“Susan’s just watching out for you. Making sure you eat right so you’ll be around for a long, long time.”
“Killin’ me with kindness, is what she’s doin’,” Lou grumbled, but with a yeah, you’re right shrug and grin.
Maybe Susan went overboard with the worrying, and maybe Lou sometimes flashed his success more than Tony might’ve liked, but at heart they were good people. Good people who’d defied their parents when they’d fallen in love and wanted to get married, good people who were still devoted as hell to each other after more than thirty years. Finding out Marissa had cheated on Tony would be like a stake to the heart. If Josie ended up not being his…
Tony pulled a hamburger bun out of the package and plopped it on a plate. “Here. You get dibs.”
“Yeah?” The older man surveyed the plate, then said, “You pick. But you got enough to stick two patties on there? Just for God’s sake don’t tell Suze, she’ll make me eat bean sprouts for a week. Yeah, like that. You got mustard? Ketchup?”
“Over on the table. So I take it the girls didn’t give you any trouble?”
“You kiddin’?” Lou said, pumping the ketchup bottle. “They’re angels, all three of ’em. Although JoJo…” Chuckling, he smothered the burger with ketchup, then went for the mustard. “She’s somethin’ else. Knows exactly what she wants and goes after it. Doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, either. Just like her mother. You got pickles?”
“In the fridge.”
“Forget it, then.”
“I should call the kids—”
“No, wait a sec, I wanna talk to you.” Lou smashed the top half of the bun over the burger, sending mustard and ketchup squirting out the sides, before taking a seat at the table and looking out at the girls, now back outside. Daphne and Josie were playing ball with Ed—so much for the clean hands—while Claire sat listlessly on one of the swing seats, keeping an eagle eye on her sisters.
“That one’s got the world on her shoulders, doesn’t she?” Lou said softly before taking an enormous bite of his burger. “Since her mother died, I mean.” At that moment, the dog accidentally knocked the baby over. Even though she was obviously unhurt, Claire was instantly on her feet, pulling Josie to her and giving the dog hell. “See what I mean?”
“Actually,” Tony said, on guard, “she was like that before. Kid was born with the mother hen gene.”
“True. But you know what I’m talkin’ about, right?”
Yeah, he knew. That Lou was about to bring up a subject Tony had fervently hoped they’d buried along with Marissa, after Lou had taken Tony aside and expressed concern about how Tony would be able to take care of three kids on his own. “Lou, don’t.”
“What? Try to make you see reason? I got a good manager for the restaurant now, I hardly ever go in, maybe once, twice a week. Suze and me, we got more time on our hands than we know what to do with—”
“Then travel, for God’s sake,” Tony said. “Go build houses for Habitat for Humanity. Join a swinging singles club, I don’t care—you’re not getting my girls.” Trying to control his breathing—and his voice, since he didn’t want the girls to hear—he added, “I know you and Susan had issues with Marissa marrying me to begin with, that you never thought I was good enough for her—”
“That’s not true, Tony, and you know it.” At Tony’s lifted brows, Lou sighed. “Okay, so maybe it bothered us, at the beginning, that Rissa didn’t really understand what she was getting into. The two of you were so damn young, Tony—of course we were gonna worry. But it had nothin’ to do with you, I swear. And anyway, you proved us wrong. When I saw how you were suffering, when Rissa got sick…”
Lou looked away. “We’re not talking about taking ’em from you, Tone. Just…helping out. Until they’re a little older, a little easier to take care of. In the meantime, there’s this good private school, just down the road from us—”
“The kids are fine where they are, Lou. They’re fine here. I know…I know how hard this has been on you, Rissa being your only kid. But you can’t have mine.”
Finally, the old boy nodded. “Exactly what I told Suze you’d say. If that’s how you feel…” He lifted his hands. “Then that’s how you feel.”
Right. Like Tony didn’t damn well know that while Lou might be conceding the battle, the war was far from over. But nobody was getting his girls, he thought, watching Josie throw her arms around Ed’s neck and give him a great big kiss on the snout.
