She shook her head, then slipped from the room and ran down the stairs. Moments later the front door slammed. Tony didn’t move, Lili’s words echoing in his head. Eventually, however, his breathing returned to something resembling normal and he went back downstairs, only to have Lou waylay him in the hallway.
“We need to talk, Tone.”
“I should really see to Claire—”
“She can wait,” his father-in-law said, taking him by the arm and steering him out front. “Susan’s got things under control for the next little while.”
Outside, Tony sank onto one of the wicker chairs on the porch, leaning forward with his hands clamped together and staring toward the street. “Obviously Lili and I never meant for anybody to find out,” he said. “Or to hurt anybody—”
“You including yourself in that equation?”
He frowned up at the older man as anger bellowed inside him, drowning out the hundred other emotions all screaming for attention. “Twenty-four lousy hours to ourselves,” he bit out. “For ourselves. Was that so much to ask?”
Finally, Lou sat in the nearby matching loveseat, his fingers laced over his potbelly. “Is it serious?”
Tony snorted. “Would it matter if it was?” He blew out a sharp breath. “When you’re eighteen it’s all about you. Parents, other people…their opinions mean squat. Then you grow up, have some kids of your own, and it’s never just about you anymore. It can’t be, if you’re a decent parent.” When Lou remained silent, Tony’s gaze slid back to his. “Why aren’t you sayin’ anything?”
The other man pushed himself back up, his hands rammed into his chinos’ pockets as he crossed to a straggly pot of moss roses that had pretty much been left to their own devices. “Believe it or not, Susan and I really are concerned about you, that this…thing is a whaddyacallit. A rebound. A way to deal with the shock.”
“It’s been nearly ten months, Lou—”
“I’m not talkin’ about Marissa’s passing,” Lou said quietly, turning, and for the first time Tony saw an anguish of an entirely different kind in his father-in-law’s eyes. Tony’s stomach plummeted.
“Holy hell…you knew?”
“Yeah.”
“When—?”
“Rissa broke down, confessed to her mother not long after she found out she was sick. Susan begged her to tell you the truth then, but she said she couldn’t, that she’d take care of it in her own time.” He paused. “So about a month ago, we get this note through your guys’ lawyer. All it said was, ‘By the time you get this, Tony will know.’ Susan and me, we kept waitin’ for you to say somethin’—”
“Yeah. Like I could’ve done that.” At Lou’s slight smile, Tony took a deep breath. “How much did she tell you?”
“That she had an affair, although she didn’t mention names.” He scratched behind his ear. “That she wasn’t sure the baby was yours.”
“She’s not,” Tony said quietly, and Lou swore. Which he did again after Tony explained everything that had transpired on that front.
“She cheated on you with the Jamison kid?”
“He’s not a kid anymore, Lou.”
“Whatever. Thought he was a sleazeball then, now I know why. Look, you need any legal help—about keeping the baby, I mean—I know more’n one pitbull lawyer. Don’t worry about the money, we’ll foot the bill. Anything to make sure you keep Josie.” Lou blinked, clearing his throat. “I don’t know why the hell Rissa did what she did. I do know she was sorry for it, said it wasn’t your fault, that you’d been a good husband. I also know if she said it once, she said it a million times, what a good father you were. Are. If we overstepped—about wantin’ to take the girls off your hands, I mean—I apologize. We were just tryin’ to help, but…” He shrugged.
Knowing what it took for Lou to say all of that, Tony smiled. “Thanks, I appreciate it. All of it. But God willing we won’t have to sic any of your lawyer buddies on the guy…” Tony cupped his mouth, his eyes burning.
“Dammit, Tone—you don’t deserve to be goin’ through this crap,” Lou said gently, then sighed. “And Susan and me, we wanna see you happy. See you married again someday. But now…” He shook his head. “Look, it’s not hard to guess what you’ve been going through the past few weeks. That you’re probably not thinking real straight. I mean, gettin’ news like that—who would, right?” Lou rubbed his mouth. “Not the best time to start a relationship, that’s all I’m saying.”
