by Ashley Beale
Mouse enters the room and tells us to leave so he can talk with Avery. We get to the same spot we always seem to get at the edge of the makeshift ring. I feel someone staring at me, so I glance around at the people who are also making their way towards the circle. My heart pounds when I spot Carson giving me a sheepish look. He takes in my outfit, smirking sadly at me before he turns his head. That is when I notice he is holding hands with another girl. What? When the hell did that happen? He didn't tell me.
I continue to stare at him until he looks back at me. I raise both eyebrows, my eyes shooting from his, down to their intertwined fingers, and back up to his face. He knows exactly what I'm asking without me needing to say a word. He shrugs his shoulder and shakes his head no, then looks away. I can feel my blood boiling but I don't say anything. Then reality hits in, I'm in the same place as Avery, Pierce and Carson. Carson has obviously moved on, Pierce I just dumped from being my fuck buddy this morning, and I'm here cheering on Avery, dressed "too sexy" for him. My awesome day, and night, has just turned upside down.
Mouse gets on his little soapbox, yelling out his little speech for all of us to obey his rules and so on. "And now, let’s welcome our boy, Scooottttt "Vortex" Blacckkmoooreee!" Most of the crowd erupts into cheers, some others boo. I just stand there, all annoyed with myself and everyone else. "And for our returning champ, gents, hate yourself, ladies, take off those shirts to welcome out the one, the only, Avverrryyyy "Kill Switch" Maannniingggg!" I jump up and down with as much excitement as I allow myself to have, clapping and yelling out Avery's name.
Avery looks in my direction before he starts the fight. I yell out to him several times, and shriek with excitement every time he gets a good punch in. My phone vibrates and I pull it out of my pocket to see I have a message.
D.L.S.: u look fuckin hot jumpin up n down. reminds me when u ride my dick ;-)
I shove the phone back in my pocket and look around. Pierce is nearly across from me. I flip him off with a small smile, then continue cheering on for Avery. When he finally knocks out his contender, Mouse jumps down from his soapbox, throwing the towel on Scott. "And the winner tonight my folks, is no other than our Kill Switch!" Mouse roars.
The entire crowd erupts in approval for Avery. He looks my way and smiles large, then strides over to me. I jump up into his sweaty, bloody embrace. "You did amazing!"
He kisses me on the lips, claiming me in front of everyone. "Only because of you Angel." After he sets me back down, he gives out a few high fives to people before following Mouse into the back room.
I tell Aubrey I'll be right back, I want to see Carson for a minute. She is skeptical of me walking away, but allows me to go anyways. Mason lets out a grunt but doesn't say anything. I see Carson and walk up to him. He isn't holding hands with the girl but she is standing close. "Hey there, friend," I say with a sympathetic smile.
"Uh, hi Cassie. How are you?"
"Oh, you know, I'm good, I suppose. I'd ask the same but you look pretty happy." I flick my eyes over to the girl and back to Carson.
He itches at his arm in a sheepish way. "I was going to talk to you about that this week. I, er," he stumbles on his words, "I met someone else. I couldn't wait, I'm sorry."
A dry laugh escapes my lips, "yeah, well, I tried. But I guess shit happens. I can't get mad at you. Good luck with her though, really Carson. You deserve to be happy."
He smiles at me. "You too beautiful." I lean in and give him a small hug, kissing his cheek as I pull away, making sure his little girlfriend there isn't watching.
As I make my way back towards where Aubrey and Mason were standing, I don't see them. Not anywhere. I assume they must be with Avery, so I head that way. When I enter the room that they're normally waiting in, it's empty. I turn around to head back out but Pierce is standing in the door way, smiling smugly at me. "You just don't give up," I state.
"Not when it comes to you. You know when you ignore me or are a bitch, it turns me on." He grabs at his erection pushing through his jeans and I'm highly aware of how much it turns him on. Almost as much as it turns me on.
I have to take a deep breath. "Well, as nice as it would be right now, Avery is outside this room somewhere, and I have a feeling there will be a massive war if the two of us are missing at the same time."
He shakes his head. "I can be quick."
