Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Six
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Epilogue
Thank You for reading
About the Author
Other Books
Room for Recovery
Hearts and Health: Book 4
Copyright 2018 DJ Jamison
Published by DJ Jamison at KDP
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Cover design by Lucas Soltow
KDP Edition License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return Amazon.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Warning: This book contains sexually explicit content suitable for mature readers.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Epilogue
Thank You for reading
About the Author
Other Books
Author’s Note
A big thank-you to my readers who made me realize Wade and Beau needed their own story. Without you, I would have peacefully plodded along without Wade’s angst and Beau’s big heart, so thank you for encouraging me to take this journey with them.
Prologue
Wade opened the door to the man cave built into the garage of his house. It was mostly a TV room with a bunch of “manly” décor: an illuminated cigars sign, a series of framed football jerseys from Kansas City Chiefs players, classic car posters and a liquor cabinet stocked with the scotch his father liked. His dad went there to retreat — more and more often in the past few months — behind an invisible “keep out” sign.
Wade hesitated on the threshold. He felt like he was walking into a bear’s den and offering himself up for a meal.
Maybe neutral territory would be better, he thought.
Wade had considered a lot of ways to come out. Announce it at the dinner table. Send a text message or make a Facebook post. Boom, it’s over. But he knew his father would hate that. Byron Ritter always told Wade to confront his fears head-on. He’d want to hear the news face-to-face, man-to-man.
And there was no reason to worry. Not when Bryon’s close friend was an openly gay surgeon.
His pep talk propelled him through the doorway.
“Hey, Dad?”
Byron blinked as sunlight bled into the darkened room. “In or out, Wade, but shut the door.”
Wade latched the metal door and approached his dad, who sat in front of a large flat-screen TV playing a show about catching crab in arctic weather conditions. There was a lot of wind and water and shouting on the screen.
Wade swiped sweaty palms on the thighs of his jeans.
“Can I talk to you?”
“What is it?”
His father’s eyes remained on the screen. Wade didn’t want to compete with television, but maybe it would be better if his father was only partially absorbing his words. He could pretend he was talking to himself.
“I think I’m gay.”
The sound of the television show dropped away as Byron hit the mute button. He turned to Wade, eyes laser focused. “Say that again?”
“I think ... I mean, I’m pretty sure. I’m gay.” Unnerved by his father's intent look, he added, “Like Trent.”
Invoking Trent’s name didn’t offer him the automatic acceptance he’d expected. His dad’s expression didn’t clear. No smile of understanding appeared.
His father shook his head slowly. “You’re a bit young to know something like that, Wade. You’ve got years of growing up to do.”
Wade had thought about waiting to come out, maybe until he was in college. Or after he was living on his own, settled in a job. But if he did that, there’d be pressure. Pressure to date girls, to go to prom. Already, as a high school freshman, his secret weighed on him. He wanted everything out in the open — at least with his family and friends. The homophobic assholes didn’t need to know.
He swallowed hard. “I’m fifteen, Dad. My friends already have girlfriends, and I don’t want one.”
Byron smiled, looking relieved. “Is that what this is about? You know your mother was a late bloomer too. Never dated until college. Don’t worry if you’re not interested yet.”
Wade’s insides clenched. This wasn’t going how he’d hoped. He’d imagined the outcome hundreds of times, everything from acceptance to disgust. He hadn’t imagined his dad willfully misunderstanding him.
“No, Dad. You don’t get it. I like boys.”
His father sighed, suddenly looking older than his forty years. He rubbed his temples. Wade noticed a tumbler with a third of amber liquid in the bottom, and now that he looked closer, his father’s eyes were bloodshot. Was he tired or drunk? Wade wasn’t sure. His father wasn’t an alcoholic or anything. He’d only started drinking more lately. Mom said he was stressed about work and not to worry if he seemed a little rough around the edges.
“Listen, Wade. I know you think you know everything now that you’re a teenager, but life is complicated. It’s not easy. And being gay ... it’ll make your life harder. So, I’m going to give you a piece of advice. Take your time and really be sure before you start telling people you’re gay. Give yourself time to grow up more, okay? You know that Trent is my friend, but kiddo, I don’t want you ending up like him. That’s not what anyone would want. Can you do that for me? Can you just take some time and think about it?”
