Joel was looking forward to barbecuing on the deck since the weather was so nice. I knew I would be able to slip out easily. All the bases would be covered; it was all good.
Best of all was that he and I spent a good part of the day working in the backyard. The kids got plenty dirty helping us as we prepared a stretch along the fence for our garden. We decided to start small so we could see what grew well in our untried soil. It wasn’t a lot of work to break up the earth, mix in the bags of fertilized soil, and mark off the sections. But one of us needed to watch Alex closely while one or both of us answered Eden’s endless questions. That meant it was double the work.
Watching Eden’s excitement as she pressed the first carrot seeds into the warm dirt made it all worthwhile.
We had just about finished when the typical afternoon clouds moved in and turned the sunlight to a hazy glow in the sky over us. I felt a few misty raindrops on my bare arms and tilted my chin up.
“Do you think it’s going to rain, Joel? Look at those clouds over there.”
“I hope not. The steaks are marinating, and I planned on grilling for my parents.”
Another raindrop came from the ominous, fast-moving clouds, followed by a small army of comrades. I hustled the kids inside and spent the next half hour bathing and dressing them in clean, cozy outfits. By the time they went back downstairs, it was raining steadily, and Joel was staring out the kitchen window.
“Are you still planning to go to the movies tonight?” He looked bummed.
I nodded. “It’s not raining that hard, is it?”
“No, it’s not the rain. I was just thinking that you might have changed your mind since my parents are coming. You won’t be here long enough to have dinner with the family. I’m sure they were looking forward to seeing you too.” Joel paused and added, “We haven’t seen them since Christmas.”
“I’ve seen them several times. Poppy was here on Monday. And I saw them on Valentine’s Day.”
“We didn’t see them on Valentine’s.”
“You didn’t see them. I did. The kids and I went to their house in the afternoon and stayed for dinner. Remember? I told you how your mom made spaghetti for Eden, and she ate some. The kids decorated valentine cookies for them. We made cards for them too.”
Joel looked like he was coming out of a bout of amnesia. “So you’ve seen them a couple of times.”
“Yes, that’s what I just said.”
He looked confused, as if he were just beginning to realize how much life he had missed while being locked in at work.
“Listen,” I said. “If it’s really a big deal to you that I stay home, I can.”
“No. Go. Have fun.”
“I’m going upstairs, then, to get ready. You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He looked over at the kids playing on the floor in the living room. Eden had toppled a basket of toys, and each of them had found something that interested them.
“We should go to the movies sometime,” he blurted out. “Just you and me.”
I slid up beside him and hoped to lighten his mood by teasing him. “Are you asking me out on a date, Joel Marino?”
He grinned. That was the expression I had been waiting to see.
I smiled back and leaned in to kiss him.
“Let’s talk when you get home,” he said.
“Yes. Let’s. There are a couple of things I’ve been wanting to talk with you about.”
After I showered and got ready, I went downstairs. Joel had country music on. His favorite. I’ll never understand why my husband likes that type of music.
The kids were quietly looking at books. Joel prepped mixed vegetables and red potatoes. The sounds and smells in our home made me happy.
“I’m going to leave a little early,” I told him quietly so the kids wouldn’t hear.
He pulled back and looked at me. “You look great. You sure you’re just going to meet your girlfriends?”
I ignored his question. “I’m going to the store. That’s why I’m leaving early.”
“The grocery store?”
“No, drugstore. I need shampoo and a few other things. Do you need anything?”
“Yeah, the kind of toothpaste I like.”
“Do you mean the kind our budding artist likes to paint with on toilet seats?”
Joel smiled.
“It’s on my list. Say hi to your parents for me.” I kissed him and realized he hadn’t showered yet. He was wearing one of his barbecue aprons over the clothes he had gardened in. “Did you want to take a shower? I can wait, if you want.”
“You sure?” He untied the back of his apron. “If the timer goes off, check the cake. It’s got six more minutes.”
“Is that what smells so good? What did you make?”
He was across the room when he answered, “Flourless chocolate amaretto.”
My eyes widened, and my mouth watered. It had been months, possibly years, since he had made that decadent, dense cake that became my favorite after my first taste of it.
“You’re trying to keep me here, aren’t you?” I called after him playfully.
He didn’t answer. Or if he did, he was already up the stairs, and I couldn’t hear him.
As I loaded the dishwasher and then cleared some of the clutter off the end of the counter, the doorbell rang.
“GiGi!” Eden cried out, hopping up and running to the door. “Poppy!”
Alex pulled himself up and followed her with his left-right-left-right stride. He echoed her enthusiasm in the same way he had been copying everything she did lately.
I was right behind them and gladly received the hugs from my in-laws along with a potted container of yellow tulips Poppy handed me. “For you, Sunshine,” he said. “To brighten this rainy spring evening.”
