‘Sit there.’ He opened the door and pointed to a grey plastic chair.
I did as I was told and waited until I was spoken to. Saddler shut the door abruptly and sat at his desk with his back to me. I tried to imagine why I’d been summoned – perhaps as a witness to something? After a few moments Saddler swung around on his red, padded swivel chair and stared directly at me without blinking. The silence grew unbearable. I thought back through my recent behaviour, which I felt sure had been acceptable, unless that old bag Blewitt dobbed me in for calling out, but that hadn’t been bad. I’d been talking about the work after all.
‘You’re in serious trouble, son.’
Silence.
‘Sir?’
‘You’re going to wish you’d never been born.’ The sinister calm of his voice caused my throat to dry and lungs to burst, as if I was about to have an asthma attack.
My head spun as I considered all the possibilities. Surely this was a case of mistaken identity?
Saddler spun around, then took a key from his jacket pocket and unlocked a drawer below the desktop. Something clattered on the papers but was obscured from my line of vision. Saddler turned back to face me with that snake-like stare.
‘Do you recognise this?’
He pushed himself to one side, allowing me to finally see the small silver and black object lying inert on some official files and papers. My Desert Eagle! But that was safely in my bag inside my locker. I slowly closed my eyes and rubbed my eyebrows with the heel of my palm. Hell!
Saddler was enjoying every second. He finally had his man.
There was no point in lying. Saddler had obviously looked in my locker and struck gold, so denying it would merely make things worse – if they could be worse.
‘You’re a damn fool, lad.’ Saddler shook his head sorrowfully. I could see the Deputy Head was beyond being angry; his tone was now pitiful. This was worse than being shouted at.
‘Do your parents know you have this dangerous weapon?’
I shook my head. What else could I do? I felt an uncomfortable heat rising to my face.
‘Sorry, I can’t quite hear you.’
‘No, sir.’
‘Is there an age limit to owning one of these? Do you need a licence?’
‘It’s only an air pistol –’
‘Yes, I know what it is, son, I’m not an idiot. It’s still a serious offence to bring firearms to school. What the hell were you thinking?’
I let my head droop further.
‘Personally, I think it’s a matter for the police.’
This made me jump. Police? What was I being accused of? Murder?
‘However, the Head prefers not to involve the police, so there we go. It’s not my decision.’ He checked his watch and signalled for me to stand up.
‘I’ve already called your parents and we’re going now to meet them at Mrs Fuller’s office. You can explain your actions to me, and to them.’
Bile rose to my throat and I had to suppress the urge to gag. I tried to imagine my parents’ reaction when they were phoned. They would be sitting in the Head’s office now, listening politely as Mrs Fuller explained to them that their son was a psycho.
When I got there it was worse than I imagined. Mum sat weeping in the corner, balancing a cup of coffee on her trembling knee, and Dad was prowling in front of her, pacing up and down like a frustrated lion in a cage. As soon as I entered, ushered forcefully in by Mr Saddler, I heard Dad snarl and Mum speak through sobs.
‘Oh, Luke. What have we done to deserve this?’
Dad comforted her with a hand on her shoulder. ‘It’s those bleedin’ computer games he plays.’
Mrs Fuller motioned for Mr Saddler and me to sit on the two remaining chairs, so I slumped onto the nearest one.
‘Move over. Now!’ I’d never heard Mrs Fuller shout and was shocked by her ferocity. ‘And sit up!’ Saddler shoved me onto the chair by Dad but I refused to look at my parents.
‘Now then. Where do we start?’ Mrs Fuller began to chair the meeting with her usual efficiency and natural air of authority. ‘Mr Saddler, perhaps you could furnish us with the facts.’
‘Yes, thank you.’ Saddler cleared his throat like a barrister summing up. ‘This morning we had a tip off that some students were using cannabis outside the school. We located some of the main culprits by watching them on CCTV cameras installed outside the front of the school where they tend to congregate. Unfortunately, some of them couldn’t be identified because of their hoods and hats. We closely observed their actions this morning and Luke here was one of the few that we did identify –’
‘I’ve never taken drugs –’ I spluttered.