"I know," I say breathless. I can hear the sexual tension in my voice, so I clear it before continuing. "Not today Pierce. Please. I'll come over tomorrow."
"Oh, so tomorrow you won't be too good for me?"
"I can promise you Cassie will always be too good for you," I hear Avery's voice echo behind Pierce. My eyes widen and my heart starts pounding. How much has he heard? What does he know? I tried to end this shit for this reason! I didn't want Avery to get hurt.
Pierce's face lights up in amusement. He adjusts his boner as he turns his head over his shoulder to speak with Avery. "Oh I know that Manning, but do you?"
I walk towards the entrance. "Move," I snap at Pierce, who surprisingly does without putting up a fight. "Thanks," I murmur, walking past him.
Avery looks ready to snap Pierce's neck. His eyes are bloodshot, his veins are popping out of his neck, and his knuckles are white in the fists at his side. "We'll finish this later Danielson. I'm setting shit up with Mouse as soon as possible. You're fuckin' dead!" He spits at Pierce's feet. I feel like a bitch because I'm the reason he is so angry. Well, at least a big part of the reason. I should have never slept with Pierce, not even once. Especially not over and over.
I hear Pierce laugh at Avery, not giving him an ounce of anger in return, and I know it's frustrating Avery even more. Mason is behind him, trying to get Avery to leave it all alone. "Come on man, it isn't worth being kicked out of the ring over this douche. You'll murder him soon enough."
"Fuck off," Avery snaps at him. His stare never leaving Pierce as his nostrils flare out. I've never seen him look so angry, not even while he is fighting, and it’s starting to scare me.
"Well I'm leaving, so you coming or what?" I question Avery.
He turns his head to face me, then closes his eyes as he inhales a deep breathe. When his eyes open, I see the disappointment in them. I know he heard more of that conversation then I was hoping for. "Let's go," he says stepping towards me. His arm goes around my waist and I don't glance in Pierce's direction at all, too nervous to see his reaction.
We walk away from the room, towards the exit. I hear Pierce let out a laugh, but I just ignore it completely. Aubrey and Mason follow behind us until we're all outside. Avery turns and looks at me, running his hand over the top of his head. "Mason will bring you home. Thanks for coming out tonight." He starts walking away from me and my heart shatters.
"Avery, wait!" He pauses but doesn't turn around. I walk to him, and pull on his shoulder, forcing him to face me again. He looks ready to cry for a moment before he slowly smirks at me. "Are you mad at me?"
His eyebrows raise and he lets out a dry laugh, "why would I be mad Cassandra?" He is calling me my full name instead of my nickname, so I know he really is. And I know why he is too. I shouldn't have even asked him, I just didn't know what else to say.
"I ended things with him Avery. It wasn't like that. I'm not explaining it here though. Can we please just go back to my place or something so we can talk?" I bite down on my lip, waiting for an answer.
"And if I say no, then what? You going to run back in there and fuck Pierce again?" He doesn't even try to hide his anger now. I can feel my face redden and my eyes start to water. I try to blink back the tears but it's nearly impossible.
Mason pulls on Avery's arm. "Man, come on. Not right here. I'll bring her home, you need to-"
Avery rips his arm away from Mason, but he doesn't take his eyes off mine as he answers back to Mason, cutting him off mid-sentence. "I don't need to do shit besides wreck that fuckers face. And trust me I will." His breathing starts getting heavier as his green eyes glow into mine. "I cannot
believe you did that to me Angel. You can go fuck off. I thought you were better than that, but you're nothing more than a dirty little whore."
Tears spring from my face as the words leave his mouth. I don't argue, it's the truth and I know it. He just shakes his head at me and turns, walking away from me, probably for the last time. Aubrey puts her arms around me, hugging me close to her. "Oh Cassie, why didn't you tell me?" she whispers in my ear.
I start sobbing uncontrollably before I can even get an answer out. Once I'm able to control my breath again I finally answer her back, my voice sounding hoarse. "I was embarrassed. I knew you'd be upset with me. It was only a couple times but I ended it. I want Avery, I want him so bad."
