Chill, girl.
There had to be a logical explanation. I couldn’t hop on the crazy train because of one phone call I might have heard. I shook my head. Definitely ridiculous. Everything was fine between us.
Ryan pushed back from the table and stood. He strode over to me and planted a kiss on my forehead. “My break’s done. I’ll see you out there?”
I nodded. “Yep, just need to put my purse away.”
As soon as I got back out to the service floor, Ryan passed me a note. I tucked it into my pocket without reading it. Something felt off. My stomach flip-flopped, not like the butterflies I’d gotten this morning when snuggling with him. These were lead balls playing Tetris in my intestines. I still couldn’t shake hearing him talking to Lex, how he was sorry for how he’d treated her.
I made it two hours, still leaving the note in my pocket untouched. The store had been busy, not giving me much time to read it, anyway. That’s what I kept telling myself, even though I’d usually sneak a peek in between customers.
Courtney arrived just in time for me to go on my first break. As I signed out of my register and walked to the back, I passed Ryan, who was coming out of the freight area.
He was just outside the door when he said, “You left your jacket in Blake’s truck. It’s in my locker. Go ahead and grab it.”
I nodded and booked it past him. Gah. Why did I feel so squicky now? Get a fricken grip. This was all in my head. Thank God I had an appointment with Dr. Ahrendt tomorrow.
I strode to the back and beelined it for Ryan’s locker. Pulling out my sweatshirt, something pink slipped out of the space and fell to the floor. A magazine. From the looks of it, a very girly mag. I bent down and picked up a Cosmo. Weird. Ryan didn’t strike me as the fashion tip type. But this was his locker, I mean he had my sweatshirt in it, so this obviously had to be his. Just as I was about to shove it back in, something on the cover caught my eye. In big white letters read Six Foolproof Steps to The Ultimate Summer Fling.
I inwardly rolled my eyes. Ryan wasn’t using Cosmo’s summer fling tips. I bet that was Courtney’s mag—maybe she’d shoved it into the wrong locker on her last shift.
Or maybe Ryan’s been using them on you.
No. This had to be just a coincidence.
Just to prove this was all just a stupid locker mishap, I flipped to the page with the article and stared, dumbfounded. Familiar jagged squiggles ran across the top of the page and five of the six steps were already checked off.
Lots of people doodled, right? No need to freak. I started scanning the article.
Find common ground. I read the cute little caption, the way to really snag someone by finding shared interests. The first one left me a little unsure, I mean, anyone with half a brain cell would try to find some commonality with someone they were interested in. But as I kept scanning, the similarities were too much to deny. By the time I got to turn up the heat, I felt like I was being sucker-punched in the gut and head at the same time. This was exactly what Ryan had done, step by step, right down to getting messy on a date. But the kicker was number six. The one that hadn’t been checked off yet: Have an exit strategy.
I stared at those damn doodles. No one else in the store did those except Ryan.
It all made sense now. The call to his ex-girlfriend, the perfect execution of fricken wooing me. I even bet that was Lex who called this morning. Was I just someone to pass the time while he waited to go back to his ex in Texas? I balled my hand into a fist and chewed the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood. My hands shook as I tried to find some other way to explain all of this.
Shutting my eyes, I wished this was all just a sick joke. When I opened them, I was still in the break room, holding this ridiculously stupid magazine. I stared at the article, trying to find a different explanation, but this was just too much.
What. The. Hell. This was all just a game to him. Mother fucking DeShane. I had it all wrong. He was no better than Andrew—he was worse. Way worse. At least Andrew was upfront with his douche-baggery. This was sneaky. When was he planning to bail? And to think I had trusted him.
I threw my hands up in the air. I let him in my life. I slept with him. He was in my bed, sharing my personal space. He was supposed to be my white knight.
I squeezed the magazine in my hands, pretending it was his head, and marched out onto the service floor. He was still in the furniture section, straightening the chairs. I made sure to bump each and every single one as I made my way to him.