The timer on the oven chimed, and I hurried back into the kitchen to check on Joel’s decadent dessert. I pulled the pan from the oven and drew in the rich dark chocolate fragrance. It looked perfect, as always.
Joel Marino, you do not play fair at all.
Chapter 15
The rain hit my windshield at an angle, causing the drops to splatter in squiggles. I turned my wipers on high, and when I arrived at the drugstore, I waited a few minutes in the parking lot to see if it would let up. It remained steady, so I made a dash inside with my purse held over my head. The first thing I noticed was a table of umbrellas of all colors and sizes at the front of the store.
Resisting the urge to add another umbrella to the collection in my hall closet, I strode quickly by the display, going up and down the aisles with a plastic basket on my arm. My purse served as my covering once again on my return to the car. I placed the shopping bag on the passenger’s seat and thought of how long it would have taken me to shop if both kids were with me.
I pulled my phone from my purse to check the time and saw that I had received a string of text messages. The first was from Tess. She had sent it more than an hour ago, saying she was stuck in Los Angeles on a work project and would miss the movie. Emily had chimed in while I was in the drugstore, saying she wasn’t feeling great and was going to stay home.
Christy had added: Can we try for another night? Her text prompted lots of suggestions, and the conclusion was that we would reschedule for next Wednesday, same time, same theater.
I returned home and dropped my rain-splattered purse on the counter along with the shopping bag. “What happened?” Joel rose from the table and came to me as if something were wrong.
“Everyone had to cancel. Not a good night for them.”
“Here.” He pulled a clean dish towel from the bottom drawer and handed it to me. “Dry off with this. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I know you were looking forward to it.”
“It’s not a big deal. We’re going to try again for next Wednesday.”
<
br /> It struck me that our children made no signs of elation when I came in the way they always did for Joel and their grandparents. I wondered if they had even realized I was gone.
My father-in-law motioned for me to come to the table and sit next to him. Joel set another place, and GiGi helped settle the kids into their places at the table. It felt odd to have everyone doing things for me. And Joel kept gazing at me from across the table for most of the meal.
Dinner was delicious, as it always is when Joel cooks. He had broiled the steaks inside instead of using the barbecue. He also whipped up a delicious garlic aioli sauce and drizzled it over the meat and vegetables. I watched Joel accept the compliments about the meal from his dad and thought of how the two men resembled each other more than ever. Their trademark five o’clock shadows gave their chiseled jawlines and profiles a commanding, no-nonsense look. Joel had been blessed with his mother’s distinct, amber-flecked eyes, which added to his man-of-mystery good looks that had captivated me from the first time I saw him.
Joel glanced over at me. I gave him a small smile that I hoped conveyed all that I was thinking about my handsome and alluring husband.
He returned a warm gaze. “While you were out, I told Mom and Dad about our plans to go to Maui.”
“We’ll be glad to watch the kids,” GiGi said.
“Thanks,” I replied.
“It’s about time the two of you took some time for yourselves,” Poppy added. “Time together. That’s what makes a marriage last.”
I wondered if Joel had mentioned that the trip was to a marriage retreat. What else had he told them? Surely he wouldn’t have shared anything personal.
Joel leaned back, looking relaxed, and not at all anxious the way he had when he first told me about the retreat. “I’m really looking forward to it.”
“I think it’s a wonderful idea for the two of you to get away. The last few years have been very full for both of you,” GiGi added.
Joel stood to clear the dishes, and I rose to help. When we were by the sink, I whispered, “Did you tell them it was a marriage conference?”
“No.” He leaned close and said, “You seem different.”
“Different, how?”
“You were calm when I brought up going to Hawaii.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve gotten upset when I’ve brought it up before.”
“That’s because we haven’t talked about it much. And it’s a marriage retreat.”
“So?”
“Let’s talk about it later tonight,” I said. “Okay?”
He kept looking at me. His eyes seemed to take in my hair, face, sweater. “I haven’t seen you like this for a while.”
I wasn’t sure if he meant that I wasn’t tense or that I was wearing makeup, which I hadn’t put on in a long time. It had also been a while since I had worn my hair down. I almost always wore it up in a messy bun or twisted into a loose braid. The sweater was old, but I hadn’t worn it in more than a year because it was too tight when I was pregnant and was especially curve-accentuating after Alex was born.
Also, I was wearing gold hoop earrings for the first time in ages due to Tess’s styling tip. I was a version of myself that my husband had not seen for some time.
Leaning closer, I kissed Joel on his scruffy cheek. “Sorry.”
He looked even more perplexed. “For what?”
“You rarely see me in anything other than baggy jeans and sweatshirts.”
“You look beautiful tonight.”
Joel kissed me, and I pulled back, feeling a little shy for some reason. The chocolate torte on the stand caught my eye. I saw that Joel had circled it with raspberries.
“Dessert is waiting for us,” I said.
Joel, of course, took dessert as meaning something else. He put his arm around my waist, pulling me close.
