by Alina Boyden
No. That was the truth of it. I wouldn’t be better placed to fight, but I would have the opportunity to move my sisters out of the cross fire. That was what I needed to do to regain my freedom; I needed to get them out of the way, someplace safe, where Karim and my father couldn’t use them as hostages to guarantee my behavior. Sending them away with Arjun seemed the smartest option. If I could manage that, I could fight with a freer hand.
I stood up from my bed and staggered to the door, my legs feeling like lead, my heart pounding from all the nervous tension that was coiled up inside my chest. My father and Karim were outside, sitting in the shade of a banyan tree, waiting. Sikander was still standing with the men near the baradari. Arjun had been standing opposite him, but now he made his way back toward me, leaving Arvind in charge of the Bikampuri and Zindhi soldiers, while Hina conferred with some of her men, no doubt relaying the information to as many soldiers as possible so that at least one could get the message out. That was smart.
“Finished plotting?” Karim asked, his dark eyes narrowed with suspicion.
“I was making arrangements to end all of this without bloodshed, your highness,” I whispered, keeping my voice soft and my eyes downcast and trying to make myself look as small and helpless as possible.
“Spare me the delicate maiden act,” Karim snapped. “I’ve seen you kill a man, and I won’t forget that you tried to have your father murder me half an hour ago.”
I shrugged. “You want me to forget what you did to me in the past, but you won’t extend to me the same courtesy?”
“What I did to you was six years ago, not half an hour,” he retorted.
“And what I did to you didn’t hurt you, your highness,” I reminded him. “If it made you feel afraid then consider how I must feel at this moment, knowing what comes next.”
He scowled, but there was enough uncertainty on his face to tell me that my words had hit home. I didn’t know if that would spare me his wrath, but I thought if I conducted myself like a frightened princess for the remainder of these negotiations, it might tip the scales in my favor.
“Do you need anything, Razia?” Arjun asked me, having arrived at my side.
So many things sprang to mind. I wanted to embrace him again, I wanted to make love to him again. But we couldn’t touch each other, not now, not with Karim watching, not if I wanted him to honor the agreements I would force him to make.
“No,” I said, my voice too tight, but I wasn’t crying, so that was something. I looked to my father. “I’m ready to discuss the terms of this arrangement, Father.”
He glanced up at me, his green eyes peering from beneath dark, hooded brows. His mouth was a hard line of worry. I didn’t know whether that was a good sign or a bad one, but I supposed it showed that he still felt something for me. He’d shown that in our negotiations. Of course, he’d also admitted to letting Karim rape me in the hopes of curing me of my deviancy. How could I possibly reconcile myself with that?
“Sikander!” my father bellowed as he stood up from his place beneath the banyan tree. “You are needed! Leave Bilal in charge and join us.”
Sikander shouted his assent and rushed over to us, leaving his junior officer in command of the musket-armed men who were still staring down their Zindhi counterparts. If only they’d had an ounce of loyalty to me, I could have prevented all of this, but I knew that they didn’t, especially not with my father here.
I returned to my bedchamber so that if the negotiation soured, the men wouldn’t see it and take action. I had to keep my sisters safe above all.
We all took our seats, my father, Karim, and Sikander on one side of the room, Arjun and me on the other. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the coming discussions, not sure whether I could win even a single concession from my father. But I had to try. Everything depended on it.
“I will have my forces stand down, Father, and I will accept this engagement,” I gasped, nearly choking on the words in spite of my best efforts to the contrary. “But I have conditions.”
He motioned for me to get on with it. That was a good sign. He wasn’t demanding an unconditional surrender, and neither was Karim, in spite of the harsh words we’d exchanged earlier.
“First, Arjun and Arvind and the men of Bikampur must be permitted to return home safely,” I said.
“No argument,” my father replied.
Karim nodded. “We want no war with Registan.”
I took a deep breath, because the next ask was going to be harder. “I would like my sisters to be permitted to return to Bikampur with Arjun. They were happy there, and safe.”
“No.” Karim spoke before my father had a chance. “They will remain with you.”
“As what?” I demanded. “Hostages? Is that what you think a marriage should look like?”
“If you intend to marry me as you claim, then why send your sisters away?” Karim retorted. “If you intend to make your home with me, why would you not bring them with you?”
“Because I’m afraid you’ll hurt them, to punish me,” I replied.
“Punish you for what?” he asked.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “have you already forgotten how angry you are with me for trying to convince my father to kill you?”
He scowled. “Your sisters will not be harmed, but neither will they be left behind.”
I bit my lip, annoyed, but not surprised. It would be easier if they were safe in Bikampur, but I supposed I was going to have to find some way to keep them safe here. Part of that would be with zahhaks. I looked to my father. “I wish to be permitted to keep my zahhaks, at least Sultana and the two my sisters use as their mounts.”
“You are a princess of Nizam, you will keep your zahhaks,” my father declared, without so much as glancing in Karim’s direction.
Karim gave his opinion on the matter all the same. “You may keep them, but the three of you may not fly together. I do not trust you not to run away from me, Razia, and until I do, I will have one of your sisters left behind at all times as a guarantee of your return.”