The lump in Wade’s throat prevented him from answering. He nodded, eyes burning with tears that wanted to come. He ruthlessly pushed them down, unwilling to cry because his father hadn’t offered unconditional love and a warm hug. He’d been silly to imagine it could go that way. He knew, deep down, t
hat it might not. Plenty of worst-case scenarios had danced in his head, and this wasn’t the worst of them by far. His father seemed so reasonable … but it still hurt.
“Good man.”
Byron punched the volume button on the remote, and the shouts of distressed fishermen filled the room once more. Wade walked out in a daze, not sure how to feel. He was out, but he wasn’t. He was in limbo.
But if his dad needed Wade to take time to think about it — even though it seemed like all he’d done for months was think about it — then he’d do that. He could wait to tell his mother and his friends, let his father get used to the idea. He had probably been surprised by Wade’s news, but he would come around.
Everything would be fine.
But it wasn’t fine. Could never be fine again.
Because Byron Ritter killed himself the next day.
Chapter 1
Four Years Later
Beau James was trashed. Eyes glazed, words slurred, inhibitions gone, full-on trashed.
He balanced on the orange-and-brown plaid couch in Barry Gleason’s basement, a cup of beer sloshing in one hand as he tried to dance to rap blaring through Barry’s speakers. Tried to dance, as in, couldn’t dance to save his life. It was painful to watch — Beau thrust his slender hips completely off-beat — but it was also hard to look away.
It was hot in the small room with so many bodies crowding in, and Beau’s curly hair was frizzing into a halo around his flushed face. A halo for the angel, Wade thought sarcastically. A sheen of sweat made Beau look as if he were glowing. Or maybe that was the huge smile on his face, beaming his care-free, drunken joy to everyone in the room.
Even Wade wasn’t immune.
That smile did squirrelly things to Wade’s insides. It always had, which was why he worked so hard to make that smile disappear when they were together.
He’d known Beau was gay from the moment they met three years before. With puppy dog eyes full of adoration, Beau’s crush on Wade hadn’t been subtle. Wade tried to keep his distance — because annoying or not, Beau was cute — but that was easier said than done when their families were intertwined. Wade saw Beau for Sunday dinners with the James family, for Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthdays in between.
And now, as the drunken star of Barry Gleason’s party.
Barry’s parents let kids drink, so long as none of them drove, so his house was the go-to party spot. Wade didn’t often come to these parties, but Anna had dragged him out and promptly disappeared to gossip with her friends on the cheerleading squad. He tried not to feel too relieved about that. He wasn’t in the mood to have an armful of girlfriend.
Glancing around, he noticed a couple of guys holding up phones, taking pictures or videos. Beau was going to be embarrassed come Monday morning.
“Take it off,” someone called.
“Strip show!”
Beau laughed and fluttered his eyelashes. “I don’t get naked with a guy before the second date!”
“Knew he was gay,” Jeremy Krantz said. “Fucking gross.”
Wade was afraid things might get ugly if Beau didn’t get home soon. He had perfected the art of avoiding Beau, so he searched the room for someone who might know him. Beau mostly hung with the same two friends. Wade scanned the room and spotted Beau’s friend, Nathan something, near the television, where a video game was under way.
Nathan was tall, with dark, messy hair and skinny as a skeleton. Wade mostly remembered because of his height-to-weight ratio. Taller even than Wade, he towered over Beau when they stood side-by-side. Usually a cute, freckled blond girl stood between them, but he didn’t see her.
Nathan held a game controller, and Wade realized he was one of the players. Two others were seated in gamer chairs low to the ground.
“Dude!” a familiar voice said. “I didn’t know you could do that!”
Wade wasn’t surprised to see Shane tucked away in the gamer’s corner. His best friend was addicted to video games. He was more surprised to see Anna in the other chair, fumbling with a remote.
“How do you fire? I forgot which button to hit.”
Shane leaned over and nudged her index finger onto the A button. His hand lingered on hers a fraction longer than necessary, and Wade narrowed his eyes. Was his best friend trying to make a move on his girlfriend?
He wasn’t jealous, exactly. He’d been relieved not to have Anna all over him tonight. It was more the principle of the matter. He shelved his irritation for the moment and turned to Beau’s friend.
“Hey, man, uh … you hang with Beau, right? You’re Nathan?”
The guy was focused on the game, and it took him a minute to respond.
“I go by Nate.” He spared a look at Wade, then did a double-take. “Why?”
There was a hint of suspicion to his voice that made Wade wonder what Beau had said about him.
“Uh, well, Beau’s pretty smashed.”
