DEDICATED TO
ALL THOSE WHO BRAVE
MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCES,
ESPECIALLY THE FRIENDS
WHO BRAVED OURS WITH US.
CARMEN { 6:00 P.M. }
USUALLY LYNNFIELD MIDDLE SCHOOL’S GYM smells like sweaty socks and armpits.
But tonight, everything is different.
Tonight, the gym smells like perfume, hairspray, and the pizza that everyone devoured right away. And instead of getting pelted in the face during a vicious game of dodgeball or doing a million jumping jacks, my friends and I are about to make history when we perform our band’s hit song, “Hear Us Roar.”
The room buzzes with excitement. Our classmates gather at the makeshift stage the drama club constructed, some pushing to get as close as possible, others taking selfies in front of the giant sign the decorating committee hung up with our name, Heart Grenade, written across it.
Suddenly the room goes dark and the audience erupts in cheers. This is it. Our moment!
A single spotlight turns on, illuminating me.
I look out into the crowd and soak up the moment as my classmates’ shouts wash over me. I picture myself as they might. My long black hair is flat-ironed sleek and shiny, and the light from above draws attention to my red streaks. My satin dress poofs out at the bottom, and the short white leather jacket looks amazing over it. I have on Mom’s vintage biker boots with the big silver buckles, and hot pink tights add the perfect touch. I’m rocker cute, as my best friend, Tess, likes to say.
“Hello, Lynnfield Middle School!” I yell into the microphone. The sound of my voice sweeps through the gym. “We’re Heart Grenade, and we’re ready to rock!”
Tess starts playing the drums, Faith comes in on the bass, and as Claudia launches into her signature guitar riff, the lights go up over the whole band, and our classmates go wild.
I open my mouth to start singing . . . and something soft smacks me in the head.
“Ouch!”
And just like that I’m jolted out of the best daydream ever and back into the worst reality ever. Because instead of being in the middle school gym performing with Heart Grenade like I’m supposed to be tonight, I’m surrounded by beige-and-maroon-striped wallpaper in a very tiny and very crowded hotel room with my family.
My eyes land on my ten-year-old brother, Lucas. He’s dressed in a gray suit that’s too short for him, and his dark hair is all spiky, even though Mom told him it would be really nice if he just combed it straight. But his appearance isn’t what I care about; it’s what is in his hands. He’s holding Pandy, my bear that I may still sleep with, although I’d never admit that to anyone. He dances around me and dangles Pandy in front of my face.
I yank her away from him. “Get your grubby hands off of my bear.”
“Gladly. I’ve got some reading to do anyway.” Lucas pulls my diary from under his pillow on the bed.
“Give me that!” I reach to grab the notebook with the hand that isn’t holding Pandy, but he pulls it away from me. I have no idea how the little sneak got hold of it, since I packed it deep down into my duffel bag, but there’s no way I’m letting him see what’s inside. He’d never let me live down the pages I filled about how cute my bandmate Claudia’s brother is.
“Mooooom,” I yell, but she waves a hand at me. She’s talking on the phone in rapid-fire Spanish to my aunt Sonia, or “the mother of the bride,” as everyone keeps saying, and is trying to convince her that something to do with the flowers is going to be all right. But meanwhile, this diary situation most certainly is not going to turn out all right.
I tackle Lucas and thankfully wrestle the notebook away from him, but not before getting an elbow to the gut and a knee to my head.
“You’d better sleep with one eye open,” I warn him. “I’m not going to forget this.”
“Ohhhh, I’m so scared,” he replies and rolls his eyes.
“You look like Christmas,” my seven-year-old brother, Alex, says, and my attention shifts to him. Yep, I have two younger brothers. Two annoying little brothers. It’s pretty much the worst ever.
“Christmas?” This is March; that holiday is long gone.
“Yep, with that green dress and those awful red streaks you put in your hair, you make me want to watch Rudolph and hang ornaments on the tree.”
