by Sherry Lewis
“Siddah?” Evan’s voice floated through the door connecting their offices. “Is that you? Have you seen the Lundgreen file? I can’t find it, and I need it for court in an hour.”
Had she? She’d looked at so many files in the past two days, she couldn’t remember. Leaving the copies on the corner of her desk, she poked her head into Evan’s office. “It may be in that stack I gave to Amanda so she could bring the filing current. I’ll check.”
Evan nodded absently. “Make sure the judge’s order from the dismissal hearing is in there, will you? I have a feeling opposing counsel is going to try to pull a fast one.”
Hoping Amanda had the file, Siddah turned to leave, but the phone on her desk rang before she could get out the door. She crossed to her desk impatiently and lifted the receiver. “Evan Jacobs’s office.”
“Siddah? It’s Janie.”
Siddah glanced toward Evan’s open doorway and dropped her voice. “Is something wrong?”
“Well, I’m not sure. I sent Bobby out to play with the other kids about an hour ago, and now I can’t find him.”
“What?”
“He was sitting here staring at the walls,” Janie said defensively. “I thought it would do him good to get some fresh air.”
Siddah sank into the chair behind her desk. “Are you sure he’s not there?”
“I’m sure. I’ve looked all around the yard, and I sent one of the kids to your house to see if he’d gone there. I don’t know where he is.”
“And he’s been gone how long?”
“I don’t know for sure. The last time I saw him was an hour ago.”
“An hour? But it’s not like Bobby to just wander off. He never does things like that.”
“Well, it looks like he’s done it today. We’ve searched everywhere. There’s no sign of him.”
Struggling to remain calm, Siddah tried to think of places Bobby could have gone. “Have you checked next door at the Clarks? Bobby used to play with Travis all the time. And what about the Andersons?”
“I’ve looked around here, and I’ve checked at your place, but I can’t leave the rest of the kids to search for him. That’s why I’m calling you.”
Evan walked past the connecting door and Siddah dropped her voice another notch. “Can you send one of the older kids to check? I’ll leave here if he’s really missing, but I’m seriously behind as it is. I’d like to make sure he’s not just sitting in a neighbor’s backyard before I leave everybody in the lurch.”
“Kaitlin was the only older kid I had here today,” Janie said, “but her mother picked her up about five minutes ago. I’m really sorry, Siddah, but I just can’t go looking for him. He was in a pouty mood for most of the morning, so I’m sure that’s all it is, but I have two babies here and a couple of toddlers. You understand, don’t you?”
Oh, sure. Siddah understood. But would Evan? And Chris… She shuddered just thinking about his reaction. She’d have to track Bobby down and then come back. It was the only thing she could do. “Yeah,” she said. “Sure. I won’t be able to leave for a few minutes yet, so if you see him, please call. Tell Amanda to find me, no matter where I am, okay?”
“Of course. I’m sorry, Siddah. I’ve never had a child wander off like that before, and I certainly didn’t expect it of Bobby.”
But that was the problem, wasn’t it? Since Peter’s death, Siddah didn’t know what to expect from Bobby anymore.
NEARLY AN HOUR LATER, Siddah pulled into the driveway at home. She’d looked every other place she could think of, but nobody had seen any sign of Bobby. What had started as mild annoyance had built to an almost mind-numbing fear. What if he wasn’t just pouting? What if something had happened to him? What if—?
She stopped herself before she could finish the thought. Bobby was all she had left in the world. The alternative was unthinkable.
With her heart in her throat, she yanked her key from the ignition and bolted around the house to the backyard. Bobby didn’t have keys and Siddah had never liked leaving a spare key where just anyone might find it. But he wasn’t sitting on the patio or in a swing or even in the shade beneath his favorite old oak tree. Growing more frantic by the minute, she hurried back out to the front of the house, shouting his name. She’d exhausted every other possibility. If he wasn’t home, she couldn’t even think where to look next.
