Tony hardly reacted at first when Lili’s arms wrapped around his waist from behind, her hands pressing into heart as her cheek did against his spine. Then he tensed, dreading the shushes, the crap variations on “It’ll be okay, you’ll see.” They never came. Instead she simply held him, held tight, then tighter still, until his breathing got back to something like regular again and the vicious red haze cleared from his eyes.
Releasing a long, shaky breath, he curled the fingers of his free hand around one of hers. “I’m okay now.”
He felt her head lift. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
But even as her arms slipped away, Tony turned, seeing again that refuge in her eyes he knew he was in no place to accept, no matter how desperately he wanted it. Saw, too, something else, something that blotted out reason but good, something that brought his hands up to her shoulders and his mouth down on hers, that sucked in her brief gasp of surprise and kept on going, like by kissing her he could somehow glean a little taste of sanity in the midst of all this chaos. Then her hands were on his back, strong hands from all the scrubbing and dough-rolling, kneading rock-hard muscles through his T-shirt as her mouth opened under his and the kiss became like a freaking runaway train, totally outta control, a rush to end all rushes, and he thought, briefly, Definitely not little Lili anymore—
Then reason tapped Tony on the shoulder and cleared its throat, and the train derailed. His hands still clamped on Lili’s shoulders, Tony broke the kiss, seeing confusion in her eyes that must’ve mirrored his own.
“Sorry,” he muttered, looking away.
“For…?”
He forced his gaze back to hers. “You’re kidding, right?”
“It was just a kiss, Tony—”
“Just a kiss? Just a kiss? Jeez, honey—if that’s what you consider just a kiss, I’m almost afraid to think what you’d call spectacular.” He pivoted, raking his hand through his hair. “In any case, I haven’t kissed another woman since Rissa—” His wife’s name caught in his throat, like a bite of something gone down the wrong way.
“Yes, I’d rather imagined that was the case.”
He turned back. Caught the insane blush he’d apparently missed the first time, a blush at total odds with the way she was standing there, all calm and collected. Strange woman.
Strange, incredible woman.
“I, uh…” He nodded toward the other room. “Need to stick around, in case JoJo wakes up. You mind keepin’ an eye on the other girls until we come down?”
Her gaze unwavering, Lili shook her head. “Of course not. Maybe you can get some rest, as well. With everything going on—”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Tony said, walking her to the door. Deliberately not touching her. Making himself crazier than he already was. “See ya later, then.”
“Undoubtedly,” she said with a small smile stretching slightly swollen lips, then left.
Tony shut the door behind her and walked back into his own room, sinking onto the edge of the double bed with his face in his hands, thinking, Good goin’, bonehead.
He lifted his eyes to stare at his own tight smile in the dresser mirror in front of him. Kissing the woman had been dumb enough. Kissing her in front of an open door?
In a house full of kids?
Somebody sure as hell was looking out for his sorry ass, that’s all he had to say.
Daphne crashed through the back door and out into the big backyard, breathing so hard her chest hurt. Both dogs ran at her, barking and jumping; she pushed right through them and kept going, not stopping until she reached the very back, practically throwing herself through the tire swing hanging from the biggest tree she’d ever seen. The tire smelled funny, and the way it bounced made her tummy feel kind of icky for a second, but then she dug her feet into the dirt and twisted the swing all up and let go, spinning and spinning and spinning in a cloud of dust, the dogs and the trees and George and Zeke running from the house toward her a great big blur, like maybe she could spin what she’d just seen out of her head…
“You gonna barf?” Zeke asked when she stopped, feeling like her eyes wouldn’t stay still. Zeke was six, only a year younger than her, so she was better friends with him than she was with George, who was almost eleven.
She shook her head. “Uh-uh,” she said, then twisted herself up again. “I make myself dizzy lots. It’s fun—”
She’d just gone up to her room to get some fruit rolls out of her backpack to share with the boys. Except when she’d gotten to the door, there were Daddy and Lili—
Again, the world spun, faster and faster and faster, until the boys stopped the swing, jerking her back. George was looking at her funny, his face all serious underneath his orange hair. “You okay?”
