by Patricia Kay
Wednesday morning, first thing, Sydney called Neil Creighton. “I accept your offer,” she said.
“Wonderful! I was beginning to worry when I didn’t hear from you.”
“I’m sorry. I had some things to work out, but they’re all settled now.”
“Good. If I can help your fiance find a job in Washington, I’ll be glad to do so. What does he do?”
Sydney ignored the sharp stab of pain that suddenly made it hard to breathe. “Thank you, Neil. But that won’t be necessary.”
“Well, if you should find it is, the offer stands.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Will you be able to start the first of April?”
“I hope so. I have to talk to our managing partner, but I think the firm will release me by then. After all, that’s almost four weeks’ notice.”
“Good. Let me know. Oh, and when you come to Washington for the awards ceremony, if you want me to, I can have my secretary line up some apartments or townhouses for you to look at. Even if you plan to buy a house, you’ll need somewhere to live while you look.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you.”
“Good. Then that’s all settled. I’m very pleased, Sydney. Very excited. I think you’re going to do a terrific job and lead the league to new heights.”
Somehow, Sydney got through the next ten days. For a while there, after she’d sent the ring back to John, she was sure she would hear from him. Finally, as three or four days passed, her hope faded, then died. A dull resignation set in. Even the upcoming trip to Washington and her much-anticipated dinner at the White House didn’t lift her spirits.
Two days before she was scheduled to leave for the awards ceremony, her mother called her at the office.
Sydney’s heart filled with dread as she picked up her phone. Something terrible must have happened. The one and only time her mother had ever called her at work had been when her father had fallen off a ladder.
“Mom? Is something wrong?”
“No. I was just hoping you could meet me for lunch today.”
Sydney hesitated. She hadn’t planned to go out to lunch. She was trying to get all of her work caught up so that when she turned her case files over to her successor, they’d be in good order.
“It’s very important,” her mother said.
They met at Brennan’s, and Sydney felt battered by the memories that assailed her when she walked through the door. The last time she’d been to Brennan’s had been with John and his children.
Her mother was waiting in the foyer. She smiled when she saw Sydney and walked over. They hugged. Helena Wells looked quietly elegant, as always, in a simple rose wool dress with her mink casually slung over her shoulders.
Once they were seated and had placed their orders, her mother said, “Sydney, I’ve thought and thought about this for days, and I finally decided I just had to tell you.”
Sydney toyed with her water glass and waited.
“Your father has done something very wrong, and I think you need to know about it.”
“What?” Sydney said, alarmed now.
“He went to see John. He told John about the job offer from the Children’s Advocacy League.”
Sydney frowned. “What do you mean? I told John about the job.”
Her mother spoke slowly. “Before you’d ever had a chance to talk with John, your father went over to John’s house and told him about the offer you’d received. He informed John that you were going to turn down the job if John disapproved. He also told him that if you refused the job because of him, you would regret it the rest of your life.”
Sydney licked her lips. So that was it. John had been lying when he’d said he’d been thinking about breaking up with her. He’d simply been reacting to her father’s pronouncement.
Sydney sighed. She wasn’t really surprised. She wasn’t even very angry. What her father had done was typical of his modus operandi. When he saw what he perceived to be a stumbling block, he simply removed it. In his eyes, John would be no more than that. A barrier between Sydney and the goals Sid had set for her.
How could Sydney be angry when she’d always known this about her father and loved him, anyway? Still, she couldn’t permit this kind of behavior to continue.
“Thanks for telling me, Mom.”
Helena sighed. “I love your father, Sydney, but I’ve never been blind to his faults. Still, what he’s done isn’t totally his fault. I have to bear some blame in this, too.”
“You! You didn’t do anything.”
“Yes. Yes, I did.”
“What did you do?”
“I knew, from the time you were a little girl, that your father was determined to make you into a replica of himself, whether you wanted to be molded that way or not. I knew, yet I did nothing. Even when I saw that you weren’t very happy, I still did nothing.” She reached across the table and grasped Sydney’s hand. “I’m sorry, Sydney. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have allowed him to take over your life that way. It was wrong. I-I just, I don’t know, I took the easy way out. I didn’t want to buck your father. I wanted peace, so I sacrificed you.”
“Oh, Mom...” Sydney felt close to tears. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. I should have spoken up long ago. You never had a chance.”
“I turned out okay. Didn’t I?” Sydney bit her lip. The tears were very close. Too close. She was going to make a spectacle of herself if she didn’t get herself under control.
“You’re more than okay,” her mother said, “no thanks to me.”
Mother and daughter looked at each other.
“I love you, Sydney. Remember that, will you? I’ve always loved you and been proud of you, no matter what you did or didn’t do. And I always will.”
Sydney cried all the way back to the office. She wasn’t sure why she was crying, but for some stupid reason, she couldn’t seem to stop.
She pulled into the parking garage and parked her car. Before getting out, she twisted the rearview mirror around so she could see herself.
Omigod, she thought. I can’t go inside looking like this.
