by JL Terra
Then he’d kissed her.
Taya had left the next day. She’d known where things were going, and she couldn’t stay. It hurt, but staying would have destroyed her.
The love between them—if you could call it that—had never waned. Even over all the years. Collaborative missions. Infrequent meetings. When she’d realized he felt the longing the same way she did, that he hadn’t married someone else in her absence, she’d fallen for him all the more.
Then he had brought her Mei.
But it hadn’t been the right time for him. For her. Not then.
Now? She didn’t know.
While Mei grew up, Taya had gathered as much intelligence as she could about how a copy of Ben—one that could kill—could have even been created. Real answers hadn’t come until Mei was taken. Until their family paid another hefty price to learn the truth.
“Ben is…” She didn’t have the words to describe it. Except, “everything.”
He would give up his life to save her and Mei. She would do the same. But what would that leave them? Nothing but more pain, more separation.
Without even knowing what Ben was—what Roger had done to him—Taya had begun to search for answers. Monks. Priests. Wise men and Shamans. She’d even spoken to a witch doctor. He’d claimed she was, “Marked with death.” Whatever that meant.
She could only pray the cost wouldn’t be so high she couldn’t pay it. It was easy to say she would give everything. The reality was even that might not be enough to set Ben free of the golem. She didn’t want her sacrifice to be a waste. That wasn’t noble, it was foolish. She added a prayer that Mei would understand it. In her quest to undo what Roger had done to her, Mei had at times either retreated or jumped in with both feet. No middle ground. And the girl would give her life if she thought it would save either Taya or Ben.
There was no way Taya would let that happen.
Jeff chuckled. “Your connection with Ben is what the Teacher is counting on. He has weaknesses, just like the rest of us.”
Taya barely cared that they understood how much Ben meant to her. She was sick of it being a secret. Not shameful—it could never be that. She would have married him if he’d ever asked. And yet, they’d never even gone on a date as adults. Only missions. Only secret meetings, unspoken words, and nothing but that longing.
It hardly made sense. Mei said she didn’t understand, and she’d lived through it.
Taya couldn’t convince her heart that he wasn’t the one she was supposed to have lived with. Forever. Happy. It was a constant war. Her mind, logic. Reality. Separation. Absence. Her heart, hope. Stolen glances.
Which could be believed? She’d gone back and forth so many times. Decided it was stupid infatuation. And then she would see him again. They would talk, like they had in that hotel. She would realize he felt the same way.
Taya blew out a breath. No one would ever understand it because she barely did herself.
She should have protected her heart years ago. She wasn’t that infatuated teen anymore. She was a grown woman who’d never met another man who even held a candle to Ben Mason. But that wasn’t the point, was it? Maybe she should accept reality. Walk away and let him live his life, while she tried to hobble together one for herself.
The truck swayed. Taya’s body came off the wall, but her belt prevented her from falling. The vehicle swayed again. Her back hit the wall. All the air in her lungs expelled in one go. She tried to suck in a breath but couldn’t. Winded. Taya struggled for air. The truck hit the rumble strip at the side of the road. White spots flashed at the edges of her vision. She shifted, her chains clinking.
Jeff said, “What’s happening up there?” his voice hard.
The reply was broken. “…happen. It…here.”
Jeff cursed. The radio hit the floor, shattered. Taya flinched. Sucked in a full lungful of air.
Brakes squealed. They swerved back onto the road, then over the rumble strip. The tires must have hit a dip, because they went down and then were airborne. The truck tipped over, and Jeff fell toward her. He slammed into her, his stomach against her face.
The truck stopped on its side.
Taya’s head bounced on the wall, and Jeff grunted. Went still. She rolled to the side and managed to get him off her. Then lifted her shoulder and maneuvered the blindfold up on her face part way, praying thanks that she didn’t have anything more than a couple of bruises. She felt like she’d been stuffed in a tin can and shaken.
Taya looked up at Jeff. Blood trailed from a wound on his head. He’d hit the shelf above her. Out cold.
A loud bang made her jump. She swung her head around but couldn’t see anything. Bang. Taya dipped her head to her hands and got the blindfold off.
A huge dent in the back door.
Bang. The dent opened up. Metal tore. Two hands pulled the back doors open. He ducked inside. Ben’s face, but it wasn’t him. The mind was a powerful thing. She could have convinced herself this really was Ben, but her heart told the truth.
The mind. The heart. Would she ever know a day when one was finally victorious over the other? She felt like she’d been in the middle of a war that had lasted decades.
He climbed inside. Moved toward her, then reached out and touched Jeff instead. Her handler gasped once and stopped breathing.
“I could have gotten information from him.”
The golem looked at her. She shouldn’t have said that.
“Are you going to kill me, too?” Where this bravado was coming from, Taya didn’t know. She was terrified of this thing. Where was Ben?
He continued to study her, not saying anything.
“Mei.” Of course. If her daughter had gotten control of it, the first thing she’d have done was send it to fetch Taya. “So you’re not going to kill me. You’re here to set me free.” She lifted her hands. “Guess you’re not done.”