‘You be quiet! Let Mr Saddler finish and then you can have your say,’ Mrs Fuller growled, her eyebrows angled down towards her nose.
‘Thank you.’ Mr Saddler was clearly enjoying himself and relishing the groans and tuts coming from my parents. ‘Because of this video evidence we then decided to check those pupils’ lockers. While no illegal substances or evidence to that nature were uncovered, we did discover this object in his bag.’ He fished the Desert Eagle from his jacket pocket and placed it on the Head’s desk. ‘This is quite clearly unacceptable behaviour and I recommend that he is permanently excluded. Our school has a zero tolerance procedure where drugs and weapons are concerned.’
I knew permanent exclusion meant being expelled, no second chance. This was serious.
‘Thank you, Mr Saddler,’ Mrs Fuller said. ‘Now then, Luke, what do you have to say for yourself?’
After squirming in my seat, I sat up and attempted to speak as confidently as I could.
‘I’ve never done drugs. I was with a friend outside the gate this morning, but I’m not part of that gang.’ In desperation I turned to my parents, attempting to stay calm. ‘Honest. I’ve not touched the stuff. I walked past them and they shouted at me. That’s all.’
‘So you know the students involved? You could name them?’ Mrs Fuller narrowed her eyes as if formulating a new scheme. She seemed to be asking me to become a super grass. ‘You understand that you’re in deep trouble here?’
‘Why, Luke?’ Dad suddenly joined in the conversation. His words set off Mum again, who sipped the rest of her coffee between sniffs and coughs. ‘Where the hell did you get a gun from?’
The stillness echoed in the confined space of the office. With my head dully throbbing, I had no answer to offer the four gawping adults. Instead I let out a lengthy sigh and gripped my temples with my thumb and middle finger.
‘Silence is often a sign of guilt,’ Saddler piped up immediately. ‘I don’t see why we should put up with such rude behaviour.’
‘Luke,’ Mrs Fuller said, ignoring Saddler. ‘Possessing a weapon in school is a major infringement of the rules and I’m sure the governors would support me if I applied for your permanent exclusion. It would be upheld. Do you understand me so far?’ She looked first at me and then at my parents. I nodded in my humiliation. ‘The police would also be very interested, as would the local papers. However, I am willing to negotiate as this is your first offence.’ She looked at Saddler, daring him to argue, but he sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and sighed. I realised that a chink existed here – however tiny. ‘If you could identify the students involved with drugs, or at least the ringleaders, then I am willing to change your punishment to just a week’s exclusion. Obviously that will look better on your record and for future references for jobs or colleges.’
Before I could reply, Dad spoke out.
‘He’s very grateful to you, Mrs Fuller, and he’s more than willing to comply with your very reasonable request, aren’t you?’
There was nothing else for it.
‘Yes, miss.’
‘Splendid. I’ll leave you with a form to fill in, then your parents will take you home.’ She spoke directly to them now in a sympathetic voice. ‘Could you bring him back a week on Monday, shall we say at 8.45, to my office for his readmission inter
view?’
My parents stood up and nodded.
‘And would you like me to destroy this evidence?’ She waved towards my precious Desert Eagle.
‘Thank you,’ Dad replied, sounding more than grateful.
Then Mrs Fuller turned to me. ‘I will need complete reassurance that this was a stupid, one-off error never to be repeated. I need to be convinced that you are sorry and will come back with a changed attitude. You’ll report directly to me, and Mr Saddler will keep me informed of your daily progress. Over this next week you need to do some serious thinking about how to change for the better. You will also be expected to catch up on all missed work. Now go with Mr Saddler, who will give you the form. Shut the door behind you.’
As I re-entered the Deputy Head’s office, I noticed Saddler’s eyes glinting in a smug and somewhat sinister fashion.
Chapter Nine
A whole week off school. Result! On the face of it, this seemed an exciting prospect, but as I remembered the major black mark on my record and how I would have to continue doing work school sent by email, I gradually realised that being suspended might not be as great as it sounded. All my mates would be at school.
