by Gow, Kailin
Of course I’d want there to be. But whether or not I thought it should happen remained to be seen. I let myself consider it. “How do you intend on this working, exactly? Do you text me when you want a booty call?”
“Sure. Or you can text me. Or we can arrange ahead of time like we did tonight.” Hudson studied me. “What would you say to no condoms?”
I’d always thought condoms were a drag, but I hadn’t ever been in a committed relationship where I could consider not using them. It struck me as odd that after one time I was having this conversation with Hudson. “I suppose if you’re clean…I’m on birth control. I get the shot. My last STD test was a month ago and it came back clean.”
“I am clean. I’m checked monthly. And I hate condoms.”
“Then no more condoms.”
He smiled and I caught my mistake.
“If I agree, I mean.”
“Mmhmm.” He stroked his hand up my bare thigh. Sexual tension hung in the air between us, but my brain screamed at me to be cautious.
I hugged my knees, casually pulling away from his touch. “You said you expected fidelity—can I expect the same from you? Or will you be using this loft with other women?”
Hudson moved our leftover dinner to the floor, clearing the space between us. Then he put a hand on each of my knees, pinning me with his eyes. “I’m not a slut, Alayna. This loft has been used for sex, yes, but I have it so I can be close to my office, not for fucking.” He stretched a hand out to brush a strand of hair behind my ear. “I will be as faithful as I expect you to be.”
His nearness, his touch, his promise of fidelity—it stirred my arousal, begging me to give in. But it also tugged at something much deeper, something both familiar and unknown, something I couldn’t name or identify, and I knew if I tried, it—whatever it was—would come rushing up and consume me.
I scrambled off the bed. “I can’t think about this anymore right now.” I began gathering my clothing.
“Why are you panicking?” Hudson stood as well.
I turned to him, suddenly angry—with him, with myself, with my stupid compulsion to cling and drive people away, with my parents for dying and pushing me into that behavior. “You know, it’s all very good and fine for you to say you want a committed sexual relationship. You’ll have no problem remaining unemotionally involved—that’s your default. It’s not my default. Don’t you see what you’re asking of me might be impossible for me to deliver?” I rubbed at my eyes, hoping to stop any tears before they dared to fall.
Hudson reached toward me, but I stepped away. “The more we have sex, Hudson, the more I’m likely to latch on, and even if you were into that, you wouldn’t be into the level that I latch. So, trust me when I say this has bad idea written all over it. Let’s call this a wonderful—oh, my god, such a wonderful evening—and now we need to move on.”
His mouth tightened into a straight line. “If that’s what you need.”
“I do.” I hugged myself, embarrassed by my outburst. “And I need a shower. Do you mind?”
“Not at all. In there.” He gestured toward the bathroom. “I’ll bring you some towels.”
He sounded distant, and I immediately regretted pushing him there. Already I missed the warmth of him.
In the bathroom, I threw my clothes on the black granite counter and avoided looking in the mirror, not liking who I’d see staring back at me. I turned the shower on extra hot, hoping the heat would relieve the chill that had settled on me, and climbed under the heavy spray.
In there, alone, water and steam embracing me, the tears came freely. I cried soundlessly, surrendering to the hollow loneliness that I had grown accustomed to before Hudson arrived to show me something new.
Absorbed in my self-pity, I didn’t hear him enter the bathroom with the towels, and when he opened the shower door and slid in to join me, instead of cursing his obvious lack of respect for my wishes to withdraw from him, I abandoned myself and pressed my lips to his.
He responded without hesitation, kissing me with gentle aggression. When I pulled away to catch my breath, he reached for the bottle of body wash and poured a small dollop onto his hand. Then he began to wash me. He took his time, running his soapy hands over every inch of my body. At my breasts he lingered longer, squeezing and caressing them both, flicking across my nipples with his thumbs. I sighed into the pleasure.
When he’d thoroughly cleaned the top half of me, he bent to wash my legs, starting with my feet and moving up my long limbs. He moved so slowly, so sensually, massaging the suds into my skin, that by the time his fingers slid through the folds at the base of my belly, I was ready to beg. His thumbs brushed past my clit and I moaned.
