by Beth Reekles
‘Are you okay?’ he asked from the doorway as I set down the empty glass. I nodded at him, rubbing my face. ‘Not going to throw up or anything?’
‘I didn’t drink, actually. After the last party I figured it would be best to lay off for a while.’
‘Oh.’ Suddenly, his arms were around me, and he kissed the top of my head. ‘Okay, so maybe you don’t need me there to look out for you all the time.’
I laughed. ‘I kind of like you looking out for me. What I don’t like is when you act like a jerk about it.’
He chuckled quietly, kissing my head again, his fingers toying with my ponytail. ‘Do you want to go home?’ he asked.
I shook my head against his shoulder, then looked up at him. ‘I’d rather stay for a while.’
‘You can crash in the spare room if you want. If you don’t want to go home.’
I shrugged, unsure. It depended on how fast time flew when I was with Noah.
Then we were kissing again, and stumbling up the stairs. After a while I was pulling at his top and, before I could second-guess myself, tugging mine off too.
His hands caught mine and, holding me still, he broke the kiss but didn’t move back. His forehead rested against mine, our noses pressed together. I could feel the bumps where his nose had been broken. I looked into his electric-blue eyes, so bright in the darkness.
‘Rochelle,’ he said quietly, ‘we don’t have to. We can wait. I’ll wait.’
Any doubts I had about this washed away completely at those words. It wasn’t like I’d planned on this happening, especially so soon: I’d always thought that this would only happen once I was in a committed relationship with a guy I loved. But everything felt so good – so right – with Noah, that I didn’t care.
And maybe I wouldn’t have gone all the way if he hadn’t told me, in that soft voice, that he’d wait. But that was it. I knew he cared.
So I replied, my voice as quiet as his, ‘I know. But I want to.’
Chapter 13
WHEN I WOKE up, the citrusy scent that was becoming more and more familiar to me teased my nostrils, and the weirdly calming sound of spring rain pattering on the window was muffled as if by cotton wool.
The hard, smooth surface beneath my head was rising and falling slowly, and the arms curled around me were so warm and safe. If I really listened, I could hear a steady thud of a heartbeat under my ear.
I blinked my sleepy eyes open a few times, my body unwilling to wake up. It was just so cozy and peaceful here . . .
When Noah’s messy room came into view, the weak daylight trying to push through the drapes, I woke right up.
And then I realized exactly what I’d done, and my pulse picked up in a panic.
I’d slept with Lee’s big brother. With Noah.
I was too confused to know what I really felt about this. All I knew for certain was that if Lee ever found out, it would kill him. I was a horrible, horrible person.
I tried to stay as still as possible so I didn’t wake him up. I needed to sort my mind out, before he—
He moved underneath me, stretching out before dropping his arms back around me again. ‘Morning,’ he said casually.
‘I – I really should get going,’ I stammered, already pushing his arm away. ‘If Lee sees me here—’
‘I don’t think he came home last night, actually,’ Noah said, and yawned.
I wanted to go to the window and check for his car. If Lee really was here, then I’d have to make sure he didn’t see me leaving. But if he wasn’t here . . .
‘I should go,’ I said again, and scrambled to my feet. I picked up my underwear, pulling it all on quickly and very, very self-consciously.
Oh man, what had I been thinking last night? Hiding a few kisses from my best friend was not such a big deal – but this? Surely he’d know that something was different? And if he found out . . .
I hadn’t been thinking of Lee last night. I should have done. But I’d only thought about Noah – it hadn’t once entered my mind that this was some kind of horrible betrayal of my best friend.
‘Why are you in such a rush?’ Noah asked, stretching out lazily again.
I looked down at him, stepping into my jeans now. Where I’d thrown off the covers, he hadn’t bothered to pull them back over himself. ‘I – I just – it’s . . .’
Noah frowned, a little confused, and pulled himself up to be closer to me, now that I’d sat down on the bed to untangle my foot from the leg of my jeans. I cursed myself for rushing so much; it was only slowing me down.
‘Elle?’ He brushed my hair over my shoulder, but I didn’t look at him. ‘What’s up?’
