Every thought I had dissolved into nothingness. A furnace built inside me like I was on fire. He must have felt it to, because he was on his feet with me cradled in his arms. I melted against him because he lifted my twenty—no, my thirty extra pounds like it was nothing.
The screen door opened and we were under the darkened sky with only the stars and moon to light the way. I felt like I floated in his arms with nothing but air underneath me. I landed cocooned in a pile of hay with another squeak. But he was there, covering me with his big body.
“I need you,” he demanded gruffly, his palm sliding up my shirt to palm my breast.
As his intense eyes waited for permission, I nodded despite all the reasons we shouldn’t.
His kiss was a rough as his hands as they fumbled with the button of my jeans. Once he finished, I levered up on my arms to raise my hips and help him remove them from my legs.
He didn’t bother with taking anything else off of me, a testament to his waning restraint. A finger ghosted under the fabric between my legs. His big knuckle brushed over my opening, sending tingles down all the way to my toes. Then the connections of my panties snapped, giving him free rein. Calloused fingers tested my readiness as I fell to my back once again. All alone as we were with nothing but our panting breaths, I heard his zipper drop and nearly begged for him to hurry.
I spread my legs in invitation. He took my cue and pushed inside me. I sucked in air, my body stretching and accepting all of him as he groaned.
I barely had time to catch my breath before he started moving in earnest. The straw at my back was no bed, but it didn’t bother me much. Every sensation was focused on the nerves he slid against with each stroke.
He hooked an arm under one leg and lifted my ass off the hay to drive in deeper, hitting the end of me. I quick jolt of pain was immediately lost in the immense amount of pleasure he created. The man was a multitasker as somehow he shoved my shirt up and exposed my breast, his mouth taking in a bud.
My nipples were my Achilles’ heel when it came to him. Everything heightened as he sucked and nipped.
“Jackson,” I cried out.
He stopped, spurring a frown to form on my face.
“Don’t call me that,” he demanded.
His tone was cold and I hated the steel stiffening his spine. I hadn’t ever used his real name before. Had I subconsciously given in to the notion that he and I were done and over?
“Sugar.” It was a whisper from my lips.
“Good girl.”
Then he was at it again. His pistoning hips took me back to the edge in seconds. I clawed at his back, trying to bring him closer. Looping my arms around his neck, I pulled him in for a punishing kiss. His thrusts were like brands, marking me as his. My kiss felt like a goodbye because I knew it was.
When I came, he quickly followed and we lay in a heap. His crushing weight was nothing like the words I’d held back until this moment. Only he beat me to it.
“Tara is threatening to take Jaime from me.”
Those words broke my heart a little. I’d hoped Tara wasn’t the vindictive conniving type she came across as.
I admitted the truth of the talk I’d had. “Jamie asked me if you and her mommy were getting back together.”
It was weird to have this conversation as his softening cock was still buried in me.
He covered his eyes before scraping a hand over his hair.
I didn’t give him a chance to say anything that couldn’t be. “You should give it a chance. I’ll take a few days off to visit my grandmother.”
“Honey.”
I covered his lips with a finger.
“This is for the best. You loved her once. Jamie deserves to get to know her mother. I won’t stand in the way of your family working things out.”
He kissed my fingertip before moving it out of the way. Then his lips were on mine again. This time there was nothing urgent about it. It was as sweet as my name for him.
Then a shrill voice so small as not to be unrecognizable, but also as clear as the moonlit sky broke our connection.
“Daddy.”
4
Jake
After a quick glance at Honey, I hiked up my jeans and fastened my belt to find my daughter. She was trembling when I reached her. She tried to speak but stumbled over the words.
“M-m-mommy’s s-s-s-ick,” she managed.
Honey had put herself to rights and found us. She and I traded glances before I took Jamie’s hand and led her to find Tara. The woman was in my bathroom, bent over the toilet puking her guts out.
Instinctually, I reached out a hand and stroked it down her head, asking her if she was okay.
After she stopped gagging, she snapped, “Of course I’m not okay.”
I didn’t take offense because it had been a stupid question. I just didn’t know what to say.
Honey spoke up from the doorway. “I’ll get some crackers and ginger ale.”
Tara turned angry eyes on her. “I don’t want anything from you. This is your doing.”
Honey looked taken aback.
“You obviously poisoned me,” Tara accused.
Though Jamie was young, she got the gist of her mother’s allegation.
Honey looked like she wanted to say something, but instead said, “I’ll leave.”
I stood up and when I did Tara demanded not asked, “You’re not going to take care of me?”
“Give me a minute,” I said.
I followed after Honey, who hadn’t gotten far down the hallway. I stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
“I didn’t give her food poisoning,” she said with fire in her eyes.
“I would have never suggested it.”
“I’m going to take off now for a few days. I’ll only get in the way.”
She half waved a hand toward my bedroom door.
“You don’t have to go,” I insisted.
She looked at me with sad eyes. “Yes, I do. I know I’m supposed to watch over Ford, but maybe Tara can do it. You need to make things right with her.”