Tears burned Siddah’s eyes as she jogged back to the street. She tried to keep them from getting the best of her. Tears wouldn’t help find Bobby. Neither would panic.
Struggling to breathe, Siddah raced through her remaining options. Maybe she should call the police, and she should probably check with Helene and Monty, too. Neither of them would have just taken Bobby, and both would have phoned her if they suspected trouble of some kind, but maybe they’d heard from Bobby earlier in the day. Whatever she did, she couldn’t just stand here and wait for Bobby to show up.
Eager to change from the skirt and heels she’d worn to work so she could move faster, she raced back to the house and onto the porch. But she was too nervous and her hands were shaking. She fumbled with the key for a few seconds before she managed to slip it into the lock, then let herself inside.
Her imagination was racing as she closed the door behind her. She even thought she heard the high-pitched music from Bobby’s favorite video game. But that was impossible.
Wasn’t it?
“Bobby?” she called, “is that you?”
The music stopped suddenly and a rush of relief swept over her, followed closely by a wave of anger. Tossing her keys onto the table, she strode into the living room, where Bobby sat slumped down on the couch, the game control clutched in his two small hands.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded. “You’re supposed to be at Janie’s.”
Bobby slid down a little farther, obviously aware that he was in big trouble. “I don’t like it there. I don’t want to go there.”
“So you just left?”
“I came home.”
“Without telling Janie what you were up to. How did you get in, anyway?”
Bobby sent her a sidelong glance. “The basement window doesn’t lock tight. I found out one time when me and Dad were playing catch.”
“And you never told me?”
“I forgot until today.”
Siddah sank to the arm of the couch and tried to stay focused on the real issues. “Do you have any idea how frightened I was? I didn’t know where to find you.”
“I’m okay. I just came home.”
“Yes, but I didn’t know that. You aren’t supposed to be here.”
“Why not?”
“Because I made arrangements for you to be at the baby-sitter’s. I’m paying for you to be there so I don’t have to worry about you while I’m at work. Not only did you make both Janie and me worry, I had to leave work to come and find you, and my boss isn’t happy.”
Bobby put both feet on the coffee table and glared at the toes of his shoes. “I don’t want to go to Janie’s house. I don’t like it there.”
“You haven’t even given it a chance. This was your first day.”
“Yeah?” He lifted his head suddenly, and the determination she saw on his face surprised her. “Well, all she has there is a bunch of little babies. There’s nothing for me to do and nobody for me to play with.”
“You’ll make friends.”
“With who? Everybody else is a baby, Mom. And Janie won’t even let me stay inside. She says I need fresh air.”
“Well, she’s right,” Siddah told him. “You do need fresh air. You need to do something besides sit in this house all day long playing that stupid game.” Her voice rose with every word, and she realized that she was losing her temper. Dragging in a steadying breath, she sat on the floor in front of him and tried to regain control. “Bobby, I’m worried about you. Grandma and Grandpa are worried about you. You don’t do any of the things you used to do, and that’s just not good for you.”
“But why do
I have to go to Janie’s house? Why can’t I go to Grandma and Grandpa’s?”
Siddah sat back hard against the coffee table. “You can’t go there, Bobby.”
“Why not? Grandma said I could come anytime.”
“I know, buddy, but—”
“And Grandpa said he’d take me fishing, just like Dad used to. And there’s lots of fresh air there.”
She couldn’t argue with that, but she still couldn’t make herself agree. “Honey, I know Grandma said that she’d be happy to let you come, but—”
“But what, Mom? Why can’t I go there? Why don’t you want me to?”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to, sweetheart. I just don’t want to take advantage of Grandma.”
“But she wants me.” His little face was filled with such sadness, Siddah felt all of her defenses crumble.
She wants me.
Closing her eyes, Siddah nodded slowly. “Okay, buddy, I’ll call Grandma and see what she says, okay?”
“You will?”
“Yeah. I will. But if Grandma’s busy tomorrow, you’ll have to go to Janie’s okay? Just until we can work something else out.”
