by Staci Hart
She leaned against the cool metal wall, holding herself up by the handrail. Her eyes closed, but she didn’t move, not until she heard the doors open. When she stumbled out and looked around, it was with confusion.
It took her a moment to realize that she was in Heff’s foyer.
As she stood stupidly for a second, trying to figure out what was going on, Heff padded into the room in sleep pants, his chest bare. He ran his hand through his dark hair and squinted at her.
“Dita?” His eyes snapped open, and his brow dropped as he moved for her. “What happened?”
He stopped in front of her, cupped her cheek, searched her face. His fingers against her skin were like fire, and his eyes held her.
“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Tell me what happened,” he urged.
Her shoulders sagged, and she closed her eyes.
“Come here. Come sit down.”
Heff scooped her into his chest. He smelled of wood smoke, and she pressed her cheek against him, feeling safe for the first time in a long time.
He pulled away and guided her to sit on his black leather couch.
She stared at her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t be bothering you with this.”
He sat next to her and angled to rest his forearm on the back of the low couch. “Tell me.”
She picked at her fingernails. “Perry and I got in a fight.”
“I heard.”
Two words, and she knew he knew everything.
“I figured.” Dita couldn’t meet his eyes. “I just…she destroyed it. It was like I’d gotten a second chance, and she smashed it, and I’m not okay.”
“I know.”
She looked up at him and smiled, though her brows were drawn, her cheeks tight. “I haven’t been upstairs, not since Perry and I fought, and I haven’t been sleeping. Every time I fall asleep, the dreams…” She zoned out for a second and gave her head a shake. “I was so hungry, so I went upstairs. He was there.”
Heff took a breath, and his eyes glinted. “What did he do to you?”
“Nothing. He wanted to talk.”
Heff didn’t look convinced, and she laid her hand on his knee.
“Really. I’m sorry to worry you. This is why I didn’t want to say anything. This is why I haven’t…”
“I knew you weren’t all right, but I was waiting on you to come to me. You always do, when you’re ready.”
Of course he knew. Of course he gave me space.
“You know me just about better than anyone.”
“I’ve had a long time to learn. I’m glad he didn’t hurt you, for his sake.”
“I’m just…” She dropped her head to her hands, still shaking. “I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to be afraid of him.”
He moved his hand to her back, his touch soft, his words softer. “He has no power over you.”
“But he does, and I don’t know how to break it. I have to, Heff. I have to.” Her voice cracked, her heart broken.
“Shh,” he whispered. He pulled her into his chest as his heart pumped for her and raged at Ares, the pain of one indistinguishable from the other as she lay broken in his arms. “We’ll find a way. I promise.”
Day 5
A BLANKET OF FOG hung over the city early that morning, low and wet and oppressive. Josie pulled to a stop just down from the home of Renata Boyles, a seventy-year-old hooker who had jumped bail.
Josie’s limbs weighed a hundred pounds as she walked up the sidewalk.
After Jon had taken off the night before, she’d sped home, fighting back tears and her temper. When she’d gotten home, she’d stripped off her jacket and kicked off her shoes, her eyes never leaving the crime shrine, trying to focus, trying to get a grip, but it had been a lost cause.
Jon had broken in and violated her trust and privacy. But, as furious as she had been, she’d found herself wondering what he’d seen when he looked at the wall.
The fact that she cared what he thought had nearly pushed her over the edge, and she’d resisted the temptation to break something, something that would shatter and explode and make that destructive sound as it busted against a wall. Josie thought that sound would somehow make her feel better.
But instead, she’d stared at the board all night, dragging herself to bed just as the sun began to rise. She’d slept for only a few hours before the call from Jerry J’s came in.
So, there she was, heading up the sidewalk in the hopes Renata was still sleeping. And as adrenaline began to zip through her, alertness overrode her exhaustion.
And then she came to a dead fucking halt.
Jon was crouching down by the crawl space lattice next to Renata’s front porch.
Motherfucker.
It took nearly all her willpower not to scream the word at him. He glanced over at her, his eyes bugging for a second before jerking his chin, motioning for her to get down.
Twice in one week, Jerry J’s had fucked up. This alone was rare, but the odds that she’d get crossed with him were astronomical.
She ducked, trotting through the gate to kneel next to him. “What the fuck are you doing here?” she hissed.
“Good morning to you, too, Josie.” He smiled like they’d run into each other at the grocery store instead of hiding outside an old lady hooker’s house, and he joked like he hadn’t broken into her fucking house the night before. “You look like you got a terrible night’s sleep.”
“Funny.”
“Sarah at Jerry’s sent me.”
She looked out into the street and tried to control herself. “Goddammit. Elaine sent me.”
“I guess we’re together on this one then. Unless you want to give it up?” He rested his elbow on his knee, and his apparent comfort gave her all the resolve she needed.
How he could be so fucking cool, she had no idea. It made her daydream about pistol-whipping him.
“Nice try,” she shot, not willing to give him the satisfaction of letting him win. Just get it done, and get the fuck away from him. “How do you want to play this?”
“I saw her through the open window, watching the Home Shopping Network. We’ve gotta figure out how to get her out of the house.”
