by B. Cranford
“Which means, you want . . .” His voice trailed off, as if he was waiting for her to fill in the blanks, but she was still trying to find the right words. “Jade. You want?” He made it a question, asking her what she wanted.
What do I want?
Her pesky brain was finally, blessedly quick with an answer that she not only appreciated, but was willing to concede.
“You. Me. Us. This.”
“More?” Hope. There was hope in his voice and it damn near killed her.
She nodded, wondering why her eyes were starting to sting, and whether she was in the midst of some kind of breakdown. “More.”
Declan’s smile was there in an instant and Jade returned it with ease. The moment they’d been sharing had shifted, not passed, and become something bigger. Something significant.
The start of something. A beginning. This night they shared—were still going to share—it was a beginning.
But that meant they needed to start this thing on the right foot. Which meant, “‘More’ means no stopping next time, you got it?”
Declan’s laugh was sure as he closed the remaining distance between them to wrap her in his arms and press a kiss to the top of her head. And then, he made her a promise that she was determined he would keep.
“I promise, all the next times, I won’t stop.”
You’re a fucking idiot for stopping.
He hadn’t wanted to. Who would, when they finally had the girl they’d been after for so long in their arms, begging for a little more? Except . . .
He’d had to stop. In his mind, Declan knew that in order to get what he wanted from Jade—a promise of more than just this one night she’d agreed to—he had to step back. But fuck if his heart and his cock were convinced that keeping his hand on her pussy and her lips on his jaw was the best way to do anything.
He stood with his arms around her still. They’d talked. They’d made a plan. They were together. Finally.
But their night wasn’t over yet, no matter that he’d achieved his goal. “Come on, Freckles, let’s get going.” He looked down at the woman he was holding, just as she tilted her head to look up at him. She smiled shyly, and in her hazel eyes, he saw trust.
Trust, tinged with apprehension. It’s a start. And it was. He had time now, to prove he wasn’t the jackass who’d stood her up.
“I’m ready.” She might have been talking about heading back out to the animals waiting for her, but the way her arms wrapped around him, the play of a smile on her mouth, the trust that was fighting back the apprehension in her eyes told him she was ready for something else, too.
Them. Finally.
After helping Jade back into her shoes and leading her back to his car, Declan made a point of holding her door, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her temple before rounding the hood and climbing into the driver’s seat.
“What was that for?”
“Because I can.”
She raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t say anything. That was okay, he didn’t need any more words from her, not since she’d given him the words he’d waited for.
You. Me. Us. This.
More.
The drive to Brighton’s house was quiet but not uncomfortable. Small talk seemed unnecessary, and Declan didn’t want to push. If Jade had something to say, she’d say it. He’d never known her to hold back. It was part of the reason he found her so damn attractive.
“Is that Sebastian’s car?” Jade voiced the question that popped into Declan’s head as he turned into the drive of their friends’ house. “They’re not supposed to be back yet.”
“Did they call you?” He reached into his pocket to grab his phone, checking the screen. Three calls that were no doubt work-related, a message from his mother, but nothing from Sebastian.
Jade was looking down at her own phone, her eyes trained on the screen, her mouth open in a little “o.” “Jay? Is everything okay?”
She didn’t answer. Instead, as the light on the porch switched on and Sebastian walked out of the front door, she turned the phone around to show him a picture.
But not just any picture.
An ultrasound.
“Is that . . .” Declan didn’t finish the question before a smile broke out over his face and he leaned in closer to the phone to stare at the tiny shape that would one day be a little boy or a little girl.
Sebastian and Brighton’s baby.
Jade was nodding, her eyes reddening and swimming with unshed tears, her freckled face alight with a smile that Declan swore was the happiest and saddest he’d ever seen in his life. “Hey, are you okay?” He held her eyes with his, wanting to make sure she wasn’t about to lose it.
Why, he couldn’t come close to guessing. But it didn’t matter. If she was on the brink of something, he’d be there for her.
Her white knight or her caveman. Just like she’d always accused him of being—like it was a bad thing. But when it came to her, how could it be a bad thing? How could wanting her and wanting her happy be wrong?
“Yeah, I, ahh—” Her voice trailed off as Brighton walked out to stand beside Sebastian, her arm linking through his, her head resting against his shoulder. She looked peaceful, content and—
“Would you two get your asses up here?” Impatient. Given the volume of her words and the smirk that followed them, Brighton was feeling impatient.
Jade broke into a little laugh, the sadness that had shown briefly on her face disappearing in a wave of excitement. “They’re having a baby. A baby.” She bounced a little in her seat, and Declan chuckled, reaching for the door handle and climbing from the car to go around and open hers.
“Come on, let’s go congratulate the happy couple.”
Jade shook off the past that settled briefly on her shoulders when Brighton’s text message had come through. A baby. Her best friend was having a baby and she was delighted. Excited. Beside herself.
And a little bit . . . sad.
Not that she would let it show. Not when this moment was monumental and a time for celebration. The creeping feeling of unease settled in her heart, a warmth not associated with the weather or Declan’s proximity rushing across her skin.
