My feet move before my brain does. “Jack,” I call out, and he turns around. I walk over to him, but when I reach him, I’m unable to bring words to my lips.
“Kylie?” he asks.
I hesitate and then just nod.
He points to the road. “She’s in the car. Do you want me to send her over here?”
I shake my head. “No. Thanks.”
I walk over to continue my duty of greeting people, my gut twisting like a pretzel.
31
Kylie
I’m wrapping up my last email for the day when Bailey peeks around the wall of my cubicle. “Thanks for your help today with Family Day.”
I twirl around to face her and force a smile, not sure when I’ll ever be able to do that naturally again. “Sure. I enjoyed it.”
“Your party planning skills are really coming in handy. I can’t believe you never got paid for that before.”
“Trust me, I was compensated.”
“Are you bringing anybody in from Oklahoma for it?” Bailey asks.
My stomachs sours, matching the ongoing fog I’ve had over my head for weeks. “No, not really anyone to invite.”
She frowns. “I know you and your dad aren’t on the best of terms right now. What about your mom?”
“My mom lives in California. Something called Family Day wouldn’t really be her thing.”
“Understood.”
I just want to get back to work and my depression, but I remind myself that conversations need to go both ways. “What about you? What’s your family like?”
She gives me a wry smile. “Oh, you don’t wanna crawl down that deep, dark hole.”
I lift an eyebrow. “I think I might.”
“My mom and all her siblings went in together on a lottery ticket that hit big, and now they own and run a casino where we’re from in Biloxi, Mississippi.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“Redneck as hell. I have twenty-seven cousins and most all of them work there. I’m the black sheep because I’m here, and none of them let me forget it for a second.”
“Sounds like they just want you there with them.”
She shrugs. “I guess, so they can meddle...especially in my love life. They’re always getting married and want the same for me. I can’t take another wedding. You wouldn’t believe how many I’ve been to just this year. My closet is full of ugly bridesmaid dresses.”
I fumble with a pen on my desk. “That actually sounds really nice.”
She gives me a smile, but I can tell her heart isn’t totally in it.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“It’s fine.” She winces. “I just really wish I could invite you out with us tonight.”
My heart stings. “It’s totally fine. It’s more important for you to take care of Brett right now.”
“I know, but you’re important, too.”
Bailey has been great about getting me out of the office for lunch a couple of times a week this past month since Brett’s grandma died, and I really appreciate her efforts. But her allegiance is to Brett, and I understand a hundred percent. I’m the new girl, and they’ve known him for years. And besides, he needs them more than I do right now.
“Maybe we’ll plan a girls’ night,” Bailey says.
My gut wrenches as I remember what happened the last time we had planned a girls’ night.
I know none of the women in the group want to be seen as siding with me. And I hate more than anything that there are sides. I just want to be with him, but I also want to respect what he’s going through and remember my fault in it.
Bailey squeezes my shoulder and then steps away. My text alert dings, and I check my phone. I let out a sigh when I see Joshua’s name.
I’m in town to see you. Can you spare a few minutes for me?
I drop the phone in my lap, closing my eyes.
“Boy.” I look up to see Jack standing there. “That looks serious. You okay?”
“I’m fine. It’s just my ex. He’s here in town.”
“I’m guessing he wants to meet with you.”
“I’m just so exhausted these days. I don’t think I have the fight to say no.”
“I was coming over here to tell you that Easton and I are going to grab something to eat after work at the Circle. If you want, you can meet him down there and we’ll be around if you need backup.”
I look up at Jack and all his good-guy glory. “I don’t know what I would’ve done this past month without you.”
“I wish I could say I’ve done something. Honestly, it feels good to have a friend again.”
“Easton’s your friend.”
“Yeah, but he’s also an idiot.” He smiles, revealing his lie.
“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea, actually—not that I think he’s going to do anything nefarious, but I may need a drink after dealing with him.”
“Sounds good. We’re about to head out if you want to wrap up.”
“Okay.”
It gives me no small sense of joy to walk up to the entrance of the Circle flanked by Jack and Easton, two big, good-looking guys. Joshua shuffles his feet, crossing his arms over his chest and then putting his hands on his hips, clearly rattled. Good.
We all walk up to him, frowns all around. “Are you okay, Kylie?” Jack asks.
“I’m okay,” I say.
“We’ll be right around the corner when you’re done.”
“Or if you need us,” Easton tosses in.
“I’m her ex, not a rapist,” Joshua says.
“We’ll see about that,” Jack says, and he and Easton head off.
“You brought in the cavalry to see me?” Joshua asks.
I point to a bench. “Let’s just get this over with.”
He sits down, glancing around. “You’ve done okay for yourself. This place is pretty nice.”
“I think so.”
“But our house is a lot nicer.”
“We don’t have a house. You have a house.”
“It was getting ready to be your house, too.”
“Yeah, I wonder what happened there?”