“I know that,” Tony said softly. Aching. Once again trying to make sense of something that didn’t. “So did Lili. It wasn’t…There weren’t any expectations on either side, okay? She’s leaving in a few days, anyway. So that’s…that.”
“It’s for the best, Tone. Believe me. Because you’ve got a lot on your plate right now. And you’re gonna have even more when you tell Claire and Daphne about…that Josie’s only their half sister.”
Tony’s head jerked up. “The kid’s ten, Lou. And nowhere near over her mother’s death. Why on earth would I dump even more crap on her?”
“I’m not saying you hafta to go into any great detail or anything. But it’s gonna come out, probably sooner rather than later. And I’m just guessing here, but if Claire doesn’t hear it from you, there’s gonna be hell to pay down the road when she does find out.”
“No argument there. But she’s my kid. And it’s up to me to break the news to her. When it feels right.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course. Totally your call. But Claire’s a sensitive kid, she already knows something’s up. She even said as much to her grandmother. So you might wanna think about heading things off at the pass. Just sayin’.”
The soft whine of the screen door brought Tony’s head around. His mother-in-law, twisting her wedding ring, worry in her eyes. Which Tony saw flick to Lou, silently asking the Big Question, no doubt. About Josie. Saw, too, the older man’s slow head shake. He’d witnessed that telepathic communication thing between couples before, although rarely in his own marriage. Lili and he, however—
“Where’re the girls?” he asked, turning away from Susan’s wretched expression. His own, even more wretched, thoughts.
“Daph and Josie are out back with the dog, Claire’s up in her room.” She came up to him to wrap one arm around his shoulders, bending over to give him a brief hug. “I’m so sorry, honey. About…about all of it.” She paused, then said softly, “Claire’s pretty upset—you should probably go talk to her.”
Tony stood, looking his mother-in-law in the eye. “Yeah, well, she’s not the only one,” he said, then banged back the screen door and went inside to go upstairs, desperately wanting to do the right thing by everybody and having no earthly idea how to do that. Hell, at this point he didn’t even know what the “right” thing was anymore.
Claire was lying on her side on top of her covers, hugging Clifford The Big Red Dog and suddenly looking impossibly small. Tony sat beside her, palming her forehead.
“It’s okay,” she said, “I don’t have a fever. I just feel like crap.”
He let it slide. “You eat any breakfast?” She shook her head, not looking at him. No surprise there. On both counts. “Wanna talk?” he asked gently, stroking her hair away from her face. Another head shake.
Seeing her so tiny and vulnerable and tender beside him, he knew no way could she deal with the stuff about her mother and Josie. Not today, at least. Even so, he knew Lou was right, that the longer Tony put this off, the harder it was gonna be. On everybody. God knew acting like nothing was wrong sure hadn’t done his marriage any favors, he thought as this brutal sense of loss roared through him—of his wife, in more ways than one; the threat of losing Josie, despite Lou’s legal connections; the horrible, gaping hole in his chest when Lili walked out of his room earlier.
That he might somehow lose Claire, too, through his own idiocy—
“C’n I ask you something?” she asked.
“Sure. Anything.”
She rolled over, her eyes slightly unfocused
without her glasses. “And you swear to tell me the truth? Cross your heart?”
“Yeah,” Tony said, crossing that heart, banging like hell in his chest. “I swear.”
“Why was Lili here?”
Tony took a deep breath. “Because she spent the night.”
“Like a sleepover?”
“Sorta.”
“Did she sleep in your bed?” When Tony hesitated, Claire let out a sigh of her own. “My friend Jocelyn at school? She told me how her mom sometimes lets her boyfriend sleep over.”
“Often?” Tony said, horrified despite himself.
“I don’t know, she didn’t say. Well?”
“Yeah, baby. She did. But you weren’t—”
“Supposed to find out?”
“No, actually.” When she made a face, Tony said, “The last thing either of us wanted to do was upset you, baby, I swear—”
“So she’s your girlfriend?”
