The Balance

by C. L. Nelson

  I glared back at him. “What’s your problem?” I whispered, so I don’t wake up anyone.

  He puts his coffee on the counter. “Oh, nothing,” he whispered. “You looked cozy with your boyfriend. I hope I didn’t wake you,” he said, not sounding sincere at all.

  I frowned at him. “Fin is not my boyfriend, though that is none of your business. And no, you didn’t wake me, jackass.”

  “Does he know that? Because he looks like he enjoys being pressed up against you,” he said, sounding jealous.

  “Why? Do you want to be pressed against me, big boy?” I asked sarcastically.

  Is that what this is all about? Does he like me? He doesn’t act like he likes me. He acts like I am a nuisance. I am going to ignore this for now. It might not matter after I talk to the Ladies of the Waiting anyway.

  Kian looked like he was in pain when his brother Jarrett walks into the room. He is wearing black jeans that are designed to have rips down the legs and a white t-shirt, his heavily tattooed, muscular arms showing underneath. His black and blue hair that is longer on top and shaved on the sides is slicked back for a perfectly styled look. It’s clear that he put some effort into his appearance before coming out.

  “Good afternoon, Beautiful,” he greeted me while pouring himself a cup of coffee.

  I blushed and ducked my head to try to hide it. “Hey, Jarrett.”

  “Aww, she’s blushing. Isn’t that adorable?” he said to Kian who is still silently brooding.

  Finlay had woken up with all the talking going on and I have moved so I am sitting up against the back of the couch. Finlay repositioned himself so his head is lying on my thigh.

  “She does look quite delicious when she blushes actually,” he said as he playfully bites my thigh.

  I think he has picked up on the fact that Kian doesn’t like when we are affectionate and is now getting a kick out of teasing him. I am going to let him for now because Kian is being a dick.

  And thinking of Kian, he left the room after Finlay bit me.

  “What’s up his ass?” Jarrett asked as he starts to prepare breakfast for everyone. “I hope you all like eggs and bacon. If not, I think I have some cereal.”

  Dashiel walked into the room as Jarrett is mentioning breakfast. “I hope you have enough, I am starving,” he said as he starts to help Jarrett with breakfast.

  Dashiel is a large man and it looks like he needs all the protein he can get to maintain all that muscle. His clean-shaven head and beard make him look like a sexy biker but he is wearing basketball shorts and a white tank top like he is about to go shoot some hoops with his friends.

  Does everyone in this family have to be so freaking attractive? It makes me sick. Well, not really, but I need to get out of this room for a minute before I explode.

  I nudged Finlay so I can get up. “I’m going to go get dressed. I can help with breakfast when I get out of the bathroom,” I offered, as I walk toward the bathroom.

  Dashiel smiled at me. “Nah, we got it under control. The best thing you can do to help is to put on a bra. You are distracting everyone in the room with the girls beaming at us like that.” He winked as he turns to tend to the bacon.

  Finlay and Jarrett laugh at Dashiel’s comment like they were thinking the same thing.

  I crossed my arms over my chest to cover myself, stuck out my tongue at them, and walked to the bathroom.

  I didn’t get angry about Dashiel’s comment about my clothing like I did about Kian’s from yesterday. Dashiel was just busting my metaphorical balls while Kian definitely wasn’t joking around.

  I decided to help myself to a quick shower since they don’t need help in the kitchen. I could get used to attractive men making me breakfast. I relax under the spray of the hot water for a minute before I finish up and get out. I smell the bacon, and nothing is going to get between me and that bacon.

  I throw on a semi-casual navy-blue, fit-and-flair dress that falls to about mid-thigh and has three-quarter sleeves. I combed out my hair, put a little product in, and leave it to dry naturally. I put on some mascara and some red lip stain. I slide on some red flats and I am ready for the day. I don’t normally wear any makeup, but I want to look nice for when I meet the Ladies of the Waiting.