I had expected that much, and didn’t complain. I needed to seem reasonable. “I’m sorry you find that necessary, your highness, but I do not blame you, and I will agree to your terms.”
Karim’s expression softened ever so slightly, which was just what I’d been praying for. I continued, “I have made a promise to Hina that she would be safe with me, that no harm would come to her, and I must ask that you all agree to honor it.”
“As long as she lives she is a threat to our rule in Zindh,” Karim declared.
“She wishes to serve me as my handmaiden, your highness,” I said. “Surely having her as a hostage will do more to ensure Zindh’s stability than executing her.”
My father was nodding along, seeing the wisdom in that. Karim was pursing his lips, though, like he suspected a trap. I let him mull it over, let him analyze it, try to work out how it might hurt him. In truth, I wasn’t sure that it did. Sending Hina to Bikampur or letting her go free would have raised the specter of revolt, but letting Karim keep her under his thumb would make it far more difficult for a Zindhi army to move against Mahisagar without the threat of execution hanging over their queen’s head.
“Fine,” Karim said at length. “Hina and her celas may serve as your unarmed handmaidens.”
I’d expected that much, and I nodded to show that I agreed to it. “But they must be permitted to keep their zahhaks. They’re only river zahhaks, after all . . .”
Karim waved away my concerns. “Yes, yes. That’s acceptable. But they will not fly them without my express approval. And when they do fly them, they will explain in detail where they are going and when they will return. I will not have you using them as an army of spies against me.”
“It will be as you say, your highness,” I replied.
If I’d thought that would win Karim over,
I was wrong. He scowled. “You’re plotting something. I don’t know what it is, but I’ll find out.”
I shook my head. “You said it from the beginning, your highness. You have outmaneuvered me. I am surrendering. That’s all.”
“I may not be as clever as you are, Razia, but I’m not stupid,” Karim warned me. “You are plotting something, and rest assured I will find out what it is and ensure that it fails.”
My heart leapt in my chest at the threat, because I was plotting something, but he couldn’t know that for certain, not if I didn’t let on. Pretending to be demure and obedient would be my only defense from here on out. “If you will never trust me to be your wife, then why do you insist on marrying me?”
“Trust takes time,” he replied. “If you behave yourself, if you are useful to me, then we will see about trust. Until then, I will watch you closely.”
“As your highness wishes,” I said, because I knew better than to protest my innocence.
“There are other conditions,” my father said, which surprised me. I wasn’t expecting him to weigh in on the matter.
Evidently, neither was Karim, because he asked, “What conditions?”
“In the first place, there will be no marriage until all of Zindh is secure, and I am certain that it will remain so,” my father replied.
“Nothing in life is certain, your majesty,” Karim pointed out.
“All the same, if Zindh is calm, and the tax revenues are good, then the marriage may proceed,” my father said.
“Tax revenues?” I perked up a little at that. “But the harvest was brought in more than two months ago, and next year’s crop won’t be sown for another two or three months.”
Karim scowled. “You expect me to wait the better part of a year before the marriage is made official?”
“I do,” my father said. “I will leave my daughter in your care; she will be wife to you in all but name. You will have control of her subah, you will have her mind, which you told me was your real desire in marrying her. But you will not be her husband until I am certain that you and your father can live up to all that you have promised me.”
Karim grunted at that. “Very well. So long as she remains with me, in my household, I will not complain.”
“There is another condition,” my father added, feigning not to notice the tension it brought to Karim’s face. “Sikander will remain as Razia’s bodyguard and chaperone. As a princess of Nizam, she is not to be dishonored before her wedding night.”
Karim snorted. “She has opened her legs for every man in Registan, what honor has she got left?”
“If you think so little of her, then why are we here?” my father asked, his tone suddenly going cold and hostile. “Why should I not take my daughter up on her plan to destroy you instead?”
Karim realized he’d made a mistake, though he seemed as confused by my father’s response as I felt. Was the man defending me, after all this? Why?
“My daughter is a princess of Nizam and she will be treated as such; that was our agreement from the beginning,” my father reminded Karim. “If you do not believe her to be worthy of that respect, then there will be no marriage and no alliance. We will have war instead.”
Karim held up his hands for calm. “Forgive me, your majesty, I was wrong to say what I said. I will honor your daughter as a princess of Nizam, as was agreed. She will be permitted whatever chaperones and guards you think fit.”
“And you will not touch her before her wedding night, or there will be war,” my father added.
“As you wish, your majesty,” Karim agreed, though I could see in his dark eyes that he knew as well as my father did—as well as I did, for that matter—that once my father was gone, he wouldn’t necessarily know what became of me, not even with Sikander there to watch.
My father looked to me and asked, “Is there anything else?”
He was giving me a chance to make other demands? I hadn’t expected that. Maybe Arjun’s rebuke had finally gotten through to him? I didn’t know if I could really believe that after being disappointed by him so many times over the course of my life, but I wanted to believe it. I wanted to be stupid and naive and to believe that my father loved me in spite of all evidence to the contrary. I wanted to imagine that he was helping me, giving me the time I needed to avoid my fate, to come up with a plan to free myself of this engagement. It was easier than believing the alternative, that he didn’t much care what became of me, that I was just a pawn to him, not his only child.