My mouth opened, but I closed it. Everything from what Tara said to my daughter replayed in my head. Still, there was another important truth she needed to know.
“I don’t want you to go.”
I slid my hand from the shoulder to her arm, wanting to make sure I had a grip so she couldn’t leave.
“We don’t always get what we want,” she said.
A disembodied voice filled the hall. “Jake.”
The sound of Tara’s voice grated on my nerves. But when Honey’s focus shifted to my doorway I turned to see Jamie standing there.
Honey’s next words came out in a whisper. “If nothing else, do it for her. She needs both her parents.”
In that moment I was torn between two people I cared so much about. The person who needed me the most and didn’t understand what was going on was my daughter. So I went to her.
“Is Mommy okay?”
That time her words were clear. I didn’t have a good answer, but did what I could to ease her mind. “She will be.”
“Is Honey… leaving?”
She started the last word and stopped before attempting a second time successfully. Tears pooled in her eyes but hadn’t yet fallen.
“She’ll be back.”
I assumed she hadn’t taken all her things. Movement on the bed shifted my attention. I caught Tara racing for the bathroom. I scrubbed a hand over Jamie’s head before standing and going to help the woman who’d broken my heart.
Since I didn’t want Jamie standing there watching, I sent her for saltines and ginger ale as Honey had suggested. Then, I spoke to Tara, who looked wilted as she caught her breath.
“As long as you’re in this house, you will not speak ill of Honey. You and I both know she didn’t give you food poisoning. The rest of us aren’t sick.”
“Exactly,” she snapped. “That’s why I said poisoning. She’s jealous and wants me out of the picture.”
“She has no reason to be jealous. She knows exactly how I feel about her.”
Tara couldn’t say anything because Jamie was back, small arms carrying a two-liter bottle and a sleeve of crackers.
I spent the next few hours taking care of the woman I’d written off so long ago. She convinced me to hold a cool compress to her head. I had to admit, she’d felt slightly warm.
By the time I’d fallen asleep on the sofa later that night, I thought for sure I’d pass out. But the damn thing was too short and I couldn’t seem to get comfortable. I thought about sleeping in Honey’s room, but I wanted to be within earshot of my daughter and Tara just in case.
I awoke to sounds in the kitchen that had me jolting upright. I thought it might be Honey but was disappointed to see it was Tara. She was attempting to make breakfast, which only got me to my feet faster. She was a disaster in the kitchen unless something changed.
My bones felt just as weary as the tiredness that still plagued me.
“I’ll take care of that.”
She’d cracked eggs right before I’d gotten there. Small flakes of egg shells had landed in the hot pan. I cursed a mouthful when I burned myself attempting to get them out before they were lost in the cooking food.
Jamie giggled and I looked up to see her at the counter. She’d heard the barrage of curse words I’d let loose.
I pointed a teasing finger at her. “Don’t you say those words.”
She giggled again.
Tara wrapped an arm around me. “Your dad is funny, isn’t he?”
Her tiny head bobbed as she laughed like she hadn’t in a while. Two reasons I didn’t shake Tara off. One: I was trying to save breakfast before it burned. Two: Jamie stared at us with a grin on her face.
Though I wanted to send Tara with her marching papers, I couldn’t deny there was nothing I wouldn’t do for the wellbeing of my little girl.
Breakfast wasn’t up to Honey’s standards, but I’d done what I could. When it was time for the day to begin, I waffled on whether or not to leave Jamie and Ford with Tara or take them with me. Selfishly, I didn’t want Tara left in the house to snoop. It wasn’t like I had anything to hide, but I had a bad feeling about her showing up. Why now? Months after she’d cut and run I would have chucked it up to the postpartum depression Mom had suggested. But it had been five plus years.
At the same time, if I gave her a chance, which I didn’t want to, I needed to know she was dependable because I didn’t suspect if I went that route, Honey would stay.
In the end, I decided to leave them. I gave strict instructions for Jamie to call me if even the tiniest thing went wrong and put Mitch on notice to look out for them if they needed help.
I spent the day thinking about what my lawyer had said. He in part agreed with Tara that conservative counties like ours would tend to lean to the mother without good reason. So what to do with that information?
When no one at the homestead called me all day, I assumed all was fine. Bone-weary, I walked in the house and smelled the burning before I got inside.
Tara was fanning the flames literally. I rushed over, calling her to stop as I reached under the cabinet for the fire extinguisher.
Tears streamed down her face when I finally faced her, fire emergency averted.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to make dinner for everyone.”
In that moment, she looked like the innocent girl I’d fallen in love with all those years ago.
“Don’t worry about it. Go sit and rest.”
It didn’t matter that I’d only slept a few hours last night and I’d been working all day. Before Honey, this was the norm since Dad started having those spells of memory loss. So I pulled out leftovers from Honey’s meals from the last few days and had a buffet style dinner laid out on the counter.
“Honey’s food?” Dad asked before plating anything.
I nodded and he grinned.
“Great. I hope she gets back before we run out of leftovers.”
