by Gow, Kailin
“Because of how he seems to love you? He’s a good actor.”
I spun to face her. “No, because of how he seems to love you.” I spit the words like venom. “When there’s no reason he should. When you’ve alienated him and betrayed him and destroyed him and made him the confused man he is by your lack of affection and support and faith. If he can continue to care about a piece of shit like you, after all you’ve done to him, then I have no doubt of his capability of love.” You fucking bitch.
And then I opened the front door and walked out, rolling my suitcase behind me, relieved to see Jack pulling up as I did. Sophia didn’t follow.
Mira had given Jack the charger in the garage. He handed it to me in exchange for my luggage. While he stowed my suitcase in the trunk of the running car, I climbed in the front passenger seat and plugged in the charger and my phone before securing my seatbelt.
We were on the road before my phone had enough charge to turn on. I had twelve texts and four voice messages. I opened the texts and skipped the eleven from Brian, going immediately to the one from Hudson. “Plexis crisis. I’ll call as soon as I can.”
My heart sunk. I should have been grateful that he’d left a message at all, but didn’t I deserve more? He had led me to believe that I did.
I accessed my voicemail with only faint hope. He’d never called me, and I doubted any of the messages were from him. I listened long enough to the first one to hear Brian’s voice then immediately deleted it and skipped to the next one. All were from my brother. All were deleted without a full listen.
Jack was more considerate company than I could possibly ask for. After asking me to enter my address into the GPS, he offered enough small talk for me to understand he was there if I needed him. Then he allowed me to wallow in silence.
For the better part of an hour, I flipped my phone around in my hands, opening the text slider and closing it again without using it. The old me—the crazy, obsessed me—would have already sent a series of messages to Hudson, each heightening in tone and accusations. It took everything in me not to physically do so, but in my head I let myself compose them.
“Why did you go? Are you really on a business trip?”
“I can’t do the on-duty anymore. I quit.”
“Why won’t you let me in?”
“I love you.”
Finally I dropped my phone in my purse, leaned my head against the window of the car, and closed my eyes. I’d allow myself one well thought-out text when I got home. Then I’d go to a group meeting. I just had to make it until then without doing anything stupid.
I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again, we were outside my apartment building. There were no spots available along the street, so Jack had turned on the emergency blinkers and pulled up next to the line of parked cars.
Standing at the driver’s door, Jack leaned across the top of the car. “If you wait here, I can find a spot somewhere and help you up to your apartment.”
As harmless as Jack was, having him in my apartment did not sound like a good idea. And I didn’t need the help or the company. “I can get it. Thanks, though.” Standing on the curb with my bag, I felt moved to say more, to express my overwhelming gratitude. “And thank you for driving me here and for…well, for…” For not treating me like Sophia treats me. “For being so kind.”
Dammit. I was choking up again.
He chuckled. “I’m not really that kind. I just appear so in comparison.”
I didn’t have to ask whom he meant to compare himself with. “Jack.” I shouldn’t keep him when he was parked illegally, but suddenly I had to know. “Why are you still married to her?”
“I wish I could say it’s because I remember the sweet woman she once was, but she was never a sweet woman.” He looked off at the traffic behind him, not seeming to be bothered by the cars honking as they passed in the next lane. “Sophia came to the marriage with a couple of businesses given to us by her father. I took control when her father retired and have spent my life making them successful. Now Hudson runs them. If I divorced Sophia, the controlling interest would go to her. As long as we’re married, she doesn’t care what we do with them. And she’d never ask for a divorce—it would be too embarrassing.”
He turned back to face me. “I wonder sometimes—if I’d let go of the businesses, divorced her when the kids were still young, could I have changed how they are now? But she would have gotten joint custody at the very least. And she may have messed them up even more, retaliating against me. It’s not an ideal situation, but it is what it is.”
Not an ideal situation—it was similar to what Hudson had said. No, it wasn’t ideal, but it was life.