His brows furrowed as he stared at the disarray of chairs. “Whoa, what are you doing?”
“I can’t believe I ever gave you a chance. Hope you have fun with your ex when you go back to Texas.” I chucked the magazine at his head and it gave a satisfactory thwap as it smacked him in the face.
He looked at the magazine on the floor and his face paled. “Shit.”
Well, there went my last sliver of hope that this was somehow all just a misunderstanding. “I’ll make the last step easy for you. We’re done.”
I barged off before he could say anything else and entered Jack’s office. My breath came out in shallow pants, tears close to escaping. Jack looked up from his computer and immediately stood.
“Are you okay?”
Was I okay? OKAY? Hell to the no. But every time I opened my mouth, I was caught between wanting to scream and cry. I swallowed past the tightness in my throat and said, “I’m feeling really sick.” The words stuck in my mouth like peanut butter and I blinked back tears that stung my eyes.
His brows creased and frowned. “So sorry to hear that. Go get some rest.”
I nodded and sped out of the store.
So stupid to trust him. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Chapter Thirty
Ryan
I stared at the magazine, trying to make sense of what just happened. How could she possibly think I was interested in Lex again?
Fuck.
Was it because I told her that Lex and I were on good terms now? I meant as in I didn’t want to scratch my eyes out when I heard her voice. But now that I thought about it, Jules could have taken it completely the wrong way.
I flipped open to the article and stared at my check marks and absentminded drawing.
Double fuck.
I’d just told her we made up, and then she saw the magazine in my locker—oh, shit, I was so screwed.
I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. It went straight to voicemail. I tried again. Voicemail. I refrained from cussing out loud, especially with customers around. Technically, I shouldn’t have been on my phone while on the service floor, but I decided to make an exception.
“Jules, please give me a chance to explain. It’s not what you think.” I almost laughed at my plea. This was the same thing Lex had said when I walked in on her and Dwayne. I knew firsthand that phrase didn’t work. But this was different—I wasn’t actually cheating on her. “Just give me a call back when you get this.” I hung up the phone. Hell would freeze over before she’d call back.
I spent the rest of the shift trying to focus on ringing up customers, but couldn’t stop thinking about how to fix things with Jules. How could I make her see that what we had was real? It was more than that stupid checklist.
By the time I got home, I still had no clue. Ironic that the first time I finally let things go with Lex I inadvertently screwed things over with Jules. I sat at the kitchen table, swirling my spoon around in my cereal. Dad came in through the garage and walked into the kitchen, still in his work clothes.
He chucked his keys on the counter and opened the fridge. “What’s going on?”
I scooped up a Cheerio and let it drop back into the bowl. “What do you mean?”
“Jules looked like she was about to cry when she left work, and now you look like someone stole your grandma’s last biscuit. Did you say something to her?”
Dropping my spoon in the bowl, I shoved my hands through my hair. Couldn’t we call a truce for a d
ay? “Dad, I get that you think I have zero respect, but I didn’t say anything to her.” She wouldn’t give me the chance, I wanted to say, but couldn’t. Didn’t want to risk Jules’s job by telling Dad we were together.
He grabbed a soda and shut the fridge. “I don’t think that.”
I gave him a hard look. “Actions speak louder than words.”
Dad sighed and sat down at the table, tapping his nails on the top of the Coke. “I know I’ve been tough on you this summer. I want you to have a good future. We came from nothing, Ryan. I don’t want you to have to take the same path I did.”
I nodded. “I know. And I’m not going to take your path. Or Gary’s.”
He cracked the lid of the soda and stared at me. “What do you mean?”
The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t follow through with the police academy, not even if I didn’t get the internship. I’d rather keep working at Office Jax until I landed one than sign my life away to the police force. “I don’t want to join the academy.”
Dad’s features relaxed and he scrubbed his hand over his face. “Oh thank God.”
“But I don’t want a career at Office Jax. I’ll work there for now, but it isn’t the end goal.”
