“Yes,” she said, giving him a weak smile. “Not great but better—a little better than yesterday as yesterday was a teensy bit better than the day before and so on.”
“You don’t know how happy I am to hear that.”
Kate sighed. “Healing is such a complicated process.”
His arms squeezed her with gentility and purpose. “You’re doing great.”
“I am?”
He lightly caressed her soft red hair with his right hand. “Yes.”
She sighed deeper. “I’ve had so many things going through my head that I wonder if I’m not going crazy.”
“Why would you think that?”
“It’s just that Lindsey’s death has made me question everything.”
“Like what?” he asked, looking at Kate with concern.
She took in a small burst of air. “Enzo, do you think there’s something else when we die?” The words rushed out of her mouth so quickly that she didn’t have time to take them back or re-configure them.
His worried expression turned into one of puzzlement. “What do you mean? Like an afterlife?”
Kate nodded, relieved he had caught on without further explanation. “Exactly.”
He turned solemn and pensive. “That’s some question—especially coming from you.”
“I know that I’m a self-avowed atheist, not even an agnostic but a full fledged atheist but . . . but . . . Oh, I don’t know.”
“But your best friend died and suddenly the old answers you thought you had don’t seem good enough anymore.”
Kate rested her head on his shoulder and squeezed closer to him on the sofa. “That’s exactly it,” she proclaimed with a smile, incredibly relieved he had understood without her having to explain.
“Katie, it’s normal to be questioning your beliefs when someone close dies. You know this better than I do.”
“I guess that even as a therapist, I’m not immune to being human.”
“I would hope not,” he said gently, putting his hand over hers and squeezing.
Kate rewarded him with a small smile. “I’m just so lost right now.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “But you’re not alone. I’m with you.”
Kate kissed his cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart. If there is a heaven then you’re it.”
“Heaven, huh,” he said, chuckling. “I’m sure there’s much more to heaven than me.”
“I know we’ve never talked about this subject before since I’m a non-believer and you don’t seem to be religious, but now I really want to know how you feel about what happens to us when we die.”
“After we die?”
“Is there an afterlife?”
Enzo’s eyebrows came together in deep contemplation. “I can tell you that I’m not an atheist.”
“So you believe in God?”
“Yes, I guess I do.”
“And that there’s a continuation after we die?”
“Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part but I can’t help feeling that we don’t end here on earth.”
“I know what you mean. Seeing Lindsey’s empty body, I kept thinking, where is she?”
“There seems to be more out there than our tiny brains can understand.”
Kate nodded. “Maybe so.”
“Yes, maybe."
Chapter 5
“Valeria, let’s go back as far as we can. Did anything traumatic happen then?” asked Dr. O’Leary, looking at Valeria who was already in deep hypnotic state.
As peculiar as it sounded to the average person, Dr. O’Leary had regressed some of her patients to when they were still in their mothers’ wombs. She found that if anything traumatic had happened to their mothers at that point, they still felt the repercussions many years later when they were out of the uterus. Maybe this was the reason for Valeria’s recurring dream. Even though her mother insisted she had had a normal pregnancy, Dr. O’Leary found that parents often told what they considered to be white lies in order to protect their children, not knowing they were actually doing the opposite.
Valeria gasped for air. “Me estoy—“
“English please,” stated Dr. O’Leary. “Or I won’t be able to understand you.”
“I’m drowning,” she said, still desperately gasping.
Dr. O’Leary had forgotten to place her out of herself. “Valeria, put yourself outside of—“
“Lucio pulls me out of the water,” she announced with relief and gratitude in her still tight voice.
“What?”
“I get pulled out of the water.”
Complete confusion overtook Dr. O’Leary. Why had Valeria not gone further back? Why had she stayed at her near drowning? It must’ve been even more traumatic than Dr. O’Leary had envisioned if Valeria couldn’t move on. But who was Lucio?
“Lucio? Who is that?” asked Dr. O’Leary.
“He’s a boy,” she stated, still gulping for air. “
“Did he get to you before your mother did?”
Valeria shook her head, her breathing starting to normalize. “My mama isn’t here.”
“What?”
“She’s at the house, and I’m at the river. I slipped on the muddy banks,” Valeria explained softly.
Fully baffled, Dr. O’Leary didn't know what to make of the turn in events. What was going on in Valeria’s head that two different episodes of the same happening were occurring? Or maybe she had almost drowned a second time? That was why it had been so devastating to her psyche.
“Valeria—“
“You keep calling me that, but that’s not my name.”
“What’s your name?”
“My name is Valentina.”
“Valentina?”
“Yes, I’m Valentina.”
What is going on? “Is that what you like to be called?”
“It’s my name.”
“Valeria isn’t your name?”
“No, it’s Valentina,” she insisted.
Dr. O’Leary would go with it for the time being. “How old are you, Valentina?”
“It’s my birthday today.”
“It is?”
“I’m eleven years old now.”
“Eleven years old?”
“Yes.”
