by TIME, S. O.
“Why is no one else moving? It’s like they’re turned off,” she says, staring in amazement as she focuses on a bird that’s frozen in midair just above a holographic directory of the city.
“I’ve stopped time,” I say, pleased my distraction is working.
“Stopped time? How? What do you mean?” She loses her focus on the bird and turns her attention back to me.
“Let’s just say that we, Death, don’t work like you may have seen in stories.” I take a seat on an empty bench facing a fountain. Sahra sits beside me. “You see, Death regularly stops time to guide souls. That way, we can guide everyone and make sure no one gets lost.”
She glances at me momentarily, as if to check if that was a joke or not, but then the features on her face soften.
“Really?”
I nod, smiling.
“What happens when a soul gets lost?”
I hesitate for a second before responding. “You know, I'm not actually sure. I’ve never seen it happen. All I know is that it's dangerous for a soul to remain outside for too long.”
“Did Mama get lost?” she asks, as more negative energy builds within her.
“No, she—”
“What about Papa?” Sahra’s energy suddenly jolts with larger amounts of the distress I felt within her moments ago. She shoots up off the bench. It hits me so clearly now that my hand involuntarily moves to grasp my chest in an attempt to calm the mounting anxiety. The way it jabs at me is unlike what I feel with newly departed souls; it’s much more powerful and potent.
“Sahra, he’s fine, he made it okay.” I practically force the words out of my mouth through gritted teeth. The weight of her energy is tremendous as it shoots out in bursts.
“No, Papa never came back, he…he…”
Impulsively I get up and hold Sahra.
“He’s okay, they’re both okay. I need you to breathe, Sahra. Breathe.”
It’s then that I realize I’ve felt her pain before. The familiarity in the intensity of it bothers me like the lasting effects of an injury that never fully healed. We stand there for several silent minutes until her breathing calms back down. Gently, I let her go and take a step back. “They’re okay, Sahra. There’s nothing to worry about.”
She says nothing. I search for something to take her mind away from her pain without tampering with time for too much longer. I come back to the bird she originally had her attention on. “Let me show you a very special place.”
“Okay,” she says as she nods hesitantly.
I take a deep breath and open my hand, facing it away from us. A Tear opens up a few meters ahead of us. I start to pass through it, but Sahra stops right before the entrance.
"What is that thing?” she asks, hesitant to move near it.
I look at her and speak in my calmest voice, “I can create two different types of Tears. One that guides people who have passed on, and one that is simply for travel. This one will take us someplace special. Trust me.”
She doesn't respond or move, so I wait. Eventually, the suspicion leaves her eyes, and she takes my hand, stepping gingerly through the Tear. Any lingering concern immediately vanishes from her expression as she takes in the new view with a gasp.
We're standing at the base of a cliff, facing a towering waterfall. The enormous deluge pours down from over a hundred meters above, showering us in a faint mist. A blissful smile spreads across her face as she gazes upward, drinking in every detail.
“Whoah,” Sahra says as she stares. “Look!” she points at a flock of colorful birds passing above us.
“See, Sahra, I told you Tears weren't so bad.”
She turns and smiles at me. I’m hit with another wave of unexplainable familiarity, as if I’ve seen that smile before. She can’t be a regular soul. I take a step in her direction, but as I try to speak, the hazy image of a smile flashes in my mind. It’s warm and inviting, yet it passes so quickly I can’t pull any other details from it.
“Have we met before?” I ask her hesitantly.
“I’m not sure. You remind me of someone, but I don’t remember who,” she says as she looks at the water.
“Sahra, wha—”
“How did you find this place? It’s so pretty.”
I lose my train of thought. How did I come across this waterfall originally? There’s no trail or road to be seen. I don’t recall ever guiding someone from here. Did I ever come here when I was alive? My whole body trembles, and my chest burns. I know instinctively that I was once human, but I can’t remember a time before being Death… I can't remember my human life. Did I have a partner? A family? Have I guided any of them without even knowing it?