Uh, boy. “Lili’s going back to Hungary, cupcake. So it doesn’t matter.”
Claire sat silently for several seconds, her brow knotted, before she climbed off the bed and went to her dresser to get something out of the top drawer. When she turned, clutching the crumpled piece of paper, Tony felt like he’d been struck by lightning.
“Where…when did you find that?”
“A couple of days ago. Daph’d used up all my pencils, so I went to your office to look for some. I found this in the drawer. I would’ve put it back, but I was afraid Daph might find it…she p-practically reads better than m-me now…”
“Oh, God, baby…come here.” Once he had her safe in his arms, he set Marissa’s letter on the bed beside them, then asked, “Why on earth didn’t you say something then?”
“It was right before Nana and Gramps c-came to pick us up, there wasn’t time.” She pulled away, tears crested on her lower lashes. “Is it true?”
After a moment, Tony nodded. “Yeah, honey. It’s true.”
“Even the part about Josie?”
“That, too.”
She threw herself back into Tony’s arms, the tears coming fast and furious now. “Wh-why? Why would Mom d-do that?”
“I guess we’ll never know, baby,” Tony said, rubbing between her shoulder blades and feeling like he was being ripped apart.
He had no idea how long he held her, letting her cry her eyes out, until she said, in a tiny, shaky voice, “I just wish everything would stop f-feeling like a roller coaster you can’t get off of.”
In silent agreement, Tony pulled her closer.
“Vat are you doing?” Magda asked from Lili’s doorway.
“Packing,” she said, shoving a half dozen folded tops into her largest traveling bag, splayed on top of Mia’s old bed.
“But your flight isn’t for three days yet.”
“I’m on standby for an earlier one.”
Magda smack-smack-smacked across the carpet, clamped her hands on Lili’s arms and swung her around. “Vat happened?”
“Nothing,” Lili said, on the verge of exploding from trying to hold in her emotions. “I’m just ready to go home, that’s all.”
“And I don’t suppose zis hes anysing to do vis you staying out all night?”
“N-no.”
Magda sighed, pushed Lili down onto the pale pink chenille bedspread, ball fringe and all, then sat in the rose-patterned chair across from her, her hands folded on her lap. “I hed hoped you vould hef better sense zen that,” she said, not unkindly.
“Yeah, well,” Lili said, realizing how much Tony had influenced her speech, “you were the one who said Tony needed me.”
“Not exactly vhat I hed in mind,” her aunt said, then sighed. “Do you love him?”
Lili nodded.
“So…vas last night worth ze heartache?”
In spite of everything, Lili smiled. “Not that I have a lot to compare it with…but yes. It was.”
Eyebrows lifted. “Don’t tell me zat vas your first time?”
“Then I won’t tell you.”
Magda crossed herself, muttering in Hungarian, then squinted at her.
“Yes,” Lili said wearily, “we used protection, don’t worry.” The squint didn’t let up. The squint, apparently, was a living thing. “It’s not meant to be, okay? There’s far too much going on in Tony’s life right now…and the girls—well, Claire, anyway—aren’t ready…and anyway, I’m supposed to be figuring out what my purpose is in life, and—”
“And zis is all BS and you know it.”
“What it is,” Lili said softly, getting up to continue her packing, “is a case of the pieces not fitting. I can’t wedge myself into his life, Magda,” she said when her aunt snorted. “And damned if I’m going to do to Claire what Mama did to me.”
Her aunt gave her a look both sympathetic and curious before she sighed again. “I told Sonja she was making a huge mistake—”
“It’s okay, we worked through all of that. Eventually. But I refuse to be the bad guy between Tony and his daughter.”
“And you can spare me ze melodrama, okay?”
“I’m not being melodramatic. I’m being…practical,” Lili said, tucking a pair of jeans into the bag.