I finally explained to Dad how I got the gun and he decided to dock all future spending money until I’d paid him back in full. I was given loads of jobs to do around the house. And then my parents made a momentous decision.
‘We’ll be removing your games console from your bedroom today, Luke.’
‘What? You can’t do that –’
‘Um, I think you’ll find we can, actually,’ Mum replied sharply. ‘Who paid for that damn machine in the first place? Was it you? Hmm, let me think now. Oh, wait, it was us.’
I’d never heard Mum using sarcasm before. This was more unnerving than one of Saddler’s lectures.
‘Don’t you start telling me what I can and can’t do, either. Your father and I have had enough of your stupidity. I felt so ashamed sitting there in your school office. What sort of parents must they think we are?’ She looked to her husband for support. He stood up and changed his expression to one of disgust.
‘You heard what your mother said. No more blasted computer games, so stop arguing. You’re going to catch up with all coursework and get on quietly. You stay out of trouble, do you hear?’
Over the next few days I grew progressively more bored. Beginning in a conscientious manner, and under the watchful eye of Dad, who’d taken a few days off work to monitor me, I quickly caught up with various pieces of homework and reading. But doing work all day became intensely tedious. How I longed for a quick go on Organik Apokalypse.
Dad took me to town one afternoon, but I wasn’t allowed to buy any games, only study aids and software to help with schoolwork and exams. Instead I had to endure the monotony of visiting furniture and department stores. When I found myself in Ikea for what seemed like three days I thought I was going to die of eternal boredom; even school was more fun than queuing in this dull place.
Frisky’s disappearance was still upsetting Mum. I helped put up posters, she wrote statuses on various social network sites, and regularly phoned the vets for any news.
‘He’s got one of those identity chips, so if he’s found they’ll find our number.’ Each time the phone went she grimaced.
How bad did I feel?
Then Mum and Dad dragged me out for a walk in the countryside one sunny afternoon.
‘Come on, Luke,’ Mum insisted. ‘You need some fresh air and a break.’
‘Can’t I just watch telly?’
‘Nope, you’re coming with us. You might even enjoy yourself if you don’t try too hard.’ She threw my trainers in my direction, and I grumbled as I laced them up. Dad wore his ridiculously sad beanie hat he always wore on holiday, as well as those stupid Bermuda shorts that showed off his hairy legs. He swung the keys around his forefinger and called out chirpily:
‘Your carriage awaits, madam, monsieur.’
After forty minutes’ drive I snapped out of my semi-conscious trance and saw we’d entered a forest at the foot of the downs and stopped in a small car park. As we got out of the car, I was alarmed to hear Mum announce this as an ideal spot for a picnic. Picnic? How old was I? Five? I didn’t want a picnic in some crappy place with nothing to do. Probably end up sitting in stinging nettles, anyway. At that very moment my head was surrounded by a cloud of flies. A midge alighted on my right arm, so I slapped it, squashing it into a red blot on my skin.
‘It’s too hot,’ I moaned, stretching until all my limbs splayed out in a star.
‘Stop whinging and look around you,’ Dad retorted wearily. ‘Look how beautiful the trees are – how the sun glints through the branches. The way the flowers add sprays of colour to the clearing. Then there’s all the birds: chaffinches, blue tits, collared doves all living alongside squirrels and other fauna. What’s your problem exactly?’
‘It’s boring.’ I rolled my eyes.
‘No, son.’ I didn’t expect Dad to get so angry. ‘You are boring. Your miserable, negative attitude is boring. You’re a stereotype – everything’s boring according to you. You live in your own selfish little fishbowl of a world and think you’re the only person in it – well, you’re wrong. Look around you, there’s a whole world out there – millions of other people struggling like you. There’s a planet with amazing things going on right under your nose and you can’t be bothered to take an interest in it. It’s not boring – do you see? You are the one that’s boring and I’ve had enough of you. Now shut up and stop making my life such a misery.’