  I exited the bathroom and followed the scent of bacon. When I enter the room, I am greeted by catcalls from Dashiel, Jarrett, and Finlay. Kian is still nowhere to be found.

  “Damn girl! You are going to give me a heart attack looking that fine,” Dashiel said with a grin.

  Jarrett gives me a wolf whistle. “My offer to join me in my bed is still on the table,” he said with a cocky smile.

  Finlay came over and put an arm around my shoulder. “You look good enough to eat, love, but I will settle for eggs and bacon,” he said and kissed me on the cheek before heading over to the dining room table with a plate of food.

  I rolled my eyes at all of them and smiled before grabbing a plate of food.

  Kian entered the room as I am sitting down at the table between Finlay and Jarrett. He was freshly showered too, his hair still wet. He was also freshly shaved, and I mourned his facial hair for a moment. He was dressed in business casual again like he was the first day we met. He looked good in his black pants and white, button-down dress shirt.

  He looked at me and then he looked like he was in pain again before he turned to address his brothers. “Jarrett, Dashiel, enough with the inappropriate comments. She is to be considered a pickup until the Ladies of the Waiting figure out what to do with her. And as such, you will behave appropriately towards her,” he said authoritatively before getting himself a plate of food.

  Awesome. Mr. Buzzkill is back to ruin everyone’s mood, I think to myself.

  Dashiel leaned across the table and quietly offered to kick Kian’s ass for me. I laughed and declined with a shake of my head.

  Jarrett, who is sitting next to me, also leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Don’t mind him. He’s had a stick up his butt for years. That’s why he gets glitter bombed on a regular basis.”

  I start to laugh. “Is that your handy work then?” I said, referring to the glitter that still clings to Kian’s skin. He nodded and grinned, clearly proud of himself.

  I laughed harder when Kian glared at Jarrett. Then he glared at me for laughing and I nearly fell out of my chair from laughing so hard.

  “You need to relax, Kian. I may be sentenced to death in a short amount of time, but you don’t see me moping around, making other people miserable,” I tell him after my laughter dies down.

  We all ate in silence for a few minutes before Kian spoke again. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just a little stressed out over this whole thing, but I shouldn’t be making things worse by being a jerk,” he said as he visibly tries to relax a little.

  I smiled at him. “Yep. Just enjoy my awesomeness while you have me around. You will miss me when I am gone,” I joked to try to lighten his mood, but I can see that it just made his mood darken again.

  He took a deep breath and tried to shake off his dark mood.

  We all ate our breakfast in silence for a few minutes before I couldn’t take the heaviness anymore.

  “So Fin, I am curious about my incarnations. Can you tell me about my past lives?” I asked while reaching for my last slice of bacon.

  Jarrett leaned in closer to listen. “Oh my Creators, please say yes! What was our little minx like in her past lives?” he asked, smiling broadly.

  I gave him a shove, so he nearly fell off his chair and he laughed.

  I noticed that Kian was watching our playful fighting and was frowning. This guy seriously needs to stop worrying so much and lighten up.

  I ignored Mr. Raincloud and focused on what Finlay had to say.

  “What do you want to know, love? Where would you like me to start?” Finlay asked me.

  I think for a minute about what I want to know about my past incarnations. “How do you know where to find me after I die and am reborn? Have I alwa
ys lived in the same area?” I asked as I push my now empty plate away and turn towards Finlay to listen.

  He smiled at me. “No love, you have been reborn all around the Provisional. This was...is your first lifetime being born in the northeast of the States,” he said with a smile and a faraway look like he was reliving the past in his memories.

  “As I told you before, I met you for the first time in Ancient Rome, the date I can’t quite remember. I was a young fae, still relatively new to the world when I bumped into you in a marketplace. You were thirteen years old, almost a woman in those days, and your name was Antonia. You were out shopping, and I was human-watching, learning more about the world around me.” He paused for a moment and grinned. “Okay, I was out checking out the women and seeing who I could get in trouble with. I had a fondness for sleeping with married women for the thrill and the potential of being caught by the husband.” He waggled his eyebrows and the brothers laughed, including Kian.

