‘What is meant for you will come your way,’ said Ula, gazing into Erin’s eyes. ‘Remember that.’
Erin said nothing. She didn’t understand. Was Ula telling her a baby will come along or not? She had to find out.
‘I want to have a baby. Will that happen for me? What do you see?’
Ula looked at Erin and then at the cards. She took a long time to answer.
‘You will have a happy life, but soon, very soon, there will be a big change. A decision out of your hands will be made by someone, and that will determine your future, too. But you have the choice to control this situation. You need to let people know how you feel. You need to appreciate what you already have, before anything new can come into your life. And what is meant for you will then come your way.’
For the next fifteen minutes Ula talked about family, friends, work and travel, but she didn’t seem to directly answer Erin’s baby question. As Erin paid her and went to leave, Ula suddenly placed her hand on Erin’s.
‘Your wish will come true, but just don’t let it hurt your heart.’ Ula paused, and added, ‘You need to care for what is important.’
Erin suddenly felt her heart race, Ula must see a child in her future! Once again Ula mentioned love and appreciation, but Erin wasn’t listening. Ula hadn’t come outright and said it, but from what she had implied she must have seen a baby in Erin’s future – because that was all Erin wished for. And Erin realized she should care more, yes that was what she needed to do. Ula was right: she couldn’t let herself fall behind on everything she had to do to get pregnant, she needed to watch her diet more, and exercise more. If she focused on getting her body into shape then it would only be a matter of time before she was ready. Erin thanked Ula for her advice, and then Alison went in to get her fortune read.
Forty minutes later the three sisters were all in a local restaurant discussing their night.
‘I just can’t believe how accurate she was,’ exclaimed Rebecca, as she poured herself a large glass of white wine. ‘I mean, to know about my job interview and the missing ring, she’s unreal.’
‘I know, sure, I still can’t believe how much she knew about me,’ said Alison who was enjoying a night off from the baby, and knocking back the wine. ‘She knew exactly what kind of job David has. She told me to trust his instinct with the company, and go with buying a house. She even described the house to me! Although, when she said she saw two twin boys running around after Sophie I almost died. Imagine me with twins!’
‘She said you would have twins?’ Erin said, surprised.
‘Yeah, she said she saw two blond-haired little boys running around. David will collapse when he hears. He is still in shock about being a father to Sophie. I can’t imagine how busy we would be with another two.’
Erin was gutted. Ula had been spot-on with her two sisters. She had told them both exactly what they wanted to hear. Yes, she had told Erin her wish would come true, but she had seemed so obsessed with lecturing Erin on looking closely at what she already had that she hadn’t really confirmed that Erin would be expecting soon.
‘Why don’t you have a glass of wine?’ Alison said to Erin. ‘Sure, you can leave your car here tonight. John will give you a lift to it in the morning.’
‘Oh, no thanks,’ Erin said, as she poured herself another glass of water. ‘John has some club race tomorrow, and anyway I’ve got my double yoga class in the morning, so I need to be up and organized early.’
‘Well, I can give you a lift tomorrow, then,’ offered Alison.
‘No, Ali, it’s OK. I’m off drink, anyway. I’ve read article after article on the effect alcohol has on your fertility levels. And as I said, even Ula herself said I need to focus more. No, if I want to get pregnant I need to take this whole thing more seriously.’
Rebecca and Alison looked at their younger sister.
‘Erin,’ said Rebecca softly. ‘You couldn’t take trying to get pregnant any more seriously. It’s all you talk about. Ula said to care about what is important. You know that could mean lots of things, from family and friends to work and, of course, John.’
‘But those things are all fine,’ Erin said to Rebecca. ‘It’s my inability to get pregnant that’s the only problem in my life, so she must have meant I need to concentrate more on that.’
Rebecca said nothing. She knew how important becoming a mum was to her sister. It was easy for her to tell Erin not to worry when she herself already had two children, but still, she thought Erin was putting too much pressure on herself.