He swept through my folds over and over, and I jerked at each teasing pass. “Hudson,” I said, my teeth gritted, my pussy clenching with need.
“Is this what you want?” He thrust two fingers inside me, twisting them.
“Yes!” I gasped. “I mean, no. I want you.”
His grin was wicked as he continued to grind into me with his fingers. “You’ll have to wait. I’m enjoying making you wait.”
I wanted to argue, but he added a third finger to his probe and gently squeezed my clit and speech became impossible. I moaned as I rocked back and forth, digging my nails into Hudson’s broad shoulders.
Just when I’d reached the brink of orgasm, his fingers left my body. I opened my eyes and found him standing in front of me, holding the bottle of body wash. “I need to be washed too.”
My body ached with yearning, but I was eager to explore him. I hadn’t even fully taken in his naked body, having been too distracted in the bedroom and now in the shower. Lathering my hands up, I began as he had, at his shoulders, but I was too greedy to move slowly. Soon, I’d cleansed all but his cock. I stared at his giant erection, fascinated by its length and girth. He’d felt big, but I had no idea he was that big.
I swallowed. Hard.
“What’s the matter, precious?” I sensed he was smiling, unable to move my eyes from the sight in front of me.
“Um, wow,” I managed. “I’m a little intimidated.”
“But it’s already been inside you. You know it fits.” His voice grew ragged. “Touch it, Alayna.”
His command stirred me to movement. I circled my hands around his shaft and stroked his hot silky skin. He felt so firm, so powerful, so perfect. I moved my fist up and down, once, twice, and the third time, he leapt in my hands.
At the next stroke, he growled and hoisted me up, encouraging me to wrap my legs around him. He pressed my back against the tile wall, his mouth ravaging mine, and in one fierce thrust, he was inside me. I tangled my hands in his hair as he rammed into me, feeling every inch of his cock filling me and fucking me.
I cried as my orgasm shook through me, the tremors of it spreading all the way to my toes. Hudson quickened his pace, clutching tighter to my hips so he could pump through my sex as it spasmed around his steel shaft. Several strokes later he released with his own cry, his cock jerking inside me as he spurted hotly into my sex.
In that moment, I let myself believe we could be together like that, how he wanted, without becoming consumed, even though I was afraid that I already was.
Chapter Ten
Anxious for our shopping adventure, I decided to wait for Hudson in front of my building. I’d expected Jordan and the Maybach, so I was surprised when Hudson pulled up driving a Mercedes SL Roadster.
I slipped into the passenger seat. “Nice wheels.”
His lips curled up into a sexy grin as he eased the car out into traffic. “Glad you approve.”
I didn’t know where to look first—at the luxury sports car or at Hudson in his tight dark blue jeans and fitted maroon button down shirt. I hadn’t seen him in casual wear, and, as good as he looked in his suits, this new look had my tummy fluttering.
Well, Hudson in general made my tummy flutter.
“So you drove yourself?” Normally, I’m not much into small tal
k, but the sexual undertone between us needed silencing. Especially because another morning of constantly questioning the healthiness of my Hudson relationship had led me to decide the day needed to be sex free. I needed to counteract any attachment with distance. Hopefully, I wouldn’t chicken out when it came to telling him.
He glanced at me over his shoulder before he switched lanes. “Why does my driving surprise you?”
I shrugged, securing my seatbelt. “I figured you always had a driver.” Not that he needed one. He navigated city traffic well and watching him handle the wheel was hot.
“What’s the fun of having a cool car if you don’t get to drive it?”
“Good point.”
At the next stoplight, Hudson peeked at me over his Ray Ban Aviator sunglasses. “You look gorgeous, Alayna. As usual.”
His voice oozed pure seduction, and I pulled at the hem of my blue shift dress, wondering if it had always been as short as it suddenly seemed. “Are you buttering me up so I’ll let you choose what I try on?”
“I’ll choose what you try on anyway.”