Had two near drowning accidents happened in the same year and had her parents slightly changed her name from Valeria to Valentina? Maybe they did it to get her mind off of the tragedies that almost took place. People did strange things when confronted with adversity. Valeria’s psyche was certainly a maze, thought Dr. O’Leary. It was no wonder she had psychological problems.
“So a boy pulled you out of the water?” asked Dr. O’Leary.
“Yes,” she said. “Lucio.”
“Lucio saved your life?”
“When I fell into the river, I couldn’t get out!” she cried, gulping for air as her voice became agitated again. “It was full of water that moved so fast! I screamed and screamed!” she asserted, hyperventilating.
“Its okay, Valentina, you’re fine now,” soothed Dr. O’Leary.
Valentina’s hard breaths barely allowed her to speak. “I thought I was going to die! I thought I was going to drown!”
“But Lucio pulled you out,” Dr. O’Leary stated firmly, trying to get her out of that state but deciding against placing Valentina outside of herself. All this was extraordinarily odd to say the least, and Dr. O’Leary made a sudden decision to go with it to see where it would go.
“Yes, Lucio pulled me out,” she declared, her voice calming down.
“What happens after that?”
“Lucio takes me to my house and my mama scolds me,” she said, disconcertedly. “She tells me to be more careful when I go to the river.”
“Valentina, had you almost drowned earlier in the year?”
“No.”
“No?”
“It was just once.”
Something was definitely strange, leaving Dr
. O’Leary in a very confused state. How could her patient remember an episode in her life two different ways? In her entire career, Dr. O’Leary had never encountered such a problem. Maybe another near drowning had happened later in the year but in the last session, Valeria had said that nothing like that had ever happened to her. And she had also said she was eleven while in this session she just turned that age, so she couldn’t have almost drowned earlier in her eleventh year. What was going on inside Valeria’s head? Or was it Valentina?
“Why did your mama change your name from Valeria to Valentina?” Kate asked.
“She didn’t.”
“What’s your last name, Valentina?”
“Cantares.”
What?! None of this made any sense to Dr. O’Leary whatsoever. Could Valeria Loya have another personality? Dr. O’Leary didn’t know what to think. If that was the case, she didn’t have much experience with multiple personalities. She worried about being able to treat Valeria.
“At the count of three I want you to wake up, and you’ll recall nothing, okay?”
“Okay.”
“One, two, three.”
Valeria fluttered her eyes open. Disoriented and with a puzzled look, she glanced at Dr. O'Leary, who stared at her intently.
“What happened?” Valeria asked.
“How do you feel?”
“Fine, but what happened?”
“What happened?” echoed Dr. O’Leary disconcertedly.
“I can’t remember anything. What did we talk about?”
“Don’t worry about it. I do need to ask you some questions.”
“What questions?” Valeria uttered, still disoriented.
“Do you ever have blackouts?”
Valeria shook her head. “No, why?”
“You don’t ever lose time, wondering why whole periods of time seem to get lost?”
“No, why are you asking me these questions?” Valeria asked suspiciously.
“I’m just trying to cover all bases.”
“You are?” Valeria questioned.
“Yes.”
“Okay,” Valeria mumbled.
“Do you know someone named Valentina Cantares?”
“Valentina Cantares?” Valeria asked, puzzled.
“Yes.”
“No, I’ve never heard of her. Dr. O’Leary, these questions are making me nervous.”
Dr. O’Leary smiled soothingly at her. “Don’t get nervous, Valeria. We’re just covering some ground, okay?”
“Okay,” Valeria said, still sounding unconvinced.
“Valeria,” Dr. O’Leary stated strongly. “We’re just exploring different things, that’s all. We still have lots of work to do, okay?”
“Okay.” This time Valeria sounded more convinced.
Another appointment was set and as soon as Valeria left the office, Dr. O’Leary stepped into her private lavatory and splashed cold water on her face. This case was absolutely frustrating and making no sense.
A few hours later, Kate O’Leary was still trying to decipher the Loya case as she stepped into her home.
“I need to tell you something but promise me that you won’t get upset,” Enzo said as soon as Kate had sat next to him on the sofa where he had graded the last of his paperwork.
“What is it?” Kate stammered. “Are my parents okay? My sisters?”
“Everything is okay, Katie,” he said, putting an arm around her. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Are you sure they’re okay?”
“They’re fine.”
Relief poured from her face. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry I fly off the handle so easily these days,” she murmured.
“Katie, it’s natural that you’re overprotective with your loved ones.”
“I feel as if everyone around me can be snatched away just like that. Just like . . .”
“Lindsey,” He said, gently finishing the sentence for her.
“Yes . . . Lindsey.”
He put his other arm around her and created a safe cocoon. Kate could feel his entire warm body envelope her. After a few seconds, she spoke.
“What did you need to tell me, sweetheart?”
“Maybe we should talk about it another day,” he said, eyeing her.
“Tell me please.”
“I don’t know if I should,” he said with trepidation. “At least not yet, anyway.”
“You’d better tell me because you’re scaring me.”
“It’s really not a big deal,” he stated.
“Then what is it?”