‘N-nothing!’ Damn, I stammered. That would’ve been convincing otherwise. I tried again. ‘Nothing.’
‘Elle . . .’ He touched my shoulder, turning me a little so I could look into those amazing blue eyes boring into mine from under all that dark hair.
‘I have to go,’ I said again. I went to stand, but he pulled me back down.
‘Not until you tell me what your problem is. Why am I getting a bad vibe here, like you regret this?’
I nearly exploded with the truth, but I managed to stop myself. ‘I – I don’t.’
‘Come on, Shelly, I know when you’re lying to me.’ He sighed. ‘I should’ve known you’d be like this.’
‘Like what?’ I questioned, immediately defensive.
‘Like this,’ he said, gesturing at me like it explained everything. ‘You’re acting all weird with me now – like you regret it. Because you do regret it: I can see in your face.’ He closed his eyes for a moment. He looked almost . . . upset.
‘I don’t . . . It’s not that I regret it so much as . . . I’m just scared. In case Lee finds out. He’ll hate me. I mean it was – amazing, but—’ I broke off and bit the inside of my cheek as I blushed. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘What? God, no, don’t apologize,’ he said quietly, sweeping my hair all over my right shoulder. ‘I feel like I should be the one to say sorry. Look, I told you, I wasn’t in this for sex, and I’m still not, if you decide you don’t want to. Okay? I just don’t want to give this up. Whatever “this” is.’ He kissed my temple. He looked so – so torn up about it. ‘You know I hate all that emotional crap. Please don’t put me through all that torture.’
I definitely didn’t regret last night. And as long as Lee didn’t know, it couldn’t hurt him. So I just had to make sure he didn’t find out.
It would’ve been smart to end things before I got in too deep to dig myself out. It would’ve been smart to back out before I did something stupid – like fall for him. Because I wasn’t falling for him. Of course not. No way. And I wouldn’t.
I nodded once, as though I was reassuring myself of that fact.
I would just have to be careful not to fall for him. And, stupid as it was, I wasn’t going to end this relationship. I didn’t want to.
Then I leaned forward to give Noah a soft kiss on the lips; where his hand touched the back of my neck, my skin felt tingly.
‘I really should get going,’ I said to him. Not so much because I wanted to get out of there, but because I didn’t want Lee to suspect anything when he got home, and because my dad would wonder where I was.
But this time Noah didn’t argue. He just nodded and kissed me again. ‘Okay.’
And this time, I actually did leave.
I found out that Lee hadn’t actually gone home with Rachel like I’d first assumed; he’d actually just crashed on Warren’s sofa because he was too tipsy to drive himself home. I only spoke to him on the phone though, afraid he’d see something was different about me. I knew I didn’t look any different after last night, but I was worried that he would notice anything shifty about my behavior.
‘Is everything okay?’ I jumped. We were on the phone, but I still tried not to look too flustered. ‘I mean, I know there was that thing with Patrick, then Noah dragging you off after, but . . . you sure you’re okay about it?’
; ‘Yeah,’ I said. At least I could answer that honestly. ‘Yeah, I’m fine, Lee, seriously. It was no big deal, really.’
I wasn’t looking forward to school though. All the questions people would ask about me leaving early . . . They’d probably wonder about me and Patrick, and me and Noah . . . I could come up with an innocent answer easily enough, but I hated having to lie. I was dreading it all.
That’s not why I was wide awake at three in the morning though, staring at my ceiling and willing sleep to find me. No – I was awake because I couldn’t stop thinking about Noah.
I wanted to confide in Lee, but I couldn’t. Not just because he’d hate me for lying to him and it’d kill him to find out, but also because it would be downright weird to tell him I’d slept with his brother.
Times like this, I wished my mom was still around. But wishing wasn’t going to bring her back, so I just rolled over onto my side and stared blankly ahead.
I missed having Mom around. But she died in a car accident when I was much younger, and when Brad was around three. I grew up through all those important stages – like getting my first period and buying my first bra – without having her around. It’s just times like this . . . Well, I was hardly going to confide in my dad, was I? And Lee was out of the equation completely.