She started the car again and drove home. When she got there, she called the office. “Norma, something I ate at lunch must have disagreed with me. I don’t feel well, so I’m taking the rest of the day off.”
“Okay, Miss Wells.”
“Tell Mr. Folger, will you?”
“I will.”
Sydney washed her face and changed into jeans and a pullover sweater. Then she called her parents’ home.
Her father answered. “Hello,” he said.
“Dad? It’s Sydney.”
“How’s my girl doing?” he said, all bluff and hearty.
“Dad, we need to talk. Can I come over?”
“Sure, sure. Of course, you can come over. Is something wrong?”
“Let’s wait until I get there.”
Thirty minutes later, her father ushered her in. “Where’s Mom?” Sydney said.
“She went out for lunch, and she hasn’t come back yet. Probably shopping, or something. You know your mother.”
No, I don’t really know her. Not yet, anyway, but I plan to remedy that.
They went into his study, where he promptly removed a cigar from his cigar box. “You don’t mind, do you?” he said.
Sydney shook her head.
“So what’s this all about?” he asked after he’d lighted the cigar.
“You went to see John, didn’t you?”
Surprise flared in his eyes. “What makes you say that?”
“Please, Daddy, don’t lie to me. I know you went to see John.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No. He wouldn’t. But I know you went, nevertheless.” Sydney sighed heavily and sank back into her chair.
Her father smiled sheepishly. “You’re not mad at me, are you, baby?”
“No, I’m not mad. But I’m sad.” Her gaze met his. “I want to think you went to see him out of
love for me, but just once I wish you could love me enough to let me make my own decisions.”
“Even when I know that decision would be a terrible mistake?”
“Even then.”
She could see he was about to say something else, but he stopped. Their gazes held for a long moment.
“I love John, Daddy,” she said softly. “I don’t want to lose him.” Tears threatened again, but Sydney fought them. “I won’t be happy without him.”
“But Sydney! What about the job? You’ve worked all of your life for something like this. You can’t give it up.”
“Yes, I know. But I can’t help thinking that if you hadn’t interfered, maybe John and I would have been able to work something out.”
Her father got up and came over to her chair. He reached for her hands, pulling her up. He wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest. “I’m sorry, baby. All I’ve ever wanted is your happiness.”
Sydney knew he thought that’s what he wanted, and she guessed that, in the end, that’s what mattered. There were all kinds of things she could say to him, all kinds of accusations she could make, but he was her father. And she loved him. She hugged him hard.
“Do you want me to call John?” her father asked. “Maybe I can change his mind. Persuade him to go with you.”
“No, Daddy, this is between John and me.” Sydney looked up. “But thank you for asking.”
Chapter Fifteen
John walked out of Charley’s 517 after taking a prospective client to lunch. He stood on the sidewalk for a minute, then turned in the direction of the lot where he’d parked his car.
He walked straight into Lowell Hobbs, an ex-colleague from his days at Chasan & Jeglinski.
“John!” Lowell said, his round face creasing into a smile. “How the hell are ya?” He pumped John’s hand enthusiastically.
John grinned. Lowell had always been a favorite of his. “I’m doing great. How about you?”
“Never better. You comin’ or goin’?”
“Going.”
“Too bad. We coulda had lunch together.”
“We’ll do it another time. How’re Jenny and the kids?”
“Jenny’s fine. Pregnant again.” He grinned happily.
John laughed. “Don’t you know what causes that?”
Lowell’s grin expanded. “Say, you still piddlin’ around with that temporary agency? When’re you coming back to the real world, anyway? Or are you plannin’ to play it safe forever?”
Stung, John forced himself to laugh off Lowell’s remark. Keep it light. Don’t let him see he got to you. “Hell, you’re just jealous.”
Lowell laughed, too. “Yeah, I probably am.” Then his face sobered. “Seriously, we miss you, John. We were talking about you just the other day. We agree that you’ve got too much talent to spend the rest of your life as a salesman. I know the partners would take you back in a minute. Hell, old man Jeglinski said as much. He asks about you all the time.”
They talked for a while longer, then Lowell said, “Well, buddy, I’d better let you go. But call me, will ya?”
John was still mulling over Lowell’s remarks when he walked into the agency a little later in the day.
Janet looked up. “How’d it go?”
“How’d what go?” He took his telephone messages out of his message slot. He leafed through them absently.
“The lunch with Bruce Pritchard.”
He glanced at her. She gave him a quizzical smile. “Oh,” he said. “Lunch was fine. I think we’ll get his business.”
“You don’t seem too happy about that.”
“Yeah, well.” He plopped down in the chair beside her desk and looked at her. “Jan, tell me something—honestly.”
“Of course.”
“Two people in the last couple of weeks have accused me of hiding out from the world. Do you think that’s true?”
She hesitated. Her gaze met his, their dark depths clear and honest. “In a way,” she said softly.
John nodded thoughtfully. For a long time they were both silent.
“Who are the two people?” she finally asked.
He shrugged. “Sydney. And Lowell Hobbs. Remember him?”