Bobby made a face, but he nodded grudgingly. Siddah stood and brushed off the back of her skirt. Hard as it was to admit she needed help, that was only the first problem this was going to cause for her. She’d have to let Bobby meet Gabe now. She had no choice.
CHAPTER FIVE
THURSDAY MORNING bright and early, Siddah loaded Bobby into the car and headed out of town. Not surprisingly, Helene had been delighted at the idea of having Bobby around. She’d even chided Siddah gently for not calling sooner, but Siddah didn’t know if it was the prospect of having Bobby’s company that made Helene happy or the chance to get him together with Gabe.
Personally, Siddah was torn between wanting to avoid Gabe completely and wanting to be there to supervise his first meeting with Bobby. But after leaving work early yesterday, she couldn’t be late this morning. She’d just have to trust Helene to keep a close eye on things while she was at work.
That wasn’t her biggest problem this morning, anyway. She still hadn’t found a way to tell Bobby about Gabe, but time was running out. Gabe would probably be there when she and Bobby arrived, and she couldn’t blindside Bobby with a new uncle.
As she left the city limits behind and drove into the forest, she glanced across the seat at Bobby, whose attention was riveted on a handheld game. “Hey, buddy. There’s something we need to talk about before we get to Grandma’s, okay?”
Bobby looked away from the screen. “What?”
“You and Grandma probably won’t be alone today.”
“Why? Is Grandpa going to be there?”
“Not Grandpa.” Bobby had heard Peter talk about Gabe, so why was this so difficult? She steered around a sharp curve in the road and silently begged Peter to help her get through this. “You remember Daddy talking about his brother, don’t you?”
“Sure.”
“Well, he’s here. In town for a little while.” She tried to check Bobby’s reaction. “He’s staying with Grandma and Grandpa.”
“Uncle Gabe is here?” For the first time in months, Bobby actually looked interested in something, and her heart plummeted. But that only made her angry with herself. Maybe Helene was right. Maybe Gabe could help Bobby get over this rough patch. Why couldn’t she just embrace that idea and be grateful?
Was she jealous? If so, of what? That the mere mention of Gabe—who dropped in and out of people’s lives as the mood suited him—might be able to do for her son what she couldn’t? Or was she angry that men like Gabe and her own father could play fast and loose with their family commitments and get away with it?
She’d only met her father three times, and as far as she was concerned, that was three times too many. Though her mother had kept him at arm’s length each time he drifted back into town, her grandmother had always killed the fatted calf for the return of her very own prodigal son, and she’d expected everyone else—especially Siddah—to be thrilled that he’d deigned to notice them for a few days.
Well, she hadn’t gone hog wild over Oliver Carlisle’s visits, and she wasn’t about to lose her head over Gabe’s, no matter how nice he seemed. Forcing a nod and a smile, she said, “He’s here for a little while, anyway. I don’t know how long he’ll be staying.”
Bobby turned off his game and put it on the seat beside him. “What’s he doing here?”
“He just heard about Daddy’s accident, so he came back.”
That earned a grunt. “How come it took so long?”
“I guess he was in the jungle where there’s no mail delivery.”
“Really? Cool.”
Cool? Siddah’s heart twisted with equal parts of fear and hope. “I don’t know how cool it is,” she said, trying not to sound bitter, “but that’s what he says.”
She could feel Bobby staring at her. “What’s the matter,” he asked after several seconds. “Don’t you like him?”
How was she supposed to answer that? She slowed to make the turn onto her in-laws’ driveway and decided to stick with the truth. “I don’t know him well enough to like him or not like him, but I don’t understand why he spent so much time away from his family. Your dad would have given anything to see him again while he was still alive.”
“Maybe he couldn’t come back.”
“I think he could have found time at least once in ten years.”
“But you don’t know.”
“No,” she admitted reluctantly, “I don’t know.” They fell into silence as the car bounced along the lane toward the house, but there was an edge to the air between them now.