So I’d have to keep it to myself and hope nobody found out.
I sighed and ran my hands over my face. My eyes were drooping but I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was too restless.
Stupid Noah. Everything was his fault, I thought, but a drowsy smile played on my lips.
Everything.
Chapter 14
ON MONDAY MORNING, not even Lee noticed anything different about me – thankfully. But that was probably because he was too enraptured in his loved-up world. I couldn’t have been more grateful to have him talking non-stop about how funny, how pretty, how cute, how smart, and how sweet Rachel was.
Up until we got to school, everything was all hunky-dory.
‘Why did you leave Warren’s early?’ Jaime asked me, first thing.
‘Oh, well, um . . .’
‘Was it Flynn? Did Patrick really kiss you? He says he didn’t, but you never know. I heard Flynn was really, really mad.’
‘Oh, yeah, he was furious!’ Olivia appeared out of nowhere beside Jaime. ‘I saw the whole thing. He beat Patrick up and everything.’
‘He didn’t kiss me though,’ I said. ‘Patrick, I mean.’
‘So what did Flynn do?’
‘I heard he broke Patrick’s rib.’ Candice turned up out of the blue too, startling me. Jeez, where were these girls coming from?
‘What?’ I exclaimed.
‘I said, what did Flynn do?’ Jaime repeated.
I gaped at Candice. ‘Are you serious? Is Patrick okay?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘He said he thought it was broken and a couple of guys said it was, after he went to hospital.’
‘Oh my God,’ I breathed. He couldn’t have broken Patrick’s rib. Not just because Patrick was drunk and was going to kiss me. No way.
‘Hey! Hey – Earth to Elle!’ It wasn’t until Jaime snapped her fingers sharply right in front of my nose that I realized they were still talking to me.
‘Huh?’
‘Did Flynn take you home or what?’ Karen asked. When had she turned up? ‘I saw him drag you off.’
‘Oh, that. Yeah. He took me home and I think he went back to the party?’ I hoped it didn’t sound too much of a lie. I didn’t think I’m too great at lying; until this situation with Noah, I hadn’t ever done much of it.
‘No, I don’t think he did,’ Olivia said thoughtfully. ‘I’m sure he didn’t.’
‘Weird . . .’ I said with a shrug. ‘I’ll be back in a minute, I need to find out about Patrick.’
I walked off before they could pull me back into another conversation.
I grabbed Joel’s arm, since he was the first guy I saw.
‘Oh, hey,’ he said, smiling. ‘What happened on Saturday? I heard Flynn dragged you home after that thing with Patrick.’
‘Did Patrick really have a broken rib?’ I demanded.
‘Uh . . . someone told me he might,’ he said. ‘He’s not in hospital, though – he’s coming into school.’
‘That must’ve been some punch Flynn packed.’
‘Glad I wasn’t on the other end of it,’ laughed Cam.
‘Hell yeah,’ Joel agreed.
‘Do you know if he’s here yet?’ I asked.
‘Who, Flynn? No idea,’ Cam told me.
‘No – no . . . Patrick,’ I clarified, tripping over my words with impatience.
He shrugged. ‘I haven’t seen him.’
‘Okay, thanks.’
‘Wait,’ Joel called. ‘Where’re you going, Elle?’
‘To find Noah,’ I snapped, loud enough for them to hear me. I stormed off to where Noah usually parked: in the far corner of the lot, under the big tree. And sure enough, there were the telltale signs he was there – freshmen girls giggling over him and trying to hide behind other cars; others lounging on their cars and trying to catch Flynn’s eye; and the drifting smoke.
I stormed over to the lazy figures around the tree. There were a couple of stoner kids huddled under one tree, some huge guys off the wrestling team under another. Noah had a cigarette sticking out of his mouth right now, and was leaning against a massive sycamore tree. He was doing something on his phone, looking busy and bored all at once.