“Whatever! You’re the ridiculous one, with your purple tie and sweater vest,” I say.
“If you say so, Jolly Old Saint Nick.”
“I don’t look like Christmas,” I tell him, but I walk over to the mirror. The girl who stares back at me isn’t happy at all. Instead of the cute black dress I gazed at every time we went to the mall, the one I’d planned to buy for our big concert, I have on a junior bridesmaid dress that’s about as pretty as a pillowcase. It’s made of some stretchy fabric that bunches up around my waist and digs into my armpits. And it’s green. Not the cute emerald green or Kelly green that all the celebrities wear these days, but bright elf green. My brothers are right; with the red streaks in my hair, I’m ready to deck the halls and have myself a merry little Christmas.
“I’m suddenly in the mood for milk and cookies,” Lucas says, coming up behind me.
“That’s it,” I announce. “I refuse to wear this!”
I go to my suitcase and pull out my jeans with the rhinestones that I wore on the drive here because right now, no dress is better than wearing this one. I try to reach behind and unzip the offending dress, so I’ll at least look the part of the lead singer even if I’m not rocking out with everyone back at school.
“Not a chance,” Mom says. The phone is still up against her ear, so I pray maybe she’s talking to my aunt instead of me. “You’re not putting that on,” she says, crushing all my hopes.
“But why not? The ceremony is over, and we took a million pictures of me in this awful thing. Can’t I wear these now?”
“You’re wearing the dress your cousin picked out for you. It’s your cousin’s night, so you’ll do what makes her happy.”
What about what makes me happy? It was supposed to be my night, I want to say, but it’s no use trying to convince Mom. I can tell from the glare she gives me that I won’t win this argument.
I try a different approach and decide to talk to Dad instead. He’s always the easier one to convince, especially when it involves ice cream before dinner or staying up past my bedtime. Dad’s a sucker for my sad face, and sticking out my bottom lip and looking especially pathetic always seals the deal.
I’ve studied the bus maps, and even though we are almost three hours from home, if I take the six thirty p.m. bus, I might make it back so I can sing with the band. Imagine everyone’s surprise and delight if I showed up. They’d be so excited, especially since they were all upset when I broke the news that my parents were making me go to this wedding. It was awful; we all cried a little bit. Well, except Genevieve, who got really, really quiet. She’s probably thrilled to be in the spotlight since she only joined a month ago as a backup singer and now she gets to take my spot in the lead.
“Dad, what do you think about taking me to the bus station before you all go to the reception? I can go home early, sing with the band, and stay with Tess.”
“Yeah, and he can also drop me off at the airport for a flight to Disney World,” Alex says, and I want to scream. “There’s no way you’re going to be allowed to ride the bus alone.”
“Stay out of this,” I snap.
“He’s right,” Dad says. He doesn’t even take his eyes off the TV, and I can’t believe he’s abandoning me instead of being my ally. “T
hat’s too dangerous. And besides, you know how excited Mom is for us to spend family time together.”
“This is so unfair. It’s Heart Grenade’s big night. We worked so hard to win the Battle of the Bands at the mall, and now I can’t claim our prize.”
“We’ve been over this already, Carmen. You made a commitment to be in your cousin’s wedding,” Mom says. She’s finally hung up the phone, probably so she can direct all her attention toward continuing to ruin my night.
“But that was before we won.” I try to reason with her. “When am I ever going to be on TV again?”
“You’ll survive,” Mom says.
But I’m really not sure I will. Our local station is broadcasting Heart Grenade’s concert to everyone during the evening news, and I won’t be a part of it.
“You don’t understand. Anyone could be watching. I’m pretty sure Taylor Swift got discovered in a similar way.”
“And I also bet that she went to all her family weddings,” Mom says. She touches up her bright red lipstick in the mirror and doesn’t seem to care at all that my life is ending. “It’s good to spend time as a family.”
“Well, you got your wish,” I say.