“Of course, you will.” He was paying, after all.
We drove in silence for a few minutes, exchanging occasional glances that held the entire weight of our attraction. Under certain circumstances, the flirting and tension would be fun, but not when I felt so off-balance and unsure.
I had to get my declaration over with. “Um, Hudson, could we keep today to shopping only?” I hoped to God he understood what I meant without spelling it out.
He did. A brief flash of disappointment crossed his face—or maybe it was my imagination. His voice seemed stiff when he said, “Whatever you want, Alayna.”
Immediately, I regretted saying anything. The fun flirty mood vanished, and Hudson became reserved and withdrawn. I considered taking my words back, but really, how could I do that?
“We’re going to Mirabelle’s,” he said after a few minutes, not looking at me.
“Mirabelle, your sister?” Hudson’s sister, Mirabelle owned a popular designer boutique in Greenwich Village. It was the type of place you could only get into with an appointment, but from what I’d seen from window-shopping, the woman had mad fashion skills.
“Yes. Her friends are throwing her a baby shower today and so I’d hoped she wouldn’t be at the shop. However, when she learned I was bringing my girlfriend in for a fitting, she insisted on being there to meet you. Which means we’re officially on the job. Is that a problem?”
“Um, no, of course not.” My palms started to sweat. It occurred to me that the hours I spent worrying if I had any impulse to stalk Hudson online should have been spent actually stalking him online. Then I’d maybe have some more info about the supposed love of my life. “What if she asks me things? About you? About us?” And how would we be able to pull off the image of a happy couple when the tension between us was palpable?
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there. Follow my lead.” Hudson reached under his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Frankly, you’re unlikely to get a chance to speak at all. Mirabelle is somewhat of a talker.”
“But…what do I do?”
“Just be my girlfriend.”
***
“Oh my god, Hudson, you told me she was gorgeous, but I had no idea!” The perky brunette who stood in front of me was clearly Hudson’s relative. They shared many of the same features—chiseled cheekbones and strong jaws and matching hair and skin tones. Where Hudson was broad and muscular, Mirabelle was petite, her small stature accentuated by the round belly that protruded in front of her.
Mirabelle continued talking as she scanned me up and down, circling around me and Hudson, who had held my hand since grabbing it right before ringing the service bell. “She is going to be so much fun to dress. She’s got my favorite body type—all boobs and hips and—” She paused as she raised my already short dress. “Fantastic legs, Hudson!”
Hudson’s wicked grin appeared as he squeezed my hand. “Yes, I’m well acquainted with Alayna’s physical assets.”
Heat ran to my face.
Mirabelle hit her brother playfully. “You’re such a bad boy.” Then she faced me and gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh my goodness, I’m talking about you in the third person. How could I be so rude! I’m so excited to finally meet you, Alayna! Hudson has told me so much about you!”
She threw her arms around me in a generous hug. I glared at Hudson over her shoulder, wondering what he’d said about me and how I’d let myself walk into this moment so unprepared. He shrugged in response and let go of my hand, no longer giving me an excuse to not embrace her back.
By the time Mirabelle released me, I’d realized I needed to stop fretting and get into character. I swallowed and gave her a wide smile. “Glad to meet you too. But call me Laynie.”
“And you can call me Mira. Huds is way too proper.” She wrapped her arm around mine, reminding me of the annoying popular girls in high school who walked down the halls with their hands clasped with their girlfriends. Though admittedly, it wasn’t as annoying when you were the girl being clasped. “Okay, okay, okay, I can’t stay long today which I regret immensely, so let’s get started. I already have a million ideas for you.”
I hadn’t had a chance to look around, having been accosted by Mira at the entryway, but now I surveyed the shop. Though small, Mirabelle’s held a wide range of women’s clothing and shoes. The walls and furniture were all brilliant white, giving the room an air of elegance while letting the clothing on display pop like art.
“Are we shopping only for Mom’s event?” Mira asked, her forehead creased as if pondering where to start.
