
“What?”
“If we have to do invitro or whatever, I want to be involved,” Mike said. “It will be my baby.”
“Oh. Good,” Valerie smiled. “Can I help now?”
“I hope so.”
~~~~~~~~
Monday mid-day —– 12: 36 P.M.
“Hey Jill.” Delphie tried for casual. She didn’t want Jill to know that she’d been pacing in front of the door waiting for her. “How was your first day of school?”
“Exciting!” Jill said. Jill set her books down so she could greet Scooter and Sarah. The dogs wagged and wiggled while she pet them. “I met a couple other people in the interior design program. I have to take a bunch of prerequisites, even though it’s the Art Institute. But they don’t look so hard and Meg’s taking them with me.”
“She’s going for…”
“Fashion design,” Jill said. “Claire Martins has really encouraged Megan to try it. Meg did some of our alterations at the last commercial shoot. And Claire thinks she’s really good! We’re in most of our classes together this year.”
“I’m excited for you.” Delphie hugged Jill.
“Me too!” Jill said. “Last January, I completely gave up on going to school. Of course, I was going for something practical like accounting. And now, here I am. It’s a dream come true.”
“That’s really great.” Delphie smiled. “What are you up to now?”
“I was going to work on Colin and Julie’s place for a couple of hours before I pick up Katy. She and Paddie are playing this afternoon while Julie and I look at colors,” Jill said. “My parents and family are coming over tonight. I thought you and Sam were going to the Avenue Theater tonight.”
“We have tickets,” Delphie said.
“What’s up?” Jill asked.
“Jacob told me that you make his powers stronger,” Delphie said.
“He says that,” Jill said. “I don’t really know anything about it. Katy has more vivid dreams when I’m with her, but I think it’s because she feels safer when I’m around. Like she had that dream about Trevor taking her
when she was at Megan’s house. When I was there, she had dreams that she would be all right, but she didn’t believe them because she was so afraid of Trevor. Does that make sense?”
“You’re saying her dreams were more valid…?”
“More complete. Trevor did try to steal her but she was also all right,” Jill said. “She knew that when I was there. Jacob says his powers are stronger when I’m around but I only know him when I’m around him. You know?”
“I understand what you’re saying,” Delphie said.
“Why do you ask?” Jill realized for the first time that Delphie seemed anxious and upset.
“I’m in some trouble,” Delphie said. “You know that man…”
“Johansen?” Jill asked.
“Yes,” Delphie said. “He has me in a kind of psychic… bind.”
“Can I help?” Jill asked.
“I don’t know,” Delphie said. “Jake says I need to forgive myself for something that happened a long time ago. But…”
“You mean Delbert?”
“You know about that?” Delphie flushed. Her eyes welled up with tears.
Jill hugged Delphie.
“How can I help?” Jill asked again.
Delphie sniffled then stepped back.
“I was hoping maybe if I asked Celia for help, and you were here, we could break through the cloud,” Delphie said.
“What about the guilt?” Jill asked.
“I don’t know if I can get rid of it,” Delphie said. “There’s no way around it. I killed a man.”
“You’re not that powerful, Delphie! If you were, you would have saved Celia or Val’s baby or Jacob last summer. Why didn’t you save them?”
“I only know things! I can’t…”
“Right,” Jill said. “Even Jacob can’t control the world. That’s silly. You’re not God.”
Stunned, Delphie dropped onto the living room couch. Jill’s words hit her one at a time.
You.
Are.
Not.
God.
As if they were a spell written in smoke, the words rotated around her head. She felt Jill sit down next to her and take her hand. Delphie sighed.
Cascade Page 13