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Move on, Fin,” I said seriously but then laughed.

  Finlay chuckled before proceeding with the story. “So, I bumped into you in the marketplace and the moment we touch, I felt like lightning hit me. I am not sure, but I think that is when my soul attached to yours because from then on, I could feel your soul and I would know where you were. Sort of like our new friend, Kian, could do before we blocked him with that spell, but not as exact.” Finlay gave Kian a triumphant grin.

  Kian looked like he was planning Fin’s death, clearly not happy about not being able to feel my soul anymore.

  “Unfortunately, that spell seems to have also blocked me from locating you, though I can still feel whether you exist, just not where you are.” He frowned for a moment as he thought about the consequences of the spell.

  “Anyway, your father found you a husband and you were married by fourteen. Your husband didn’t like me because I hung around with you too much.”

  “I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t like that,” Kian mumbled.

  Everyone ignored him.

  I’ve had a similar problem with guys I have dated in this lifetime. No guy has been able to handle my friendship with Fin and I can understand that. It probably also doesn’t help that Finlay amps up his flirting when I date someone. He just likes to cause trouble.

  I thought about being married at fourteen and how strange that would be nowadays.

  Then I thought of something and paled. “Fin, did I have children?” I asked while I imagine having thousands of descendants running around somewhere in the world.

  Finlay looked sadder than I have ever seen him. “No, love, you tried several times after you were married in Ancient Rome. You miscarried every time. We even tried to make a baby together once.” Finlay said somberly.

  “Your husband was threatening to divorce you if you didn’t produce any children for him. Unfortunately, even my genetically superior seed wasn’t enough for a baby to be carried to full term,” he said, looking like he still grieved his unborn child.

  “And I am sorry to say that you have never been able to have children in any of your incarnations. You would always lose the babies.” He paused again. “That first incarnation ended when you died at twenty-one while delivering a stillborn child.” He looked down to avoid my gaze.

  I felt many emotions tied to this news. I was sad, relieved, angry, and confused. I don’t know if I even want children, but to hear that I probably won’t be able to have them is heartbreaking. I am angry with my situation, at the mess that has been my lives. What could I have possibly done to deserve all of this?

  I look around to everyone in the room who has just heard my personal issues. Jarrett and Dashiel aren’t looking at me. They aren’t even at the table anymore. They must have decided to make themselves busy by cleaning up breakfast. Kian is staring at me as usual, but he looks sad for me. I look away. I can’t stand to see the pity in his eyes.

  The mood in the room is heavy. I can’t take it. “Alright, that’s depressing, enough about that. Fin, tell me about happier times during our lifetimes together,” I said as I lifted his chin to look at me, so he would see my smile.

  Finlay returned my smile and then pulled me into a hug. “We have had plenty of happier times together, love. After I figured out your incarnation pattern, I made sure to fill the time we had together with laughter and fun. I also made sure to add as much pleasure to your lives as you would let me,” he said with a grin and a wink.

  Jarrett stopped cleaning and came back to the table to sit across from me. “Haha, yes! This is a much better topic. Tell me, Finlay, is she good in bed, and was it fun to sleep with her when she looked different in each life?” he asked while smiling so wide that it looked like it hurt.

  I took off one of my shoes and threw it at him hard.

  He dodged it just in time and laughed at me.

  Suddenly, Kian came over from the kitchen island that he was leaning on and punched Jarrett in the face one time. “Don’t speak about her that way!” he said before walking back to his spot at the island.

  “I can handle my own battles, thank you. There is no need for you to defend my honor if that is what you were doing. I didn’t even take offense to what Jarrett asked,” I yelled, glaring at him.

  He took a deep breath. “You are right again. I am sorry, Jarrett,” he said to his brother.

  Jarrett rubbed his face. “Watch your back, Kian. Karma is a bitch…but don’t tell her I said that,” he said with a grin that should make Kian worry about retribution.