“Look, I know I fucked up royally. I just got caught up in the secret of it all. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Out of curiosity, were you going to continue that affair well into our marriage?”
“I swear, I told her it had to end on our wedding day. You can ask her.”
“No, thanks.” I consider him. “How’s that going, anyway? I’ve been following some of the group’s Instagrams, and I don’t see her in their posts.”
He shuffles in his seat. “It’s over. Bryce kicked her out after you exposed us. She didn’t want to move in with her mom and dad, so I let her stay at the house until she could get something figured out. I guess in her mind, we were going to be together.”
“You suddenly didn’t want her anymore?”
“Not for a wife. It was only about the sex.”
My stomach rolls.
“Sorry,” he says.
I wave him off. “If it was about the sex with her, what was it about with me?”
“You’re exactly the kind of girl I always wanted to marry. You’re sweet and kind and loving. You’re devoted and dedicated and you love taking care of people. I really couldn’t have asked for anything more.”
“Then why did you have to mess it up?”
He shakes his head. “Because I’m an idiot. I think I just had a fucked-up perception of marriage. I was talking to my dad about it once, how I didn’t know if I was ready to be with one woman for the rest of my life. He winked at me and told me it didn’t have to be that way. He gave me this kind of fucked-up advice about treating your wife like a queen and keeping her happy and then having a little tail on the side.”
I wince. “Tail? Really?”
“I know. But I thought it was a way that I could move forward with marriage. When your aunt made you promise to wait until you were twenty-five, it was like a godsend. Y
ou notice I never really argued that much.”
I think about it. “No, you didn’t.”
“I thought, Thank God. Because I’m not ready. And then the closer it came to time, the more I acted out, I guess. I don’t know.”
I process what he’s saying, and in a weird way, I get it. “Thank you for telling me all this. It helps me understand.”
“You don’t need to thank me for anything ever again. So what’s going on with you here? What’s your job?”
A sense of pride boils up inside of me. “I’m the outreach coordinator.”
“What’s that?”
“I work to get grants for families to come stay at the resort free of cost.” I explain a little about the resort’s specializations.
“Wow. That sounds…it actually sounds perfect for you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it does. You’re tenacious. You go for what you want. You’re personable, and you care about people.”
I allow myself a moment of pride, though I’ve felt nothing but shame the past month.
“Did your dad ever break down and send you any money?” he asks.
“Not a dime. But to be fair, Samantha gave me some to get down here.”
“God, that makes me feel like shit. I wish you would’ve let me give you some.”
I shrug. “It turns out I didn’t need it.”
He smiles at me. “Sounds like you’re thriving here.”
I look away, feeling terrible for thriving, even just at work, when Brett is in so much pain.
“Are you dating one of those guys who wanted to kick my ass?”
“No,” I say, picking at my fingernail.
“Ah, but you are dating someone? I should’ve known.”
“No, I’m definitely not…not anymore.”
“What happened?”
I shake my head. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
He lowers his chin, giving me that look, and I know exactly what’s coming next. “So if you’re single, want to go knock one out for old time’s sake?”
I glare at him. “No, I do not.”
He smiles. “I had to check.”
“What are you doing here, anyway?” I ask.
“The goal was to get you to come home. But to be honest, I don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship right now.”
“Uh, ya think?”
He gives a contrite smile, looking down at his lap.
“When you say the goal was to get me to come home, whose goal was it?” I ask.
He cuts his gaze at me. “You know whose goal it was.”
I exhale a deep breath. “My dad has not said boo to me in weeks. And now he sends you down here to do his dirty work.”
“Your dad’s an extremely proud man. He likes everyone in his orbit to be under his thumb.”
I squint into the distance. “I lived the life of his good little girl for twenty-five years.”
“And now you’re living your own life. How does that feel?”
The bittersweet ache in my chest grasps me, because as long as Brett is hurting, I’ll never feel okay.
“Are you hungry?” Joshua asks.
“Not really.”
“Let me rephrase that. I’m hungry. Do you want to come sit with me while I eat and tell me about what’s happening with this new guy of yours?”
I stand up. “I’ll go sit with you. Let me introduce you to the Circle.”
“If the Circle’s got a fried seafood platter, then I’m in.”
“I’m sure we can rustle one up.”
32
Brett
Tori puts her napkin on the table. “That was so good, Melody. It’s been way too long since I’ve had your lasagna.”
“That’s for sure,” my mom says. “It’s good seeing you. I’ve missed having you around.”
Tori nods, looking down at her lap. We all know that she doesn’t come around because she doesn’t want to run into her own mother two doors down. But she’s risked it to be with me these past six weeks for Sunday dinner.
“I’ve got some news for you boys,” my mom says. Matthew looks up from his plate with a frown.
“I’m selling the trailer.”
“Wait, what?” Matthew asks. “Why?”