Nathan hit the pause button, and Anna protested loudly, before she noticed Wade standing there. She smiled brightly and jumped up.
“Hey, you. I thought I’d lost you to a love affair with the wall.”
Wade rolled his eyes. She thought she was funny. She was, which was part of her appeal. If only the rest of her appealed to him. Try as he might, he couldn’t get excited about the thought of the make-out session they’d have before he dropped her off at home later.
“Beau’s wasted?” Nate said, sounding incredulous. He turned, taking in the room, and his eyes popped wide. “Holy crap!”
He rushed off, and Wade watched him intercept a guy trying to hand Beau yet another beer. There was laughter and boo’s as Nate coaxed Beau off the sofa and led him toward the door. Wade couldn’t hear their words, but he could tell Nate was pissed as he flipped off someone and pulled a stumbling Beau out the door.
Disaster averted.
Anna wrapped a hand around his bicep and leaned close. “I’m done playing games. You want to get out of here?”
Wade cut a glance to Shane, who stared at the television, despite the game still sitting on pause. He seemed to be avoiding watching them together, and Wade felt a fleeting sense of guilt. He knew, even before he saw them together tonight, that Shane was into Anna. But Shane had the hots for everyone. Wade didn’t take it seriously. Now, he wondered.
“You want to come out for a burger, Shane?” he asked.
“I can’t drive,” Shane said. “I drank too much.”
“I’ll drive. We can get your car tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Shane unfolded himself from the chair. “If you’re sure I’m not going to be in the way?”
“Come with us,” Anna said easily enough, which was another reason Wade liked her. She was easy-going and genuinely a nice person. “It’ll be fun. Wade’s pretty to look at, but he’s not much of a conversationalist.”
“Fuck you say?” Wade said, though he wasn’t really offended. When she looked as if she was about to apologize, he added, “I’m not pretty.”
Anna and Shane busted up laughing, and Wade headed for the door.
Before they got in the car, Shane pulled him aside. “You’re sure I’m not a third wheel? You could just take me home.”
“Would you stop? I’m pretty sure we both like you enough to hang out for a burger before we tear off our clothes.”
Shane rolled his eyes. “Thanks so much for your patience.”
“No problem. What are friends for?” Wade joked.
But for all their playful banter, Wade was beginning to think that if there was a third wheel in their little trio, it might actually be him.
Chapter 2
The week after his eighteenth birthday was no bueno. At least, that was about as well as Beau could describe it in Spanish, despite being in his second year of language lessons. Nouns and verbs were all good, but conjugating sentences was a serious pain in the ass.
So was the staring and the whispered exchanges of several students in the room.
“Ignore them,” Ke
r whispered out of the side of her mouth.
Beau pulled his textbook a little closer and stared hard at the exercise they were all supposed to be practicing in small groups.
“I can’t decide if being gossiped about in Spanish is better or worse than the English version.”
“At least you don’t know what they’re saying,” volunteered Nate, ever-helpful friend since the sixth grade.
Beau shouldn’t have gone to the party at Barry’s house Friday. He’d never been to one of his parties before. His mom was paranoid and overprotective because her own high school experience included getting pregnant her senior year. Even though her boyfriend married her, he’d split three years later, when Beau and his little sister Maggie were still toddling around. But having turned eighteen, and wanting to demonstrate his adult independence, he’d gone to the party and she hadn’t stopped him.
Beau knew now he was a major lightweight. A lightweight who apparently climbed onto couches and danced while people took embarrassing video footage.
Nate had been there and helped Beau stumble his way home. He wasn’t sure he would have made it on his own, so he owed him one. Ker had been stuck visiting her dad that weekend, but she’d seen the video making the rounds on social media. Judging by the staring and whispers — and sometimes catcalls — as he walked the halls, the entire student body of Ashe High had seen it. And judging by the rude taunts he received from a few assholes, they’d also taken the video as confirmation he was gay. He’d sort of, kind of flirted with a guy who made a joke about him stripping. Personally, he thought asking him to strip was gayer than Beau batting his lashes and stating that he never got naked with a guy before the second date. But according to a jury of his peers, Beau was the gay one.
They weren’t wrong.
Beau had the kind of face and mannerisms that didn’t exactly disguise his sexuality. Ker had guessed in seventh grade, and Beau had come out to Nate in ninth grade. He hadn’t planned to come out fully until the hell of high school homophobia was over. There were two assholes in particular who’d been giving him shit for years, and they’d only amped it up since the party foul.
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