“Vat you’re being,” Magda said, slamming her palms against her thighs before she stood, “is a big, fat coward, running avay instead of taking five minutes to see if maybe zere’s a solution you heffen’t thought of.” When Lili frowned at her, she huffed. “You think zere veren’t issues ven I fell in love vis Benny? Zat my femily didn’t hef a cow ven I said I vas leaving ze circus, leaving behind everyzing I efer knew to marry some stranger? But my heart,” she said, pressing her bosom, “told me to take zat risk. Marrying somebody ven your heart is broken, like your mother…” Her lips pressed together, she shook her head. “But if your heart is whole, zat is somesing else entirely.”
Lili zipped her bag closed, then hauled it off the bed to set it on the floor. “And what makes you think Tony’s heart is whole?” she said softly, turning to her aunt.
Who, amazingly, had nothing to say to that.
Chapter Thirteen
Tony nearly jumped out of his skin when he rolled over in bed to find JoJo and Ed staring at him. In rapid succession, Tony glanced at the clock—holy crap, it was nearly nine!—bolted upright, shoved the dog out of his face and pulled Josie onto the bed. She was dressed in shorts and a little top and her hair looked like it’d been combed. Sorta. Ed crawled up, too, to burrow under the sheet, leaving his butt on Tony’s pillow. Nice.
“How long’ve you been up?” he said to Josie.
“Since morning,” she said, shrugging. “Claire got me. We had f’osted f’akes.” She patted his face, only to jerk her hand back, frowning. “Ick. You gots pokies.”
Probably because he hadn’t shaved in two days. Might not, either, for the rest of the summer. As rebellions went, it was kinda lame. But a guy can only work with what he’s got.
The baby molded herself to his bare chest, well underneath the pokies, as Tony rubbed his gritty eyes. Wasn’t until after two before he’d finally talked Claire down off the ledge, five before he finally fell asleep himself. Then it was one rotten dream after another, over and over, a continuous loop of anger and worry and anxiety and regret—
A poor James Brown impersonation came in through the open window. Hauling Josie onto his hip, Tony climbed out of bed and padded over to the window in his boxers to see Hollis and Daphne already out in the garden, doing…stuff.
“Hi, Hollis!” Josie called, which of course brought the kid’s grinning face up to look at the window.
“Hey, there, pretty baby.” He winced. “And not so pretty daddy. Your five o’clock shadow lose track of time or what?”
“Shut up,” Tony grumbled, then looked at Josie, regarding him curiously. “Don’t say that. Ever.”
“‘Kay,” she whispered, all that trust in her eyes, and he reminded himself for the thousandth time, that the kids came first. That he had his priorities straight, da
mmit. That it didn’t matter that he already missed Lili with an intensity that went way beyond painful—
“Came over to see how the garden did with the storm, but I see it came through just fine. ’Cept you probably should’ve brought those tomatoes in.”
“Thought about that,” Tony said, although of course veggie rescue missions hadn’t even been a blip on the old radar that evening, a thought which only made him grouchier than he already was. “Then I decided since I’ll be eighty before we use up the tomatoes we already picked, it wasn’t worth the bother.”
“Good point,” Hollis said, adding, “I went ahead and put on coffee,” and Tony’s mood lifted a little.
A half hour later, beard banished, caffeine mainlined and Josie happily watching Elmo and his little furry friends, Tony and Ed wandered out onto the back porch, Tony toting his second cup of coffee as well as a glass of orange juice for Hollis, who didn’t do “that hard stuff.” As the kid righted storm-battered tomato cages, Daphne the Mud Puppy happily yanked weeds on the other side of the garden. Hollis threw him a grin.
“Gardening really ain’t your thing, is it, Mr. V.?”
“What was your first clue?”
Straightening, the kid moseyed over to the porch and sank onto the bottom step, taking the glass from Tony. “Daphne said Lili was here yesterday morning.” He took a sip of the juice. “Wearin’ a towel.”
“Brat,” Tony muttered, and Hollis chuckled.
“So, you two…?”
“No. I mean…” Tony pushed out a sigh. “She’s leaving in a couple of days.”
“You don’t sound too happy about that.”
Tony grunted.
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