by Amber Garza
I stand up. “I’ll be right back.” The minute I step forward, Cruz gets up from his table. I smile, thinking he’s going to meet me halfway. Only he doesn’t. He pivots in the other direction and makes his way out of the coffee shop. All I see is the blur of his grey shirt as he races past the window and down the sidewalk.
I almost go after him, but Adam comes up behind me. “What’s up, my tambourine girl?”
“Nothing.” I force a smile and turn around, attempting to leave thoughts of Cruz behind.
16
cruz
I thought this whole thing with Adam and Sloane would blow over quickly like a storm - loud, disruptive, and chaotic. But then it would settle down, leaving a little mess in its wake, but nothing we couldn’t clean up. And once it was cleaned up, we would forget it ever happened. In fact, we might even be stronger, more aware now.
However, things aren’t slowing down. Rather, they’re progressing. It’s clear that Adam is into Sloane, and if the lovesick expression on her face is any indication, she’s pretty into him too. After our set last night it about ripped out my heart to see him sweep her into his arms. It should be my arms she’s in. It should have been my moment with her.
God, playing up on that stage was such a rush for me. It was something I’ve dreamt about for years. And I wanted nothing more than to share that with Sloane. But just Sloane. Not Sloane and her new boyfriend.
It was even worse when we came off the stage and she ran off with him. When I saw her sitting at the table with Adam and Becca it was like she didn’t need me at all. Like she was part of a new group. Like she was leaving me behind.
And at first it pissed me off. That’s why I left. I was too upset to face Sloane. So the minute she came toward me, I raced away. It was a temper tantrum, plain and simple. As embarrassing as it is to admit I’m getting pretty good at those lately.
However, right before I whirled away, I caught a glimpse of Sloane’s face. And that glimpse was enough to make me feel guilty. The way her eyes sloped downward as she frowned filled my mind when I ran off. I couldn’t shake it, so I ended up going back to the coffee shop to talk to her. To make sure she was okay. Only when I did, she was still with Adam. I watched her with him. Watched her eyes light up, her lips curving into a large grin. Watched her throw her head back in laughter, as her fingers gently lighted on his arm. It was painful, but also necessary because I realized something. I realized that Adam makes her happy. Like really happy.
And isn’t that what I’ve always wanted for her?
I remembered the words Adam said to me the morning I ran into him at the coffee shop. He seems to really like her, and he treats her well. I love Sloane too much to ruin this for her. No matter how badly I want to be with her, it’s clear that she wants to be with him. Besides, I had my chance. Years of chances actually, and I never jumped at them. Therefore, now I have to do the best friend thing. I have to bow out. I have to put her happiness before my own.
Even though I knew I was making the right decision, it hurt so damn bad. Almost like my heart was physically breaking inside my chest, the pieces all sharp and jagged edged as they pricked my insides.
And that’s why I went out with Tara. I knew it was stupid. In fact, it’s even more apparent this morning now that she’s over at my house acting like my goddam girlfriend. But I couldn’t help it. I was hurt and Tara was all over me like I was god’s gift to women or something. My ego was so bruised, I needed a pick-me-up. She provided that, but now I don’t know how to get rid of her.
If it had been any other night I wouldn’t have responded to her advances. In fact, I’ve turned Tara down before. Multiple times, in fact. She’s worked at Ruby’s for about a year, and every time I come in she flirts with me, making suggestive comments. Last night I didn’t have it in me to turn her down though.
After we went out, I made the mistake of bringing her back to my house. Now she knows my damn address. And apparently to Tara that’s as good as an invitation. She showed up early this morning, surprising me with a coffee. I’ll admit it was sweet, and that’s why I invited her in.
And that’s when things got out of hand. Mom started talking to her about Mateo’s wedding, and next thing I know Tara’s helping Mom bake and she’s planning to attend the wedding. I have no idea how I lost control like this. I’m brainstorming a way out of it when I hear a knock on the door.
Gabe is closest to the door so he offers to get it. I peer out the kitchen window, but I can’t see anyone. After Gabe opens the door I hear him say, “Hey, Sloane.”
