by Ryan Michele
“Hell no!” she screeched, causing the sledgehammers to pound in my head even harder. I grabbed the sides of my head, trying to cover my ears, but it didn’t help. The pain was too intense.
“Mom. Just give me five minutes with him. You can wait outside the door. Everything’s fine.” I pleaded with her because I knew what Rob had to say, and I didn’t want my mom to hear; the sooner he said it, the sooner he would leave.
“No Sadie, I’m staying, and he’s leaving … for good this time.” Mom’s defiance reminded me of all the times I did the same to her. Dad always said that I was just like my mother.
“Now, now, Mrs. McKenny. You wouldn’t want anything to happen to your beautiful daughter, right?” I felt my entire body freeze. It was the first time that he actually threatened me in front of my mom. I was in panic mode, beginning to sweat, and my pulse was so fast I could hear it in my ears. I thought for sure the nurses would bust in at any minute to check the machines from all the beeping that began.
I knew he wasn’t kidding around, and at some point, he had every intention of killing me. “You should really mind your manners, and give a man some time with his woman.”
Before my mom could snap, I jumped in. “Mom. Please just go outside for five minutes. Please. I’ll be okay.” I pleaded with my eyes for her to just wait outside, even though I knew that nothing was fine, and it would kill her to leave me alone.
“Yeah, right … he says something like that and everything is all right. I’ll be right outside the door, with security,” she said, kissing me on the forehead. I winced, and she walked out the door.
“Thank God that old bitty is gone,” Rob snarled.
“That’s my mom, don’t call her that,” I bit back.
“I suggest you watch your tone with me, woman.” He gave me that look … his eyes wide, anger pulsating through them, mouth in a tight line and hand tensing at his side. The look on his face screamed for me to shut the hell up, or he would slap or punch me into silence.
So being the coward I was, I zipped my lips.
“Since you so graciously told your mother I would be done in five minutes.” Rob turned on his condescending smile. “I have to make this quick, so listen up.”
I didn’t say a word. I knew the speech and knew it was coming. It’d been the same for the past year and a half, and I could recite it like a broken record.
“You breathe a word of this to anyone, and you’re dead. Your mom … is dead.” He always had to punctuate the word dead like I didn’t know what he meant. “Oh, and don’t forget Macy … I will of course have some fun with her first before I kill her … but she’ll be dead, too, eventually.”
“Please go away. I won’t say a word, but please just leave me alone. We haven’t been together for a long time. I just want to be left alone.”
“Now why in the hell would I give up a hot piece of ass like yours? Never … ain’t gonna happen. And just so you know, you will always be mine, and I will come and get whatever I want from you, whenever I want. No one will have you … ever.” Rob leaned in close to my ear and whispered, “You belong to me.”
The words sent shivers down my spine, and I flinched.
I didn’t have to look at him to see the smile that crossed his face from my reaction. It was what he wanted, and I gave it right to him. I was not his. I never wanted to be his again. The thought of ever being his again made me what to throw up. I hated him with every fiber of my being. I wanted him to rot, but more than that, I wanted those I loved safe. And I knew Rob. He would make good on his threats. I had no way of stopping him. I would need to suck it up.
I took a deep breath, willing the tears to go away. “Leave and don’t come back, please.” I hated that my voice was so damn shaky. I wanted it confident and strong, but who was I kidding.
“Now if we’re supposed to get married, I have to come around … a lot. And I plan on it. This was way too much fun tonight. I want more. I need more. So, I’ll be back sooner rather than later. And I know how you like it rough. We’re a perfect match.”
I cringed at his words. I said the exact same ones before, about being perfect for one another; boy how wrong was I?
I met Rob three months before my dad died. While sitting in the coffee shop around the corner from my apartment, I was immersed in the latest sexy novel and didn’t hear anyone approach me. “Did you drop your bookmark?” I jumped at the deep, masculine voice.
Looking up, I saw the most handsome man I had ever seen. I had only read about men like him in my books. My pulse picked up, and my nerves kicked into high gear. His blonde hair was messy and unruly, but undeniably hot. His eyes locked onto me, and the warm brown melted my heart. His smile was wide and fiercely addictive, making me smile right back.
His uniform also caught my eye. The large badge with Michigan State Police held my attention and pulled me into him more. Cops were safe and protected you … or so I thought.
We only had a couple of dates, but nothing too serious. He was fun to hang around—taking me to dinner, bowling, and the movies. We had many things in common from music to reading.
When my dad passed three months later, I was in a terrible place—sad, depressed, and not wanting to do much of anything but sleep.
Rob heard about Dad’s passing and came to me. He was sweet, kind, thoughtful, and patient. He ended up taking care of me, making me eat, shower, and even just get out of bed. He did everything that a great guy would do for someone he cared about.
I fell head over heels in love with him. His tenderness and the way he held me when I cried was my undoing.
Everything was wonderful. He was every girl’s dream; he bought me flowers, gifts, and even cooked romantic dinners. He was considerate of my mom and Macy, always asking me how my mom was holding up. He was attentive and interested in my life. It was perfect.