Helene met them at the door with a bright smile for Siddah and a warm hug for Bobby. “I’ve made orange juice and French toast for breakfast,” she said as Bobby squirmed away. “I hope you haven’t eaten.”
“Mom made me have some cereal,” Bobby said, “but I’m not full.”
“No, of course you’re not. I swear, you get a little bigger every time I see you.” Helene ushered them both inside, leaving the door open so the cool morning air could come through the screen. “I’m so glad you’re going to spend time with me,” she said, crossing to the griddle. “I’ve been thinking up things to do all morning.”
Bobby sat at the table but, still mindful of the time, Siddah remained near the door. “I don’t want you to put yourself out,” she cautioned.
“Put myself out?” Helene laughed as if she’d never heard such an outrageous suggestion. “Siddah, sweetheart, having Bobby around is pure pleasure for me.” She sent a grin along with her protest and added, “And you, too, of course.”
From their first meeting, Helene had been like this with her. Warm and friendly. Accepting. Loving. She’d opened her arms wide and taken them in as if they’d always belonged. Maybe if she’d been a little less welcoming, Siddah wouldn’t feel such deep pangs of regret over the possibility of losing them.
And maybe she wouldn’t feel such guilt over accepting help from them. “I appreciate this more than you know,” she told Helene. “I’ll keep looking for a regular sitter, of course. Someone who can come to the house when school starts so Bobby can be home.”
Helene moved the French toast onto a serving platter and carried it to the table. She shooed Bobby from the room to wash his hands and smiled at Siddah while she worked. “There’s no need to rush, you know. Bobby can keep me entertained while he’s here. And, of course, he’ll want to meet Gabe and spend time with him.”
“Yes. Well…”
Helene looked up sharply. “You did tell him, didn’t you? He knows Gabe is here?”
“I told him on the way here, but I’m still not sure how much time he should spend with Gabe. What if connecting with Gabe while he’s here makes things worse when he leaves again?”
Helene poured a cup of coffee and held up the pot in silent question. When Siddah waved away her offer, she leaned against the counter to drink.
“That won’t happen if Gabe stays in contact this time.”
“Yes, but do you really think he will?” The flash of hurt on Helene’s face made Siddah feel terrible for placing doubt in her mind. She glanced into the hall to make sure Bobby wasn’t on his way back, and lowered her voice to make sure she wouldn’t be overheard. “I’m sorry, Helene, but surely you know what a risk it is to rely on Gabe for anything.” Or was she really so blind to his faults?
“Now you sound like Monty.”
“I don’t mean to,” Siddah assured her quickly. “You know Gabe far better than I do, of course, but it’s hard to believe that he cares a whole lot when he lets ten years go by between visits.”
Helene’s expression puckered with disapproval. “As you said, you don’t know him.”
“I’m certainly not saying that you and Monty shouldn’t welcome him home and hope for the best,” she said carefully, “but Bobby’s just a boy. He can’t process hopes and disappointments the same way you can.”
“Maybe he won’t have to.”
And maybe the sun would rise in the west tomorrow. Siddah had the uncomfortable suspicion that if Gabe said it would, Helene would believe him. The roar of an engine caught her attention, and a few seconds later she saw Gabe striding toward the house carrying a lunch pail and thermos.
Her throat grew dry at his similarities to Peter—the length of his stride, the tilt of his head…
“Is that him?” Bobby’s voice sounded close behind her.
She forced a nod, angry with herself for being so focused on Gabe that she’d missed hearing Bobby come back into the room. “That’s him.”
“He looks like Dad.”
“Yes he does, a little bit.” Her voice sounded high and tight, so she tried to get it sounding normal again. “I guess that’s only natural, huh?”
“I guess.” Bobby sidled closer to the door just as Gabe stepped onto the porch. The mixture of hope and fear in his eyes hit Siddah squarely in the chest, and she wondered why she’d ever agreed to this. But it was too late to back out now.