by R. J. Kottke
Ever since arriving in Chicago, Peepaw has been eating a lot of beef – sirloin steaks, hamburgers, pot roasts, and stew. He even bought some beef-flavored toothpaste, which I feel is an excellent choice because I can use it too. No more of that minty stuff for me!
The girl has just finished knitting me and Peepaw matching cashmere sweaters. She has just cast-on for matching socks. She has stopped knitting bobbles and is happily knitting cables.
The girl hired a photographer to take a set of autumn photos of me. The good news was that I didn't have to wear any sweater in the pictures. The bad news was that I had to sit in a bucket.
Since his near brush with brain liquefaction, the guy has taken the activist approach. He has started a new group on campus, “Teachers Against Brain Liquefaction.” TABLe for short. He has decided to let his hair grow longer and take fewer showers to emphasize the importance of his group. The girl put her foot down when he tried to stop wearing deodorant though. Sometimes, in his attempt to understand me better, he sits with me in the recliner, although I prefer it if he takes a shower first.
I've gotten quite a few texts from Gail Svensen. His latest one was a shocker. Apparently he is distantly related to E.M.'s cat through adoption. He says that after we left, the cat got re-stuffed with the new and improved packing peanuts that come in several shades of pink. And oh, that cat isn't so active anymore – apparently the second packing of peanuts never turns out as good as the first. Gail’s team is still doing surveillance and, when applicable, engaging in daring rescues.
The girl wasn't able to find out much about the small town online. She did come across one small article that read, “Crazy Kyle Cokely wins mayoral race.” When she went to get the guy to take a look at the article, the link had mysteriously disappeared, even from her browsing history.
Every night, we read the Question Book together as a family. We make sure to read the answers first, because that way we can ask the right questions.
11:45 post meridiem
While talking with Peepaw, I've decided to publish the memoirs of my time in ZMN Zone 5. After some thoughtful consideration, I came up with the title Zombie, MN. I have also included, for your viewing pleasure, pictures from the girl's inferior digital camera (I only add this in the event you come across an unflattering picture of me). I was also able to get some government surveillance stills from a cyborg bat that got stuck in the grill of our car as we made our escape.
All sketches were drawn by me and may only be used with express written permission. All requests must include a gift of some very expensive French cheese.
Speaking of cheese...I think I hear Peepaw rooting around in the refrigerator. I must away and see what he’s doing. He better not be touching my cheese again!
About the Author
Bestselling canine author Bippy Johnson graduated Summa Cum Laude from Yail's Polishing School for Dogs. He is currently an Associate Fellow at the University of Barkley in Illinois, and he is President of the prestigious Canis Lupus Historical Society.
Bippy is fluent in English, French, and Canis, and in his spare time he enjoys ballroom dancing, backgammon, and discussing economics.