“Hey, Gabe,” her sweet voice responds. I can’t help feeling a little grateful that Tara’s here now. Maybe this thing with Tara is good after all. It’s the perfect way for me to show Sloane that I’m all right with her dating Adam. Perhaps I can even find a way to like Tara. Maybe she can even help me get over Sloane.
“Annette’s already baking, huh?” I hear Sloane say, her voice coming closer to the kitchen.
“She’s been at it all morning. Prepping for Mateo’s wedding,” Gabe responds.
“Oh. Right.”
“Come on in. Cruz is in the kitchen.”
My heart kicks into high gear as Gabe enters the kitchen, Sloane at his heels. Tara and I sit on the barstools next to the counter. Mom leans over the counter spooning batter into muffin tins. Her long black hair is tied at the nape of her neck, and an apron wraps around her middle.
“Hi, Sloane,” Mom greets her.
“Hey, “she says. “Everything smells amazing.”
“Thanks. I would offer you some, but I have to save it all for Mateo.”
“Yeah.” Gabe snorts. “Just because he’s getting married he gets all the perks.”
I smile at his remark. Mom just waggles her fingers. “Oh, you get spoiled every day.”
And it’s true. We are never without our share of baked goods. As Mom and Gabe quibble about food, Sloane’s looks at me and smiles, stepping toward me.
“Sloane, what’s up?” I ask.
Her gaze flickers toward Tara, and I see a flash of uncertainty. “You left the coffee shop last night without saying good bye. Just wanted to check on you.”
“Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that.” I nod my head toward Tara. “That’s because I met Tara and we were going out, so I had to take off.”
Her smile is so tight it looks like it would hurt. “Hi, Tara. I’m Sloane.”
“Nice to meet you,” Tara responds in a soft, high-pitched voice.
“I’m Cruz’s best friend,” Sloane says, and I feel a pinch of satisfaction. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that Sloane is a little jealous. As soon as the thought enters I shake it away. So much for bowing out. “You two are helping prep for the wedding?”
“Yeah.” I flash Tara a smile. “Tara’s coming with me to the wedding. She’s my plus one. I’m guessing that you’re bringing Adam?”
She nods slowly. “Yeah. Of course. We are dating, after all.”
“Cool. Then it will be the four of us.” I nudge Tara in the side, and she giggles. God, I’m a jerk. Why am I leading this poor girl on? I know I’ll never want to see her again after the wedding. Hell, I don’t even want her there. I want to go with Sloane. I want to dance with her, hold her in my arms, and feel her body against mine. I was fooling myself to think Tara could help me get over her. She doesn’t hold a candle to Sloane. No one does.
Doing the right thing is going to be even more difficult than I originally anticipated.
“Yeah,” she says, but her voice is hollow sounding. “Well.” Shifting from one foot to another, she fiddles with the bottom of her t-shirt. “Glad you’re okay. I guess I should go now.”
I nod, hating how weird things are between us. “Plans with Adam today?”
“Yeah.”
“Have fun.” I want to smile, but I can’t even make my lips curve upward. There’s nothing more that I want than to stop all of this. Then to chase her, pull her into my arms and tell her how I really feel. I’m los
ing her, and it’s like I’m powerless to stop it. It’s like when you witness a car accident and you know there’s nothing you can do to prevent it.
And just like a car accident, I have no idea if the damage will be permanent when this is all said and done.
17
sloane
When I first met Mateo he was tall and gangly, an uncoordinated mess of knees and elbows. Pimples covered his face and metal filled his mouth. I can hardly believe that I’m sitting on a white folding chair in the middle of a beautiful grassy field watching him get married. Gone is the lanky kid I once knew. His body has filled out, his face has smoothed, and his teeth are white and straight. He walks with confidence as he steps toward his soon-to-be bride, Ella. I feel a little choked up watching him make his way toward her.