“The only reason we stayed here all these years was because it was familiar to Mimi. I didn’t want to move her to a new place and add more stress to her situation. But I’m doing better, and I’m a supervisor now at the hospital. Lead patient care coordinator. I got a salary increase.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.
She shrugs. “It didn’t seem real. I just wanted to wait until I got my first paycheck with the new salary, I guess.” She smiles.
It’s just like my mom to bury the lead. I don’t want to make too big of a deal out of this promotion, because I’m not sure this is her dream. She tried going to school to be a nurse, but life, and her addiction, always got in the way. But maybe someday she can still make that happen.
“That’s fantastic,” Tori says.
“Thanks.”
“Where am I going to live?” Matthew asks.
“You can come with me, hon. Or you can stay at the dorm next year if you want. It’s time for us all to move on.”
A silence falls over us. I knew this time would come, and I even thought it might be liberating in some sick way, but I can’t get past the way it happened—the pain my grandma must have experienced. I’ve just wanted to be here since it happened, as if my presence could change the outcome of that night.
“I’ve appreciated you being here and helping with everything,” my mom says, “but I need my space as much as you need yours.”
I try not to let her words sting. “Okay. When are you moving?”
“I’ve got a real estate agent who’s going to help me sell this trailer. His name is Scott Wills.” She pauses, giving a significant smile. Tori and I glance at one another. “I won’t get much for it, of course, but it is paid off, so it will be a little…enough for a small down payment for the condo I’m looking at.”
“Is it in Wabash?” Matthew asks.
“Nope. Panama City.”
Tori and I lift our eyebrows at one another.
“Is it on the beach?” he asks.
“I’m not the hospital administrator,” my mom says with a smile. “It’s off Highway 98.”
“That sounds wonderful, Melody,” Tori says.
“It does, Mom,” I say. “Let me know when this will all go down. Matthew and I will get you moved.”
“Thanks, hon. I’ll keep you posted.”
As we finish cleaning up the dishes, my mom says, “I think I’m gonna go to bed early if y’all don’t mind.”
Tori and I both give our hugs and goodbyes and then head out.
Once we’re on the highway, Tori says, “Your mom seems to be doing well, considering.”
“She’s being strong for me and Matthew. She knows how guilty we both feel.”
“Possibly. But even so, she’s doing okay. Did you see the look in her eye when she said the name of that real estate agent?”
I roll my eyes. “I saw it.”
“He might be a decent guy.”
“If history repeats…”
“She’s different now. She’s better. It’s pretty clear. I’ve had a bird’s-eye view all these Sundays we’ve been over here since the funeral. I’ve felt okay about leaving these past few weeks, especially if she’s got someone to occupy her time.”
“I can’t think about that. It’ll just give me something else to worry about.”
“Well, maybe you don’t need to worry so much.”
I eye her. “Do you know something about this guy?”
“He was a patient at the hospital. She checked his blood pressure and the rest is history.”
“How do you know that?”
“Do you think your mom and I only talk when you’re around?”
I shift in my seat, feeling left out, but also
grateful that my mom has a woman to talk to.
“He’s got a clean record. No arrests,” she says.
“How in the hell did you find that out?”
“Will you give me some credit? I grew up reading the A to Z Mysteries.”
I think about the trail of losers who have come in and out of her life over the years. “I guess that’s as good of a start as she’s ever had. He’s not in AA, is he?”
“And it’d be a problem if he was?”
I take it all in.
“You know, it sounds stupid and cliché, but love heals a lot of wounds.” I can tell by the look she’s giving me that she’s not talking about my mom anymore. I turn the radio up and we ride in silence the rest of the way home.
33
Brett
Tori and I walk to Family Day at the Circle together. I know Robert has good intentions with this day, but it can’t be easy on Tori. Her dad is a piece of shit, and she hasn’t spoken to her mom in years. I texted her little brother to see if he was coming, but he just made up a flimsy excuse.
I try to understand things from his perspective, but it’s tough. He left home when he was fourteen and moved in with his girlfriend’s family, where he’s lived ever since. He’s not looked back, even to check on Tori. I don’t care if she’s seven years older. She needs checking on. I guess he thinks that’s what I’m here for.
“Looks like we’re fashionably late,” Tori says as we approach the swarm of people at the pavilion. I text my mom to see if she and Matthew are here yet, and she texts back.
Parking.
An unease bubbles in my stomach as I pocket my phone.
“You okay?” Tori asks.
“Of course I’m okay. Why would I not be?”
“Just keep an open mind, okay?”
My mom is bringing her boyfriend. I’m happy for her if she’s happy. I just want to make sure he’s not an asshole. But I don’t tell Tori that’s not what’s bugging me.
I scour the lawn, looking for Kylie. It’s been eight weeks since I’ve seen her. I know she’ll be here, and I just want to put my eyes on her so that I’m not taken off guard, but I can’t find her anywhere.
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