Dammit, Jade, get your shit together. You have no reason to be upset right now. Don’t be fucking selfish.
The mental slap allowed her a moment to push back, the darkness that threatened to blur her vision and send her to her knees held off. Not forever. But hopefully long enough to enjoy her friend’s news.
Purposefully, Jade walked up the path that led to the porch, Declan trailing behind her. Having him at her back might have irked her at one time, caused a spark that would become a wildfire characterized by insulting words and withering looks. But tonight, it was a comforting. He didn’t know it, but he was protecting her from the one thing she needed protection from.
Herself.
“You didn’t tell me?” Jade’s words came out playfully. Thank God. Rolling her shoulder minutely, Jade geared up to be the friend Brighton needed, loved, wanted to share with. “Just for that, that baby is going to be named after me.”
“And what if I have a boy?”
“We’ll thrown an ‘n’ on the end and call it a day. Jaden is a great name for a boy.” She shrugged her shoulders, raising her hands, palms to the sky. “Don’t you agree?”
Brighton laughed and threw her arms around Jade’s neck. “I missed you. Come in, I have so much to talk to you about. And,” she looked over Jade’s shoulder at Declan, before turning her head to whisper, “I want to know how it went.”
Jade returned the hug but didn’t speak. Releasing her friend, she led them both inside, leaving Sebastian and Declan to give each other manly hugs and back slaps on the porch. No doubt they were already talking about the kid’s chances in some sports draft or another in twenty years’ time.
“You’re back early. Is everything okay?” Jade needed to know the answer to that question first. To be able to relax. To be able to keep holding off on
falling apart.
“Yes, everything is great. The last event had to be cancelled because the store had a burst pipe. They’re going to try to reschedule.” Brighton shrugged. “I’m sad I won’t get to see the kids and talk to them, but I’m not sorry to be home.”
Lowe and Storm trooped back into the room, walking straight over to where Jade and Brighton had plopped themselves onto the couch. The animals, who no doubt went wild when their people came home earlier in the evening, seemed content to just be near Brighton, setting themselves at her feet, curling together in a sweet little animal embrace.
“That’s fucking cute.” Jade pointed down at the pair, and Brighton smiled.
“I know, right? They’ve been near each other and me since we got back. It’s like they sense something is going on.”
“They probably do. Animals are smart like that.” Jade reached down to run a hand along Lowe’s long back, then scratch behind Storm’s ear, before continuing. “So, tell me about this baby.”
“I was twelve weeks on Wednesday. I wanted to tell you, but I also wanted to be home first. I’m sorry.” Brighton looked genuinely remorseful.
“Don’t apologize, woman. Jesus. I was kidding out there.” Jade threw a thumb in the direction of the porch where Sebastian and Declan still stood. “Of course you waited.”
“We just wanted to be sure, you know?”
“Does this have anything to do with the locked spare room?”
“Locked? It’s not locked, is it? We just closed the door to keep the dog and cat out of there.” Brighton shook her head, looking puzzled.
“It is locked. Believe me. I was one bobby pin away from breaking in.” Jade laughed lightly, trying to play down her nosiness. “I wanted in there so badly.”
“Oh. Then let’s go in there now,” Brighton suggested, standing and sweeping from the room, the long, loose skirt she wore brushing the tops of her bare feet.
“What? Just like that?”
“Uh, yeah. If it’s locked, it’s not intentional.” A shrug, the puzzled look on her face looking more furrowed. “Come on.”
Jade followed along, trying to sort out her thoughts. She was thrilled for her friend—her friends—but it had been a big night and her brain was beginning to ache. A headache was forming behind her eyes, a weariness that wasn’t associated with sleep or recovering from an illness weakening her body. “I assume it’s the nursery?” She asked the question to try and get the conversation back on track, back to what mattered.
This moment. Brighton. And her baby.
Brighton’s baby.
“See for yourself,” came Brighton’s reply as she tested the knob, then reached up to the top of the door frame, frown on her face, to retrieve a narrow piece of wire. At Jade’s quizzical look, Brighton smiled sheepishly. “I might have locked myself out a time or two.” Sticking it in the small hole on the handle, she popped the lock, opened the door and stood back to let Jade enter. “I guess Seb locked it, maybe by accident?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jude muttered as she walked into the room, her frustration mounting that the answer—the access—was there all along.
The walls were freshly painted, a pale yellow that made Jade think of sunshine. In the center of the room, an antique looking crib sat, the white wood curved in a sleigh design that was a little bit whimsical and a lot beautiful. In the corner, set at an angle like it had been moved into the room but not placed in its final home, a matching dresser and changing table.
“Oh, wow.” Jade turned in a circle, taking in the stark, still mostly empty room, and picturing it filled with stuffed toys, books, little clothes and shoes. And a small, dark-haired baby standing at the end of the crib, baby blue or maybe bottle green eyes waiting for someone to come pick them up. “It’s going to be amazing, I know it.”
