by L. P. Rose
“How dare you!” I snapped as I rose to my feet, “you don’t know what I have to live with or why—!”
“Don’t I?” He bellowed, “you’re wrong, so wrong.” He fell silent and his eyes rolled towards the ceiling. He looked like he was mentally chastising himself as he drew his lips into a thin, firm line.
“Why am I wrong?” I whispered as I took a few small steps towards him. My body began to tremble when the reason behind his move to Manhattan became prevalent in the forefront of my mind. His father.
His head dropped towards the floor and he began to chew on his bottom lip in contemplation. “I know what you’re going through and I know the signs because I saw it all with my mother. She suffered at the hands of my father, the same way you are suffering at the hands of Max.”
“Oh, my God,” I muttered, continuing to take a few more steps towards him. “What happened to her, Nikoli?”
“She couldn’t leave him, every time she tried he would talk her round, be nice to her for a few days, make her feel loved and special again then he would slip back into his usual pattern. We were always her main reason, she didn’t want Petra and I growing up in a broken family. She stayed with that tyrant because of us, because of her god damned principles and values.”
I felt my heart constrict in my chest as I watched him turn from the strong, handsome man I knew him to be, to resemble a small, fragile boy in seconds as he fought to battle against his emotions. His eyes brimmed with tears, his body shook and he looked at me helplessly, “She killed herself, the mental torture she sustained harmed her more than the physical abuse,” he whispered. “She gave up.”
I closed the remaining gap between us in an instant and drew him into my arms, “I’m sorry,” I whispered. His arms coiled around my waist and his tear-stained face sunk into the crook of my neck. “I don’t want this life for you, Myshka. I don’t want you to end up like my mother.”
My eyes closed as he pulled me down towards the floor, our arms still wrapped around each other, “You have to break away from him, Raine. You need to leave him. Every minute you’re in that relationship with him, is another minute you’re in danger.”
I swallowed hard trying to stop my own tears from falling, “I will, I will leave him,” I whispered.
His head slowly moved from the crook of my neck and his thumb and forefinger pinched my chin as he coaxed me to look at him, “I’m not joking. What you have with Max is not a life, it is an existence. You deserve be the center of someone’s world, to be put on a pedestal and worshipped, to know what it’s like to be really loved, wholeheartedly,” he whispered and with his thumb he grazed back and forth under my chin.
His eyes broke from mine and lingered on my lips. “I already made my decision yesterday when he showed up at Latin. This past week, since I’ve known you, it’s changed something inside of me. You’ve made me feel alive, you’ve made me feel things I’ve never really felt before, that he has never made me feel before. I don’t want to be with him anymore,” I replied with conviction.
My lips pulled upwards into a smile when my head finally fell in line with my heart at my decision. Now that I had said it aloud and shared it with someone, it felt real, it felt final and I was beginning to feel a small sense of unburdening. “When?” Nikoli questioned, as his smile grew to match my own.
“I can’t do it yet, I need a plan. I need to get money together, find somewhere to stay.”
Nikoli’s face suddenly grew dark and his smile died. He shook his head. “Excuses already, Myshka?” He grunted.
“What? No, no!” I implored. I pushed myself away from him and staggered to my feet, “I can see it sounds like that, but I can’t just leave like that. I need a couple of weeks, I need money, find a roof to live under…I need a plan.”
He pushed to his own feet and grabbed my hands in his, “You can stay here with me. I’ll take the couch and you can have the bed or if you’re not comfortable with that, Petra can put you up in the interim, that’s one problem solved.”
“You would do that for me?” I asked. My reaction was one of surprise. Surprise that he would help like this. Extending out his hand in kindness further squashing the seeds of doubt in the back of my mind that maybe, just maybe, not all men were like Max.
“I’m here for you, Raine. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you safely away from him. You’re not alone anymore,” he whispered.