Then about a year into the relationship, I found out that being a cop was just a cover for his real business. I had always wondered how he always had money for the expensive dinners and gifts, but I never questioned him.
Everything went from great to horrible in the blink of an eye. My world was undoubtedly changed, and I wish I had never found that scrap of paper.
I knew I should have left after that first time he laid his hands on me. I wasn’t a total moron, but I just knew that he was mad about me finding something he didn’t want me to know. It was my fault for digging through his stuff.
I knew the Rob I loved was in there. I just had to find him and pull him back out. That was what my mission became.
When I first found out about his side job, the rage and self-doubt I had coursing through me ate at me from the inside out. Now when I thought about it, it made me numb.
To say he was furious at what I discovered was an understatement. Looking in the office for a misplaced receipt changed the entire course of our relationship … and not for the better.
My heart raced as I read and reread the paper; there was no way this was right. No way that my Rob would do this. No way would he be involved with anything like this. As I went to put the papers back, my timing really sucked.
I jumped as Rob peered into the office and asked what I was doing. I gave him the real reason I was there—looking for a receipt to take a sweater back—and left off the rest.
Rob’s face contorted into the scariest face I had ever seen on him. I knew he was going into cop mode. Being the number one interrogator for the state police department, he smelled my fear.
I felt the shock race through me, but I couldn’t hide it from him, and part of me wanted to know what it was. The questions he shot off were fast and concise. I froze, not wanting to answer. His questions were intense, and he would not let up. And he wouldn’t answer any of mine.
Since this was the first time I saw his true anger, I was caught off guard. When his hands started coming at me, I tried blocking and moving away from them, but it didn’t matter; he was too quick.
Shock and sadness flowed through my body. I
couldn’t understand why this guy I loved more than my last breath would be hurting me. The slaps became harder, and I continued to try and block them. The more I blocked, the harder his punches came.
I never cried, and I knew that my eyes gave away my shock. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. This was the first and only time he actually threatened me to not go to the cops. I realized now that he had to make up a cover story to his buddies first before this got out. I wish I would have known that then; maybe I could have gotten out of this mess.
For weeks after, nothing I did or said sparked the good Rob. He was only the angry, manipulative, controlling man who liked to get physical with his hands. I started to learn that the good was all an act. He never actually existed, or if it did, he was gone now. This realization shattered my heart. What man took the time to help a woman in so much pain become whole again, just to turn around and destroy her?
I guess Rob did, or he just wanted someone like me that was hurting so he could make the hurt worse when he showed me his real side. I didn’t really know that answer and probably never would.
I lived in fear.
After two stints in the hospital, one because I fell and the other because I was in a car accident … yeah right, I figured out that I needed to leave and get away from him. I was scared shitless. I knew what he would do once he found out.
But leaving proved to be just as horrible, landing me in the hospital for the third time, which was far worse than the others. I lied and said that someone broke into my house and attacked me. Well, someone did attack me, but no one broke in. He was already there. The cops went looking for the perp … but surprisingly never found him.
Before Rob left me there for the neighbors to find, bleeding and broken, he laid it all out for me. If I told anyone what happened, or that he was in any way involved, he would kill everyone I loved. He then reassured me that his buddies would never believe that he could hurt a fly.
Even if they did, for some reason, his daddy, who happened to be the State’s Attorney of Michigan, would get him off, and there would be no way he’d let his good name get dragged through the mud.
I knew when he first laid a hand on me that I was screwed. I couldn’t go to the cops because he was one. And even if I did, nothing would ever happen to him. I got myself in a no-win situation.
Not to mention all the connections he had from his side business that he would never talk about.
I did love him. I thought I could help him and find the good, caring side of Rob again. I was unbelievably wrong.
Rob leaned down and pressed a slobbery kiss on my cheek, and I winced. I knew he felt it and what did the asshole do? Oh yeah, he laughed, turned, and walked to the door. “I’ll see you soon, honey.” He smiled and walked out the door. I fucking hated being called honey.
I closed my eyes, and the tears I had been holding back while Rob was there just came and came. There was no point in trying to stop them; I just let them flow. I was proud of my strength in not showing them to Rob because he fed off that, but now I needed the release.
Mom walked back in, and our eyes met. She didn’t say a word. She walked over to my bed, sat down in the chair, and held my hand. She kissed my hand and just let me cry. This was the best gift she could have given me. I needed her, but I didn’t need to hear about what a screw up I was. Her silence was so appreciated.
Time evaded me. It could have been five minutes or five hours … I had no clue. I just knew that it felt good to get all that emotion out of me. Holding it in always wore me down. I never realized how much it took out of me.
Mom laid her head on the bed next to my arm. I loved feeling her comfort and warm touch. It reminded me of when I was a kid. Whenever I would get hurt, mom would doctor me up, and then I would sit on her lap, where she would hold me. That soothing touch got me through so much in life, and now it was helping me here.
“Sadie, I don’t want to fight. I just need to get you away from him, so he doesn’t know where you are. I heard him. I listened. I know what he’s telling you, and I need you to put yourself first and get away. Please.” Tears welled up in her eyes again. I knew her heart was breaking.