Daphne wriggled back out of the swing, swiping at a smudge of dirt across her pink T-shirt. It didn’t come off. She shrugged, tucking the secret deeper inside her, where she could turn it over and over in her mind until she decided what to do with it. How she felt about it. Right now, though, she felt kinda fizzy inside, like when they’d watch the Macy’s parade on TV while the Thanksgiving turkey was cooking at Nana’s, and Daphne knew that meant Christmas was finally coming. Which of course made her feel sad about Mom, and how weird last Thanksgiving and Christmas were without her—
“Yeah, sure,” she said, pushing the sad thought away. “Hey, wanna play hide-and-seek? I’ll count.” She turned to the tree and covered her eyes. “One…two…three…”
Behind her, she heard the boys and the dogs all run off. Still counting, Daphne uncovered her eyes and leaned her forehead against the tree, wondering why, if she wasn’t dizzy anymore, everything still seemed to be spinning.
Lifting her head, she called out, “Ready or not, here I come!”
The next morning Lili followed her nose to the sunlight-flooded kitchen, all yellows and creams and touches of red, where Violet was mixing up batter of some kind in a large ceramic bowl and dogs roamed, hopeful. While Ed stood sentry over the proceedings, Simon—best described as a living haystack—plodded over to give Lili a quick schlurp with his tongue.
“Simon! How many times have I told you, don’t lick the guests?”
“It’s okay,” Lili said. Eyeing the coffeemaker.
Violet grinned. “Help yourself. Mugs’re right in the cupboard.” She measured out a half cup of sugar, dumped it into the batter. “Another early riser, huh?”
“I like the quiet,” Lili said, hugging her coffee to her as she settled at the table.
“Lord, me, too.”
“Anything I can to help?”
“Nah, just pullin’ everything together so I’m ready to go when the rest of ’em haul their lazy butts out of bed. Figured I’d do waffles. Everybody likes waffles, right?”
She set the bowl on the back of the stove—“Damn dog loves waffle batter, go figure”—pulled down a large skillet from an overhead rack and clanged it on the stove, then poured her own coffee.
“Let’s go sit outside. Enjoy the peace while it lasts.”
The back porch off the kitchen faced a yard with so many trees it looked like a park, through which Lili caught a glimpse of mountains, gilded by the morning sun. A warm breeze danced through a million leaves, the sound so soothing she closed her eyes, savoring. Violet chuckled softly.
“Yeah. It’s like that,” she said, smiling when Lili opened her eyes again. “I’m glad you guys could get up here.”
“Me, too.” She took a sip of the strong, rich coffee. “Was this always your house?”
“Oh, God, no,” Violet said with a cross between a laugh and a snort. “Although it’s been part of my life since I was a kid.”
“Sounds intriguing.”
“That’s one way of putting it. My mother usedta work here, as a maid, so I did, too, in the summers before I got married.” Her mouth flattened. “The first time. When my first husband left me and the boys, Doris—she’s the former owner—took us in, in exchange for me helpin’ her
after her husband died. She promised to leave the inn to me, only when she died, there wasn’t a will, and her daughter sold the place.” She lifted her mug. “To Rudy.”
“Oh, dear,” Lili said, and Violet shrugged. Then she smiled, holding her jumble of orange curls off her face.
“Only when Rudy found out? I think he felt worse than I did. So he invited the boys and me to come live here, anyway, help him out while he was fixing the place up…and then, when he was movin’ furniture around in Doris’s old room? Damned if he didn’t find the will.” She leaned back, resting her feet on one of the empty chairs. “Funny thing—if he hadn’t’ve told me, I would’ve never known.”
“But he did?”
“Yeah,” she said on a wondering sigh, then looked at Lili, a half smile pulling at her mouth. “He did.” She faced front again. “The lawyer said easiest thing would be to go in as partners. So we did. In more ways than one.” She took a sip of her coffee, not looking at Lili. “So what’s goin’on between you and Tony?”
Lili’s own mouthful went down the wrong way. “Isn’t that a little personal?” she said when she stopped coughing.
