And, now that I think about it, they were probably glad that the reason I didn't like Heath was because of his kissing. They probably figured I was burned enough that I'd never kiss another guy again until I was fifty.
Well, they were probably right.
I was a social outcast.
"And we aren't going to fire Colin. We promised him an income for three months, and he's going to get it."
Even better. Stuck in the play and Colin would be haunting my barn for another six weeks.
Should have kept Heath and his slobbering. At least then I wouldn't be alone.
It was two weeks before I was home early enough to see Colin's truck in the driveway. Of course, that was because I'd been staying at school to do my homework on the days I wasn't required to be at rehearsal. No need to be home and think about Colin in my barn with that girl.
Allie was with me, and she bumped into me when I stopped to stare at it.
"Colin's truck," she said.
"Uh-huh."
"Maybe you should go say hello to him."
"Remember what happened last time?" I'd told my friends about the girl in the barn. "No, thanks."
"I'll go check and see if she's here." Before I could stop her, Allie dropped her bag on the ground and ran up the pathway to the barn. She pulled open the door and stuck her head in. Yes, that wasn't at all obvious.
My heart was racing as she jogged back toward me. "He's alone."
"Are you sure?"
"Uh-huh." Allie picked up her bag. "Just pop in and say hello. It's been forever since you've seen him. I'll wait inside."
Without lecturing me once about the Ledge or the Attitude, she walked into my house, leaving me outside with my jangling nerves.
I didn't want to go in. At the same time, I wanted desperately to see him. I missed him. So was I more scared of going in or more desperate to see him?
I thought about Colin and realized I wanted to see him. I had to. What if he'd dumped that girl and was hoping I would come to the barn so he could declare his love? I had to give him that opportunity.
And get my hopes up?
No, I'd go in there as friends. Casual. Get past the tenseness that had been between us at Pops that night. Just try to rebuild our friendship.
I took a deep breath.
Okay. I could do this. Just a quick visit. To assess. As friends.
I dragged my leaden feet up the pathway, pausing in the doorway for the sound of female twittering. Silence, except for the sound of a pitchfork bumping against the metal wheelbarrow.
I stepped inside…and didn't see him.
"Colin?"
A clunk and a muttered oath came from the first stall on the left. Ah, the wheelbarrow in the door. Should've noticed that.
I walked over and peered inside. Colin was mucking out the stall, his back to me." Hi, Colin."
"Hi." He didn't turn around.
"How are you?"
"Fine." He still didn't face me.
"So…how's everything?"
"Fine." He dumped a load of manure into the wheelbarrow and looked at me. "What do you want?"
"I…" Okay, this wasn't working. All I could think about was how cute he looked in his faded jeans and boots. How I wanted to lean closer and sniff. What it felt like to have him kiss me. And he didn't seem to be having the same feelings about me. "So…Um…that other night at Pops…"
"What about it?"
"Was that your girlfriend you were with?"
He leaned on the pitchfork. "She's a girl I'm dating. Why?"
"Um…like, seriously?" The pizza outing was over two weeks ago, and he was still dating her?
That sounded like a serious relationship.
"I'm taking her to homecoming."
Okay, I definitely hated her.
"How's Heath?"
A slobbering fool. "He's…"
"He's what?"
"He's…"How did I admit Heath was a jerk without admitting I'd been a total fool? And did I want to confess I was alone when Colin had just announced how he had a girlfriend? "Heath's great. Just fabulous."
"Oh, really?" He gave me a very odd look. "And how's the kissing going?"
"Ah… He can't tell that I'm a beginner." Which was completely true. Of course, it was because I hadn't let him near me, but there was no reason to admit that to Colin. I had some pride, after all. Especially after his little remarks about how Heath had such wandering hands. I wasn't feeling the urge to tell Colin he'd been right. "So…I guess I'll see you around?"
Colin shrugged. "Sure."
"Um…okay." I turned to leave, but Colin called my name before I got to the door. I turned around, my heart racing. "What?"
"When's your musical?"
"A month from this Friday." Why? Was he going to come watch me?
"So I'll work through that weekend, then?"
Oh. "Sure."
"Great. See ya." Then he turned back to the stall.
I walked away, because I couldn't think of anything else to say.
In fact, all I could think of was that I was most definitely on the Ledge. Hanging by my fingertips. And there was a strong wind. And lots of traffic. And a shortage of spleens.
Being on the Ledge rotted.
So I had to get off.
Now.
But how?
Chapter Fifteen
"You need to find a new guy," Allie announced. My friends had stopped by the rehearsal hall with ice cream for me, but even the double fudge chocolate sundae wasn't enough to improve my mood after my sixth day in a row of five-hour rehearsals.
"You need to tell Colin how you really feel," Natalie said.
"Ignore Allie and Natalie," Frances said. "Forget boys and read a good book. Or study. When you're twenty-five and raking in the big bucks, guys will be falling all over you because you're a successful professional. None of them will care how many boys you didn't kiss when you were in high school."
"Thanks for the wonderful advice," I said. "You guys are so much help."