His words made my heart skip a beat, and I exhaled shakily when his head bowed to my level and he kissed me softly, repeatedly. He pulled back but I wasn’t ready for this kiss to be over with. I pulled my hand free from his and grabbed the nape of his neck, forcing him back to me.
He chuckled lowly but didn’t fight me when I kissed him deeper and firmer, brutalizing my lips in the process and setting my chest in flames, the passion between us only seemed to intensify with each kiss we shared.
Was this what I was missing, what I needed? Raw passion. I allowed the titillating sensations of his kiss to overcome my body, and once again I found myself asking, was Nikoli the key?
CHAPTER NINETEEN.
“Let’s talk over your plan, again.” Nikoli sighed. I could tell he wanted to leave nothing to chance when the time came for me to escape the clutches of Max. He wanted to leave no room for error.
“The night of the We Are People benefit gala is when I’ll make my escape,” I replied, wistfully.
“I’m not sure that night is a good time to do it,” he replied unconvinced as he stood running his hand back and forth across his jaw.
“It’s the perfect time, Nikoli. He will be too busy mingling and inflating his damned ego to notice I’ve slipped away. You’ll just need to make sure you’re outside with the car ready.”
“I’ll be there all right, Raine. There’s no way I won’t be.”
I sank back into the comfort of his couch again and closed my eyes. Today had been a long day and all this talking and planning was beginning to leave me feel drained. Nikoli brought my eyes open again when I heard the loud snapping of his fingers.
“Attention, Myshka!” He ordered.
I pulled my lips into my mouth to hide the smile that threatened to slip onto my face. Now I had told him I was leaving Max, Nikoli had made himself the head of this one-man mission and was planning this operation with military precision, the more in depth he discussed it, the more convinced I became that he thought he was leading an invasion into another country.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, cocking his head to one side.
“Like what?” I retorted, feigning hurt at the suspicious look he had pinned my way.
“Like you want to burst out laughing?”
A childish giggle danced around the room when my mouth gave in and let it free, and once I started, I couldn’t stop myself. The longer Nikoli glared at me unamused, the harder my laugh came.
“You know, Raine I’m so glad you’re finding this a laughing matter. This is serious!” I clamped my mouth shut and sat upright, trying my hardest to force the laughter back down inside of myself. My body still shook and trembled as I watched him pace around the lounge area in exasperation.
“If this goes wrong on the night, will you be laughing then?” He asked in a clipped tone. His jaw set firm and his eyes swirled with impatience and annoyance, the second my eyes caught them and I held his gaze, my laughter completely died. He looked mightily pissed off, but unlike when Max was annoyed or angry with me, I found it was causing a dull throb between my legs. I shuffled myself towards the edge of my seat hoping that the friction between the couch and the seam of my leggings would kill the ache.
Unfortunately, it only seemed to increase, leaving me feeling more than uncomfortable. I quickly jumped to my feet and walked to one of the large windows, then peered down to the sidewalk, concentrating on the people below as they went about their business. I sensed him behind me when the heat of his breath gently tickled the skin on the side of my face. “I’m sorry for getting irate,�
� he whispered.
My eyes closed when his fingers lightly brushed up my arms causing my skin to bristle with goose bumps and I shuddered. “Are you cold?” He asked. I felt him move closer, his chest grazed against my back and his lips kissed the delicate skin just under my ear.
“No,” I whispered. His lips lingered momentarily, his hands slid down the outline of my back and came forward to settle at the top of my hips, then he jerked me backwards so his groin was nestled against my behind. With Nikoli tracing the tip of his tongue along the contour of my ear, his breath gently blowing in it, his growing erection prodding into me as his fingers drew imaginary patterns on my hips, the dull throb between my legs intensified until it felt like it was about to explode, like a bomb.
I lurched away from him and walked back towards the couch. “Every dance lesson I attend I’ll add some extra clothes into my bag and leave them with you at the end of the lesson,” I said, forcing myself back to the conversation at hand.