Nobody.
“That’s better,” Susan said, returning to the kitchen from the downstairs bath after she’d gone to “tidy up.” Seething from the exchange she’d just witnessed through the kitchen window, Lili watched her cross to the counter, where she’d left her large, obviously expensive designer bag, to fish out a tube of obviously expensive designer lotion, which she then squirted into the palm of one hand. “Sorry I took so long, but that sink looked as though it hadn’t been cleaned in a month—”
Lili’s jaw dropped. “How could it possibly be that dirty? Tony just cleaned it!”
Susan frowned. “How do you know that?”
“Because…because he told me, that’s what he does on Saturdays, when the girls are gone. Cleans house. But children are messy! And Daphne just washed her hands.”
Frowning slightly, Susan said gently, “Of course children are messy. But a clean house encourages them to be neater, don’t you think?”
Lili thought of all the clean sinks and floors her brothers had trashed immediately after she’d scrubbed them and almost laughed. Thought of the kitchen she’d spent all afternoon cleaning which had apparently either escaped the woman’s notice or which obviously didn’t meet Susan Pellegrino’s impossible standards. “Not in my experience. And Tony’s doing the best he can, he’s wonderful with the girls and he loves them so much—”
Blushing, Lili faced the window again, her arms tightly crossed over her stomach.
“Lili? Is everything all right?”
Keep your mouth shut, this is none of your business, you don’t know these people, Tony can take care of himself—
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” she said as calmly as she could manage, “but…” She turned back. “You and your husband want the girls to come live with you?”
Her expression once more slipping into neutral, Susan walked over to the window, massaging lotion into her knuckles. “Lou and I have been discussing the possibility for a long time,” she said softly. “I hadn’t realized he’d bring the subject up tonight, though.” Her gaze swung back to Lili. “What did Tony say?”
“What do you think he said? The very idea appalled him.”
Susan sighed. “Not that I’m surprised. I’d just hoped…” She cleared her throat. “It’s just…you people from the large families, you have no idea what it’s like when you lose your only child. The crater it leaves in your hearts. Your lives.” Tears glimmered in her eyes. “The girls are all we have left of Marissa. And we can offer them so much, take the burden off Tony, at least for a while—”
“The girls are all Tony has left, too! How could you even consider taking them away from him?”
“We’re only thinking of what’s best for them. And for Tony, too. He’s obviously overwhelmed, even if he won’t admit it—”
“Then help him—help the girls—right here!” Lili said, startling herself. “Hire a housekeeping service or an au pair or something! And you already see the girls, what? Nearly every weekend? That’s already a lot more than most grandparents get!”
Susan calmly returned to her open bag, snapped shut the tube of lotion and dropped it back inside. “Clearly, Tony has a very staunch ally.”
Realizing how close she’d come to showing her hand—a hand that wasn’t even hers by rights to begin with—Lily strode back to the counter and the undressed salad. “Tony was…very sweet to me, the summer I was here,” she said, dousing the pale greens with olive oil. The only lettuce she’d found in the vegetable bin was a head of old iceberg, the
outer leaves wilted and rusty. But the inside was at least edible, if boring. “He didn’t have to be, but he was. Especially since he was already going out with your daughter. I’ve never forgotten his kindness, that’s all.”
“And now all these years later,” Susan said, “you’ve got his back.”
“Something like that, I suppose.”
“You’re blushing.”
“It’s warm in here.”
After a long silence, Tony’s mother-in-law said, very gently, “Lou and I weren’t initially big fans of Tony and Marissa getting married. We felt they were too young, that Marissa was limiting her opportunities…” Shaking her head, she smiled slightly. “But our daughter is…was extraordinarily stubborn. As is Tony. We finally realized he’d do anything to have her. Do anything for her. He’s…” The corners of her mouth lifted. “An admirable young man. Very…honorable. Decent.” She paused. “Lou and I think the world of him.”
“They why do you want to take away his children?”