I also knew she was right. If I didn’t get away, it was only going to get worse. How much worse, I really didn’t want to know. But there was one major problem.
“Mom, he’ll find me. I can’t hide,” I whispered. I felt the dread creep though my body. The hopelessness was ruling over me.
I knew with all his connections, I couldn’t get away. If I used my credit card or cell phone, he could find me. If I got a job and used my social security number, he could track me.
There was really no way I could get away from him.
“Sadie, we’ll find a way. I’ll find a way. We have to, or you’ll end up dead. I couldn’t live with that.” As she squeezed my hand, my tears turned into sobs. I knew she was right.
“How, Mom? There are things you don’t know—things about him—and I can’t tell you. But he will find me.” I took the very uncomfortable hospital blanket and wiped my face. I turned it black from the mascara dripping down my face.
“Remember when you broke up with him?” How the hell could I forget that? I ended up here.
“Yeah,” I said quietly.
“I moved you in with me, got a security system, and everything was pretty good for a few months. I’m not saying it was perfect. But it gave us a little time. I’m thinking if we move you down to Georgia with Aunt Maggie and set up things the right way, you’ll be safe.”
“You can’t guarantee that, Mom. And if I leave you up here all alone, who’s going to keep you safe?” I never really said she was in danger, but she said she heard Rob, so I figured I could let the cat out of the bag.
“There you go thinking of me again. This has to be about you. I’ll be fine.” The conviction in her voice was strong, but I was scared enough for the both of us.
“Mom, you’re all I think about—well, you, Seth, and Macy. Why do you think I’ve been trying to deal with this? I want you all safe.” The tears that I thought were finished came back in full force.
“I know you do. I get it now. I don’t agree with it, but I get it. I know he has connections, lots of them, for many reasons, but we’ll just have to make you disappear. I think we can do it.”
“How?”
“You’ll stay in Aunt Maggie’s guest house with Lauryn, which we’ve already talked about. You’ll never use any credit cards; better yet, we’ll destroy them. You’ll only use cash down there. Aunt Maggie said you can work at her boutique where you won’t be on the books. It will be cash only. This way there won’t be any trace of you.”
“How will I talk to you?” I couldn’t stand not talking to my mom. I had to.
Mom actually smiled. “Well, that’s the good part. Since Aunt Maggie usually calls me either once a week or every couple of weeks, that won’t look strange as long as you use her phone line. We can also get you an untraceable prepaid cell that you can call from.”
“You’ve really been thinking this through, huh?”
“Absolutely. You’re my little girl and I love you. I want you safe.”
Closing my eyes, I tried to take everything in. Guilt over protecting only myself seeped in. But Mom was right this time. I had to take care of me … or I would end up dead. Suddenly a thought struck me. “Mom, what about Seth and Macy? How will I keep in contact with them?”
Mom closed her eyes, and I knew this wasn’t going to be good. “Sadie, Seth can only email every once and a while. You’ll set up an account under a different name and send him an email to let him know your new account. Don’t tell him what’s going on; he has too much to deal with.” Sighing, Mom carried on. “As far as Macy, you’ll need to cut all ties with her. No contact. At least ‘til we figure out where to go from here.”
I looked at my mom in shock. I couldn’t believe she was asking me to completely erase by best friend. “I can’t do that, Mom.”
“You
can, and you will. At least for a little while, Sadie; we have to get you safe.”
This was all too much. All of these emotions were sending me down a rabbit hole that I didn’t think I could climb out of. They just kept pulling me down.
It would be the hardest thing ever, but I knew I had to do it.
“You’re right, Mom. I’ll go.”
Two weeks later…
“You are so going to love it here! I can’t wait to show you everything. Well, everything is kind of a stretch, but everything that we have!” Lauryn, my very bubbly, excited, and beautiful cousin said while jumping up and down. Yes, she was actually jumping up and down. The word excited was almost not cutting it.
Lauryn, my Aunt Maggie’s daughter, was my first cousin. We were both twenty-five years old, but hadn’t really seen each other in quite some time. Lauryn was show-stoppingly gorgeous. Her long blonde hair looked almost white, and currently up in a messy bun, it was very similar to mine. Her piercing green eyes were always full of laughter. She had to be one of the happiest people I knew, and I’d only been back with her for a few minutes.
Her face was like porcelain, absolutely flawless. I needed to ask her how she kept her face so perfect.
“I’m looking forward to it.” What the hell else could I say? Did I want to be here? No. Did I have to be here? Yes.
“Aunt Sarah told us what happened. Well, kinda. What really happened?” Lauryn’s voice toned down considerably. The trembling of her question told me she was scared to ask, which was understandable.
I had already made the decision that I was not going to spill my guts about Rob. I hadn’t for three years, so why would I start now? I wanted him to be my past, not my future. This was why I moved from small town Michigan to small town Georgia. So I did what I’d always done for the past 3 years … I gave the partial truth.
“I moved here to get a new start.” Not a total lie.
Shit, I didn’t even tell my mom the truth, and I trusted her more than anyone. She just made assumptions from all the marks on my body over the years, which I lied about. She only got confirmation from Rob a week ago when she was eavesdropping.