‘Well, regardless of what Ula and those reports say, I think alcohol has no effect. Sure, wasn’t Peter a honeymoon baby? And, trust me, I was pretty much drunk for our whole two weeks in the Caribbean! Poor old Peter was a result of an overload of Piña Coladas!’
Erin said nothing. It wasn’t fair that both her sisters could get pregnant so easily and she couldn’t. And she shuddered to think what effect all those cocktails must have had on Peter.
‘Just don’t lose focus on all the other great things in your life, Erin. You have a house that I’m insanely jealous of, and a career that most women would kill for,’ said Alison, hugging her.
‘I know, I know. It’s just I want more,’ Erin replied.
‘You can’t have it all,’ said Rebecca philosophically.
Erin said nothing but just looked enviously at their glasses of wine. She resisted, though. Regardless of what they both thought, she was sure she needed to work harder at becoming a mum.
Later that night Erin couldn’t sleep, partly because of the loud snores that erupted out of John’s mouth every two seconds. He had obviously drunk way too much. She also couldn’t sleep as she was waiting for her period. It was 3 a.m., and she was late. She knew it was only by a few hours, but technically it was Saturday now, and she was due, yet nothing had happened. Erin was always bang on time, so being a few hours late gave her a glimmer of hope. Technically she could indulge herself now, and go ahead and see if she was pregnant. Erin crept out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She opened the bathroom press, and found the old shoebox that she kept full of fertility and pregnancy tests. She pushed aside the ovulation ones, and searched for a pregnancy test. She hadn’t realized her stock was so low. Finally she found a box, but it was empty. Erin couldn’t believe it. It was the one time she could be pregnant, and she had no test. She sat in the bathroom wondering what to do. She resisted the urge to go to an all-night chemist and instead climbed back into bed and snuggled up to John.
All night thoughts raced through her head. Ula had said her wish would come true, but surely it couldn’t happen so soon? Erin felt her head spin, she was so excited. Was she really pregnant? She thought back to sitting in Ciara Ryan’s living room, with her notebook filled with ideas for the baby room. Only hours ago she had been jealous of Ciara, but now she felt different. Maybe in a few months she, too, would be painting her spare room yellow, erecting a crib, filling it with soft toys and waiting for the arrival of a baby. Erin finally fell asleep with thoughts of babies swimming around her head.
19
‘ARE YOU COMING to my race?’ asked John as he passed Erin a plate of French toast and bacon topped with maple syrup.
‘Yum!’ she said. She had been on a strict low-sugar diet for the past month, but since John had gotten up early to make her favourite breakfast she couldn’t resist, and now, if she was pregnant, she wouldn’t have to limit herself to the high-fertility diet, and could eat a wider range of food.
‘So, are you coming?’ asked John again, kissing Erin. She could taste the maple syrup on his lips.
‘Oh no, I can’t make it today,’ she replied as she helped herself to more toast. ‘You know I have my yoga class in Ranelagh at noon.’
‘Well, come after,’ he suggested.
‘No, today it’s a double class, and then I’ve got a few errands to run. No, you go ahead and enjoy the race. Sure, I’ll see you later.’
John looked very disappointed, but said not
hing. Erin didn’t notice, though; she was trying to eat as quickly as she could. She wanted to get to the chemist’s before her class began. Erin had only started yoga the month before. She had read somewhere that it made people who were finding it hard to get pregnant more relaxed, and they conceived more easily. The minute she had discovered this she had signed up to the double classes that took place on a Saturday. Yes, it ate into her weekend time with John, but she had felt that since the most important thing to them both was a pregnancy, it was worth the sacrifice. If Erin was honest, up till now she hadn’t been sure if yoga had been helping her relax, but now that there was a slight possibility that she might be pregnant she felt she owed it all to the classes. Her teacher, Pippa, had also told her that yoga was great to do when you were pregnant. Erin made a mental note to find out when the pregnancy yoga classes were on.