I get goosebumps thinking that, after all this time as Death, I can’t remember my own life. My own family. My own face. I can’t remember anything. I don’t remember a time I ever stopped to think back on who I am. I've existed for so long. Did I always assume that the memories would be there but never actually bring them up? Where do I come from? I can’t even remember my own name. Samir? Jonathan? No. Andreyv? No. Jun? No, none of these are me.
Question after question fills my head, leaving me with an unimaginable migraine as I begin to shake. I’m trying to calm myself down when I notice Sahra looking up at me, and I swear I see pity in her eyes. She must know that there is something wrong with me. I’ve never seen a look like this coming from a soul before. I don’t think I have ever felt lonelier than in this moment, though I guess I wouldn’t know. I can’t remember.
“I think…I think I’m ready,” Sahra says, a faint resolve in her eyes and voice. I’m not sure if she’s doing this because she recognizes that there’s something terribly wrong with me, or if this is really all she needed to experience before her passing, but I nod and try to focus on opening a Tear behind her.
“Are you sure?” I find myself asking.
She nods.
“I remember I made a promise to be brave for Papa.”
When did she make that promise? Her parents didn’t see her after the crash. She walks up to me and hugs me tightly for a few seconds and then takes a couple of steps back.
“Bye, bye,” she says before turning around. “Thanks for everything.”
She walks through the Tear, and I close it.
Instantly I return to my thoughts. The floral scent seems to fill the air around me as I try to recall every detail of the two glowing figures. The image of a large wall with countless frames of families flashes through my mind, though I can’t make out their faces. I think back to the happiness I saw on the faces of the people in the tube. The twisting in my stomach resurfaces.
I take several deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down and make my way back to the tube I saw my reflection on. I have a hard time keeping my form intangible and occasionally bump into unsuspecting passersby as they try to make out what hit them. I can’t think straight. How long have I wandered this world without my memories? How long have I been feeling so lonely? When was the last time I saw my face?
As I reach the pod, the twisting in my stomach persists. I look at the silhouette before me and study it. I reach out to touch the reflective surface. I want to know who I am. Who I was. There must be answers out there. I want to know the face of the man in the shadows.
I can’t shake the thought of the family in the tube or why I reached for the woman’s hand. I’m tired of this loneliness. The lightness I felt when seeing those two souls in my vision pulls at me, as if wanting to show me the happiness I’ve always wanted.
I pass through the wall of the pod and float freely above the rest of the city. Must I really continue to exist like this? Watching over a city that rarely experiences death anymore. What if the next set of deaths doesn’t come for several more months, or years? What if they never come again? What will my purpose be then?
I soar over to a large island floating at the city’s center. The quiet hum that can usually be heard from its magnetic flotation systems are drowned out by the roaring music from today’s
festival. Everyone looks like they belong. They all appear to be enjoying the dancing and music. They all seem to be enjoying the time they’re spending together. And here I am. Alone.
Where do I come from? Why are these two souls my only memory? I need to know about my family. The ache in my chest worsens every time I think of that word.
Family.
I focus on the two souls from my memory. Now that Sahra’s gone, they’re the only lead I have left. I might not ever be needed here again, but maybe I can find a new meaning with them. A new purpose.
I focus on them and move to open a Tear to their location. The portal pushes inward, and within moments, its weight becomes too much and it seals itself shut. I try opening another Tear and push harder against it, desperately fighting to keep it from closing again. Why isn’t it opening?
I think about Sahra’s smile. I think about the familiarity of her energy. I think about that flowery smell. I think about the family I may have had. I think about those two mysterious souls. I think about the way I felt reaching out for the woman’s hand.
I push even harder still. I feel my body shutting down and my consciousness fading, but as my vision darkens, I see a familiar bending in the light before me. I collapse forward, my body giving way from overexertion. I fall.