He blew out a sigh. “Ryan…it’s job security.”
I nodded. “And I’m thankful that you’d give me a job. But I have something that I want to go for.”
“You have another job?”
I swallowed hard. How was I going to explain this to him? “Not yet.”
He grunted and clasped his hands together on the table. “So you’re giving up two sure things for an unknown?”
“Yes. I mean, I think I finally know what I want to do.”
“Really?” He looked at me, expectantly.
“Fish and wildlife protection.”
I waited for him to scoff, to tell me I was making a mistake. He stayed quiet for a few minutes.
The longer the silence persisted, the more confident I felt about my decision. I said it aloud and it felt damn good. I’d be making a difference in a career that sounded a hell of a lot more interesting than stacking Post-it notes.
He chewed on the inside of his cheek and studied me, probably wondering if this was another half-assed attempt at picking a career. “Is this what you want?”
“Yes.” And this time I was damn positive. The best I’d felt about my future since I started college.
“And you’re willing to give up a sure thing for this?”
“Yes.” It was a nice change of pace to finally be sure of something. So sure, that it was worth the risk to stay here in Spring Hill, even if I didn’t have a job lined up.
Dad pushed back from the table. I thought maybe he’d taken offense to what I said and was going to either go into a tirade or disappear into his office and give me the cold shoulder. Instead, he walked over to where I was seated and clapped a hand on my back. “Good to hear that word from you.”
“I have an interview next week. Up at Humboldt.”
He beamed down at me. An actual smile was coming from him. Fuck, it felt so good that I grinned back at him. “That’s great. We’ll need to get you a new suit.”
“Yeah, maybe my boss can give me a raise.”
“Not likely.” He ruffled my hair. “But I think your old man can spare a few dollars.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze.
My phone buzzed on the table and I grabbed it, praying it was Jules returning my calls.
I frowned as I read a text from Blake.
B: What the fuck happened?
Great. Jules must have told Payton. And Payton probably wanted to castrate me.
“Is everything okay?” Dad moved across the room, probably on his way to his office.
“I have to figure some stuff out with Blake. Thanks for the talk.”
“Anytime. And Ryan?” He stopped in the doorway of the kitchen.
I looked up from my phone. “Yeah?”
“I’m glad you’re staying in Spring Hill.”
“Me, too.” Hopefully I wouldn’t be eating my words if I didn’t get that internship.
Once Dad left the room, I focused back on the text from Blake.
R: Meet at Dod’s in an hour?
B: Yeah.
After parking my car, I made my way into Dod’s. For a Monday it was pretty packed, mostly college students still on summer break. Blake was already up at the bar, sitting on a stool, a beer in hand. I slid onto the one next to him and ordered a Jack and Coke. The bartender was a brunette who gave me a sexy smile when she passed me the drink. The old Ryan would have flirted, gotten her number, maybe more. Current Ryan wanted to bang his head against the bar because all he could think about was a certain girl in an Office Jax uniform.
The one who should be eating dinner with me right now, laughing at my stupid jokes.
After downing half my drink, I explained the situation to him.
Blake let out a low whistle. “Damn, that sucks.” He took a sip of beer. “Maybe it’ll just blow over.”
I turned to him, almost knocking my drink off the counter. “How can you say that? She thinks I used her.”
He shrugged. “Then show her you didn’t.”
Fucking Captain Obvious over there. Hard to show someone that you don’t just think they’re a piece of ass when they wouldn’t even let you speak to them. “How?”
“What would make her believe you care?”
It was more than that, though. I didn’t just care—I loved her. Everything about her. The way my heart rate doubled when she smiled at me, the way she scrunched her nose when she was dishing out shit, the way she made me a better man. Fuck. I turned into a complete sap. I told myself that I wouldn’t fall for a girl again, that opening my heart would destroy me. Jules wasn’t even to blame for this. It was all my fault that I screwed things up.