  “No more fighting, you two. That’s my thing,” Dashiel added over his shoulder while washing the dishes.

  Finlay cleared his throat to get everyone refocused on him and his stories. “That was fun to watch, but back to my stories about Charlie. To answer part of your indiscreet question, Jarrett, Charlie never looked any different in any of her lifetimes, but she has always been fun.”

  Kian walked back to the table. “So, you are telling us that she looked exactly the same in every incarnation as she does right now? That is impossible. Souls are reincarnated in different areas to different ethnic groups,” he explained pragmatically like Finlay must be mistaken.

  Finlay nodded. “I am aware of that, but I am telling you that for whatever reason, Charlie always appeared the same as she does right now. And before you ask, I did my best to make sure that didn’t cause problems with the families she didn’t resemble,” he clarified.

  I started to laugh, and everyone looked at me. “Well, at least now I know why my parents didn’t want me. I remember them telling the social worker that I didn’t look anything like them and that I wasn’t their child. It makes so much more sense now. Great job with this incarnation’s parents, Fin,” I said bitterly.

  Finlay looked hurt. “I am sorry, Charlie. I was late, but I did make sure you had a nice family to live with,” he said before leaving the table to sit on the sofa in the living room.

  I shake myself out of my selfish pity party. I followed Finlay to the couch and sat next to him, putting my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Fin. Thank you for doing your best for me always,” I said, grabbing his hand to hold.

  Finlay smiled and kissed the top of my head. “You are forgiven, love. Now everyone gather ‘round and come listen to my stories.”

  The brothers all came and sat in the living room with us, even Kian. Kian always sits as far away from me when we are with other people as he can like he can’t stand to be near me. I miss the closeness we shared on the balcony.

  Finlay proceeded to tell us stories from our lifetimes together. He thankfully did not share too many personal details about any trysts we may have had, but he did hint to them which eventually caused Kian to leave the room in a huff. I think that was Finlay’s intention since he can’t help but push Kian’s buttons and remind him that he knows me intimately.

  Dashiel listened quietly while Jarrett, being the troublemaker that he is, continued to interject with inappropriate comments and questions. My eyes
started to hurt from rolling them at him so much.

  A couple hours later, Kian came back out of the guest bedroom. He just received the text we had been waiting for: the Ladies of the Waiting are on their way.

  ***

  My heart starts racing and my palms get sweaty. Finlay pulls me into a hug and tells me it’s going to be okay. I feel like my time is up and the executioners are coming for me. I want nothing more than to be far away from here right now.

  I feel strange for a minute and when I look around everyone is staring at me with wide eyes. “What?” I asked as I start to panic even more from their looks.

  Finlay cleared his throat. “Um,” he said as he tried to explain why they were giving me a strange look. “Well, love, you just disappeared for a moment before returning right where you were sitting,” he explained simply.

  Jarrett jumped in. “Yeah, you definitely just glimmered there for a moment,” he added.

  Kian kneeled in front of me and put his hand over my hands that are clasped in my lap. I am surprised that he is touching me. “Charlie, what were you thinking about right before you looked up and saw us staring at you?” he asked gently.

  My heart is still racing. I couldn’t have glimmered. They must be mistaken. I thought back to what I had been thinking about. “I was thinking about how much I didn’t want to be here right now,” I explained

  The brothers looked at Finlay who nodded back at them.

  “No, I can’t glimmer. I didn’t go anywhere. I would have known if I left this room,” I tell them.

  “We all saw you do it. You were sitting there quietly and all of sudden there were small glowing orbs of light where you had been. The lights hovered there for a moment before blinking out and then they returned, and you were back. It all happened very fast,” Dashiel explained, trying to give me a comforting smile.

  Kian, who was still kneeling in front of me, is now running his thumb over my knuckles absentmindedly. He stopped when he realized he is doing it. “Charlie, can you try to do it again? Just concentrate on wanting to be somewhere else.”