“Hmm…I’m guessing you didn’t notice the beard burn before you came downstairs yesterday?” When Lili’s hand flew to her cheek, Violet chuckled. “But it’s okay, I don’t think anybody else did, either. Except me, of course.”
“There’s nothing going on,” Lili said quietly, intent on those the mountains. “Not of any significance, anyway.”
“Got it,” Violet said, only to then add, “You know what’s botherin’ Tony?”
Lili’s eyes cut to Violet’s. “Bothering him?”
“Yeah. Rudy and me, we were talkin’ about it last night, after you guys all went to bed. Tony seems, I dunno. Not like he’s sad or grieving, but like he’s…worried or something.”
“He just has his hands full,” Lili said, hiding once more behind her mug, “with the girls and everything.”
Although she found Violet’s slight squint unnerving, it wasn’t Lili’s place to divulge that Tony was waiting for a phone call that could quite possibly shatter his world. Even more than it had already been.
“So what’s next for you after you go back to Hungary?”
At that, a clammy feeling came over her. “I’m not sure.” She smiled, although it was an effort. “Figure out what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, I suppose.”
“Yeah, been there,” Violet said on a sigh, then fell quiet for a moment. “You know, I read this article once somewhere where you were asked to name the last five winners of a bunch of important awards, like the Oscars and Nobel Peace Prizes, stuff like that. People at the top of their games, you know? Then you were asked to name the five people who’d meant the most to you during your lifetime. A lot easier to come up with that last list, huh?”
Lili smiled. “Definitely.”
Violet twisted in her chair. “When I was a kid, I useta dream about doing something important one day. Not necessarily being famous, just bein’…somebody. And here I am,” she said, waving her mug at the scene in front of her, “reconciled to the fact that I’m never gonna find a cure for any disease, or solve the energy crisis, or win a gold medal. But ya know, what I do here, providing a haven for people who’re maybe looking for a few stress-free days…I think that’s important. Being there for my kids, for Rudy…they’ll remember that. We all have our place, our purpose. It’s not what you do, it’s how much of you you put into it, right—?”
“Hey,” Rudy said, filling the doorway. “I don’t pay you to sit around and drink coffee all day.”
Unperturbed, Violet grinned at Lili. “Isn’t he cute?” she said, then faced her husband, chin cradled in hand. “Since you don’t pay me anything, looks to me like you don’t have a lot of say in the matter.”
“Yeah, well, there’s a buncha hungry people millin’ around in your kitchen, wondering what happened to the cook.”
Violet shrugged, doing an exaggerated yawn and stretch before finally hauling herself out of the chair, yelping slightly when Rudy lightly smacked her behind as she passed him.
“So hard to find good help these days,” Rudy said, wagging his head as he gallantly held out one arm to usher Lili back into the kitchen, where her gaze immediately latched onto Tony, Josie in his arms, arrowing through the swarm of small Vaccaros toward the coffeemaker. Although he’d obviously just showered and shaved, the pouches underneath his eyes and creases bracketing his mouth—as well as the slight wince at Zeke’s shriek of laughter when Ed jumped up to give him a kiss—spoke of a man who had not slept well.
This is not your problem to fix, Lili thought, again, turning away to smile for Daphne, already seated at the extra-large kitchen table, her face already dirty. Then she briefly caught Tony’s eyes and realized what day it was, that the poor man must have felt as if his cell phone was a time bomb.
“Hey,” Rudy said as the room filled with the spicy scent of sizzling sausages, “weather says it’s not gonna be too hot today. So who’s up for a hike later? There’s some great trails around here. And it’s been months since I’ve been able to go traipsing through the woods with my kids. Tony?”
“Sure, sounds great,” he said with a fleeting smile as he strapped Josie into a high chair. “And no groaning from you guys,” he said to the girls, who looked less than thrilled with the prospect. “It’ll do us good, to get outside. Commune with nature.”
Daphne shrugged, but Claire looked as if she’d been consigned to clean latrines for the next six months. Then Stacey, Rudy’s teenage daughter, said she wasn’t feeling well and would he mind if she begged off, which of course gave Claire the excuse she needed not to go, and then Violet said a new cleaning lady was coming so she couldn’t go and besides somebody needed to stay with Josie, right?