Straight into a Tear.
Chapter Two
I wake up in a small clearing of soft grass, surrounded by trees. I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, but the air is bitingly cold, and the moon glares down at me with azure light. As I stand, I notice an odd weight to my limbs, as if my clothing were lined with lead. Simply taking a step forward takes more effort than it should, and I realize the problem isn’t me—it’s gravity, pulling more strongly than I am used to. Confused, I look around at the unfamiliar forest before me. I pulse out for souls’ energies and sense a much smaller population than normal. There are only a few scattered clusters of souls here on the northern half of the planet, and far fewer to the south. I’m no longer in the city of Vale. It doesn’t even appear to be Aegis; this must be another planet altogether.
I made it…wherever this is.
The towering trees hide all but the nearby scenery, so I ascend over their impressive canopies to get a better look at my surroundings. Drifting above the treetops, I find I am near the top of a mountain. It’s clearly part of a massive range, extending as far as the eye can see to the north, east, and south. A few peaks to the west, the horizon opens up to a calm blue sea. Looking down, I find the only source of light in this dark place—a city nestled at the base of a particularly large mountain, its glow straining through the enveloping darkness of the forest. An echo of mixed emotions runs through me as I look at the colorful lights, and I suddenly feel certain that I know that city—Maluii. The name feels weighty with meaning, though any details I try to grab flit away from me. Excited by this faint, teasing memory, I continue to take in the view.
This particular mountain has a vast, round opening on the side that faces Maluii, as if it had caved inward from the impact of a meteor. Two mansions reside on opposite ends of the crater—they’re both colossal in size, surrounded by a few smaller buildings and connected by a thin path running along the inside of the crater. A large spring sits in the heart of the gap, hidden unless seen from above, while copious gardens and manicured trees fill the lower half of the mountainside below the mansions. Even the brightest lights from Maluii’s tall buildings and numerous vehicles don’t penetrate the greenery that shields the mansions.
This is the place where the souls’ energies brought me—but if that’s the case, I wonder why I appeared outside in the—
“Kou! Where are you?” a young voice cries out from farther into the forest.
The cry clangs upon my ears and leaves my head ringing for moments afterward. It sends ripples of goosebumps down my skin, like water disturbed by the throwing of a stone.
There is no response.
“Are you here?” the voice cries again. “He's coming!”
I follow the direction of the voice and see a young, slim girl dashing through the suffocating darkness of the forest. Her clothes are earthy and tattered. Her face is pale, and she pants with a fear so profound that her body is drenched in sweat despite the bitter cold. A bedraggled braid of white hair cascades down her back, harassed by low-hanging branches. It doesn’t take long for me to realize that she is one of the people I’m looking for. Her energy matches one of the souls who appeared in my vision, but this connection only raises more questions. Who is she?
Her legs and body appear to be fighting against her, becoming heavier and less obedient. Her feet catch on tree roots and she stumbles, letting out a startled scream as branches seem to reach out to attack her with their dark, clawed limbs. Still, she forces herself back up and runs at full speed, scrambling like a small mouse beneath the shadow of a hawk. Her energy is all over the place. I can’t tell what’s going on in her head.
All to reach this other person—Kou.
I faintly sense another’s energy up ahead. It must be her companion. I wish I could tell her she’s almost to him. I wish I could take her suffering away. I’ve never grown numb to human suffering, but for some reason, hers is stronger than usual. Her panic hits me like a massive tsunami, washing me along with her. Her mounting emotions consume me, brimming up from her soul until I have no choice but to absorb them myself.
The misery and I are trapped with her.
We have nowhere else to go.
“Hitori, over here!” another young voice calls from the shadows ahead.
I can sense his energy more clearly now, up ahead. He’s standing still, and the aura of fear and despair that emanates from him matches the girl’s. Spurred, Hitori sprints toward him, down to a small river that snakes along the base of the mountainside. As we draw nearer, my suspicions are confirmed. This boy—Kou—is the other person I’m looking for. His energy feels slightly different, but he resonates in my memory as strongly as Hitori.