My gaze slides to Cruz who stands between his brother, Gabriel, and Mateo’s best friend Alex. My stomach twists when I notice that Ella has four bridesmaids. It makes Julian’s absence that much more real. The empty spot next to Alex is a glaring reminder of the missing groomsman. When Cruz’s eyes meet mine, I can tell he knows what I’m thinking. We’ve often joked over the years about being able to read each other’s minds. This is one of those instances. He flashes me a sad smile before turning his attention back to Mateo.
As the preacher begins speaking, a warm hand rests on my thigh. I glance over at Adam, and my heart flutters. He looks amazing in his black slacks and blue collared shirt, his hair neatly styled. When he smiles at me, I place my hand over his, curling my fingers around his palm. It’s surreal having him here with me. It feels like such a “couple” thing to do. It makes this relationship seem so real.
I imagine what it will be like when school starts again. Hopefully we will have defined our relationship by then. In my mind I envision walking into school with Adam, our fingers linked. Lauren and all her friends will be shocked to see us together. Adam will walk me to class and give me a kiss before the bell rings. Everyone will see that they’ve misjudged me. The sound of Mateo speaking draws me out of my reverie and back to the wedding. My head bobs up and I stare forward as Mateo and Ella say their vows.
I’ve never been one of those girls who spends time fantasizing about her wedding. In fact, the idea of being in a stuffy dress all day and having to pose for pictures and stand in front of a crowd of people reciting vows has always sounded a little like torture. But today it all seems romantic. As I watch Ella, I don’t think she looks stuffy and uncomfortable in her dress. I think she looks stunning and happy. And for the first time, I think I might actually like to be in her position. What would it be like to be her today knowing that you’re embarking on this new life? As I try to picture myself up there, my gaze inadvertently lands on Cruz. He looks incredibly good in his tux, the jacket fitting over his muscular body perfectly. When he throws me a wink, my insides leap and I’m taken aback. What the hell was that about?
It must just be all the romance in the air. Adam squeezes my fingers yanking my attention back to him, and I turn away from Cruz. Smiling at Adam, I wonder what just happened. Taking a deep breath, I stare back up at Mateo and Ella and attempt to keep my thoughts focused on them.
By the time the preacher announces Ella and Mateo as husband and wife there is hardly a dry eye in the crowd. Cruz’s parents are sniffling, and so are Ella’s. Even Cruz seems to be blinking a little more rapidly than usual. I’ll admit I had to fight back tears when they exchanged their rings. Adam is the only person who seems completely unfazed, but I guess that’s to be expected since he doesn’t know Mateo at all.
It’s warming up, so I’m grateful that the reception is inside. When we step into the banquet hall I’m grateful for the air conditioning that spills from the vents. I excuse myself and head to the bathroom. Mostly I just want to air out my armpits. After sitting in the hot sun for the past half hour, I’m worried that I’ve sweated all over myself. I’m certain there will be dancing later, and I don’t want to stink or be covered in sweat. As I slip into the bathroom, I wave my arms around. Catching my reflection in the mirror, I’m thankful that there aren’t any sweat stains on my sundress. Stepping forward, I smooth my hair down with my fingers. Then I reach into my purse and snatch out my tiny bottle of perfume and spritz some on. After dropping it back inside, I yank out my lip gloss. As I glide it over my lips, a toilet flushes in one of the stalls. A girl walks out, and my stomach drops. It’s Tara. I had forgotten she was even here.
She wears a short black skirt and white top, peep-toe heels on her feet. Honestly, she looks cute, but I don’t dare say that. I don’t know why I dislike the girl so much.
“Hey.” She smiles at me as she turns on the faucet to my left and runs her hands under the water. “Sloane, right? Cruz’s friend.”
“Best friend.” I mentally slap my forehead. Why do I keep doing that?
She frowns. “Right. Sorry.” After turning off the faucet she turns, reaching for a paper towel. “Wasn’t that a beautiful wedding?”
Nodding, I rub my lips together and drop my lip gloss back into my purse. “Yeah, it was. Especially when you’ve known the groom as long as I have. Practically my entire life.” Damn it, what is wrong with me? I have to get away from this girl. She brings out this horrible side of me.
“Of course.” She bites her lip. “Yeah, I get it.”