“Won’t he notice clothes missing?”
I shrugged unsure. Max couldn’t possibly know every item of clothing I owned surely? “I’ll just take the essentials, underwear, leggings, a few plain and simple tops. The more extravagant clothes and jewelry I’ll leave, he will bound to notice those things missing.”
“Okay. The money?” He questioned.
I blew out a deep sigh, reverberating my lips together in the process as I mulled over how I was going to empty the safe. “I will check out the safe when he is at work, see what’s in there. I know he keeps a lot of rolls of cash in it along with important paperwork, but until I can access it, I’ve no idea for sure.”
“I meant how will you empty it?” He asked with a raised eyebrow taking a seat next to me.
“I won’t be able to empty it until we leave. If I empty it during the day or before we leave for the gala and he has a reason to go in there, it will blow it all,” I mumbled quietly. The cogs in my head began to try and work out exactly how I’d retrieve the money. Maybe leaving the cash all together might have to be an option if I couldn’t think of something doable.
Nikoli stayed quiet. His hand moved towards mine and his fingers laced between my fingers where he gave a small squeeze. “You need a reason to go back into the house once you’ve made your way to the car,” he said quietly.
“Like what?”
“Forget your purse. Leave it somewhere he won’t notice it before you head to the car. Wait for him to start it, then you announce you’ve forgotten it. That way you have an excuse to go back, get into the safe and grab the money.”
I nodded my head in agreement. It could work, he’s always calling me dumb and wet behind the ears and it wouldn’t be the first time I’d forgotten my purse. Sure, he’ll shout and mutter obscenities about how I’ll make him late, but it would be worth it.
“What do I do with it once I have it?” I asked.
He smiled and kissed my cheek. “Does your bedroom window face the front or the back of the house?”
“Uhm, the front. Why?”
“What room is across from yours that faces the back of the house?”
“Max’s office and a spare bedroom, why?” I asked, still unsure of where this plan was heading.
“Well then, it’s easy. You drop the money into a plastic bag, tie it up and drop it out of one of the back windows into the garden. Once you leave, I’ll head into the garden and retrieve it before I come to the gala.”
I swallowed hard and dropped my head towards my lap, my eyes entranced on the movement of Nikolai’s thumb sweeping across my hand. “Do you think it could work? What if Max decides he’s going back for my purse?”
Still gripping my hand, he turned his body towards me, “Look at me,” he said quietly. I raised my head and turned it to look at him, my free hand moved towards him and I moved his hair back from his forehead with a small smile.
“I don’t know if this plan is going to work. I don’t have the answers, I wish I did. Whatever happens that night, I want you to make me a promise,” he said. I caught the urgency in his tone and his hand squeezed tighter around mine, practically numbing it.
“Yes,” I encouraged with a slight nod of my head.
I watched him swallow, then his tongue rolled across his lips, “If this goes wrong, you promise me that whatever happens, you’ll get away from him. You do whatever you must, even if you must hide from him or attack him back. You promise to get away and I’ll come and find you.”
A feeling of dread crawled down my spine like tiny ants marching towards their doom. My body seemed to set like stone, almost like rigor mortis and my mind was suddenly filled with worry at all the things that could go wrong. I knew I couldn’t foresee the future, but I already knew that every single night I would silently pray to God, that when the benefit gala was here and it became my time to free myself of this living nightmare, that things would slip into place, causing my dream of a better life to become a reality.
“Promise me,” he reiterated harsher and more sternly.
“I promise, I promise.”
Untangling his hand from mine, he enveloped his arms around me and crushed me towards his chest then kissed the top of my head. “Good. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you, Myshka.”
I buried my face in his chest, deeply breathing in the now familiar scent of Nikoli, his warmth told me that I was safe with him. I grabbed his top and pulled myself closer to his body, I needed his warmth to tell me that everything was going to be okay. As I was coiled around him, I can feel the coldness of Max slowly leave my heart to be replaced by warmth from Nikoli.