“You need to honeytrap her. Just act like you’re a client.”
Jon shook his head and ran a hand through his long hair. “Everybody has their weird bedroom shit, I guess, but a seventy-year-old hooker? Pass.”
She rolled her eyes and waved him on. “Go, Jon.”
He stepped away from the side of the house and was moving toward the stairs when Josie heard the unmistakable click of a safety from the patio.
“Hold it right there, gorgeous.”
Josie glanced up to see a frail old woman in a halter top and yoga pants that hung on her bony hips. Her blonde hair was in a knot, a cigarette was hanging out of her mouth, and her ancient .44 Magnum was aimed directly at Jon.
Jon’s heart drummed as he looked up the barrel at the old woman, who squinted at him.
He held up his hands. “Hey there. Are you Renata? I got your address from a buddy of mine.”
Jon watched out of his periphery as Josie disappeared around the side of the house and hoisted herself into an open window.
“Is that so?” Renata took a long drag and flicked her cigarette butt. She gripped the gun with both hands. “What’s your buddy’s name then?”
“James.”
Renata smiled. “I don’t know no James.” She fired at his feet.
“Holy shit!” Jon yelled as he jumped, shocked that the force of the gun hadn’t blown her back through the screen door. “Jesus Christ, lady, I was just lookin’ for a good time.”
“Oh, I saw you lookin’. Creepin’ around my house. I know who you are, you little shit.”
She fired at his feet again, and he hopped again.
“Fuck! Who do you think I am?”
“Honey, this ain’t my first time at the
rodeo. You run back off to Jerry J and tell him you couldn’t find old Renata.”
The screen door squeaked behind her, but before she had a chance to turn, Josie had ahold of her. Another shot rang, and Jon ducked the wild bullet.
The gun clattered to the ground, and Josie held Renata’s wrists, reaching for her cuffs.
“Well, Renata,” Josie said to the metallic click of the handcuffs locking, “you’ve still got your spunk.”
Renata’s scowled. “You don’t know jack-diddly-shit about spunk. I’ve dealt with spunk my whole life, and I ain’t no better for it.”
Josie laughed as Jon climbed the porch stairs, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sound.
He shook his head at the old lady. “Goddamn, Renata. You sure are somethin’, you know that?”
“You have no idea.” Her sour expression disappeared as she wet her lips and dragged her hungry eyes up and down his body. “I sure am pissed to get nabbed, but now that I see you up close, I’m damn glad I didn’t shoot you. You sure are pretty.”
“Hear that, Jo?” He hitched his thumb at Renata. “She thinks I’m pretty.”
Josie’s smile slipped into a scowl. “I don’t even know how you can joke with me right now. We are one hundred percent not okay.” Her conscience seemed to get the best of her, and she added, “Are you all right?”
“Please,” he said with a grin. “Little Renata here can’t scare me.” He winked at the hooker.
“You don’t know me too well then,” Renata answered with a leer. “I could acquaint you, if you’d get rid of the girl.”
“There’s no escaping Josie. Trust me when I say that no amount of time or space can rid you of her once you’ve been exposed,” he said with a light tone and a heavy chest as they helped the old woman down the stairs.
Josie said through her teeth, “You have got to be fucking kidding me. God, you’re impossible. You broke into my apartment, for fuck’s sake.”
“I had a key.”
“You were not authorized to use that key, asshole!” Her voice climbed to the edge of shrill.
“Who dumped who?” Renata asked.
Josie was twitchy, answering sarcastically, “If you’ll believe it, Renata, Jon here actually wrote me a Dear John when he left me for his pregnant ex-girlfriend.”
“Well, I’ll be damned. Pretty but not smart.”
“Many women would agree.” Josie glared at him.
“Look at you two bonding,” Jon said cheerily to Josie before he turned to Renata. “You know, that gun’s almost bigger than you are.”
“Oh, honey, I’ve handled much bigger guns than that.”
He laughed. “Now, I’m sure that’s a story I’d love to hear.”
They made their way to Josie’s car, and he put Renata in the backseat, shaking his head as she eyed him suggestively.
“Get in,” Josie said to him, her tone flat and eyes forward as she closed her door.
Jon didn’t move, and she rolled down her window with a hard stare.
“Just take her in, Jo.”
“I’m mad as fuck at you, but you almost got shot. Don’t be an asshole. Just get in and keep your mouth shut. Or, if you want, you can meet me at Jerry’s after I drop Renata off at the station.”
“It’s fine. Just take her in. If you want to split it, let the girls over there know. They know how to find me.”
He watched her fume, wishing he could hop in with her, wishing he didn’t keep cocking things up. But it just seemed to be the state they found themselves in regardless of how much he wanted to change the fact.
Josie put the key in the ignition, his refusal somehow infuriating her even more. There was nothing either of them could do right. It was like dancing with a fucking donkey; no one moved in the same direction, and she kept getting her feet trampled.
“You are such a pain in the ass,” she shot. “I’m trying to be nice here since you could have just died, not that I owe your nosy, sneaky, stalker ass anything.”