“How about you try to have fun? You might even find that being at this wedding isn’t so awful, mi pajarita.”
She tries to pull me into a hug that I most definitely do not want.
I wiggle out of it and back away. “Fun? You don’t understand anything! When I have daughters, I’m always going to listen to them and make sure I support everything they want to do.”
I huff and puff all the way to the bathroom to make sure everyone knows how mad I am. I slam the door and sit on the edge of the bathtub.
This is a million times more horrible than I’d imagined. I pull out my cell phone and send a text to Tess.
Help! Emergency! Come save me STAT!!! This is a tragedy! I need to be with all of you!
I wait for her to reply and wish that she really could come to save me. But when you’re stuck an entire state away in a hotel room, that’s pretty much impossible.
Someone bangs on the door.
“Time’s up, Mrs. Claus. I need to get in there,” Alex yells.
I turn on the water in the tub full blast to drown him out, scroll through my Instagram feed, and torture myself with picture after picture of everyone getting ready for the dance. I burst out laughing at a picture from earlier in the afternoon of my classmate (and Tess’s mortal enemy) Mariah with a green face mask on and the caption, Do you all like my makeup for the dance? Perfect, right?! I scroll through and pause on a cartoon one of my classmates drew of Heart Grenade’s logo. Can’t wait to hear my favorite band live is written on the bottom.
“My life is over!” I wail.
“Carmen, open up right now! This isn’t funny,” Lucas whines. “I drank two cans of soda and need to use the bathroom.”
“Should’ve thought about that before you made fun of my dress.”
I hear Dad yell something with my name in it, so I know it’s only a matter of time before he comes over and tells me to open the door.
I grab for my phone as it lights up, telling me I have a text.
Except it isn’t from Tess.
It’s from Genevieve.
THE Genevieve, who is taking my place tonight as lead singer.
A.k.a. . . . the last person in the world I want to hear from.
Hope the wedding is fun. Wish you were here!
I feel a little better. At least the band is thinking of me.
I’m about to respond when another message from her pops up on the screen.
Any last-minute advice?
Seriously? She’s asking me for advice? That’s like kicking someone when they’re down.
I don’t want to give her advice; I want to be up there onstage. I fight back tears while Lucas continues to pound on the door and Alex sings Christmas carols. And his song choice couldn’t be better, because it’s going to be a “Silent Night” for me as the lead singer of Heart Grenade.
GENEVIEVE { 6:31 P.M. }
IT’S MY FIRST NIGHT AS the lead singer of Heart Grenade. And if I have anything to say about it, it’ll also be my last.
I’ve always loved to sing. I still love to sing. The thing is, I only love to perform if I’m in the background or part of a group, where my voice can blend with everyone else’s. When I sing at church or in select choir at school, it’s impossible to pick individual voices apart, so I’m able to squash down the panic that tries to claw its way up from my stomach every time I step onto a stage. But just the thought of being pinned alone in a bright white spotlight like a spider trapped under a plastic cup is enough to make me feel sick.
Why does Carmen’s cousin have to get married today of all days? And what was I thinking when I told the band I’d fill in as lead singer? I should’ve told them I wasn’t ready for this. But none of the Heart Grenade girls know me very well yet—I only joined the band last month, after they kicked out their last backup singer for skipping too many rehearsals—and I was afraid they’d drop me, too, if I said no. Then again, they’ll probably throw me out anyway if I mess up tonight for them.
I figure maybe I’ll feel more confident if I at least look like the lead singer I’m supposed to be, so I change into the outfit my best friend, Sydney, helped me pick out. Shimmery silver tank top. Leopard-print skirt with tulle underneath, a hand-me-down from my cousin. Lime green jacket. Glittery black tights. I top it all off with my lucky green Chuck Taylor high-tops.
I am a rock star, I think to myself. But when I look in the mirror, I can’t totally tell whether this look says rock star or victim of a fabric store explosion. Syd will be able to help when she gets here. She’s really into fashion blogs all of a sudden.