She rubs my back, giving me the best comfort my best friend can. "Give him time Cass, just give him time."
Chapter 13: Apologies
I hear nothing from Avery for weeks. Christmas comes and goes, and although his parents came to my parents’ house over the holidays, Avery was apparently too busy. Before winter break, I saw him around campus but he made sure to look in the opposite direction. I've texted him, tried to call him, left him voicemails apologizing. Nothing back. No answer, not once. I gave up on trying to get ahold of him yesterday. We return back to school in two more days for the spring semester and I will have to try to find a way to get him to at least look at me.
Pierce on the other hand, has been just the opposite of me. He has called, sent texts and even showed up at my apartment twice. The second time I finally let him in, but we didn't have sex. I told him that I was in love with Avery and he is the only person I want to be with. He wasn't happy but said he understood and has left me alone since. That was a week ago.
Aubrey has been spending most of her time with Mason, but makes sure she has time for me too. I don't blame her for not wanting to be around me much though, I've been a wreck. I lost over ten pounds the first three weeks, but in the last three I've gained it back, plus some. My jeans are feeling awfully tight around me, causing me to lay back on the Ben and Jerry's.
As of four days ago, I found my new love, the thing that'll help me release tension and stress. Something to replace what I originally needed Pierce for. Kick Boxing. I started at a gym down the road from my apartment, and have fallen more in love with it each time I go. I've been in pain the past couple days from it, but it beats the pain of my broken heart. Every time I go to the gym, I leave my stress at the door and feel great when I leave. Yesterday when I left, I got a massage, which helped me feel a tiny hint of pleasure for the first time since Thanksgiving. It's slightly pathetic, but certainly smarter than using someone for sex.
I arrive at the gym today and am taken back for a moment as I recognize a familiar figure. I'd know that shirtless man from anywhere, even from the behind. With his bulging muscles, and dirty blonde hair all mangled just right. He must feel someone starring because he turns his head right around, looking directly in my eyes. His blue ones shining back, and he is grinning so much, I see that dimple in his right cheek I've missed.
I walk over to him with caution. I haven't talked to him since school let out either. Although, I had seen him around campus a few times before vacation and we always at least said hi. Since he is smiling, I'm assuming he will be okay with small talk. "Hey Carson, fancy seeing you here."
"Hey beautiful, I could say the same. I've been going here months, never seen you here before."
I smile at him and it feels good, I haven't been doing much smiling in the past few weeks. I hit my belly with my hand. "I've added on a few pounds, so I figured it was time to get back in shape."
His eyes graze over my body in delight. "You look perfect. What have you been doing? Running?"
"No, I've been kick boxing."
He nods in approval. "That'll make your butt look nicer." I laugh at his words and it feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've missed talking to Carson. I look around and take notice his girlfriend isn't here. Every time I had seen him she was attached at his hip.
"You don't work out with your girlfriend?"
Carson shrugs, "nah, why would I? This is my time, she has her time for shopping or whatever it is girls do in their alone time."
"Oh, well, I'll let you get back to it then."
"No," he says quickly then chuckles, "I mean, er, you don't have to go. I'm just saying she doesn't have an interest in the gym. What time does your kick box class start?"
Everything he says causes me to smile, I know he misses me too, just by the way he acts. "I don't have a class, I have a personal trainer."
"Oh, well, mind if I join in with you?"
"I'd love it."
Carson works with me and my personal trainer for the next forty five minutes, and it was the most fun I've had kick boxing since starting. I'm pretty sure I laughed more than I actually did of working out, but my stomach feels tightened nonetheless, so it doesn't matter. When I'm done, I am smiling larger than I have in a month and a half. Carson seems just as happy as me, and it makes me feel really good.
"Thanks for joining me, that was fun," I say to Carson as we walk towards the locker rooms.
"Thanks for allowing me to. I had fun too." He pauses for a second and looks down at the ground before looking back at me. "I'm sorry that I just moved on without telling you Cassie, I hope I didn't hurt you too much."