All three of us remained silent for an inordinately long time. The only sound came from the crinkling of sandwich bags, followed by munching. To my horror Mum and Dad embraced, enjoying each other’s company all the while ignoring me.
There was nothing left to say. I had no idea how to respond to Dad’s sudden tirade. After eating my sandwiches, I started drinking a can of cola, and grabbed a packet of crisps, got up, and wandered off without a word. I even waited for the inquisition before strolling off but it never came. It seemed my parents were keen to see the back of me. Nice. It would serve them right if I got hurt or fell off a cliff. I wandered off, making sure I was hidden from their gaze. Downing the last of the drink I looked at the can and hurled the metal cylinder at a nearby tree. It clattered against the trunk and caused a number of birds to crack their wings in hasty fright.
‘That’s it,’ I said aloud. ‘Piss off, the lot of you.’ The can rolled onto a patch of dirt between the grass and glinted in the bright sun. Even though I knew it could be a fire hazard, I frankly didn’t care.
‘Be better if the whole bloody forest was burnt to the ground.’
One bird remained in place though – hopping casually and flicking its head to watch me through one eye and then the other. A magpie. I was getting sick of seeing those dumb birds, so I picked up a pebble and threw it directly towards it. It was a poor shot, but enough to make the magpie flap away, squawking noisily.
As I wandered further away from my parents I ate my crisps, pouring them greedily into my mouth and dropping the crisp packet, which blew away in a breeze, before getting tangled at the base of a bush.
Then to my horror I realised my parents were actually just a little way behind me. I heard their voices first before they came into view. Hand in hand, Mum and Dad dawdled, pointing to various aspects of the landscape or to a bird flying overhead. They were coming out of the forest now and towards a path leading directly up into the downs.
‘Oh, you know it’s the right time for early orchids now,’ Mum said with a friendly smile.
‘For what?’ I didn’t respond as she attempted to link arms. My parents, annoyingly, seemed to have forgotten what happened only a few moments ago.
‘Orchids. Beautiful flowers. Some of them are quite rare, you know. I heard something on local radio. This is a prime spot for them.’ Mum gave up trying to appeal to me.
Whoopee-doo. So the rest of the afternoon was
going to be spent looking for flowers. Oh God. Was I going to be expected to pick a posy, skip down the hill, and take up flower arranging as a hobby? Perhaps I could press some wild flowers and make a pretty picture?
I slunk miserably behind them as they inspected likely habitats for orchids. Finally Mum gave a shriek as if she’d won the lottery.
‘Here. Oh, over here. I think it’s a bee orchid – I’m not entirely sure. Isn’t it beautiful? Look at those delicate petals – the lovely shapes and colours. Oh, what a delight. Come on, Luke, even you have to admit that is lovely.’
‘Super,’ I replied flatly, which solicited a hard stare from Dad. After photographs had been taken for later identification they decided to return to the car and head off home again.
Watching my parents stroll off hand in hand, I waited until they were out of sight, then I stepped over towards where the precious orchid displayed its colours in the midst of the browned grass. Standing directly over it, I undid my flies and directed my spray of streaming yellow liquid over its blossom and leaves. The orchid immediately flattened as several petals dropped off.
‘Not so pretty now, eh?’
Chapter Ten
The next morning held better hopes. Mum and Dad would both be out as Dad had been called in with some kind of internal office emergency – which meant I’d be alone for a while.
Mum had her coat on and was looking at something on her phone.
‘Oh, yes. That was a spider orchid we found yesterday. Apparently, it’s very rare and a protected species. Pretty cool, huh?’
I pulled a face as she kissed me on the cheek. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on the flower. Mum left the house first.
‘We’re trusting you to be sensible, son,’ Dad warned me sternly. ‘Use the time wisely and no silly business, OK? When I get back, and I’ve no idea when that will be, I expect you to be here.’
‘Sure, you can trust me.’
‘Can we?’ Dad muttered rhetorically. He closed the door and I heard the car start up, grinding gears as it pulled away and turned the corner.
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