Hudson kept his hand at the small of my back. Despite knowing that the gesture was part of the show staged for his sister, the electricity that always accompanied his touch ran up my spine. “Specifically for the fashion show, but let’s see what else we can find. Whatever Alayna loves, we’ll buy.” He gazed at me with a look that could only be described as adoration. God, he was good.
Mira’s attention was on us so I made sure to return Hudson’s stare, fighting to not lose myself in his intense, gray eyes. “Aw, thank you.” I added sugar to my usually unsweetened tone. I turned to Mira. “Hudson spoils me. I don’t deserve him.”
Hudson began to protest but was interrupted by a buzz on his phone. “Excuse me.” His eyes narrowed as he read his text.
Mira ignored him and gathered clothing over her arm. “This and this, oh and this will be perfect on you!” She called toward the back of the store. “Stacy, can you start us a room?”
A tall, skinny blonde appeared out of an office in the back. She took the clothing Mira handed her. “Which room do you want to use?” Although she spoke to Mira, Stacy stared longingly toward Hudson. Longingly enough to make me wonder if they had a history or if Stacy wished they had a history.
I snuck my own glance at Hudson. He was still typing things into his cell phone, his brow furrowed and his mouth pulled in a tight line.
“The big dressing room please. Laynie, this is my assistant, Stacy.” Mira drew the blonde’s attention back to her. “Laynie is Hudson’s girlfriend so make sure she gets VIP treatment.”
“Certainly,” Stacy said with a bright fake smile, her eyes shooting daggers in my direction.
When Stacy had retreated out of earshot, I leaned into Mira. “Your assistant seems not to like me very much.” I paused. Should I say more? I decided yes. It was the real me that wanted to know about Stacy and Hudson, but girlfriend me would want to know too. “And she seems to like Hudson an awful lot. Is there something between them?”
Mira hesitated, not looking me in the eye. “Ignore her. Stacy’s totally been in love with Huds for forever, even though she’s completely not his type. Nothing to worry about. It’s actually comical.”
She seemed like she may have been holding back, but on the other hand, maybe she was just awkward about talking girl crushes with her brother’s girlfriend. I decided on t
he latter when Mira lowered her voice. “Did you notice how Hudson didn’t even give her the time of day?” She giggled.
“I did.” I giggled too. For real. I liked Mira.
Mira continued gathering clothing and accessories. “Hudson, what do you think about these?” She held up a pair of strappy heels.
Without looking up, Hudson grunted his response. “Uh huh.”
I bit my lip, wondering what had him preoccupied. He’d been determined to pick clothes for me, and I knew he wanted to play up the sham for his sister. Instead, he’d been on his phone since we’d arrived. A small part of me feared he was passively-aggressively dealing with my no sex declaration by avoiding our situation. But then again, Hudson wasn’t ever passive about anything.
Mira didn’t approve of his lack of attention either. “Huds, it’s the weekend. Put your Blackberry away.” She nudged him with her elbow. “You finally have a girlfriend. Are you trying to run her off?”
Hudson finished his typing and raised his head. “Hmm?”
I stepped in front of him and put my hands on his biceps—his perfectly sculpted biceps. “Listen to your sister and stop with the working.”
He pocketed his phone and wrapped his arms around me. “Are you feeling ignored?” His face had relaxed, but his eyes still showed signs of distress.
“You’re going to make me think you have another girl.” Maybe he did have another girl. I’d nixed the sex and maybe he was now going through his contact list.
I shoved the idea out of my mind and rubbed my nose against his. Then, because I couldn’t help myself, I lowered my voice and asked. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s work.” He nuzzled his face against mine, but not before he glanced at Mira to make sure she was watching. His phone buzzed in his pocket again. He pulled it out, leaving one arm wrapped loosely around me. His body stiffened under my hands as he read his text. “I’m sorry, baby, I have to make a phone call.”
Baby? In my head, I rolled my eyes.
Mira actually did roll her eyes. “Come with me, Laynie. He can make his boring call. Let’s go try some of these things on you.” She took my arm, ready to lead me to the dressing room.