by Shari Low
I gave her a hug. ‘Yeah, right. You’ll be around forever. Marlboro would never let anything happen to you.’
This time the cackle lasted until after the door was closed.
I climbed the stairs, unbuttoning my shirt as I went. My bedroom looked exactly as it did when Dee left the house that morning. Her wardrobe door was still slightly ajar because she’d crammed too much stuff in it. Her dressing gown was still hanging on the back of the door. Her phone charger still sat on her bedside table. Her phone had been smashed in the crash, but I’d kept the bits, in a plastic evidence bag, in my bottom drawer.
The book she’d been reading was next to the charger. James Clavell. Noble House. She’d picked it up after a trip to Hong Kong, because she wanted to get an idea of what it was like at the time of the story, which was set in the sixties, when it was still a British territory. I’d read it, cover to cover, a couple of times now, wondering what she thought of it before she put it down and went to sleep for the last time. That was something I thought about all the time now. Tomorrow could be our last day. Maybe the day after. Dee had no idea that she’d never come home that Sunday. I’d never given death a second thought, but now it seemed like it was on my mind all the time and my reaction to it swung like a pendulum. Sometimes I’d think all that clichéd shite, like ‘live every day like it’s your last.’ And other times I’d think ‘what’s the point of starting anything or planning anything because it could all be taken away in a heartbeat.’
I sat down on my side of the bed… What was I saying? They were both mine now. I pulled my shoes off, one by one, and lay back on the bed, reaching over to Dee’s bedside cabinet for the other thing that lay there. A photo. Her and I. Our wedding day. Laughing at something – I can’t even remember what.
‘I always loved that photo.’
Jen, in the doorway. I hadn’t even heard her come in.
‘Me too.’
She came over, kicked off her shoes and sat on the bed, back against the pillow, legs stretched out and crossed.
‘Rough day?’
‘Nah, it was fine,’ I replied, outing the photo back down. ‘But there was a bit of a situation when I got home. Josie was here. Still had her key and came in to give the place a spring clean. She saw your stuff.’
‘Oh bugger.’ Jen’s head fell back and rested on the headboard. ‘What did she say?’
‘She thought it was Callie’s and basically said she was a slapper.’
Jen brightened at that. ‘Excellent.’
‘But I told her it was yours.’
‘Great.’ Her sigh made it clear that it wasn’t.
‘It was actually fine. Once she stopped having murderous thoughts about me, I explained what was happening and she totally got it.’
‘You think?’ Jen asked, unsure.
‘Yep. She believed me. I’m fairly sure she swept my bed for traces of your DNA to make sure you hadn’t been sleeping there. She’s probably on her way to a lab somewhere to get them analysed right now.’
I could see Jen was starting to relax. ‘I hope she understands,’ she said quietly.
‘I think she does. I asked her not to mention it to anyone.’
‘Good. I know Val would understand too, but I just don’t want to give her anything else to think about just now. She’s trying to hide it, but I think she’s in bits over the court case. I’m glad Mark is due back this week – she needs him around. Be good to have him back in the shop too. Honestly, you’ve no idea how many of the clients ask for him and then look woefully disappointed when I say he’s not there. Clearly my high levels of customer service and industry knowledge don’t quite stack up next to the surfer dude David Gandy lookalike.’
‘Who’s David Gandy?’
‘Oh my God, I’m dealing with amateurs here.’
She whacked me with a pillow and I thought again how glad I was that she was there. Dee would have approved.
‘So. What’s on for tonight? Cold Feet box set or Homeland?’
I thought about it before coming to the obvious conclusion. ‘Cold Feet. I can’t watch the new series because I didn’t watch the original episodes years ago, so I need to catch up. Besides, I think Homeland would give me flashbacks to Josie’s interrogation.’
Chapter 26
Val
My first thought when I woke up and opened my eyes. Sixteen days. Sixteen days until I see that evil little bastard across a room and I can look him in the eye and tell him what he took from us. I didn’t care if I got dragged from that court, I was going to let him know. Him and his whole rancid family. Sixteen days.