“Yes, it is. As soon as they leave,” he murmured in my ear.
I didn’t want to break the sweet, flirty moment by clarifying that I was referring to dark chocolate–amaretto happiness, so I didn’t move as he kissed my neck and whispered a few more romantic suggestions in my ear.
Before he could completely distract me, I reached over and opened the silverware drawer. I pulled out the dessert forks and whispered, “Save that thought. I’m taking the torte over to the table. Could you bring some plates?”
Joel obliged with a cute grin. He kept up the tantalizing glances and clandestine hints until the kids were in bed and his parents were leaving. We walked them to the door together to say goodnight. As soon as the door closed behind them, Joel took me in his arms and kissed me intensely. He kept kissing me, sliding his hands under my sweater. His warm palm pressed against the small of my back, and I felt every inch of my no-longer-slender-teenager-but-now-very-womanly body warm with desire. Joel knew all the right spots. And I knew his.
All day Thursday I couldn’t stop thinking about my husband and our fun, passionate, out-of-the-ordinary night together. I wanted him to come home from work early so we could be together again. I wanted to feel as alive and desirable and deeply satisfied as I had felt when I fell asleep in his arms last night.
The bumpy days of the past year and a half seemed to have evaporated. I couldn’t remember what we had argued about on those nights when I had slept alone on the couch. Joel and I were good together. We should never have let anything divide us.
During the long weekend while Joel was at work, I kept busy with projects around the house and felt a contentment returning. I kept thinking of two things Tess had said. The first was being a woman of options. I liked that. It seemed to apply to far more than what outfits I chose to wear or what I made for breakfast. I had the option of crawling back into my lonely cave when I was by myself, or I could stay in the light, so to speak, and bring memories of my mom out into the open.
The second was bringing the sacred to the ordinary. I still wasn’t sure what Tess meant by that, but I knew that the project of finding verses to go with the DOEs’ words for the year felt like a way of giving them something special.
During the kids’ naps and rest times over the weekend, I pulled out my art supplies. The first card I decided to make was for Joel. It was simple, like the ones I used to make for him when we were dating. I painted an ocean scene with a sailboat bobbing on turquoise water. I added a cream curve to the white sail to give it the effect of billowing in the wind. The two figures I added on board were drawn with minimal detail. The woman was leaning back with an arm bent behind her head. The tail of a red scarf fluttered behind her. The Joel figure sat confidently facing the blissful image of me. His legs were stretched out in front of him, and it was clear sailing ahead.
It took me a while to decide on the words I wanted to write inside the card. My first thought was something tantalizing like “Take me” or “I’m all yours” or “Let’s sail away together.” But I knew he saved all my cards, and I felt funny about our kids possibly coming across them one day when they could read and asking why Mommy wrote what she did. I settled on “Adventures ahead” and smiled to think of all the ways Joel might interpret it.
I left the card on the counter to dry while I went to work on my next project.
For Sierra I lettered the word wait along with the last part of Psalm 27:14, “Take heart and wait for the LORD.” Then, with a dark blue colored pencil, I went over the word wait so that it stood out slightly from the rest of the verse. With the same deep blue, I filled in tiny flowers that were dotted throughout the green vine I had drawn as a border.
On Christy’s card with the word trust, I wrote a familiar verse from Proverbs 3:5. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart.” I used a bright yellow pencil to create a soft haze around the word trust. Her vine border was brightened with some yellow touches that were supposed to be butterflies but were so small they could be easily taken
as flowers.
For Emily’s word, peace, I had to search a bit before I found the verse she had mentioned in Proverbs about the ways of wisdom. Surprisingly, it was also in Proverbs 3, where I’d just been looking in my Bible to copy Christy’s verse. I used purple to enhance the border around the words, “Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.”
The kids were awake, so I put everything out of their reach and spent the rest of Saturday afternoon playing with them in the backyard.
It wasn’t until Monday afternoon that I was able to get back to the cards. I hoped to give them to the DOEs on Wednesday when we met again to go to the movies. I had been thinking about Tess and how she said she didn’t have a word. The interesting thing was, I had a feeling she did have one but she just didn’t know it yet. When she was styling us, she had said that God had filled her life with truth, and it had set her free.
Truth was the word I wrote on her card along with the verse she had referred to from John 8:32, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
I decided to make a card for my word as well and went back to 1 Corinthians 13. I reread the whole chapter, and as I did, verse 7 caught my attention. “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
I made the words fit by writing Love at the top and then adding the rest in a free-fall sort of stacked style under the banner word. With a smile, I added tiny red hearts to the vine that ran down the side of the card.
I loved creating art and marking moments like this. Sometimes I felt that I had so little to offer my friends, but this was a simple gift I could always give. A reminder from God’s Word. A bit of color. A few curvy flowers. All crafted with love.
Love. My word for the year!
Being Known Page 14