by C. Hallman
“You didn’t have to kill him.” Eli sounds as if he is actually hurt. “Now, I have to go and make food runs.”
“Yes, I did. He was a weakness. He wouldn’t have done anything but drag us down.” I’m satisfied with all I’ve done, and as I watch the blood pour from him, I smile even more. Blood wasn’t a sign of death for me, but a sign of victory. I won.
“Remove his body and get ready to go. We have a plan to follow through with.” I’m going to get them. Both of them, or I’ll die fucking trying.
13
Enzo
I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve lost the roughness in my words and touch. I wasn’t the same man as I was before.
“This is… well… a very domesticated version of you.” Amara laughs easily, her hair moving as small breaths come from her mouth. I watch her fidget with the hem of her shirt.
We haven’t discussed anything pertaining to her being taken because I want this date to be just that—a date. A normal thing two people do when they want to get to know more about one another.
Dating wasn’t really my thing. I never fucked and stayed. Hell, I never even comforted anyone until Amara. I didn’t know what compassion, love, or softness was. Death, rage, and fury were all I knew. She lit a spark in my cold heart, stirring flames not stirred since my mother had died.
“See, I can do shit without a gun.” I smirk, reaching for my glass of water. We’re eating at a simple diner in town. The place reminds me of one of those towns you would see in movies. Definitely a far cry from the normal high-end restaurants I go to.
This isn’t my kind of scene, yet we seem to fit in here just right. Hell, being normal isn’t my kind of thing at all. It feels strange, but at the same time, welcoming.
“Lies…” She hisses out, taking the straw of her drink in between her teeth. “I bet you have your gun tucked right in the back of your pants. I bet you keep looking around the room to see who the first person will be to get shot if shit goes wrong, and I bet, more than anything, being this domesticated is fucking with your head.”
Do I really have it written all over my face, or does she simply know me that well?
“Dear Amara,” I growl, reaching across the table to grip her chin, “you know far more than anyone.”
Letting the straw slip from her mouth, she bites her bottom lip, which in turn causes my cock to swell. She makes me want to fuck her a hundred different ways, and right now on this table, in front of all these people is one of those ways.
“Your double bacon cheeseburger…” the waitress says, pulling me out of my little fantasy. “And an omelet for you...” I catch a slight annoyance to her tone as she slides Amara’s plate in front of her. Anger simmers deep within me. What is this bitch’s problem, and why did she feel the need to all but shove my food at me?
“Excuse me, but is there a problem?” I growl, pushing the plate forward. I catch Amara’s eyes as apprehension shows in them. She doesn’t want a blowout, and neither do I, but no one gets away with treating my girl or me like shit.
“Problem…” She says the words like she is pondering if there is a problem or not? She has five fucking seconds to tell me what the fuck is going on.
“Yeah, you know like, an issue. There isn’t a damn reason to shove shit at me. There is most definitely no reason to take that tone with my woman, and if you care about your job in the least bit, you’ll take the high fucking road.”
“Enzo…” Amara says in a hushed tone.
“No. It’s not okay to be disrespectful.”
“Honey, you need to get your dog on a fucking leash.” The waitress, whose name I didn’t get, walks away.
“Bitch…” I’m this close to reaching for my fucking gun and placing a bullet in her head. Guess Pleasant-Fucking-Ville’s crime rate will go up to one with me around.
“You need to relax, Enzo. This is the real world. There are no mafia people here. She is a waitress in a shitty diner, having a bad day. You have to learn to adjust to this being normal shit. You can’t just go around ordering people around and pulling your gun out.” Amara all but scolds me.
“I didn’t pull my gun out,” I shrug, “I thought about it, though.”
Arching an eyebrow, she quips, “Really, so when I watched your hand slip to your back, it wasn’t just to grab your wallet so you could leave a nice tip?” Is she mocking me? “Looked like you were doing more than thinking.”
“I will have you know, I can fucking get my gun out whenever I want.”
Snorting, she glares. “You act like I’m taking a piece of your manhood or something?”
“It’s my gun, and if I want to put a bullet in her head, I will.” I take another bite of my food, and then a drink of water, waiting for her to eat her own food.
Shaking her head, she turns her attention to something out the window. “And to think I actually thought maybe you were changing. Thinking maybe you had left behind the murderous person I met months ago.”
Desperately, I want to tell her I have—but the truth is I haven’t. I’ve covered him up. I’ve pushed a part of me to the bottom… but there is no changing. It’s always going to be there.
“If you thought that part of me was gone, you’re naïve. I was born into this life, Amara. I will never allow that part of me to go away. It’s been ingrained into me since the start of life. If I had a choice, believe me when I say I would’ve made one.”
I can all but feel the sadness seep into both of us. There is an ocean forming between us. I thought I actually saved her, brought her out of the dark, but maybe it’s me who is still keeping her in the dark. Maybe I’m what’s hurting her the most.
“Everyone has a choice, Enzo. Everyone has a chance to change things for the better. Your past doesn’t define you and without a future path outlined, you’re free to do whatever you want.”