The golem reached for her cuffs. He was rescuing her?
Taya pulled her hands back. “Don’t go touching me by accident. I don’t want to have a heart attack.”
Apparently it didn’t have a sense of humor.
She lifted her hands again. “I’m just saying.”
She needed to stop saying. Babbling wasn’t going to get her anywhere. Sarcasm, less than that. It might make her feel better to pretend she had more guts than was true, but it would still be a lie. Her insides wouldn’t stop quaking.
The golem eyed her then broke the link on the chains, leaving her with two cuffs for bracelets. Where was Ben?
“Thank you.”
He took a step back. So much like Ben she wanted to rush after him. But he was only a facsimile of the real thing.
Taya followed him outside. Stars shone above, but she ignored them. No time to admire God’s handiwork when she was busy dealing with man’s attempt to play God. To force His justice on a human timetable. Even though it had been created for a good reason, the golem was still infused with man’s nature. Made in the image of someone already corrupted by sin. The golem could act in righteousness, but it would never be more than its creator. A human.
But that didn’t mean it couldn’t help them fix all this.
“You’re just going to walk away?” Okay, so that was dumb. Still, the golem turned. She said, “You could help.”
It stared at her.
Mei was going to have to command it to help. Did it have a will of its own?
She almost felt sorry for it, if she didn’t know full well what the Teacher could do with one golem. If she didn’t know he could use the one to make a hundred of them.
This golem didn’t move. In the distance she heard sirens. Cops called to the scene of the accident.
Taya didn’t take the phones from the men in the cab. The police would think it was weird if all three had no cell phones. She took pictures of their ID with Jeff’s phone then turned to the golem. Still standing there.
“I guess you’re with me then.” She gave it a sideways glance before crossing the street, hea
ded for a wheat field. “No funny business.”
Chapter 38
Virginia Beach, VA. Sunday, 01:47hrs EDT
Ben had seen it all. He held his hands to his head, hands that had killed. No, it had been the golem. Jeff was gone. Dead. Then he had turned to Taya. Are you going to kill me, too? Back to the wall, he sat on the carpet of the motel room. The place smelled like nicotine. It was the only thing anchoring him there in the present. He breathed. Sat some more. Waited. For what? Ben didn’t even know.
Had the golem killed Taya? Ben hadn’t been able to hold the image past that point. Now all he saw in his mind was her. All he heard was her voice. That question. Are you going to kill me, too?
His chest was still hot. Alone in that motel room, Ben faced the fact he had become the very thing he’d feared for so long. The monster inside him could render Ben helpless to stop it murdering those he cared about most.
Top of the list was Taya.
No one in the world had occupied his mind for as long as Taya had. Since kindergarten, the first day he’d seen her. Weeks later he’d told his mom he would marry her when they grew up. For years they’d been close. They’d discovered life together. Wrong and right, they’d done it all. They’d done it together.
Even though Taya’s father had disapproved of him, her mother had not. She’d encouraged their relationship. After she died, things had become strained. By then it was too late. Taya would sneak out. Ben would meet her. They would walk. Talk. Kiss.
He could barely remember the innocence of those days, the best of his life.
Before Roger had destroyed everything.
Before Taya had accused Ben of being the cause of her father’s heart attack.
A wedge had been driven between them, all starting with that time he couldn’t remember. Now Ben knew everything. He understood what he was, and what he’d done—what the golem had done. What was the point in separating the two? They were one and the same. He was responsible for the deaths of Anton Lauer and Brian Pilsen. Just as the Teacher and his followers claimed, Ben and the golem needed to be contained. Not so the Teacher could have control of it, though. Ben didn’t want anyone else to die at the golem’s hand.
He had to figure out a way to stop it. Severing the connection between them wasn’t going to help. It would only leave the golem available to bond to someone else—the way it had done after being removed from Charlota Katzova.
Was she alive now? If she was, then she knew how to do it. If she was dead, he would know it was a futile hope. About as futile as Ben attempting to have a normal life. He could never trust himself around anyone he loved again.
As long as the creature was connected to him, Ben would want to know his family was safe. He’d lived this long separated from Taya. How hard would it be to cut off his family as well?
The screen on Ted’s phone lit up. It vibrated across the top of the dresser and fell to the floor. Splinters of cracked glass lined the face of it, obscuring the caller’s name. Still, there was no mistaking the word Rabbi. Ben swiped at the screen and put it on speaker. “Yes?”
“Mr. Mason.” The Teacher’s voice was low and self assured.
“Are your men at the door or on their way?”
“Would it matter?”
Ben set the phone on his leg and leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. “You still have to find the golem. That’ll be a darn sight harder than tracking this call. Tracking me down, over and over. You can abduct me all you want. Is it going to help?”
Silence.
“Haven’t figured out a way to track it?” Ben could get a tracking device from Remy, put it in the golem’s pocket without it knowing. He’d still have to find the thing in order to plant it on him, though. Could he do that?
“The golem will return to me when he is ready.”
“Is it a he just because he looks like me?” It had been a little girl for a while. After a second of silence, Ben said, “Does it have a soul?”