He stands next to a boulder that's halfway submerged in the river. He appears to be similar in age to Hitori and stands a few inches shorter, his thin arms crossed anxiously across his chest. His forehead is dewed with sweat, his clothes are ripped and bloodied. He looks at her with a faint, crooked smile and clenches his fists, likely to make it less noticeable how terribly he’s shaking. His energy is scattered, as if it doesn’t know where it’s going but is trying its hardest to get away. Every fiber of his being seems to be screaming for him to get out of there, to leave, yet here he remains. Here he's been.
Waiting for her.
For a moment, she becomes unrecognizable. Her energy inverts, lightening and blooming with happiness until it seems as if all this has been nothing but a nightmare, and the boy has helped her awaken. She clings to him, momentarily at peace. This relief, however, does not last. After a moment’s reunion, the stark reality of their situation sets in. Fear seizes their energy once more, but this time at least, there is no panic.
Moments after they reunite, someone else appears out of the trees. He's a tall, older-looking man with a rigid frame. He's wearing a dark red uniform with patches on both shoulders. I can't clearly make out their designs. His clothing gives the impression of a high-ranking official or military officer, but his clunky movements lack the grace or finesse I’d expect from someone of high status. Engrossed by fear, he barely avoids the branches before him. His energy is bursting with activity, a turmoil of negative feelings that twist and shudder through his mind and body.
“This is far enough!” the man yells.
He walks up to Hitori and tries to grab her hand, but she slaps it away with the other.
“Get away from me!” Her voice cracks as she yells back. She runs behind Kou and holds onto the back of his shirt.
The man groans. His energy thrums with anger and desperation. He tries to lean over Kou to get to Hitori, but Kou struggles to block his path.
“Leave us alone!”
“Stay out of th
is, boy,” the man snaps. When Kou refuses to move, the man effortlessly throws him aside and yanks Hitori by the arm. Kou lands hard and turns to see Hitori slap uselessly at the man’s arm. Anger and bitterness flare, and the man backhands Hitori across her face. She falls against the boulder, her brief whimper of pain cut off as her head smacks the stone. Kou tries to get up but stumbles back, off balance.
The man’s energy abruptly subsides, as if someone blew out a candle. He stands there looking at what he’s done as the girl lies motionless on the boulder.
I realize my fists are clenched so tightly that, if I could bleed, my palms would be splitting with blood.
“Hitori… I… I didn’t mean to—” he begins, but Kou, snarling, leaps atop the man's back, clinging to the man's hair with one hand while his other fist slams down onto his neck and shoulders.
“Leave us alone!” he shouts. “Let her leave!”
Kou grunts and fights as hard as he can, but he is still a boy. The man yanks him off his back with a growl of frustration. He throws the spitting, clawing Kou onto the boulder where Hitori lies. There is a cracking sound as he lands, as if something, a deeply hidden part of Kou has broken, and for a moment, all his strength leaves him.
Kou sees Hitori lying motionless beside him, her eyes closed. I can sense she is still alive, but Kou must be imagining the worst.
“Look at what you’ve made me do! Th-This is what happens when you try to get in the way. You should never have come here!” the man snaps while the energy within him struggles to maintain its form.
Instantly, Kou’s energy fills with pitch-black emptiness. It stabs through me with such force that I become paralyzed for a few moments before I’m able to snap out of it. If just reading his energy makes me feel this way…I wouldn’t wish what he must be experiencing on my worst enemies. Within moments, his energy snaps, now screaming with rage and horrors no child should know. His inner energy bursts out of him into a strange, vibrant red aura, visible now to all as it illuminates the surrounding greenery with its scarlet light. I stare at it in wonder, unfamiliar with such a display, before being shaken from my amazement when Kou leaps back to his feet and charges the man.