What is she saying? I’m growing angry from simple confusion.
“There is no path to choose from, Amara. No path to walk along. My path was chosen long before you came along.”
How can I change something I never had a choice in? How the fuck did we even get to this subject? We’re supposed to have a simple dinner, just like normal people.
“I didn’t me—”
“No, you did. The mafia will always run in your blood, and I get that. I seriously fucking do. You’ve lost so much and dealt with so much pain, I knew it wouldn’t be easy to get over. Just know, the person who raised me from birth died at your hands, and I had to learn to deal with my anger elsewhere…”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I bark, drawing attention to us. I don’t care though. I’ve no idea what she means with that statement.
“You need to get over whatever is inside of you holding you back from moving on. I know you watched your mom die, but I watched you kill John. Looks like we aren’t far from one another, after all.”
Still reeling from her words, lost in my own mind, I barely register when she gets up. Where the fuck does she think she is going?
Gripping the table to the point of pain, I push myself up, throwing a fifty down before I go after her.
As soon as I’m out the door, I run to her, grabbing her by the lapels of her coat. Spinning her around, I turn her to face me. Her cheeks are streaked with fresh tears.
“You want to tell me what the fuck is going on because I’m confused here.” Frustrated with the whole situation, I start rubbing my palm against my head. I don’t know how to talk about problems. I simply deal with them in a different manner.
“There is nothing to talk about, Enzo. You are who you are, and I made a mistake thinking you had changed.”
“Changed? What the hell would make you think I had changed?”
“You…” She shoves against my chest with far more strength than I knew she had, “you’re just so dumb. You don’t even absorb anything…” Frustration laces her words, and I’m unsure if I should talk or not.
“I thought you would change for us. For some
reason, I thought when all this was over, we would be able to be together. I thought maybe you would leave your old life behind for me.” She seems surprised by her own confession, and I’m shocked into silence.
“I—” What am I supposed to say to that? I can’t ever just walk away from the mafia. This isn’t a fucking career choice, and the fact she makes it seem like it baffles me.
“You think this is what I want? You think I want to be this person? You think I want to drag your feelings all over the place and kill people? Hell, I’m killing myself in the process, Amara,” I huff the words out, every single word a lash meant to be against her skin.
“I thought—I mean—couldn’t we have—” Her words aren’t making sense, but I know exactly what she is trying to say.
“No, we can’t. I’ll never be normal. I’ll never live in the suburbs and have a nine to five job. I plan on winning this war and taking my rightful place once again.”
Her face grows redder with every word I say, and my heart is bleeding for her…for the future we may or may not have.
“I never asked for you to be perfect, Enzo.” She shoves against my chest, getting in my face. “I simply thought you finally realized…” She shakes her head.
“Realized what?”
“It’s not important. I was a fool to have these thoughts. I thought you changed, after all the things you said to me. I hoped you would become someone I want you to be. Or maybe I just saw a glimpse of the real you?”
“I am who I am. This is me. The monster in the flesh before you.” I push her back until she is against a wall with nowhere to run.
“You are a shell of the man you could be. You simply exist because dealing with the pain of what happened had been too much. Think whatever you want, Lorenzo King, but know you can’t hide who you really are. I’ve already had a taste of the man underneath, and I will do anything I can to never let him go.”
“There isn’t any saving me, Amara. There is no stopping whatever will happen from happening. I helped you through your loss because it was my fault. It was my jo—”
“Just shut up already.” She stuns me into silence once more. I grit my teeth so hard I’m afraid my jaw will shatter. “It’s my fault your mother’s dead. So why not hate me, too? Why not fucking ruin it all because you can’t move on?”
She’s seething, her tears of hurt turning into tears of anger. I’ve caused this destruction without even meaning to. I knew from the start I would break her, hurt her, and still, I’ve tried. I tried to be so much more than what I was, but she can’t expect me to be a completely different person.
“I don’t know what to say,” I mutter, astounded at her behavior and how the night’s events have played out.
“Nothing. Say nothing because when this is all over, I will be the one to walk away from you, not the other way around. And don’t you dare tell me I can’t leave. I will fucking leave. I’d rather slit my own wrists than stay with you!”
She could have sucker punched me in the balls, and I wouldn’t have been as shocked. Her words hurt me more than anything I could have imagined. She has said similar things to me before. Telling me she hates me and that she wants to leave. But she never meant them. Not until now.
She would rather die than stay with me.
Giving me one final shove, I stumble backward, stunned by what she just told me. Then she’s running, leaving me. In the back of my mind, a little voice tells me to run after her, to bring her back to me and make her love me, but my body is frozen.
Unable to move a muscle, I feel the walls closing around who I am. Around everything that happened between us.
The debt was settled, but our future wasn’t.
14
Amara
I’m so fucking stupid. I’m running from him, and by the silence surrounding me, he isn’t following me. Maybe he doesn’t care, maybe none of it matters, but I know if I can’t save him from his own mind, no one can.
I’ve dealt with so much in the last week. I’ve learned my mom had an affair, and James, Jared’s father was my own, and who I thought was my father, had secretly been in the FBI. He had been using me as a pawn in his own personal game.