Rudy crossed his huge arms over his chest. “Does anybody wanna go with me?” he said, sounding so bereft Lili laughed.
“You’ve still got the boys, and Daph. And Tony and me.” Simon woofed behind Ed, who spun around in place three times before joining in. Ed, Lili had already learned, was always up for an adventure. “And the dogs.”
“Forget it,” Violet said, carting a plate stacked with waffles to the table. “Last time this thing,” she said, nudging Simon out of the way with her knee, “went on a walk with you, it took me a week to get all the burrs off him. Only way he goes is if you shave ’im or make ’im wear a wet suit.”
“Party pooper,” Rudy said amidst a chorus of giggles from the table as the kids watched the exchange. Especially when Simon dropped to a lying position to watch Violet’s comings and goings, his expression baleful through drooping, spiky eyebrows.
What a simple, rich life Rudy and Violet had made for themselves and their kids, Lili thought, her gaze drifting to Tony, patiently feeding a two-year-old. Why wouldn’t that be enough?
“Actually,” Claire suddenly piped up, “maybe I will go.”
Tony glanced at his daughter, relief evident in his smile. “Glad you decided to grace us with your presence,” he said, his gentle teasing filled with nothing but love for his prickly, moody child.
Then Claire’s gaze swung to Lili, once more laced with so much wariness she felt the ridiculous sting of tears, as if she were a child herself. She’d thought they’d moved past that—
Oh, dear God—had Claire seen them kiss?
Except they’d all spent the rest of the day together yesterday. Surely the child would have said something if she’d seen them? She certainly didn’t seem to have any qualms about speaking up otherwise. So, no, Lili decided, relaxing slightly. Whatever that look had been about, she sincerely doubted the kiss was the culprit.
Then she reminded herself…what did it matter, anyway, whether Claire liked her or not? Wanted her company or not? Trusted her or not? Perhaps, in another world—a world where little girls who’d just lost a parent didn’t resent anyone attempting to take that parent’s place—she might have reason to indulge a few fairy-
tale fantasies, of being what this broken family needed. What Tony needed.
But Lili knew better than anyone that a child’s unconditional love wasn’t interchangeable. From everything she could gather, Marissa had been a good mother, the kind of mother whose death leaves a gaping hole in her children’s hearts.
The kind of woman, she thought, stealing another glance at Tony, whose betrayal leaves another kind of hole, even deeper and wider. A hole only a fool would attempt to fill.
Whatever her purpose was, being with Tony and his daughters wasn’t it.
Hardly a revelation, of course. But for some reason the message seemed to register this time. Oddly, though, instead of making her sad, Lili felt suddenly free. Free to simply enjoy the moment, free to offer whatever comfort and support she could to Tony without endangering her own peace of mind.
Free to love him without all those pesky expectations and hopes and worries about reciprocation.
She dug into her waffles and sausages with more enthusiasm than she’d felt for anything in weeks.
If Tony’d thought a hike was somehow gonna take his mind off the dreaded phone call—not to mention unrelenting replays of that anything-but-just-a-kiss—he’d been wrong on both counts. Although on some level, he could at least appreciate how pretty it was up here, the blue skies and the yakkety-yakking brook and the blinding sunlight—
Okay, so maybe he wasn’t exactly in the right mood for this.
At least the girls, far enough ahead with the others that the forest would occasionally swallow them up, seemed to be having a good enough time. Daph was, anyway. As usual. Because Daph was made of rubber—everything bounced off her or she, it. Like him, though, Claire was there in body but not at all in spirit, tramping dutifully along behind the boys, looking like she’d rather have a cavity filled.
“I cannot tell you how much I empathize with her,” Lili said a couple of feet away, making Tony start. There was something different about her this morning, but damned if he could put a finger on it. Not that she was moody or anything. But then that was the thing about Lil, she never seemed to get pissy for no good reason. Of course, the real test was toleratin’ each other for the long haul—
From Friends to Forever Page 13