Allie set down her root-beer float. "Blue, listen. We're worried about you. It's been almost a month since you last spoke to Colin, and you're still walking around like there's a big black shadow following you."
"Sorry." I swirled my ice cream and wondered what Colin was doing.
"You guys going to homecoming?" Allie asked.
Oh, like I needed that extra knife in my heart.
"I think we should all go," Natalie said.
"Can we?" Allie asked. "Even though we don't go to your school?"
"You can be our dates," Natalie said. "Right, Blue?"
"I'm not going." How could I go and watch Colin with that girl? Impossible. And Heath was now dating Vladimir's lover. Which was fine. The way those two went at it in the hallways between acts was certainly not for me. And since we were only three days away from the play, I had to be at rehearsal every night to practice my five minutes of stage time.
Fortunately, my friends had shown up tonight to entertain me. Well, Frances had appeared to entertain me. I think Allie and Natalie were checking out the boys in the play and using me as an excuse.
That was fine. They could have all the boys. I was tired of them.
Frances nudged my arm. "Does Theo have a date for homecoming?"
"Theo?"
She nodded, and her cheeks flushed pink. "I mean, not that I care. I was just wondering if the football team all went with each other or if they took dates. Because… Um… I like the quarterback."
"You like the quarterback?" Theo played wide receiver, and I had a feeling Frances was lying. I really needed to sit down with Allie and Natalie and discuss this issue. "Do you have a thing for Theo?"
Her cheeks flamed bright red. "No! You know I don't have time for boys. In fact, I need to be studying right now." She immediately pulled out her pre-algebra book and opened it, burying her nose in its pages.
Okay. I had two choices: I could wallow in my own misery or I could climb out and try to help my fri
end. Which probably meant trying to distract her with another guy, because Theo just wasn't good enough for her.
But before I could come up with a response, Mr. Howland called me onstage.
Oh, great.
This was the most embarrassing part of my entire life. I had thought it was bad when I'd had to sit alone in the hall watching all the musically talented students practice? Well, three days ago Mr. Howland had decided my humiliation wasn't complete and had innovated a brilliant way to make me feel even more like a fool.
I had to go onstage for the finale with everyone, but I had to stand in the back row where no one could see me, and I had to mouth the words. Mouth the words! There was a band playing music and twenty-five other people singing and I was so bad I had to lip-synch?
Surely that qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment.
My only hope, which I'm sure was a complete delusion, was that no one else realized I wasn't singing. He told me in private to lip-synch, so I really hoped that people just thought I was singing quietly.
But there was no way for them to miss that I couldn't dance.
Five foot one and in the back row behind three guys all over six feet tall. How obvious was that?
I hoped my parents realized they'd scarred me for life by making me stay in this musical.
By the time I got out of my lip-synch practice, my pals were gone. Just me. With a bunch of really talented people.
Heath gave me a cursory nod as I walked by him, at the same time that he was groping his new girlfriend. I felt absolutely nothing watching him with the other girl, except maybe a bit of nausea at the thought that that could have been me.
I waved good-bye to the people in the musical who actually spoke to me, which weren't that many, because with my teeny-tiny part, I hadn't had the opportunity to get to know anyone very well.
I pushed the door open and stepped outside. It was freezing—middle of November and about a hundred degrees below zero in Mapleville.
Well, not quite a hundred below, but close enough.
I walked far enough away from school that no one would see me; then I pulled my stocking cap down over my head and tugged my furry mittens over my hands. Uncool, but warm. And I did have a twenty-minute walk home.
As I started down the street, numerous cars zoomed by. Seniors from the play on their way home. Heath's car went by with the windows already fogged up. Nice.
A car drove toward me with the headlights on. Okay, so I was now blind. I'd just finished trying to coax the spots out of my eyes when I heard the car stop, turn around, and cruise to a slow stop beside me.
Oh, God. An axe murderer was going to try to abduct me! Don't look, Blue. I kept my head down, tried to fumble for my cell phone in my pocket. Why hadn't I called my mom for a ride home? It was nearly nine o'clock and I was walking home in the dark by myself because I hadn't wanted anyone to see my mom come get me? And now I was being stalked. I was an idiot. Soon to be a dead idiot, I was certain.
The car was moving alongside me now, but I refused to look up. Could I pretend I lived in the next house? Just waltz up the doorstep and—
"Blue?"
Colin! I caught my breath and looked up. There was Colin in his Bradshaw Landscaping truck, driving along beside me. "Hi, Colin." I'd never felt so relieved to see someone who could make me feel so miserable. Of course, there'd never been anyone who could make me feel as bad as Colin. That dumb Ledge. It was a completely miserable place to be.
"You walking home?"
"Uh-huh."
"Hop in."
Oh, my gosh. A chance to be near Colin? "Sure."
Wait a sec. I couldn't handle being that close to him. I'd probably fall to the ground and beg him to like me. "No, I'm fine. I'll walk." Was that girl in his truck? I didn't see her.
Colin slammed the brakes and his truck skidded to a stop. "Just get in. It's way too late for you to be walking by yourself."
Hadn't I just been thinking that? We were psychic. It was cold. And dark. I would just have to figure out how to be in Colin's presence and maintain my dignity. I was an accomplished actress now. I could do that. "Fine."