Having the date to focus on was all that was keeping me going. I had to be strong. Had to make sure I was there to get justice for my girl. I felt like I couldn’t mourn, couldn’t grieve, couldn’t start to think about the future until I saw that scumbag destroyed. I’d never have thought myself capable of hating someone the way that I did that boy. He had to pay. It was that simple. And maybe then we could start to heal, Don and I. I hated myself for the fact that I still couldn’t be a wife to him, couldn’t love him, take care of him, but every time I saw his face I remembered what we’d lost. Our daughter. Our girl.
Rage rose again.
Sixteen days.
But I had to get through today first.
Don was already in the shower, so I pulled on my dressing gown and slipped my feet into my slippers, then went downstairs. The postman had already been so I gathered up the mail and took it through to the kitchen. Didn’t know where you were with the post these days. It either came at the crack of dawn or when you were getting ready for dinner. Not like the old days. Two deliveries a day. First thing in the morning and then another in early afternoon. When she was tiny, Dee used to sit watching for the postman coming so she could dash out to say hello.
‘What are you smiling at there, love?’ Don asked, wandering in and snapping me from my thoughts. For a moment I was irritated. Nostalgia was all I bloody had. Looking back. Replaying the past. Feeling snatches of happiness because for a moment I could make myself believe I was back there, not living in this hell of a life we had now.
‘Och, nothing. Just daydreaming,’ I told him. The memory was mine and I didn’t want to share it. I know that makes me a selfish cow but it was how I felt and there was nothing I could do to change it. Instead, I busied myself, flicking on the coffee machine, putting some bacon on the George Foreman grill, buttering the rolls. That was our normal Saturday morning regime and I did it almost automatically now.
I heard the front door opening and Jen and Luke came in. I was glad those two still spent time with each other. Dee had been the common denominator for both of them so they could easily have drifted apart, but as far as I could see that hadn’t happened.
Jen gave me a tight hug and I kissed her on the cheek.
‘How’re you doing this morning?’ she asked.
Right Val, come on, I told myself. Big smile. Positive attitude. Get it together. It was one thing Don knowing that something inside me had died with our Dee, but apart from that one day when I pitched up at Josie’s in bits, there was no way I was going to burden anyone else. That wasn’t what they needed. Poor Luke, left without the woman he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with. And Jen, she’d practically lost a sister and best pal at the same time. They’d lost so much – and I wasn’t going to have them worrying about me too.
‘I’m grand, m’dear. Grand. Bacon rolls will be ready in ten minutes.’
Luke took a seat at the table, and handed over a newspaper to Don, keeping one for himself. They both turned to the back pages like they did every Saturday morning. It was the little routines like this that got us through. They’d spend the next hour talking about the football that was being played today. Jen would have her roll then head off to open the shop. I’d get the house cleaned then pop over and give Jen a hand for a few hours. We were a team. We pulled together. I wasn’t going to be the one that let us down.
Je
n poured herself a coffee and made one for Luke, then took a seat.
‘Val, Luke’s going to come in and help in the shop today,’ Jen said. I was glad Luke was getting back into his routine of working in the store for a few hours on a Saturday. I knew it must have been tough for him. Jen was still talking. ‘So if you fancy a day to yourself or taking this man of yours out for a boozy lunch, it’s no problem.’
I couldn’t think of anything worse. I didn’t even look at Don, although I could see from the corner of my eye that he’d raised his head from the paper and was watching me. ‘Och, no, you’re fine,’ I said with a laugh and a wink. ‘Sure, you can get too much of a good thing.’
Don put his head back down into the paper and didn’t say a word. I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to explain how I could act like my old self for the others but just couldn’t manage it for him. It was because I had to. They needed me. I couldn’t crumble and let them down. And God knows, if I could keep it up twenty-four hours a day, I’d do it for Don too, but it just wasn’t possible. Short bursts. From the minute I was with one of the others, they got strong, positive, back with the old banter Val. Sixteen days. I just needed to get the court case over and it would all start to get better. It would.