No one said anything more. We just ate. After washing the dishes because Tara had claimed to be still not feeling too well and had not eaten with us, I spent the rest of the evening with Jamie. Dad was snoozing on the chair as we played games, then I got her bathed and ready for bed. We watched a movie until she fell asleep. Tara hadn’t come out of my room the entire time.
Later as the sky darkened well past midnight, I took a glass of Bailey’s out on the porch. I wasn’t in the mood for Scotch.
Dad had been sleeping when I checked on him, so that left me alone on the back porch to watch the fireflies and listen to the sounds of the night, from crickets to the scurrying of small animals. I tossed back the contents of my glass, wishing Dad were still the robust man from my childhood. There was so much I wanted to ask him. His advice was always solid.
What I didn’t expect was for Tara to come out and offer me a beer.
I waved her off. “I’m good.”
I held up my glass still full. I wasn’t a regular drinker, but I gave myself a pass on a day like today. Hopefully the liquor would help me sleep since another night on the sofa was in store for me.
Unfortunately for me, she sat, putting the beer on the small table between us. Crickets’ songs filled the space before she finally spoke.
“Jake, I want this to work between us.”
5
Honey
Ashlyn poured me another glass of wine.
“Now talk. You showed up late last night. I let you sleep it off. But it’s a new day.”
“Evening you mean.”
She’d gone to work while I’d cried myself tearless during the day. I was grateful her boyfriend hadn’t come home.
She waved off my statement. “Spill. Something happen to Mr. Tall Gorgeous Cowboy?”
“If you call Jamie’s mother showing up something, then yes.”
Ashlyn’s jaw dropped. “No way.”
I bobbed my head. “Did you see that woman who was at the house when we arrived yesterday?”
She thought for a moment. “Briefly. That was her?”
I nodded again.
“So she just shows up. So what?”
I’d forgotten that she didn’t know all the details. “This is the first time Jamie’s met her mother.”
“Shut up,” she said. “Why is that?”
Just talking about it broke my heart all over again for Jamie.
“She cut and run when Jamie was a baby. Disappeared with no contact. She left the baby with her mother and the mom delivered her to Jake to take care of. Neither had seen Jamie until now.”
Ashlyn looked properly pissed on Jamie’s behalf. “That’s messed up. So what’s her excuse?”
Not knowing what else to say, I shrugged. “She wants to make amends.”
“And Jake wants a reconciliation too?”
It wasn’t like we had a deep conversation. But he hadn’t looked at Tara like he was happy she was back. “I don’t think so.”
Though that could change.
“So why are you here? You showed up with red eyes. I know you’d been crying.”
I had.
“I told him to work things out with her.”
Ashlyn straightened in her chair. “You did what?” But she’d heard me. That was why she added on, “Why would you do that?”
“Because I know what it’s like to want your parent to choose you and not a practical stranger.”
Her face softened because she’d been there when my mom got a new husband and doted on him and treated me like a misfortune.
“You would never let Jake ignore his daughter.”
She was wrong about that.
“Jake would never ignore his daughter. She is his world. But Jamie deserves a chance to get to know her mother.”
I could tell Ashlyn wanted to come over and hug me. Since she stopped herself, she was most likely about to chastise me for my choices.
“She can get to know her mother without you leaving the picture. Just because your mother is selfish doesn’t mean millions of couples who don’t stay together for whatever reason don’t make it work with their kids.”
I could concede that point and pushed my hair over my shoulder, needing to do something with my nervous hands.
“True. But this is an important time for Jamie. She doesn’t need the added stress of divided loyalties.”
Ashlyn looked perplexed. “Why would her loyalties be divided?”
“Her mother hasn’t exactly been discreet about her disdain for me.” I gave her a few examples of the things Tara had said.
“She sounds like a bitch.”
I licked my lips because I wasn’t exactly sure why I was going to say what I did next. “You would be a bitch too if you came to reconcile with the guy you know you shouldn’t have left and to meet your daughter and there was a woman there taking your place.”
Ashlyn looked aghast. “You’re defending her.”
“Not exactly. I’m putting myself in her shoes.”
My bestie was quick with a retort. “You wouldn’t have left your kid.”
“No, I wouldn’t. But we don’t know why she did.”
“Jake didn’t tell you?”
These were all questions I didn’t have answers to.
“How could Jake know? He came back from the war, screwed me, and later Tara’s mother showed up out the blue with the baby. And as far as I know, he hadn’t spoken to her until she showed up again.”
“Wow. You’re a better woman than me. I would have kicked that bitch’s ass and told her to keep walking.”
I didn’t have to think about my response. “Believe me, I wanted to do just that. But this isn’t about me, her, or even Jake. This is about Jamie and what’s best for her.”
Ashlyn nodded. We sat subdued for a few minutes before she tentatively said, “Though I get where you’re coming from, don’t you think this is Jake’s decision?”
In part, yes. I couldn’t make him get with Tara.
“Jake doesn’t know what it’s like to be starved for your parents’ attention. He grew up with both of his as a solid unit. He won’t understand what it’s like for Jamie to need not only her dad’s love but her mom’s love as well.”
Sugar: A Single Dad Romance (Honey Book 2) Page 2