“We just want to help, Lili. That’s all. But my point is…” Susan came to stand beside Lili, her expression earnest. “He loved our daughter very, very much. And a love like that…well. I’m sure you’re smart enough to put the pieces together.”
Lili met the older woman’s gaze. “That Tony’s heart is still broken?” she said, deadpan, wondering what this woman would think if she knew the truth. “That he’s no more ready to form another attachment than he is to fly? Of course.”
“Oh, I think this goes beyond his being ready. Seeing what he went through, during Marissa’s illness and…after…” She picked up the garlic salt, frowned at it, then put it down again. “Of course he might remarry—one day, when the children are ready to accept someone in Marissa’s place—but I think it’s safe to say he’ll never love anyone again the way he loved our daughter. You might want to keep that in mind. And you might want to watch how much vinegar you’re putting on that salad.”
Lili slammed down the bottle. “Do you really think you’re saying something I don’t already know? That I can’t see how much pain Tony’s in? And Claire…” She lowered her eyes for a moment. “Even if I weren’t returning to Hungary in a few weeks, I know all about trying to wedge yourself into a space when you know you’ll never fit. I’ve had plenty of practice, believe me.”
She dumped in a little more olive oil to counteract the vinegar. “But—forgive me for speaking out of turn—you’ve got no right deciding Tony’s entire future, either. Or how or what he’s supposed to feel. A man that good, that giving, deserves to be loved.” For the long haul, dammit, Lili thought, madly mixing the greens as something fiery blossomed inside her. “He also deserves to be supported, not rescued. Because—”
“Burgers are ready,” Tony said, popping in the back door, frowning when he clearly realized he’d interrupted their conversation. When he looked at Lili, she gave her head a small shake. Dear God—another dozen words and she’d have come this close to letting his secret slip.
“So’s the salad,” she said brightly, clamping her hands around the bowl to carry it outside, knowing full well the look Susan gave Tony behind her back.
Chapter Seven
A good half hour passed before Tony found a moment talk to Lili without anybody else in earshot. Burger in tow, he casually lowered his butt onto the chair opposite hers at the outside table, feeling like he should be passing off a briefcase of stolen dough. “What the hell happened in there?”
Lili sighed, her eyes fixed on Susan, pushing Josie in the baby swing. “I overheard Lou’s suggesting they take the girls. I guess I came to your defense a little strongly.”
Tony looked up from his burger. “You did that for me? And the girls?”
“Duh.” She shoved a piece of anemic lettuce into her mouth, muttering, “How dare they?” around it.
Ed slinked past; Tony grabbed him to snag a crumpled napkin out of the his mouth. “Just a regular little she-wolf, aren’tcha?”
“Grrr,” she said, and he smiled, thinking that her craziness—and by now, he had no doubt she was as crazy as the rest of the family—was like unexpected fireworks in a starless sky. Fleeting, yeah, but still nice.
“Like I said—I can handle Marissa’s parents. Lou backed right down, if you noticed.”
Lili’s eyes touched his. “For how long?”
Tony bit into his burger. Set it back down on the plate. “They mean well. And this whole thing is killin’ ’em, I know that. Doesn’t mean they have a shot in hell of gettin’ the girls.” He gently bumped her knee with his. “But thanks for bein’ on my side—”
“Lili!” Daphne called from the garden. “The radishes’re coming up! Come see!”
“Guess I’ve been summoned.” Her salad abandoned, she smiled slightly at Tony. “Just being a friend,” she said, and the fireworks burst again, that brief moment of surprise, of sucked-in breath and amazement. “However, as soon as I’ve admired Daph’s radishes, I think I’ll take my leave. To stay longer would only cause more anxiety.”
Tony tensed. “What makes you say that?”
“Um…Susan warned me off?”
“You’re kidding.”
Lili let out a dry laugh. “Not that it was necessary. I mean, I’ve just spent the better part of the last several years in isolation. Of my own choosing, yes. But I’d be a complete fool to walk right from that situation into one where…” Her mouth clamped shut.
“Where, what?”