“That’s a little dramatic, but you’re right in that you don’t owe me anything.”
Jon leaned into her open window, and she moved back to keep space between them, caught off guard by his proximity. He was close enough that she could smell his soap.
“I know you’re mad as hell, and I don’t blame you. I’m just trying to give you a little space, that’s all. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I went to your apartment without your permission. You know I just want to help.”
“How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t need your fucking help, Jon. I don’t want it.”
“I know you don’t want it, but I’m worried about you. This is bigger than flashers and hookers.” He glanced back at Renata. “No offense.”
“None taken,” Renata answered.
“I’m not helpless, Jon.”
“I know you’re not, but if you’re right, this guy is dangerous—and not in the petty-crime way. He’s dangerous in the way that could get you killed. I saw that wall, Jo, and as impressed as I am, it scares me to think that you’re mixed up in this without anyone to help you. I’m just looking out for you, and you know if the tables were turned, you’d do the same for me.”
“What makes you think that I would do anything for you after…well, after everything?”
He shrugged, but his eyes were crystal blue, full of truth.
His words were soft, and she felt herself lean closer as he spoke. “Because I know you. You can tell me all day long that you hate me, but you care. I know you do, and I’m gonna prove to you that I’m worth it. If you ever find a way to trust me with your heart again, I promise you, I will take care of it. I swear I will, and I don’t care how long it takes to convince you.”
Josie stared at him for a long moment, swept away by the cyclone in her head, swept away by his eyes and his nearness and his vow.
But she found herself and looked away, fumbling to turn the key and start the car. “I don’t care, Jon. I really don’t. Don’t waste your time or mine because this game is bullshit, and I’m over it.”
“Okay, Josie,” he said with a sad smile. He looked into the backseat. “Be good, Renata.” His eyes locked back on Josie’s for a second. “I’ll see you around.”
She narrowed her eyes in answer.
Renata called out, “I sure hope so.”
He waved as she drove away, and she couldn’t help but look in her rearview mirror. He stood in the street with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, watching her go.
She blinked back her emotions, looking back at the road just in time to not run a stop sign.
“The fucking nerve,” she said under her breath.
“He doesn’t seem all that bad,” Renata said as she looked out the window.
“Well, he is.” Josie realized her knuckles were white on the steering wheel, and she relaxed her hands.
“Men have their way.”
“Yeah, well, his way almost got him shot twice today.”
“Twice?”
“I contemplated popping him myself.”
Renata laughed, the sound gravelly and harsh. “Hopefully not in his pretty parts. That is, if he has any ugly ones.”
“Not really,” Josie grumbled.
“That doesn’t help, does it?”
“Nope.”
Renata caught Josie’s eye in the rearview. “Let me tell you something I’ve learned. When a man cares enough to tell you to your face that he wants you and he’ll fight for you, well, that kind of man is worth listening to.”
Josie wished she could believe it, but she hadn’t come close to forgetting the three years of pain he’d put her through. “I can’t let myself give a shit about what he wants, Renata. For three years, he let me think he didn’t care enough to say goodbye. He left me here without a word to go have a baby with someone else, and I just can’t forgive him for that.”
“Coldhearted, to be sure.”
“Every time I see him, I’m reminded of everything I los
t. But it’s like getting shot with rock salt. Burns like a motherfucker, but it won’t kill me.”
Renata busted out laughing again. “I like you, Red.”
Josie smiled back at her. “Sorry I’ve got to take you in.”
“It’s not the first time or the last, I’m certain.”
They rode in silence to the station as Josie chewed on her feelings. She’d told Renata more in a few minutes than she’d willingly given up to anyone since Anne. It felt good, and she was lighter for having vented something off though heavier at the realization it brought. She wasn’t over Jon. She knew it deep down, but to say it out loud was another thing entirely.
She thought back to the time when they’d been together, that golden time that had brought her so much happiness. But there was no going back. Things could never be what they had been. Three years of hurt filled the space since he’d left her, and no amount of charm or honesty could erase what she’d been through.
Josie pulled up at the station and escorted Renata inside, a little sad at turning her in.
Renata said goodbye with a wink and the parting advice, “Don’t let love pass you by, Red.”
Josie nodded with a thanks and a smile, heading for Jerry J’s with her mind still on Jon. She pulled up to the curb outside the bond building, got out of her car, and walked under the red awning featuring a cartoon illustration of Jerry J’s face.
His smile was decidedly untrustworthy.
She made her way in and leaned on the counter, popping the little bell with a ding.
Elaine came out from the back room with a smile on her round face. “Hey, Josie. How’d it go?” Her eyes twinkled from the other side of the counter.
“Funny thing, Jon was there.”
“What the hell?” Elaine’s cheeks flushed, and she blinked. “Again?”
Josie nodded. The stress and annoyance of being continually put in Jon’s space gnawed at her, and she was done being quiet. “He said Sarah sent him. This is twice now, Elaine. What the hell is going on around here?”
“Son of a bitch. Hang on.” She sat down and banged at her keyboard. “It says your name right here. I put you in myself. See?” She turned the monitor so Josie could see her name in the spreadsheet.