Janet chuckled. “How could I forget him? Don’t you remember? Many moons ago, you and Andrea fixed me up on a blind date with Lowell.”
“Oh, yeah. I’d forgotten.” They’d both been so sure Lowell and Janet would hit it off, but they hadn’t.
“What prompted Sydney and Lowell to say what they did?” Janet asked.
John told her about Sydney’s job offer and about their breakup.
“I wondered what had happened,” Janet said gently. “I knew something must have happened, because you haven’t been yourself for days.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, John.”
“I thought you’d be glad.”
She frowned. “Why would I be glad?”
“Oh, come on, Jan. You never thought Sydney and I were right for each other.’ ’
“Maybe I was wrong.”
“My sister? Wrong?”
Janet didn’t laugh at his feeble attempt at humor. Instead, she answered thoughtfully. “She made you happy. I didn’t want to admit it, but she did.”
He nodded and looked away. He didn’t want Janet to see the bleakness in his heart.
“Maybe I... maybe I was jealous of her, John.”
Her words startled him. He looked at her. “Jealous? Why would you be jealous?”
Janet shrugged. “I’m not proud of myself for having these feelings, but I kind of liked taking care of you and the kids. Maybe I just didn’t want to think that someone was going to replace me.”
“Aw, Jan..
She smiled, but the smile was sad. “Remember that time when you got so mad at me and said I needed a couple of kids to keep me from meddling in your life?”
“That was a low blow. I’m really sorry—”
“No! You were right. That’s exactly what I need. And your saying it made me really think about my life and what I want out of it.” She absently twisted a paper clip in her fingers. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.”
Slowly, John said, “If I were to leave the agency, what would you do?”
Janet smiled. “I’d sell the business and go full speed ahead with adopting a child. Maybe a couple of children.” She gave him a shy look. “Mike and I have already looked into it. We’ve found out that if you’re willing to take older children, it’s not so difficult to adopt.”
“Are you saying you wouldn’t care if you had to give up the business?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“But starting this business was your idea.”
“I know. I just didn’t realize how much it would take out of me.” Janet sighed. “I’m tired, John. I don’t want to work this hard, especially when I never intended to be a career woman.”
“But why did you suggest we go into business if you didn’t want to?”
“I was feeling frustrated, I guess. I hadn’t been able to get pregnant, and then, with Andrea dying and everything... I don’t know. It just seemed like a good idea.”
For the rest of the day, John reflected upon their conversation. And the next morning, he was still thinking about it when he went downstairs to start his workday.
About ten o’clock, John heard the front doorbell ring, and the tap, tap, tap of Janet’s high heels as she went to answer it. A few seconds later, she walked back to his office.
“Delivery for you,” she said, handing him a red, white and blue flat cardboard envelope.
“Thanks.”
He opened the envelope absently, fully expecting it to be tax forms from his accountant. When he removed the airline tickets, he stared at them uncomprehendingly.
There was a note attached. It read:
The flight to Washington leaves at two o’clock tomorrow. Please come.
He had forgotten that Sydney had ordered their
tickets a month ago. He had also forgotten that tomorrow was the day they were scheduled to leave for the awards ceremony.
He stared at the tickets for a long time.
* * *
He wasn’t coming.
On a day that should have been one of the happiest of her life, Sydney stared out the window at her gate and thought about how different things could have been. The sky was leaden, a perfect match for her leaden heart. It was raining, a light, drizzly rain that promised to continue all day.
She sighed.
Down below, men in uniforms scurried about. A food truck was parked alongside the big silver jet, and she knew the meals for her flight were being unloaded and stored in the galley.
She looked at her watch. One twenty-eight. They would board soon.
He wasn’t coming.
She had hoped, she had prayed, she had bargained with God. None of it had done any good.
John wasn’t coming.
Face it. You’re not going to see him again.
She bit her bottom lip. Oh, God, why did life have to be so hard? Why couldn’t things work out the way they were supposed to?
She closed her eyes. I love you, John. I love you. She tried to communicate her thoughts across the miles that separated them.
“We will begin boarding flight 453 for Washington National in a few minutes. Will passengers with small children and those passengers who need assistance please come to the gate?”
Sydney turned away from the window and walked listlessly back to her seat. She sank onto it. Across from her, a pair of young lovers whispered together. The boy—God, he couldn’t be more than nineteen— had his arm around the girl. He nuzzled her ear, and she giggled. The boy was dressed in a naval uniform. Sydney wondered if he was a student at the naval academy.
Their joy in each other pierced Sydney’s heart. She and John had been like that at one time.
John, John. Why? Why does it have to be this way?
How was she ever going to forget him? Even the thought of her commendation, the dinner at the White House and the exciting new job ahead of her, didn’t make her feel happy. There was an aching emptiness inside of her, and she was desperately afraid it would never be filled.
“First-class passengers can board at any time,” the gate attendant announced, startling Sydney. “And now, would those passengers seated in rows sixteen through thirty-five please come forward and begin boarding?”