It was always hard to pin down Noah’s friends. He’d hang around with the guys on the football team, or he might be with guys from his classes. He was a bit of a drifter though. Not a loner or an outcast, but he wasn’t friends with practically everybody like Lee and me either. He was probably a little too intimidating for that.
‘Noah!’ I yelled, ignoring the glares and astonished stares – from both girls spying on Noah, and from the mass of people who wondered what the hell I was doing.
He looked up and, seeing how angry I was, heaved himself away from the tree.
‘I cannot believe you!’ I shouted at him.
He strolled up to me, dropping his cigarette in the progress and stomping it out under the black boots he usually wore. He slid his phone into his back pocket.
‘What?’ he said innocently.
I shoved him in the chest as hard as I could over and over, one shove for every word: ‘You – broke – his – rib!’
‘What are you on about?’
My shoving had no effect whatsoever on Noah’s muscly body, but I could tell it was getting on his nerves a little. Like a fly buzzing around your head.
‘Patrick! Everyone’s saying you broke his rib! He had to go to hospital!’
Noah smirked. He didn’t even raise his eyebrows or look remotely guilty. He just smirked a little. ‘Yeah, I heard about that.’
‘He could press charges,’ I hissed.
‘Yeah, but we both know he won’t.’
‘He didn’t even do anything! And you don’t have to look so happy about it!’ I yelled, shoving him again. ‘You broke his rib – for no reason!’
‘The hell I did!’ he yelled back. ‘The guy was all over you. Anyone could see you were trying to push him off.’
‘He was drunk!’
‘I don’t care if he was drunk, high, or just twisted,’ Noah said, all up in my face. ‘I’m looking out for you here, Rochelle, and the guy deserved what he got.’
‘A broken rib? He probably won’t be able to play soccer for weeks now!’
‘Then he shouldn’t have tried anything with you,’ Noah said firmly. ‘If he got his rib broken, that’s not my problem. Why do you even care?’
‘You hurt him over something stupid! You – you stupid violence junkie!’
I punched his chest with both hands, and Noah caught my wrists tightly. I glared at him and tried to snatch my hands back, but I couldn’t; his hold was too tight.
We’d gathered quite an audience with all the yelling.<
br />
Someone pulled gently on my shoulder. ‘Shelly, come on,’ Lee said quietly. ‘Just calm down. Both of you.’
Noah rolled his eyes at him.
‘Calm down?’ I exclaimed to Lee. ‘Your brother beat up someone over a drunken mistake and broke his rib! How can you not see there’s something wrong with that?’
‘I didn’t say there was nothing wrong with it,’ he said calmly. ‘But calm down about it.’
I clenched my jaw before realizing Lee was right, as usual. I yanked my hands away from Noah, and this time he let go. I didn’t quit my glaring match with him though.
‘I cannot believe you,’ I said.
Noah just shrugged.
‘I hate you sometimes – you know that, right?’
‘Yeah, I know,’ he said casually, his eyes twinkling at me – with something else that made my heart somersault.
No! Don’t let him do this to you! Stay mad at him. You’re mad at him, Rochelle, remember? He hurt someone for no good reason. Don’t just stop being mad at him because he’s giving you that look and you want to kiss him.
Before I gave in and did something stupid, I grabbed Lee and stormed off. I didn’t even need to barge through people. They parted for me, before coming together again to share the gossip.
‘I thought you were going to kill him,’ Lee told me, failing to hide the laughter in his voice.
‘Not quite,’ I muttered. ‘Ugh, he just makes me so mad sometimes! I mean, seriously, there was no need for him to break Patrick’s rib!’
‘Look, I know it’s what everyone’s saying, but you of all people should know there’s a chance they’re blowing it out of proportion. It might not be that bad. And it’s Noah – you know what he’s like. I don’t know why you got so mad about it.’
‘I can’t do anything without him looking over my shoulder! And don’t you start on about me being too nice or any of that crap. I’m getting a little sick of everyone looking out for me.’
So maybe I’d needed Noah’s help at his party a while back. And I was grateful he’d been there to stop Patrick. But it was the way he acted – like he just assumed I’d do as he said.