In my small studio apartment, I left my suitcase standing by the door and collapsed on my bed. Tears came, long and steady. I couldn’t even say what I was crying for exactly. All I knew was that I hurt. I hurt from Hudson’s departure, for his unwillingness to open up to me. I hurt because the lines of our pretend and real relationship had become so blurred that I couldn’t tell the difference anymore. I hurt from Sophia’s words and hatred. I hurt for the mother she’d been to her son and for the brother Brian had been to me. I hurt for the things I’d done to Brian, for the things Hudson had probably done to his family.
Most of all I hurt because I was alone and in love. And that was the worst combination of things to be.
An hour had passed before I’d calmed enough to send the one text I’d promised myself I could. It was as harmless as I could come up with—a message that said all I dared to say, afraid more would scare him further away. “I’ll be here when you return.”
Not even thirty seconds had gone by after I pushed “SEND” when there was a knock on my door. We had a doorman in the lobby—only building occupants were allowed in without prior approval. But Hudson could pull strings, couldn’t he? He was the only person I knew with such power.
The hope that it was him, as weak of a hope that it was, propelled me to my feet and to the peephole.
The man in the hall wore a crisp black suit with a yellow tie. But the face didn’t belong to Hudson—it belonged to Brian.
I should have known it was Brian. His name was on the lease, he’d be allowed up. I pressed my face against the door and debated whether or not to let him in.
“Open up, Laynie.” Heavy banging on the other side of the door jolted my face from its resting position. “I know you’re in there. The doorman told me you came up.”
Fuck. He must have been staying in town—at the Waldorf, most likely. What the fuck was so important that he had to see me? Maybe I should have listened to his messages.
Reluctantly, I opened the door partway.
He pushed past me forcefully. He was angry. Probably because I’d been ignoring him.
“What are you doing here, Brian? Are you stalking me?” The joke made me smile even though Brian’s eyes only glowed hotter.
“You haven’t returned any of my calls.” I watched as Brian’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. I knew he’d never hit me—at least, I hoped he’d never hit me—but I’d seen him rage enough to punch holes in walls. Maybe it was a good thing his name was the primary on the lease instead of mine. He’d have to pay for any damage.
I shut the door and turned to face Brian with a fake smile. “Oh, did you call?” Innocent wasn’t usually the best tactic with Brian, but I was too exhausted for anything else. “My phone’s been dead and I’ve been out of town.”
“Yeah, I got that from your boss at the club.”
God, he’d even called David. What the fuck?
Brian ran a hand through his hair then took a step toward me. “You were with him, weren’t you?”
“Him, who?” But I knew he must have been referring to Hudson. That was the who I’d been with after all, and David had known that. But why Brian cared was beyond me.
Brian slammed his fist down on the top of my dresser. “Dammit, Laynie, don’t play games. This is serious.” He took a ste
p toward me, his eyes narrow slits. “Hudson Pierce. Were you with Hudson Pierce?”
“Yes.” I crossed my hands over my chest. “And Jonathon Pierce, for that matter. And Sophia Pierce and Mirabelle Pierce and Chandler Pierce. At their Hampton house. Brian, what is your problem?”
His brows rose almost as high as his voice. “What is my problem? You are my problem. Always. Alayna, I saw you in the society pages—you’re dating him?”
Well, no. But I kept that to myself.
“You can’t date Hudson fucking Pierce. Do you know who he is? Do you know what he is?”
For the briefest of moments, my chest felt like it might burst. I had no idea how, but Brian knew about Hudson’s games with women somehow and was worried about me. I hadn’t felt concern from him in years. I didn’t realize how much I’d craved it.
Brian continued. “He’s a goddamn giant, is what he is, Alayna. If you fuck with him—when you fuck with him—I won’t be able to get you out of it. The Pierces are so big, they’ll squash you like a bug.”