I thought for a moment about what else I might want, but I had secured everything I needed to carry out my plan. Though there was something else that was weighing on me, something personal, and something that might be the key to escaping all of this.
“I’d like a moment alone with Sikander before we announce the arrangement to the men,” I said.
“Of course,” my father replied. He stood up, and waited for Arjun and Karim to do the same. The three of them left the room, and then it was just Sikander and me, as I’d requested, the pair of us sitting across from each other.
My father’s old guardsman looked a bit confused that I would request a one-on-one audience with him. His brown eyes were scanning my tear-streaked face with something that verged on concern, though I didn’t detect in them any of the affection he had held for me as a child. Maybe, after four years apart, and more years being beaten by him, it was too late for that, but if he was to be my only real protection from Karim, then I had to see where I stood, and now I knew the question to ask.
“I just have one question for you, Sikander,” I said, my voice quieter than it had been these last few days, my heart pounding at the memory I was about to conjure.
His brow furrowed with alarm. “Ask it, your highness.”
“Did it bother you?” I wondered. “Even a little?”
“Did what bother me, your highness?” he asked.
“When Karim raped me,” I said, every muscle in my neck straining to push the words out. “I must have screamed your name a hundred times. I begged for you. I thought you didn’t hear me, but today I learned that you did, that Father had ordered you to let it happen. So did it bother you, hearing me scream your name while he did those things to me?”
A few tears escaped the corners of my eyes as the magnitude of the betrayal washed over me, as I remembered how much I’d trusted and loved him in spite of everything, how hard I had fought to please him. He had been my protector, the one person I was supposed to be able to trust to keep me safe from my enemies. And he had just let Karim do what he’d done.
Sikander’s face turned the color of ash as the blood drained from it. His brown eyes got big and round. So it had bothered him. Good. I could work with that.
CHAPTER 10
I left Sikander there to stew on what he had done to me, and walked out into the courtyard where my father was waiting with Karim and Arjun. Hina had gone back to the baradari to sit with my sisters. The soldiers on both sides seemed to have relaxed a little, realizing that our negotiations were taking too long to lead to a battle. I went to my father, head bowed.
“I presume you’ll be leaving immediately for Nizam?” I couldn’t imagine that the man would stay with me once the marriage negotiations had been concluded.
“No, I will remain here to fortify this city,” my father replied, and for a moment I felt a profound sense of relief wash over me. He was staying with me? I wouldn’t be living directly under Karim’s thumb? God, that was so much better than I’d feared.
“You will be coming with me to Kadiro immediately,” Karim informed me.
“Kadiro?” I hadn’t considered that possibility. If we flew to Kadiro, then I would be surrounded by Mahisagari soldiers. I would have no bodyguards save Sikander. I would have no help from the local Zindhi populace. Shiv wouldn’t be able to deliver my messages. God, nothing would go according to plan.
/>
“That was the arrangement,” Karim said.
“Sikander will be going with you,” my father told me, which was cold comfort. I was surprised when he stepped forward and put his hands on my shoulders. When was the last time he’d touched me in a way that didn’t hurt? He looked into my eyes, and though his expression wasn’t exactly warm, it wasn’t hostile either. “If Karim mistreats you, you are to tell Sikander at once, and he will inform me, and I will come for you. You are my daughter, and no man may harm or dishonor you without harming and dishonoring me.” He aimed that last statement at Karim, but I felt the full weight of it in my heart. It wasn’t exactly the acceptance I’d longed for my whole life, but it was something.
“And you will permit Arjun and his men to return to Bikampur safely?” I asked, wanting to reassure myself of that.
“I will. And the Zindhi soldiers currently under arms will be permitted to return to their homes, provided they do not take up arms against me,” my father agreed.
I nodded, taking a deep breath to steel myself against the pain of going off with Karim as his betrothed. “Thank you, Father.”
He frowned, which could have meant anything. I had another good-bye to say before I left, though.
I looked to Arjun, wishing I could embrace him, but knowing I would pay for it if I did it in sight of Karim after agreeing to marry him. So, I just choked out, “Good-bye, my prince,” and left it at that.
Arjun came to me and wrapped his arms around me. My eyes flickered to Karim’s glowering face, and I said, “My prince, we can’t . . .”
“Karim knows what we’ve meant to each other all this time,” Arjun said, loudly enough that every man heard. He leaned down and brushed my forehead with his lips, letting them linger just long enough to leave a warm glow on the surface of my skin. When he pulled back, he whispered, “I will always love you. No matter what.”
I wanted to make the same promise to him, but I couldn’t. Uttering those words now, with Karim listening, would just deepen his suspicions of a plot to escape. So I bit down on my lip against the pain of this parting, and I bowed my head, praying that Arjun would know what I was thinking, that he would know I loved him as much as he loved me, that he wouldn’t hold it against me for not feeling safe enough to say it out loud.