There’s a knock on my bedroom door. “Gen?” Papa calls. “You dressed?”
“Yeah.” My dads come in, and I spin around to show off my outfit. “Too much?”
“Definitely not. You look great,” Dad says. Then again, I’m not positive he’s the best judge. His shirt is such a vivid shade of orange that it almost hurts to look at it, and he’s not even dressed up for a special occasion. All he’s doing tonight is watching TV with Papa.
A little shiver of fear zings up my spine when I remember that one of the things they’ll be watching is me. They wanted to come to school and see my performance live, but I told them it would be much cooler to see me on TV. Really, it’s mostly because I don’t want to see their faces fall if I completely freeze up.
“Want me to do a zigzag braid for you?” Papa asks, and I nod. He’s amazingly good with hair for someone who shaves his head. Sydney always tries to do cool stuff with my mass of wild curls, but she can never wrestle them into submission the way Papa can. Syd’s hair is the complete opposite of mine: blond and soft and stick straight.
I sit down on the floor, and Papa perches behind me on the bed and starts braiding. The movement of his fingers against my head is soothing. “How’re you feeling about tonight?” he asks.
I’ve never told Dad and Papa how scared performing makes me—I don’t want them to know I’m not brave like they are. They’re in this amazing gay men’s chorus, and both of them sing lead all the time. Neither of them has any idea I was offered a solo in this spring’s choir concert and turned it down because I was terrified. They think I auditioned for Heart Grenade because I wanted to try singing a different kind of music, not because I thought it might help me get comfortable singing in smaller groups.
So I try to shove all my panic to the very bottom of my stomach before I shrug and say, “I feel okay, I guess.”
Dad must hear the tiny shake in my voice, because he reaches over and rubs my shoulder. “You’re going to be wonderful. I’m so excited for you.”
“Carmen did a great job at the Battle of the Bands, but I think you have a better voice,” Papa says. “I heard you practicing in the shower yesterday, and you sounded spectacular.”
I know he’s tryin
g to boost my confidence, and I love him for it. But the thing is, it doesn’t really matter which of us sounds better. Carmen can handle the pressure of being a lead singer, and I can’t.
“Thanks,” I say anyway. I’m glad I’m facing away from him so I don’t have to force a smile.
“If you want to practice your song again, we’re happy to listen,” Papa says.
“That’s okay. Syd said I can sing it for her one more time before we go.”
As if I’ve summoned her, the doorbell rings, and knowing my best friend is outside makes me feel a little calmer. Papa snaps an elastic onto the ends of my hair. “All done. You want to get the door?”
“Yup.” I get up. “Thanks for the braid.”
“I can do your makeup, too, if you want.”
“No thanks,” I call back as I jog down the stairs. The last time I asked him to help me with that, he used way too much, and I ended up looking like Grandma Evelyn.
I pull the door open, and I’m already saying, “Oh man, I’m so glad you’re here . . .” before I register what I’m seeing.
Sydney’s on my doorstep, a dress bag slung over her shoulder. But there are three other girls crowded behind her: Abby from our class, and Shanti and Ilana from Ms. Crowley’s class. It’s not like I didn’t know Syd was friends with them—I’ve seen pictures of them together on Instagram, and Shanti and Ilana sit at our lunch table sometimes. Syd has never ditched me for them or anything, so it didn’t bother me that they hung out. But tonight is our first dance ever, not to mention my first big solo performance, and it was supposed to be just us. It’s always been just us for everything important.
“Hey, Gen!” Syd’s voice sounds a little too loud and breathy, and when she throws her arms around me, her dress bag crunches and crinkles against my shoulder. “I told the girls they could get ready here too. I hope that’s okay.”
It’s not okay. I’m so nervous right now that I can barely keep it together in front of Syd and my parents, and she definitely should’ve asked if she could bring other people to my house. But it’s too late now. It’s not like I can refuse to let them in.
Best. Night. Ever. Page 1