After a hasty goodbye to John she jumped into her car and headed to Ranelagh. She had briefly debated telling John about her pregnancy suspicion, but she didn’t want to get his hopes up, and anyway he seemed preoccupied with his race. No, I’ll tell him later when I know for sure, Erin thought, parking her car and walking to the nearest chemist.
As she passed the shops a maternity boutique caught her eye. Erin had often walked by it before, and admired the flattering outfits in the window and the stylish pregnant mums coming in and out of the shop. She hesitated outside the shop door. She was on such good form, and her hopes were so high, that on a complete whim she walked into the shop. Since it was a Saturday morning it was very full. Erin discreetly stared at all the bumps. Some were huge, others barely noticeable. She was fascinated, yet all the women seemed blasé about the miracles they were carrying. Most were just looking at the clothes or chatting to friends. When I’ve a bump I will be touching it all day long, I will be so proud to show it off, thought Erin. ‘I know I won’t be able to think about anything else,’ she whispered to herself.
‘Can I help you?’ asked a middle-aged woman.
Erin got a fright, she hadn’t planned on staying longer than two minutes in the shop, let alone talking to anyone.
‘Oh no, I’m OK, but thank you,’ she replied politely.
‘You’re at the early stages, I see,’ smiled the woman. ‘I know you are probably thinking you will never need clothes like these, but trust me once that little bump appears it will just grow and grow! Of course it’s so exciting, but it’s worth having some clothes on hand for the day you suddenly wake up and find your trousers are too tight!’
Erin was about to tell the shop assistant that she didn’t even know if she was pregnant, when out of the corner of her eye she noticed a beautiful classic black and white dress.
‘Oh, I see you’ve spotted our new collection. It’s only just arrived. Would you like to try that dress on? It’s been flying out the door. The amount of women who have bought it for weddings they are attending is unbelievable. I suppose it’s a great shape, very classic, and it will last you right up until you have the baby. The waistband expands to accommodate any size baby!’
Erin looked at the dress. It was gorgeous. She could see herself in it.
‘Is it for any special occasion?’ asked the assistant.
Suddenly Erin remembered her friend Amy’s wedding. This dress would be perfect for it.
‘Well, I am going to a wedding, but it’s not for a while! Sure I can come back closer to the time.’
‘No need to,’ said the woman as she started ushering Erin into the changing room. ‘We have a wide range of prosthetic bumps that you can use when trying on the dress. You wear whatever one will be closest to the trimester you will be in then. It’s very handy really, saves you having to run around shopping when you are larger and probably in no mood for shopping!’
Erin knew she should have walked out of the dressing room, out of the front door of the shop and at least done a pregnancy test before she tried on the dress, but she got caught up in the moment, the excitement. Before she knew it she was standing in front of the large mirror, with the dress and a fake bump on her. Erin looked at her reflection and felt amazing. This is it, she thought, this is what I want. She rubbed her hand over the large bump. It felt wonderful.
‘Now, to be honest, that dress is a little too big on you. Unfortunately we don’t have any smaller sizes in stock right now, but we should have some next week. If you leave me your name and number I can give you a call when the dress gets in,’ the assistant said, while helping Erin out of the bump.
Erin would have gladly left the bump on her all day, but she could see there was a small queue of women all wanting to try it on. She smiled at them all. They were her fellow-friends now, fellow-mums-to-be. She knew she shouldn’t really have left her name and number with the shop, but seeing the dress on her had made her feel so womanly, so excited, so happy, so pregnant.
It wasn’t until Erin left the shop that she’d realized she was running late for her yoga class. She had intended to do the test before the class. I’ll just have to do it at the break, she thought as she ran into the chemist and bought the top-of-the-range, most expensive digital pregnancy test she could find.
‘OK, ladies, let’s begin,’ Pippa the yoga instructor said, just as Erin got into place and took off her jacket.
Pippa was as encouraging and calm as she always was, but Erin found it hard to concentrate. Just metres from where she stood was a little piece of plastic, a small test, that could tell her if in a few months’ time she would be a mum.