“Wait a minute, wait a minute.” I swallowed, processing what Brian had said. “You’re not concerned for me, you’re worried about…Hudson?”
“Why should I be concerned for you?” He pointed his index finger toward me. “You’re the one with the history of going mental over guys.”
“Get out.” I could only manage a whisper.
“Harassment, drive-bys, breaking and entering, stalking—” He held up a finger for each item he ticked off.
“Get out,” I said, stronger. There were no words for the depths of betrayal I felt, no reason to even defend myself against his accusations because he’d already marked me as guilty without even giving me a trial.
“Were you even invited to the Hamptons?”
“Get the fuck out!” I screamed. “Get out! Get out! Get. Out!”
He didn’t move. “My name’s on the lease, not yours.”
“Then I’ll get the lease changed. Or I’ll move.” I crossed to the door and opened it for him. “But now I’m telling you, so help me god, if you don’t leave I’ll call the cops and, even if it gets me nowhere, it will at least occupy your life with yet another embarrassing sister incident. So I’m telling you, get the fuck out, now.”
“I’m done, Alayna.” He raised his hands up in a surrender position. Still he didn’t move.
“Get out!”
This time he stepped toward the door. “I’m leaving, but I’m telling you, I’m done. Do not even think about coming crawling back to me.” He turned back to face me after crossing the threshold. “You’re on your own with this mess.”
I slammed the door in his face.
Brian was out of my life. Out of my life for good.
Maybe because I’d already cried all those tears earlier, or maybe because I’d simply had enough of family members who constantly kept their loved ones down when they needed compassion and support most, but the sigh I let out wasn’t in frustration—it was in relief.
Chapter Twenty-Two
David leaned against his desk and stared at the new brown leather sofa across the room. “Should we move it to the other wall?” It was the fourth time he’d asked since I’d arrived.
Truthfully, I couldn’t care less where the sofa was. The only reason I’d come into the club so early was to have something to occupy my mind. It had been thirty-three hours since I’d left the Hamptons, longer since I’d seen Hudson, and all I wanted to do was buy a plane ticket to Cincinnati and find him, whatever it took.
But another part of me—a very small, but surprisingly solid bud of calm at the center of my being—believed that Hudson would be back. That he’d be back for me. He felt something for me. I knew he did. And maybe that emotion, even if he couldn’t acknowledge it, would be enough to bring him to me. Eventually.
Hopefully.
If I didn’t cling on to that small sliver of hope, I’d fall apart. It was the only thing keeping me from giving into the crazy. That and trying to concentrate on my job.
“It’s fine, David. Leave it.”
“Are you sure? This is your vision, Laynie. Make it work.”
“It works perfectly as is.”
I suspected David’s anxiousness had more to do with me and my mood than couch placement. He crossed to the sofa and sat down. “It’s pretty comfy, too. Check it out.”
Sighing, I tossed my inventory report on the desk and joined him. “Hmm,” I said, settling into the corner. “Not bad.”
But really I was thinking about how the new couch reminded me of the one at the apartment above Hudson’s office. It had been my initial attraction to it when I’d seen it in the catalog. I loved the way it felt masculine with its rich dark color, yet also warm and soft with its curved back and arms.
Now I wondered if every glance at the piece of furniture would bring to mind thoughts of the man who hadn’t called or texted me since his vanishing act.
My thoughts traveled to the email I’d received that morning from his bank—the one that owned my student loans—stating my debt had been adjusted off in full. And the credit card that I’d kept secret from him had also shown up with a zero balance. Having them both paid for made the whole deal feel done.
And I wanted so much not to be done with Hudson Pierce.
“So what’s going on in your pretty little head, Laynie?”
I’d gotten lost in my mind again. Boy, was I bad company.
“Stuff,” I said, feeling bad about the brush off, but not bad enough to expound upon my answer.
He nodded and rested his ankle on his other leg. “Pierce okay with that Plexis deal?”