Brighton blinked her eyes rapidly, like she was trying to hold back tears. Which Jade was sure she was. Bright’s face lit up the room even further as she stepped over to the white crib and ran a hand along it. “It was Sebastian’s. We told his parents a few days before we left, because . . . well, I was impatient.” She laughed modestly. “And we wanted them to be the first to know. Peter turned up the next morning with these. Apparently Delaney had kept them all these years, just for this. For her grandbaby.”
Jade’s eyes followed Brighton’s hand as it moved from the furniture to her still-flat belly. “That baby is so lucky.” Jade took a step forward, then another, until she was able to bring Brighton in for a big hug. “How am I going to explain to Travis that I got my girlfriend pregnant?”
Brighton laughed at the reference to the bartender at the place they frequented on girl’s night. She had, more than once, pretended to be Jade’s girlfriend to fend off unwanted attention. “Now he’s moved on, we’re in the clear. But on the off chance he stops in for a visit, I guess . . . turkey baster?”
“Do people really do that?” Jade tilted her head in thought, enjoying the distracting if slightly awkward image, and using it as an excuse to step back from the hug she and Brighton had shared.
Her skin felt tight. Itchy. Too small for her body. And in that moment, more than ever before, Jade hated herself.
She’s your best friend and you’re worried she’ll throw you over for her child.
And there it was. The demons that Jade battled, the ones that told her she wasn’t good enough, that she was easily forgotten, were getting ready to wage a war on her psyche.
Brighton wouldn’t forget me. Abandon me. She has a big enough heart to love everyone. And that was the truth. Brighton was the best person Jade knew—she’d lost so much and still loved with a whole, open heart. She wouldn’t forget her best friend, not even in the haze of pregnancy hormones, then sleepless nights with a newborn in her arms.
We’ll see. The words were a taunt, and Jade knew it. She pressed back against the anger that tried to seep into the moment, tried to steal the joy she felt for her best friend.
“Eh, we’ll think of something to tell him. And besides, you don’t need me to pretend anymore. You have Declan now. Don’t you?”
Brighton’s question was innocent and not far from the mark. She did, after having ceded to Declan earlier, have a man, a . . . boyfriend? Whatever he was, he was supposedly hers. But all Jade could hear in Brighton’s words were the foundation for walls being built around a friendship that was one of the most important things in Jade’s life.
She’s preparing you for when she doesn’t need you or want you anymore.
No. No no no no no, she’s not.
We’ll see.
Those two words again, taunting her. Testing her. Hurting her.
Jade couldn’t answer Brighton’s question. She couldn’t think straight. She felt helpless in the face of her fears, as her mind waged war on her, and she could feel the anger, the shame, the frustration boiling up inside.
You don’t deserve to feel this way. There’s no reason for you to feel this way.
Guilt. It was a familiar feeling for Jade. She had a mother and sisters she loved. Nieces and nephews she adored. A best friend who’d found the love of her life—again—and was having a sweet little baby. A job she kicked ass at.
And a new, maybe-boyfriend who was hotter than sin and wanted her badly enough to wait a year for her to sort her shit out.
Except her shit wasn’t sorted out. Not even close.
“I have to go.” Jade’s words were rushed and hollow. She wanted to say more, but she couldn’t. She needed to get gone before everything crashed down around her. Pressing a brief kiss to Brighton’s cheek, she fled from the room that would become a nursery and raced for the front door. Declan still stood with Sebastian on the porch, swinging his car keys in a repetitive circle around and around and around his index finger.
“Freckles—” He started to speak but broke off when Jade grabbed for his hand, taking advantage of his surprise and pulling the keys free.
“I’m sorry,” she threw over her shoulder, no
t sure she believed that she was, in fact, truly sorry, but compelled to say the words nonetheless.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Declan’s voice was right behind her, and she lunged for the driver’s side of the car, opening and slamming closed the door, pressing the lock button mere moments before his large frame filled her view out the side window. “Jade.”
His voice was muted coming through the glass, but still Jade heard the confusion, the worry in the way he said her name.
Leave them before they leave you.
Leave them before they leave you.
Leave them before they leave you.
Leave them before they leave you.
The words were a chant in her head, a chorus of all her fears and insecurities which drowned out any and all common sense.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, unsure if Declan could hear her through the window, uncaring as she thrust the keys into the ignition, twisted them long enough to hear the purr of the engine and threw the car into reverse. She’d sloppily adjusted the seat just enough to be able to reach the pedals—damn Declan and his long fucking legs—and without further thought, pressed down on the gas, shooting the Mustang backwards, away from Declan’s stunned face. Away from Sebastian, still standing on the porch. Away from Brighton, perhaps still in that room, wondering why her best friend had fled instead of celebrating with her.
Away from the people that were sure to leave her. Just like Chris. Just like her father.
Just like everyone who mattered.
“What just happened?” Sebastian stared after the retreating Mustang as Declan made his way back to the porch where his friend still stood.
“I think she just stole my car, man.” Declan tried to play it off, tried to make light, but the look on Jade’s face when she’d slammed and locked the door haunted him.