‘Up to you,’ Jen said, smiling. She was such a pretty lass. Didn’t have the confidence or the drive of our Dee and I always thought that was what made them good for each other. Dee spurred Jen on, and Jen calmed our Dee down and kept her grounded. It was a perfect balance. A bit like Dee and Luke too.
As I handed over her roll, Jen reached up and gave me another hug.
‘Thanks for everything you’re doing to help out, Val. I really appreciate it. Mark will be back soon and then you can put your feet up.’
‘It’s no bother at all. You know I like to keep busy. And yep, another week or so until he’s back. I haven’t heard from him since he left, but then I never did. They’re not allowed anything but emergency calls out on the ship.’ I didn’t say that the only time that had happened was when Don had called him to tell him about Dee.
The chat flowed easily enough while we ate our rolls. Surface stuff. The shop. Luke’s latest campaign. All of us avoiding the subject that was on all our minds.
Jen finished her breakfast and put her cup and plate in the dishwasher. Luke immediately got up and did the same, which was a bit odd. In the past, when he was working in the shop, he’d usually stick around for a couple of hours and keep Don occupied, then pop to work mid-morning, when it was starting to get busy.
‘You off just now?’ I asked.
‘Yeah, we came in the same car today. I was up early so I, erm… swung by and picked Jen up on the way here.’
That made sense. The price of petrol these days was shocking.
‘All right, then, love, well I’ll see you both later. I’ll come in about noon. Give you both a chance to go grab some lunch.’
Don didn’t say a word and I was glad. I wasn’t getting into a discussion about what I was going to do with my day. That was my bloody business, not Don Murray’s.
Luke leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then they were off.
I cleared the rest of the dishes away and had almost finished wiping down the worktops, when I noticed the pile of post. It gave me something else to do, so I sat back down at the table, and opened the letters one by one. A gas bill. A letter from Childline, asking me to increase my monthly standing order. I’d do that. Great work they did. A reminder that my boiler was due a service. An appointment card from the hospital for Don’s annual health check, part of an insurance plan Dee had insisted we both buy. ‘Don’t want either of you two popping your clogs before you’ve had a chance to blow my inheritance,’ she’d said, her best cheeky grin in place. The pain of the memory almost made me gasp. If only we’d known she’d go long before us, I’d have taken every penny we had and moved us all away, a million miles from that drugged-up bastard that killed her.
Sixteen days
I tossed the appointment letter to one side and that’s when I saw the postmark on the top right-hand corner of the final envelope. Office of the Crown Prosecution Service.
Why would they be writing to me?
My heart started to hammer in my chest and the breaths stopped coming altogether as I broke the seal and took out the paper inside.
Dear Mr and Mrs Murray,
I’m writing to inform you that the date for the court appearance in the matter of the court versus Darren Wilkie has been postponed until 30th October. We regret any inconvenience this may cause. Should you…
I stopped reading, the page blurring as white rage consumed me. How could they? We were nearly there and now they’d gone and moved the bloody goalposts. Suddenly my breaths were coming thick and fast, my heart thudding even harder.
It was supposed to be sixteen days away, and even that felt like forever. I couldn’t wait until October. I couldn’t feel like this for another four months. And what if they decided to postpone it again? I couldn’t wait. I needed some resolution to this and I needed it now.
Chapter 27
Jen
He was waiting for me on the step of the shop and I couldn’t be happier to see him. ‘Mark! I thought you were getting back tomorrow?’
‘We docked early. There was a major storm brewing so it was safer to cut the trip short and come onshore, so I just jumped on an earlier flight and landed last night.’
‘Is this where I pretend I actually understand what you do?’ I asked him, laughing as I put the key in the door and then quickly switched off the beeping alarm.