I twisted my head toward him. “What do you mean?”
David’s brows rose. “I figured you knew. It was in the paper this morning.” He stood and moved toward his desk.
I hadn’t looked at the news that morning. Knowing I’d be tempted to stalk Hudson online, I hadn’t even gotten on my computer except to check my email after Brian had left the day before. It had been hard to fight the compulsion, but after kicking my brother out, I’d felt a renewed sense of self-strength. So I turned off my computer and spent the night watching some of the movies from the AFI list that I hadn’t seen yet while I ate a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. And I cried some more. Overall, a very productive evening.
David rifled through some papers in the recycling bin. “Here it is.”
He returned to the couch and handed me a folded section of the newspaper. I scanned my eyes over the article he’d pointed to. The headline read Plexis sold to DWO. Skimming, I quickly got the gist of the story. DWO, a rival corporation of Pierce Industries, had convinced the other shareholders to sell, even though management, and lone hold-out shareholder Hudson Pierce, fought to prevent the acquisition.
My stomach sank. Hudson had really cared about Plexis and the people that worked there. He had to be devastated over the loss. No wonder he’d run off to Cincinnati the day before—he must have been making one last ditch effort to save his company.
Which also meant he’d been telling me the truth. He hadn’t run from me. Why was I so self-centered to believe everything had to do with me?
I closed my eyes and felt the couch sink next to me as David sat back down.
“You like him more than you let on.”
“I do. I love him.” I peeked over at him, remembering how David had reacted the last time we’d talked about Hudson and me. “I didn’t mean to fall in love. I just did.”
David smiled but kept his eyes downcast. “That’s how it usually occurs.”
I threw the newspaper on the ground, put my elbows on my knees and covered my hands with my face. Awkward—that’s what this was. Totally awkward.
David leaned back on the couch. “And he feels…?”
I peeked over my shoulder toward him. Did he really want to talk about this? Well, he was there, and he did ask. “I’m not sure.”
“That’s a real bummer.” David leaned forward. He was so close t
o me I could smell the faint aroma of his body wash and feel the warmth of his breath. “For what it’s worth, I’ll tell you how I feel: Stupid.”
“Stupid?” I folded my arms across my chest, feeling strangely vulnerable so near to a guy I’d once been gaga over.
“Yeah.” He lowered his voice. “How did I let you slip through my fingers?”
“David…” I didn’t want that, not now. My heart, my mind, my body had tuned to Hudson. He was the only guy I could think of anymore. It scared me a bit. Singular thoughts of someone—that could be the beginnings of an obsession.
But also, and I wasn’t sure because I didn’t know from experience, but couldn’t those kind of thoughts be attributed to being in love? Lauren had said as much. As long as I remained in control of my behavior, as long as my affection was welcomed, then wasn’t it perfectly okay to think of Hudson, to choose him over anyone else? I thought maybe so. I hoped so.
I opened my mouth to speak, to tell David that there was no chance for us, but he seemed to understand without me having to say anything.
He sighed and nodded. Then he shrugged. “I just thought you should know.”
“Thank you,” I said, because I didn’t know what else to say. And because I was grateful that he’d taken my rejection so well.
He stood up and held his hand out to me. “Back to work.”
I took his hand and let him help me to my feet.
David held onto my hand after I stood. “But if you ever find yourself on the market again…”
Even without Hudson, David and I couldn’t be together. He’d been a safe option, someone who wouldn’t drive me to obsessive behaviors. But safety had come at the price of no sincere emotional investment. Maybe I risked more with Hudson, but there was also something real to be gained.
But I smiled and said, “I’ll keep you in mind. For sure.”
“Can we hug it out?”
I nodded and David pulled me into his arms. His embrace felt…good. Stronger than I’d remembered, but it didn’t make my heart beat faster. And it comforted me, but didn’t warm me to the bone the way Hudson’s arms did. Still, it was nice, and I let myself relax into its goodness.