I give him a reassuring smile before replying. "Yeah, it hurt but I understand. We both hurt each other. I think it was inevitable that we would end up with other people. Well, that you'd end up with someone at least. I'm happy for you and I hope that you two can appreciate one another. You're a perfect guy Carson, and was a perfect boyfriend. I'd love if we could be friends, but if not, I understand completely."
He hugs me to him for a moment. "Thank you beautiful. You've always had an understanding, kind heart. Do you mind if I ask what happened? With Avery I mean. I thought the two of you...?"
I press my lips together, embarrassed to tell him what I did. I have no reason to lie though, not to Carson. "I screwed up big time. Apparently screwing up is the only thing I'm good at. I sort of slept with Pierce. A couple of times." I bite down on my lip, scared of what Carson will think or say.
He shakes his head, clearly not impressed with my bad choice. "Well that is too bad. But trust me when I say, there are plenty of things you're amazing at besides screwing up." Carson chuckles for a moment, letting me know he is thinking of naughty things. "He is an idiot for letting you go. And I'll be quite pissed off if the two of you don't work your shit out. I would have never let you go if I had known you two wouldn't end up together. You and Avery are clearly head over heels for one another."
I'm shocked by Carson's words. "You let me go because you wanted me with Avery?"
"Yeah, well," he shrugs, "I didn't want you with him. I wanted you with me. But more than that, I wanted you happy, and I knew deep down you'd never feel complete with me."
"Oh my God Carson, that is the most selfless thing I've ever heard. I'm the idiot for ever allowing you to go." I can feel a tear fall from my face but I wipe it away and blink back the rest before they can fall. "Thank you. For everything. For being so wonderful. While we were together and even now. If that girl of yours doesn't treat you right, you let me know and I'll use my new kick boxing moves on her, okay?" I smile at him, to let him know the later part of it is a joke.
He bursts into laughter, "with what I just saw in there, I don't know how well that'll work out."
I push at his arm. "Hey now, that isn't very nice." Then of course I cannot help but laugh too. It's true, I just did horrible, but I don't normally. Carson was just making me laugh insanely.
"Well, we both stink so I'm going to hit the showers. I'll see you later. Maybe we can work on your skills together again." He smiles at me.
"Speak for yourself," I laugh. "I'll see you later Carson. I'm glad we got to talk."
"Me too," he says in return. We both make our own ways into the locker rooms. I don't see him when
I leave, but I was in there a while, so I really didn't expect to either.
Seeing Carson, and having fun with him, having the serious conversation with him, and even the joking, it all made me feel so much better about things. About myself. I'm not a horrible person, I just did horrible things. I'm glad that Carson can understand me, I just beg the Lord above that Avery can understand and forgive me too. A light bulb clicks on, and I jump into my car, heading somewhere I should have gone before now. Avery's parents’ house.
I pull into their long driveway and spot Avery's motorcycle, so I know he is here. I breathe away my nerves before getting out of my car and making my way towards the large red door. When I press the doorbell, all the nerves I just breathed away come back full force. Their housekeeper answers the door just moments later. "Hi, is Avery here?" I ask.
She nods, "yes Ms. McKnight, please come in and I'll get him for you." I step foot into their foyer and wait until their housekeeper gets him. I'm surprised she knew my name, I don't recall ever meeting her before, but of course I don't question how she knows my name. It's sort of the last thing on my mind right now.
Minutes later Avery walks into the foyer, looking completely shocked I'm here. "Cassie?"
I swallow back the dry lump forming in my throat. "Hi Avery. Can we talk please?"
He sighs, "yeah, come on." I follow Avery up the stairs to his bedroom. I'm all smiles when I enter his room because there is a few pictures of us lining a bulletin board of his. Some from when we were younger and two from since he's moved back. In the middle of all the pictures is a sketched picture of a brown haired little girl, holding hands with a black haired little boy. Hearts are traced all around the lined white paper. I remember drawing this picture for him when we first became friends. I had no idea he kept it all these years.
"I love this," I say about the whole board. There is an awkward silence so I turn to face Avery. His eyes are shut and he is just standing in the middle of the room. "Um," I clear my throat, "you alright?"