The second the class stopped for a break, Erin grabbed her handbag and looked for the toilet. She had to go up a small narrow old staircase, and down a long dark corridor before she finally found it. She locked the door behind her. But as she went to take the test from her bag she noticed her surroundings. The room was small, cold and, to be honest, pretty dingy. Erin was a planner, and, along with having her wedding mapped out years before she even met John, had always had a clear idea what would happen on a day like today. Erin would go into their gorgeous new marble bathroom, she would watch as the test turned positive, and then she would fling open the door and start crying as John held her and screamed out loud with joy that they were about to become parents. Doing the test now, alone in a dingy old toilet, was not part of her plan. And so she put the test back into her bag, went back down the stairs and joined the class.
After another hour of stretching, Erin was finally free to race back home and do the test. She rang John on the way and asked him to meet her at home.
‘We’ve only just got back into harbour now. I’m going to hang around here for a while, catch up with the lads, but I’ll be home later to get changed for tonight.’
‘Tonight?’ Erin asked.
‘I told you weeks ago! Its Rory’s fortieth tonight. It’s in the yacht club. You promised you would come.’
She had no idea what he was talking about, but just wanted him home.
‘Just please come home soon, as quickly as you can. And then we can go to the party later.’
John wasn’t pleased, but promised to be home within half an hour.
‘By the way, we won our race,’ he said.
Erin felt guilty for not asking, but she had more important things to worry about.
‘Oh OK, great. We can celebrate that later,’ she said, getting excited about seeing John and telling him what she thought would be the best news of his life.
Twenty-five minutes later Erin heard John’s key in the front door. She quickly rushed to the bathroom, she couldn’t wait another second.
‘Erin? Where are you?’ she heard him call.
‘I’m in the bathroom. I’ll just be two minutes,’ she replied.
Erin quickly unwrapped the pregnancy test. She waited as it did its magic. She was almost shaking with excitement. She could hear John enter the bedroom, and hum to himself as he walked around the room. Erin smiled, he was always on such good form. Just then the small screen flashed. She held her breath. Suddenly two words flashed up. Not pregnant.
> Erin looked at the screen again. Not pregnant flashed again. She dropped the test on to the ground, and burst out crying. She heard John bang on the door.
‘Are you OK? What’s wrong?’
Finally Erin came out. She held the pregnancy test in her hand. John didn’t need any more of an explanation. He walked over and gave her a big hug.
‘I’m sorry.’
Erin felt numb. She had been so sure.
‘That useless fortune-teller,’ she said, raising her voice.
‘What?’ said John, confused.
‘That girl, Ula, she said my wish would come true. She said I would get pregnant.’
‘You didn’t pin all your hopes on some psychic, did you?’
She glared at her husband. How could he say that to her at a time like this?
‘Thanks for being so supportive,’ she said, as she turned her back on him, and went to fling the test in the bin.
‘I’m sorry, but we don’t need a fortune-teller to predict our future. I know we will get pregnant soon, and you will be the best mum ever. Don’t worry, it will happen.’
Erin felt like flinging the test at his head.
‘How can you say the same thing every month? My God, you are like a broken record,’ she shouted.
John’s whole mood changed.
‘I love you, and I’m only trying to be positive.’
‘Well, rather than trying to be positive, why don’t you try not to drink, or smoke or eat takeaways. I saw that empty McDonald’s bag in the bin the other day, you know.’
‘Christ! Are you saying that a cheeseburger is the reason you are not pregnant? Give me a break.’
‘Give you a break?’ she shouted, dumbstruck.
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘Give me a break. I haven’t smoked in three months. I only have a few pints at the weekend, and by the way that McDonald’s was actually Rory’s. He called in the other night when you were at the gym. Maybe if you spent less time preparing your body for the baby, and more time at home relaxing – or with me – we might get pregnant.’
Positively Yours Page 8