“It’s about Casey.”
Kate clenched her teeth. Casey was the last person she wanted to discuss.
“What about him?” she grumbled.
“You’re getting upset. We’ll talk another time.”
“Tell me now, Enzo. What about that good-for-nothing?”
“He came by earlier,” he informed.
“For what?”
“He just needed to talk.”
“About what?”
“Lindsey.”
“He wanted to talk about Lindsey?” asked an astonished Kate.
“Yes.”
“Why?” Kate questioned.
“Katie,” he said gently, “just because he was a bad husband and she divorced him doesn’t mean he didn’t love her.”
“I know he loved her, but he didn’t treat her very well—always putting her down,” stated Kate.
“He’s full of insecurities.”
“Many, many insecurities,” retorted Kate.
“And he brought them with him when he got together with Lindsey.”
“At least he didn’t let them stop him from marrying her,” blurted Kate, biting her tongue as soon as she realized what she had said. “Sorry, Enzo.”
“What good is it to be in a marriage like they had?” he questioned. “They ended up divorced.”
“That doesn’t mean we’ll end up divorced,” Kate said quietly.
“It doesn’t mean we won’t,” Enzo stated.
“People take that kind of a risk every day,” she mentioned lightly. Sometimes, she couldn’t help feeling like a failure with Enzo. For all her training, she hadn’t been able to do anything with his fear of marriage but maybe if she was able to help with Valeria’s fear of commitment, she’d find a way to help Enzo. He had had an especially devastating break-up with a former fiancée and refused to even consider marriage. “It’s what people do.”
“I’m not like other people,” he grumbled.
“We’re mature adults, Enzo,” she declared. “We’re nothing like Casey.”
“Even mature people make mistakes.”
“But—“
“Let’s drop this,” he said, irritated.
“Enzo—“
“Anyway, Casey is pretty broken up about Lindsey. He said he never stopped loving her and now realizes that he was a bad husband.”
“It’s too late,” Kate stated sadly. “She’s dead. He should’ve realized it when she was alive.”
Enzo nodded. “Casey kept saying that he’d never be able to see her again, that he wouldn’t have a second chance to right the wrong he did her.”
Kate shrugged her shoulders disconcertedly. “I’ll say it again—the fool should’ve realized it when she was alive.”
“Yes, he should’ve,” agreed Enzo. “It’s too late now.”
Chapter 6
This time, Dr. O’Leary decided to audio record the session. It was less obtrusive than using any type of camera. Valeria had already signed a consent form to use whatever reasonable device for her therapy. In order to be able to better communicate with her, instead of questioning a child, Dr. O’Leary took her as Valentina past her childhood.
“How old are you now?” asked Dr. O’Leary.
“Fifteen, but I’m about to turn sixteen in a few days,” she informed.
“Is your name still Valentina Cantares?”
“Of course,” she sa
id, “What else would it be?”
“Do you have a middle name?”
“No.”
“Valentina Cantares is the name you’ve had since birth?”
“Yes.”
Dr. O’Leary sighed deeply. “Okay, Valentina. So you’re fifteen and about to turn sixteen.”
“Yes.”
“Tell me about your life.”
“There isn’t much to tell,” Valentina mumbled nervously.
“I’m sure there is.”
“Not really,” Valentina rushed.
Apparently, Valentina didn’t want to say much, and it was obvious she was hiding something. Dr. O’Leary would have to pull her out of her fortress. “How’s your family?”
“They’re fine,” answered Valentina, her voice easing up a bit.
“Your mom?”
“She’s very well.”
“No more drowning episodes?”
“I’m very careful when I’m close to the water.”
“You haven’t had any more incidents in the river?”
“No.”
“H-m-m,” Dr. O’Leary let out. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes.”
“Have you seen this boy, Lucio, since almost drowning?”
Valentina gasped loudly. “I’ve seen him around,” she said nervously.
“Tell me about him.”
“I can’t,” she blurted.
“Why not?”
“I just can’t,” Valentina said with a firmer voice.
“But—“
“It’s a secret.”
“What is?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Valentina stated firmly.
“You can tell me,” coaxed Dr. O’Leary.
“I can’t,” Valentina insisted, shutting down.
Dr. O’Leary let out a heavy sigh. If she pushed further she risked losing all rapport with her. “Okay, Valentina. So are you excited about your birthday?”
“Yes, very.”
“Are your parents planning a big birthday party for you?”
“No, there’s no money for that, but we’re going into town to have my picture taken.”
“You are?” asked Dr. O’Leary.
“I’m wearing my favorite pink dress.”
“That’ll be a pretty color for the picture.”
“But the color won’t show.”
“What do you mean?”
“The picture will be in black and white.”
“Black and white?” Dr. O’Leary questioned.
“Yes, of course.”
“Not in color?”
“Pictures aren’t in color,” Valentina asserted.
Dr. O’Leary’s mouth went dry. “Not in color?”
“No.”
She suddenly thought of what her next question had to be. “Valentina,” she stammered, “what year is it?”
“1898.”
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