‘I’m an inspection diver on an R&D ship for an oil company. They are looking for drilling sites. My job is mostly underwater, inspecting the ship for faults and damage and then organising, sometimes doing the repairs.’
‘And yet I have to cajole you into going out for the sandwiches if it’s raining,’ I pointed out, as we reached the back office and dumped our bags.
He had the grace to look sheepish, which still somehow made him look impossibly handsome. His face was tanned again, like it was when he’d first arrived, and it made his blue eyes, exactly the same shade as Dee’s, look even brighter. His deep brown hair was falling over his face, that messed up look that he totally pulled off. No wonder he’d been such a hit with our clients. I should really put a sign up saying ‘Please do not objectify our staff. It’s wrong. Unacceptable. But yes, I get that he’s gorgeous.’
We both automatically slipped into the routine we’d established when he’d been here before. I got the till drawer with the day’s float out of the safe, he flicked the kettle on and then switched on the rest of the lights and the sound system. ‘Club Tropicana’ started playing out in the shop. It was our summer soundtrack. That had been Dee’s idea too – different soundtracks for the seasons – and she’d spent weeks making them all up herself, putting together several playlists for winter, spring, summer and autumn, so we didn’t start to go stir-crazy listening to the same tracks every day. It worked a treat. I carried on chatting while I got the rest of the pre-opening tasks sorted out. We’d had a delivery late yesterday afternoon of a new Piz Buin factor fifty mousse, and I hadn’t had time to put it on display, so I decided to do that now. I reached for a pair of scissors and sliced the box while we caught up.
‘Did you get a chance to go home, to your place in Australia, I mean?’
He put my tea on the coaster on my desk. If he noticed that Dee’s cardigan was still over the back of her chair, he didn’t mention it. ‘Nah, nothing to go home for. Jeez, that sounded a bit pitiful,’ he said, grinning. ‘What I meant was, I knew I was coming here anyway, so no point in going home for a couple of days and unpacking and packing again. Easier just to come straight here.’
‘Bet your mum was glad to see you.’
His brow furrowed. ‘Can’t believe the trial has been delayed. Think it’s hit her pretty hard. I think my mum and dad need the closure. Guess we all do. Anyway, sorry to bring the vibe down. What
’s been happening? What have I missed?’
Poor Val. As if she hadn’t been through enough. She always had a smile on her face, and a hug for everyone but this had to be hard on her. He obviously didn’t want to dwell on it so I didn’t.
‘Erm, nothing. Actually, something. I decided to sell the house.’
‘Wow, what brought that on?’
I decided to go with the truth. Not the whole truth. Just most of it. I didn’t want to mention that I was now firmly ensconced in Luke’s spare room. It was only a temporary thing until I got my own place, but it felt so much better not having to go home to that empty house every night.
‘It’s got too many memories, good and bad. Great ones of my time with Pete, until he sat on our bed and told me he was leaving. And great ones of Dee until…’ The tears sprang to my eyes and I swallowed them back. That happened less often now. In the early days, it was every couple of hours, they’d just well up and the next thing I knew I’d be wailing. Now, I could go a couple of days, a week maybe, perhaps two, and then something would ambush me and it would be like she’d only passed away yesterday. This time, I held it together, thanks mostly to the fact that he switched the focus of the conversation.
‘Still no explanation from Pete?’
I shook my head. ‘Nope. He hasn’t said anything to Luke either, in fact they don’t see each other anymore. It’s like he just cut us out of his life completely. I’m meeting him next week though. It only took me about forty five texts and the threat of turning up at his work to get him to agree. Dee had organised a trip to Barcelona for next weekend and I’m going to go on it so we’ve got some stuff to update the blog with, but I wanted to see Pete before then. I just want to tell him face to face that I’m selling up. And I guess I want to have another go at getting answers.’
A text interrupted the conversation.
‘That’ll be him cancelling,’ I said, but when I picked my phone up, I saw there was no notification of an incoming text.