All my life I felt lost, felt like I didn’t belong, that I had no purpose and inwardly that feeling shattered me, ripping apart my soul bit by bit. I was like a bird trying to fly too close to the sun, only the intense heat smoldering me, would make me swoop back down to the ground, landing harder with each fall, but in this shared act of intimacy between Nikoli and I, I felt like everything in my small universe was right, for the first time in twenty-two years.
“Max is away tomorrow night, maybe I can join you all for a birthday drink,” I found myself saying as my fingers lightly traced over the defined muscles of his clothed back.
“He is, is he?” He responded playfully but I caught the seduction in his tone. “Maybe my birthday won’t be as much shit as I was expecting, then.”
He pulled my head back from his chest and without a word, his lips claimed mine. Small moans of delight rumbled in my mouth when his kiss became more passionate. “Nikoli,” I panted. I pushed a hand between our pressed chests and pushed him back. “The time?”
His eyes grew wide as he looked at his watch, “Fuck! We need to go, we’ve been here two hours, class finished an hour ago!”
I scrambled to my feet, grabbing my stuff, and followed behind him, heading towards the door. He stopped and spun around causing me to crash straight into him. Laughing, I swatted him in the chest. It was like running in to a brick wall. He chuckled as he steadied me, “I’m going to ask you something, Raine and I only want a resounding yes or no,” he said suddenly seriously. His smile faded.
“Okay,” I breathed. My eyebrows furrowed and I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth as agitation became known to him when I proceeded to slightly bounce up and down on the soles of my still bare feet.
“Lately, in the early hours of the morning when most of the city is asleep, I’m still wide awake thinking of you, wondering what it would feel like to hold your naked body next to mine, what it would be like to fall asleep with you and wake up next to you the following morning,” he paused, sighed deeply then pinched the bridge of his nose.
“What are you asking me, Nikoli?” I asked quietly.
“I want you completely, Raine. Scars and all. Tomorrow, will you spend the night with me?”
CHAPTER TWENTY.
I had woken up in a good mood considering today I turned thirty years old, that was all thanks to the word yes coming from Raine’s mouth last ni
ght. I felt on top of the world as jubilation spread to every part of my body, urging me to want to break out in to acrobatics around my apartment, instead I opted to play it as cool as a cucumber and gave a nod of my head, a smile and said “Good.”
I’d driven her home talking about the plan, again. I could sense she was getting agitated at my continued ramblings and my seemingly incessant need to keep repeating myself, but I needed to ensure she knew what to do, when to do it and how to do it. There could be no room for mistakes or uncertainty, if Max was given a reason to be suspicious, or worse, he caught her in the act of leaving him, then her safety and even her life could be at risk. It was a risk I didn’t want to take.
“So, when do I get to meet her?” Said Hetty, Petra’s girlfriend, bringing me back to the loud chattering surrounding me.
“Meet who?” I asked confused. I continued to eat my delicious meal of Pelmeni – a traditional Russian dish made with minced meat filling, wrapped in thin dough dumplings.
She smirked and rolled her eyes and gave me a look that suggested I was an idiot. “Raine,” she said with a shake of her head.
Immediately my cutlery crashed back onto my plate, my elbows found their way onto the restaurant table and my fingers laced together under my chin. I pinned a dark, unforgiving stare towards my sister. “You told her?”
Petra waved her hand around and laughed, “Come on, Niki it’s no big deal, it’s only Hetty.”
Her reaction caused me to slam my hands down on the table, the plates rattled loudly and Hetty’s mouth gaped open in shock. “No big deal? Of course, it is, Petra. The woman is embroiled in an abusive relationship, I told you about her in confidence. I asked you to keep quiet and keep it to yourself!” I knew my tone was harsh and slightly too loud when heads of the nearby guests turned to look in our direction. My head bowed towards my plate and my hunger disappeared.