I downed the rest of my drink. Think, you idiot. What would Peach want? What would make her believe this wasn’t just a game to me? She’d want you to show her you love her, you moron. She’d want to know that what we had was real, that I did it because I wanted to, not because a magazine told me to. Not because I was using her for a good time.
A Queen song blared through the bar, and Blake started humming to the tune. Everyone in the bar was either singing along or bobbing their heads to the music. But all I could think about was how Peach’s eye would tick and she’d want to shut off the song as fast as possible.
“This song never gets old,” Blake yelled over the music.
“Peach hates it.” And then it dawned on me. I knew so much about her, her likes, her favorite foods, her dreams, her loathing of that fucking music station at Office Jax. It gave me an idea.
Blake turned to me, confused. “Who’s Peach?”
“Never mind. I have to go.” I dug money out of my wallet, left extra for a tip on the counter, and hopped off the barstool.
I knew how to show her I cared. Even if there was a good chance I was going to be shot down, it was a risk I was willing to take.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jules
Ryan had taught me a special lesson: people let you down. After spending all of yesterday emptying my tears onto Payton’s shoulder, I pulled myself together. No more tears for anyone who only thought of me as a summer fling. The other girl.
I had bigger things to deal with today. Mom had stayed an extra day, shopping down in San Fran before returning home. I’d invited her to coffee. Honestly, I was done caring about what people thought of me. This was my life, and dammit, I was going to live it the way I wanted. I’d been a coward for too long, giving in to whatever she wanted, trying to please her. No more.
At eleven, I pulled up to my favorite coffee shop, Coffee Addicts Anonymous. I had work in an hour, giving me an excuse to leave if things got too heated. Mom was already seated on a plush velvet chair sipping on her iced coffee. I ordered a mocha and sat down in the seat across from her.
>
“Hello, Juliette.” Her mouth pursed when she said my name, like it actually soured her taste buds.
“Hi, Mom.” Keep calm. You can do this. You are the key to your own happiness.
“How are you doing today?”
I cleared my throat and smoothed my sweaty palms over my jeans.
Look her in the eye. Do it. I forced myself to meet her disapproving gaze. “Not that great.”
“Is this about that boyfriend of yours? You know that you could do much better. I can arrange for you to go on a date with Melanie Davis’s son. The architect. You remember him, don’t you?”
“Mom, Drake is thirty. And I’m not here to talk about Ryan.” She didn’t need to know that he’d ripped my heart in two.
“Police officers don’t make very much money. How will you provide for your children? You don’t want them to go to public school or shop at Walmart, do you?”
“What children?” And what was wrong with public school or Walmart? My lip curled as I regarded my mother. Blood pounded in my ears, and my chin quivered. Was this really the woman who raised me? Would I end up like her? So judgmental, poisonous. We were on two completely different wavelengths. Two different planets. “Never mind. I wanted to talk to you about college.”
She let out a heavy sigh and sipped at her coffee, still managing to glare at me over her cup. “This again?”
She can’t hurt you. Do this for you. I took a deep breath and dug my nails into my palms. I could barely form words to override the whoosh whoosh whoosh of my pulse, my body begging to run away from this situation, or lay belly-up, surrendering, like I’d been doing for years. But not anymore. I deserved to be happy. “I don’t want to be a doctor.”
Mom waved her hand dismissively. “Honey, we’ve worked so hard for this. Only a few more years and you’ll be done with school. You’ll have a respectable and lucrative career.”
You are the key to your own happiness. God dammit, girl, don’t give in. Everything in me wanted to relent, to go along with what she said, but I couldn’t. I wanted to scream why can’t you just love me the way I am? but it wouldn’t make a difference. That wasn’t my mom. Her love came with a contingency clause. And I was ready to sever our contract. I needed to follow my true passion, regardless of her support. I would never be happy as a doctor. “This isn’t a ‘we’ decision. I need to make decisions for myself. And I’d really like to be an athletic trainer.”
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