But I can tell by her expression that she doesn’t. I don’t either really. “Well, I better get back to Cr--” I clamp my mouth shut. Why had I almost said Cruz? I’m going back to Adam. Adam. The guy I’m dating. “Adam. My date.” Before I can say anything else I’ll regret, I hurry out of the restroom.
Adam is standing against the wall waiting for me. When I approach him, he smiles and pushes away from the wall. My heart skips a beat at his dimpled smile. Leaving behind all thoughts of my bizarre behavior around Tara, I grin back.
“I was starting to worry that you’d snuck out the bathroom window or something.”
“Nope. Still here.”
“I’m glad.” He glances around the room. “Because you’re pretty much the only person I know.” His eyes meet mine. “Not to mention that you’re the prettiest girl in the room.”
“Thanks.” I blush. Then I turn my head, afraid to look Adam in the eye. When I do, I spot Julian entering the banquet hall. He’s wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a black t-shirt bearing the name of some rock band. His hair is longer than it was the last time I saw him, and his movements are jerky and manic. I inhale sharply when I see Gabe approach him, a stern look on his face. It’s clear by Julian’s reaction that he’s not going to bow out peacefully. Nausea rolls over me when their voices start to raise. Oh, shit. Julian is going to start a scene. This is going to devastate Cruz.
Cruz. I’ve got to find him.
“Um…Adam. Can you excuse me for a minute?”
“You’re rethinking the whole bathroom escape, aren’t you?” He chuckles, clearly oblivious to what’s happening. Then again, how could he know?
I force a light laugh. “No. Not at all. I just have to take care of something. You can find our table. I think they have place cards with our names.”
He nods, a confused look on his face. “Okay.”
“I’ll be right back. Promise.” Spinning on my heels I take off in search of Cruz. I have to keep him away from Julian and Gabriel. I’m sure Gabe will handle everything, so there’s no need for Cruz to have to be involved. It would be too hard on him. Julian and Cruz were really close when they were younger. Julian was the brother Cruz most looked up to; the one he connected with. The path Julian has decided to go down has been harder on Cruz than his brothers.
The room is filling up fast. Laughing and chattering swells around me. The scent of musky cologne and floral perfume linger in the air, and music plays quietly in the background. I scan the crowd, colorful pastel dresses filling the room like flavors at a candy store. My gaze flickers over Cruz’s dad and Mateo, but no sign of Cruz. I elbow my way through people as I frantically search for him.<
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I pass a table filled with food and a bar with wine and spirits. Still no sign of Cruz. Where is he? I even find myself looking for Tara, hoping she’ll lead me to him. My heart beats erratically in my chest as I race around the room. When I move back toward the door, Cruz’s voice stops me cold.
“Julian.”
Shit. I didn’t get to him in time.
“Hey, little bro,” Julian slurs. “Thank god you’re here. Maybe you can talk some sense into this asshole.”
Whirling around, I hurry toward the three brothers gathering by the door. Cruz stands stiffly staring at his older brother. I sidle up next to him, resting my hand on his arm to offer him encouragement.
“Hey, it’s Sloaney, baloney,” Julian says, his voice thick and muffled as if it’s full of something.
That’s a nickname I hoped to never hear again.
“You need to leave, Julian,” Gabe’s voice is hard, firm. He stands in front of Julian, his chest puffed out reminding me of a bouncer. His stance blocks Julian from walking in further. “No one is helping you here.”
“C’mon. At least let me talk to Dad. He’ll help me.” His bloodshot eyes rove around the room.
“This is Mateo’s wedding. It’s not the time to beg for money.” Gabe runs a hand over his head, groaning in frustration.
Cruz frowns, hurt passing over his features. A few other people are gathering around, looking on curiously. “You didn’t come here for the wedding? You came to ask for money?” He speaks slowly. “Unbelievable.”
“It’s time to go, Julian.” Gabe looks at Cruz. “Help me out. We’ve got to get him outta here before Dad sees.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Before they can do anything, Mr. Vargas’ voice booms from over my shoulder.
“Son?”
I cringe. Cruz looks stricken. Gabe appears royally pissed.