“It was crafted by human hands. A man made of mud, centuries ago.”
“So it’s true, then.” His memories had not lied. They had been memories, not some kind of hallucination. Still, it was hard to believe he wasn’t crazy. He felt crazy. “Does it…” —He barely knew what to ask— “…have a soul?”
“What do you think?” The teacher paused for a moment. “Nothing yet made by mankind throughout history has possessed a soul. All we are capable of creating is a flawed mess, much like we are. It can contain wonder. Beauty, or goodness. But the created thing cannot exceed its creator’s attributes.”
“Made in the image of God.”
“That we are,” the Teacher said. “And the golem was made in man’s image.”
Ben had been to church with Taya enough times as a kid to know the difference. “If it can’t be more than we are, then we should shut it down. Find a way to… neutralize it. This world doesn’t need another killing machine walking around.”
“You wish to be separated from it?”
Ben swallowed. “Would that kill me?”
“I would need to have the both of you here with me, in order to answer the question.”
“Do you know how it’s done?”
“Do you?”
Ben didn’t like this constant round and round bent to the conversation. For once, he actually answered the question. “I haven’t seen that in my memories. But I think I know someone who does.”
“And who is that?” A measure of glee had entered the Teacher’s tone.
This was a game to him? Ben had cards of his own to play. “The second man in the woods. That was you.”
“My clever boy.”
“You and I aren’t connected.”
He pictured the Teacher’s men, crouched outside the motel room. Were they waiting for his order to breach the room and take him hostage? Again. Ben’s stomach roiled. If it got the golem out of play, would it be worth it to be strapped to a bed and pumped with drugs? He would learn more. But Ben was done fighting. He was the weapon that needed to be disarmed, dismantled, and taken out of the fight.
The Teacher chuckled, all rationality gone now. “I see you do not know as much as you think you do.”
“I know it needs to be contained.” That’s what they’d tried to do, but they’d claimed it was him that needed to be contained first. What about the golem? They had to have a plan for it. Ben wasn’t the one commanded to kill those people. He had his own missions, the semantics of which were an entirely different argument.
Were they going to work together? “Whatever you’re planning to do with me, and with the golem, I have the right to know what it is.”
If Ben took control of it, what would he command the golem to do first? Ben didn’t need an instrument of justice, even if he did have plenty of enemies. He’d thought that was what he was. Ben knew he wasn’t perfect. He’d lived long enough he knew he could do good things, but he wasn’t inherently good. Not the way some people claimed. He was too selfish. He had too much to atone for.
“The golem belongs to me. It is my legacy.” The Teacher’s voice rang with the strength of his conviction. “Mine alone to command.”
“To kill all your enemies?”
Ben had seen people hurt other people too many times to believe mankind was inherently good. Some people, do-gooders, tried to help others. But no one could be completely selfless their whole life. Eventually everyone made a choice that put themselves first. Even if it was a tiny choice, with no apparent consequences, and they called it “boundaries.” Selflessness had no boundaries, it left the person wide open to get hurt with no safety net. Yet it was natural to try and protect oneself.
When the Teacher said nothing—still trying to ascertain his location?—Ben spoke again. “It was created to bring justice for wrongs done to the Jewish people. Is that what you’re going to use it for? Injustice is everywhere. Will one golem turn the tide? Are you just going to murder everyone who espouses anti-Semitic ideas? There is more tha
n one maligned group of people in the world. Are you going to bring justice for them all, or just the ones you care about?”
He couldn’t give the power of the golem to this Teacher. Not when he didn’t know the man and had no idea what his plans were. Justice wasn’t something any of them could dispense in a way it wouldn’t corrupt. If the Teacher hadn’t been warped by the idea of all that power, he eventually would be. No one could stand strong against that kind of temptation. Not forever.
“That thing wears my face.” Ben didn’t care about his reputation, but they were connected. He and the golem. All the while, it was swallowing him. Drowning Ben in its corruption.
“That it looks like you does not give you ownership of it.”
“And if you never find it?”
“I can find you,” the teacher replied. “Eventually the golem will come to me. Your life is inconsequential.”
Ben shifted and stood. “And if I escape again?”
“You want this thing stopped. If I am the answer to its containment, why would you fight me?”
“So we’re on the same side?”
The Teacher’s voice echoed for a second over the phone line. “We could be. If you give yourself up peacefully, we can talk. Come to some kind of agreement that is to our mutual benefit.”
“You’re done trying to experiment on me?” Ben took the phone to the window, where he pulled apart the strips of the blinds and peered out. “I know where Roger’s notebook is, his research. I could bring it to you.” He tried not to sound desperate, even though his stomach roiled.
Was Taya dead?
He couldn’t see Mei anymore, couldn’t spend time with her. Not until the golem was no longer part of him. He also had to make sure it wasn’t going to hurt anyone else in the meantime.
Ben said, “If you know how to sever the connection between me and the golem, you need to do it now. Roger commanded it to clean up all his loose ends, and that has nothing to do with injustice against Jews. Roger was an injustice. Anything he commanded is injustice. He’s dead, but his plan still needs to be stopped.”