Trying not to think about being in the same car as Colin, I pulled open the passenger door and climbed in. The moment I shut the door I could smell Colin's familiar scent, and it made my stomach jiggle.
He waited for me to put on my seat belt, then pulled out into traffic.
I had no idea what to say. It had been almost a month since I'd spoken to him. "So… Um… is this your dad's truck?"
He looked surprised. "No, it's mine. Why?"
"Well, it says 'Bradshaw Landscaping' on it. I thought that was your dad's business." Yes, I was a brilliant conversationalist. But it was better than telling him how much I liked him and making a total fool of myself.
"Bradshaw Landscaping is my business," Colin said. "I own it."
I stared at him. "Really?"
"Yeah."
"Wow." That was so cool. Colin owned his own business. No, that was bad. It just made me like him even more. I scowled and wedged myself deeper into the seat.
Silence stretched.
"How's the play?" Colin asked after a while.
"Fine."
He glanced at me. "What's wrong with the musical?"
He could tell? Of course he could tell. This was Colin. He knew me. "Well, it's sort of embarrassing."
"What is?" He sounded so genuinely curious, that my resistance faded.
I wanted to confide in him. I wanted to feel that connection with him again, the one where I knew it was okay to just be me. I sighed. Colin already knew all my idiotic shortcomings. He had another girlfriend. No sense in trying to impress him. I just missed him as a friend. I could at least have that, right? "I have a non-singing part, you know?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well, the director decided I had to be in the finale, but he won't let me sing. I'm in the back behind all these tall guys so no one can see my terrible dancing, and I have to lip-synch the words. Can you believe that? It's like the most embarrassing thing ever."
And with that little story, all the tension between us was gone. Colin laughed. "I think it's cool that you're sticking with it."
"Really? You don't think I'm an idiot?"
"So you can't sing or dance. Why does that make you an idiot?"
Why indeed? "I look like a dork up there."
"I doubt it."
"You do?" How annoying to get that fuzzy warm feeling in my belly. After more than a month apart from him, you'd think I would be immune.
Colin pursed his lips and turned into my driveway. "We're here."
"Uh-huh." Guess that meant he wanted me to get out. So he didn't want to lock me in his truck and inhale my presence for a while. Fine. "Okay, I'll see you later."
I'd just opened the door when he stopped me with a question. "Why didn't Heath drive you home tonight?"
I took a moment to climb out of the truck before I turned to face him. The light from the dash illuminated his face just enough that I could see it. Just like that day in the stall when he kissed me in the dark. The best day of my life so far.
This was Colin, the boy who knew my real name was Blueberry. I didn't feel like lying to him anymore. Not that I would ever tell him how much I liked him. I had pride, after all. But I was tired of having to lie to him, to pretend to be someone I wasn't. "Heath and I never dated. I sent him home on our first date. He was a groper. You were right."
He stared at me. "You…never dated Heath?"
"Just one date. One short one." Then I took a chance I'd never thought I would have the guts to take. "Are you still dating that girl?"
He paused so long before answering that I started to get excited, to hope, to— "Yes, I am," he finally said.
"Oh." Talk about utter deflation. "I have to go." I shut the door before he had a chance to respond.
I was going to become a nun.
The spotlights were hot, my legs were shaking, and my lips were dry. I hel
d my arms up over my head and moved my lips in silence while the stage shook from the bursting song of the rest of the cast.
Twenty more seconds and my career as an aspiring actress would be over.
Thank heavens.
The curtain slammed shut, the lights faded, and I was free.
Phew!
My parents and my friends were in the audience somewhere. They'd come to both performances, even telling me that that they could see me at the back of the stage during the finale and that I actually looked like I knew what I was doing.
Gotta love family.
Everyone hugged each other, including me. Some of the girls even started to cry. And for a moment I actually felt a little bit of sadness that it was all over. It really hadn't been that bad. And when I'd done my speaking part onstage, everyone had listened and no one had laughed.
One of the senior girls gave me a thumbs up. "Great job, Blue. You should try out for the play in the spring."
"Really?" I hadn't thought about that. But the performance in the spring was a play, with no singing or dancing, just talking. And I'd done just fine with that. Even Theo had said my five minutes had been pretty good.
Maybe I'd try out for that one.
A hand came down on my shoulder and I looked up to see the star of our cast directing his charming and dynamic smile my way. "Oh," I sighed, not bothering to hide my weariness. "Hi, Heath."
"You coming to the cast party tonight?"
I hadn't planned on it, but now that the torture was over, I felt much more positive about the whole experience. "I think maybe I am."
"Save me a dance?" He winked at me.
If I hadn't been graced with an exceptional sense of balance, I would have toppled right over in shock. "What?"
"A dance." He trailed his finger over my shoulder, which was very bare due to the leotard-type top that I'd been forced to wear for the finale. "This outfit shows off your figure. Cute bod."
Cute bod? Was he kidding? "What about..." What was that girl's name? I only thought of her as Vladimir's lover. "Priscilla?"
The Truth About Thongs (Mapleville High #1) Page 12