“Why the fuck do I even care?” I growl to myself, falling to my knees in the park. I have been running for what seems like forever, but really hasn’t been more than ten minutes.
As I sink further into the ground, I wonder why I was even trying. Why I didn’t call Jared and tell him to take me as far away as he could and hide me. He asked, one time late at night. He said he would do anything he could to contain the sliver of happiness he had.
“You know someone like you, out in a park like this—not really all that safe.” A deep voice rumbles behind me. I turn around, staring into a pair of deep green, vibrant eyes. I know those eyes, the voice, and it did nothing to stop the sickness in my stomach from bubbling over.
“Who cares what is safe anymore.” I’m stupid—so fucking stupid. I know it, and Eli knows it, too. Maybe that’s why he’s here. Maybe Enzo called him to fetch me, or worse…
“Obviously, not you. There’s a basket case fucking man searching the hills for you, and you’re running in the park alone.”
“After all I’ve gone through, I almost want to fucking give up and turn myself in. Have you ever just been tired of running?” I ask, not really sure why.
Squatting down on his heels, he looks me straight in the eyes. “I live a double life, Amara. I’m pretty sure I have thought about running more than you ever have in your entire life.”
“Then, why don’t you?”
He smiles. “There is no point in running. If I run, I’ll be running forever, and what fun would that be? I wouldn’t get much sleep at night, having to look over my shoulder at every corner.”
It makes sense. Running is the same as sitting and waiting. Both cause a knot of anxiety to form in your belly. I guess all I really want is freedom.
“Did he send you to fetch me?” I growl, changing the subject.
“No. He doesn’t even know I’m with you right now.” His voice is calm, but something about the fact Enzo didn’t know sent shivers down my spine. I still can’t be certain if Eli is the good guy or the bad?
“Why not?” The wind picks up, pushing my hair into my face, and a shiver runs through my body.
“He didn’t need to know. After all, he is the one who let you go,” Eli says, stating the obvious. Has he been watching us?
“What is your plan in all of this?” My voice turns high-pitched, terror filling my mind.
“My plan hasn’t changed. I’m not here to kill you or hurt you, so calm down. I can practically hear your heartbeat through your jacket.” A sliver of amusement shows on his face, which does nothing to calm my nerves.
“Why are you suddenly so nice to me?”
“You’ve been with Enzo for too long if you think this is me being nice.” He smirks and stands up. Suddenly, I feel small and vulnerable on the ground, so I push myself up.
Coming to a stand, I dust off the leaves and head for a nearby bench. Eli follows, and we both take a seat.
“I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did at Enzo’s place.”
I wait for him to say more but realize quickly that’s as close to an apology as I’ll get.
“Okay, so why are you helping me now?”
“I’m helping myself. We simply have the same enemy right now.”
“I don’t believe you. That’s not the only reason.”
He studies me for a moment before deciding to tell me. “I consider Enzo my friend. Probably the closest I have. Mack was feeding me lies about you. I was angry, and I wanted to hurt you.”
“Thanks for telling me.”
He gives me a slight nod. We’re still not friends, but I feel like we reached some kind of understanding.
“Ready to head back?”
“No, not really.” I’m not ready to face Enzo yet—if he’s even waiting for me. “Enzo told me you had a plan. He
told me a little bit but not the whole thing.”
“Wow, the asshole really can keep a secret.” Eli laughs loud and proud. The creases on his face make it clear he doesn’t often smile, which is a shame. He is a handsome guy, actually looking approachable when he isn’t frowning or actively trying to hurt you.
“We got part of it out of him anyway,” I remark. A moment of silence passes between us as the wind rustled the leaves in the trees.
“Figures…”
“If you’re not gonna tell me the whole plan, why are you here?”
Shrugging his shoulders, he pulls a knife out of his pocket. I gasp, my first instinct telling me to run.
“Shhh,” he hushes me, placing his hand on my knee in a reassuring gesture. “I just watched Mack kill someone. He killed someone for no fucking reason, simply because he could. Someone who was loyal to him. Someone who trusted him. He disgusts me.” His words sneer together, and his hold on the blade becomes intense.
“Mack is a whole different level of evil.” My tone is all matter of fact as my heart rattles in my chest. With his hand on my knee and a knife in his palm, this man is going to give me a fucking heart attack.
“So was John, you know? He made us fucking do it to you. He told us to put you in that fucking hole. His own daughter.” Eli squeezes my leg before finally releasing it. “Family is fucking sacred. I have no respect for anyone who doesn’t act like it.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I stay quiet, melting into the bench. I watch Eli fidget with his knife for a few moments, it’s almost like it calms him down.
“I want to kill Mack. I want him to suffer.”
“He will,” I say with nothing but determination in my voice.
“I underestimated you.”
“A lot of people have. I’ve been in hiding for months now. Pushed and shoved around. Secrets have been thrown my way, and somehow, I’m still breathing…” The air shuffles past us, and I wrap my arms around myself to keep warm. “You know I’m still really fucking mad at you.”