She stood, glancing away for a moment before returning her gaze to his. “I told our aunt I missed being needed. But that’s only half true. Because what I need, is to be wanted. For myself. And…I don’t think that’s happened, really. Ever. And despite what you say,” she said, her words coming faster and faster, “I know when you look at me you’re only seeing an older version of who I was fourteen years ago. You were angry and vulnerable then, and you’re even angrier and more vulnerable now—”
“Li-li!”
“Coming, sweetie!” she called to Daphne, then turned back to Tony. “And that’s perfectly okay, Tony, I swear. I’m glad to be your friend, to help however I can. But…” She took a deep breath. “Susan’s warning was unnecessary.”
Tony looked deep into Lili’s eyes, gone a cloudy blue as the sun tilted west. “Any reason why you’re telling me all this?”
“Yes,” she said simply, then brushed past him and out into the yard, where she squatted by Daph with her arm around her waist, while Claire—and Marissa’s mother—kept a watchful, wary eye on the whole proceeding.
Well. That just shot to hell the prospect of sleeping that night, didn’t it?
You know, really, none of this has anything to do with you.
During the week or so since the cookout, Lili had probably reminded herself of this indisputable fact no less than a hundred times. As in, every time she thought of Tony. Which happened approximately every five minutes of every waking hour. Since clearly she was never going to sleep well again, that was a lot of thinking about Tony.
“Which will never do,” she muttered to herself, smartly turning the page of the British chick lit novel she was translating for her Hungarian publisher, although she’d read the same page three times with no comprehension whatsoever. Might make translating it a trifle difficult.
They hadn’t seen each other since then, there being no real reason to. Good thing, since Lili couldn’t get the look in Tony’s eyes when she left out of her mind. A soulful look, like an unclaimed dog at an animal shelter, resigned to its fate.
Doesn’t matter what sort of signals he was sending out—
And even she knew there were signals, unintentional or no.
—the man’s an emotional wreck.
She turned a page.
So you did the right thing, laying it on the line like that.
She shifted on her aunt’s plastic-shrouded sofa, wincing when the backs of her thighs stuck.
And anyway, he was only using you as a sounding board—<
br />
The book sailed across the living room to bounce off the fireplace hearth. The obese retriever hauled himself to his feet to go investigate, only to collapse again with a groan. Groaning herself, Lili sank into the corner of the sofa, pouting like a teenager. Because she liked Tony. Liked being around him. Missed him when she wasn’t. And all the logic in the world couldn’t change any of that. She’d never really had to deal much with wanting things she couldn’t have—not for years, at least—and doing so now was not sitting well.
Beside her, the landline rang. Without even checking the display, Lili plucked the phone off the end table.
“Lili?” said a slightly familiar voice. “It’s Violet. Rudy’s wife? We met at Magda’s birthday party—” this came out nearly like “patty” “—a couple weeks ago?”
“Oh. Hi, Violet. Magda and Benny aren’t here—”
“That’s okay, it’s actually you I wanna talk to, anyway.”
“Me? Why?”
“Okay, I know this is last minute,” the redhead said, “but we had a cancellation—an anniversary party, the family was supposedta take the whole inn—from Wednesday through Friday. I tried calling Tony, but his cell’s not picking up and I’m just gettin’ his machine on his home phone. But if you guys could make it then, that would be great.”
Sure the cushions had muffled her hearing, Lili struggled to sit upright. “What do you mean, you guys?”
“Uh-oh…he didn’t say anything, did he?”
“Um, no…”
“Honestly, men. Can’t live with ’em, can’t kill ’em.” She laughed. “You must’ve thought I was a few sandwiches short of picnic, goin’ on and on when you had no clue what I was talking about. Anyway…when we were down there, we invited Tony and the girls up, said he should bring you, too. So consider this your official invitation—”
“Um…” Lili lunged for the first thought that scuttled across her brain. “That’s very sweet of you, really…but I think Tony’s got plans for the rest of the week. With the girls.”
From Friends to Forever Page 9