The Green-Eyed Monster

by Chrissie Perry

  ‘Keep a leash on your green-eyed monster,’ he said finally.

  Penelope’s heart swelled (not literally – it was kind of like when her heart danced, but more of a proud feeling). She was getting so wise that Grandpa was borrowing ideas from her!

  ‘Have you got that, Harry?’ Penelope asked helpfully, since this advice was really for him. Her monster was very tame. In fact, it had a leash and a MUZZLE.

  ‘Shut up, Penelope,’ Harry said, which wasn’t very nice. But Penelope forgave him graciously (which is easier to do when you’re Very Wise).

  Penelope knew most kids liked Fridays because the weekend was very near. But she liked Fridays because of the awards ceremony that was held at assembly every Friday afternoon. Penelope had been the biggest award-winner in the ENTIRE SCHOOL for quite a long time, so Ms Bourke didn’t announce that every week. Still, Penelope knew she was a role model for the other kids.

  So on Friday morning, Penelope put a lot of effort into looking neat and tidy. She brushed her hair carefully, smoothed down a stubborn wrinkle on her school dress and polished her school shoes.

  Since Harry had soccer training before school (which was the only reason he would ever choose to get up early) he was already in the kitchen with their mum when Penelope came in. Penelope was pleased to see that they were chatting.

  ‘Let me get this right,’ Harry was saying, ‘he’s seen Real Madrid play Arsenal live and he has a ball autographed by Cristiano Ronaldo?’

  ‘Yes and yes,’ their mum said. ‘He’s soccer mad. Like someone else I know.’

  Harry shovelled in his last spoonful of cereal. ‘Do you like him, Mum?’ he asked.

  She leaned on the kitchen bench opposite Harry and Penelope and rested her chin on her hands.

  ‘I really do,’ she said.

  ‘And do you think you’d like to see him again?’ Penelope asked.

  ‘I would like that very much,’ their mum said. ‘But I promise I’ll take it slowly, so we can all get used to this together.’

  ‘Then I guess we’ll allow you to go on another date,’ Harry said cheekily, but in a good way. As though he’d finally put a leash on his green-eyed monster.

  Penelope nodded. ‘So long as you remember that we come first. And promise to keep being Very Careful,’ she added.

  Their mum threw back her head and laughed. ‘Thanks, little dictators,’ she said. ‘Now get going before I throttle you both.’

  At school assembly that afternoon, Ms Bourke announced the award winners. She started with the little kids. One little preppie called Hazel won an award for reading. When she went to accept her award, she froze (it took fifteen seconds, cat-and-dog, before she stepped off the stage). Penelope made a mental note to congratulate little Hazel after assembly. Being congratulated by the biggest award winner in the ENTIRE SCHOOL would possibly be something Hazel would remember for the rest of her life.

  Finally, Ms Bourke got up to Penelope’s class. Penelope pinched Bob to show her excitement. When Bob reached over to pinch her back, the friendship bracelet Jazz had made slid down on Bob’s wrist. But Penelope imagined she was tightening the leash on her monster, which seemed to work.

  ‘The first award goes to Alison Cromwell, for volunteering to umpire the year threes in their basketball round robin.’

  Penelope flinched. She didn’t know about this. What if Alison was closer to her than she’d thought? This was a TERRIFYING possibility.

  Penelope shut her eyes for a moment. There was really nothing to worry about. If Alison had beaten her in the awards tally, Ms Bourke would have announced it. Penelope was probably going to get the very next award. She’d done many good things during the week, like picking up litter without being asked. And then there was her excellent message in a bottle.

  ‘Next up, we have Rita Azul for volunteering to be library monitor,’ Ms Bourke continued.

  Penelope rolled her eyes. Rita Azul was the meanest girl in the whole school. The only reason Rita would volunteer for anything was if she thought she could get something out of it – and Penelope knew for sure that Ms Wong had given chocolate bars to the library monitors this week.

  ‘The third award for Ms Pike’s class goes to … Oscar Finley! For donating a plant from home to liven up the classroom.’

  Penelope clapped. Oscar Finley did lots of Very Nice Things. He deserved an award.

  ‘And the last award,’ Ms Bourke said, stringing out the announcement, ‘goes to Alison Cromwell for her message in a bottle project.’

  What? Penelope’s nostrils flared. How could Ms Pike do this to her? Her message in a bottle was better than Alison’s! Wasn’t it? It was creative AND informative.

  Penelope felt a surge of anger. Or was it jealousy? It was hard to tell.

  Penelope strained to hear what Ms Bourke was saying. There seemed to be a monster howling inside her head. ‘Which means, everyone, that Alison Cromwell now takes the title of the biggest award-winner in the school!’

  Everybody was clapping. Penelope tried to clap too, but she was so shocked she could hardly remember how.

  Rita Azul, who was sitting in the row in front of Penelope, turned around with a grin. She made an L on her forehead with her thumb and index finger, which everyone knew was the sign for ‘loser’. Then she cupped her hands and whispered the most TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE comment Penelope had ever heard.

  Penelope felt the leash on her green-eyed monster SNAP.

  She stood up, even though assembly hadn’t officially finished yet, and ran out of the hall. She could feel the other kids’ eyes on her but she didn’t care. She kept running all the way to the lockers.

  Soon after, Bob and Oscar appeared, puffed from running after her.

  ‘Are you okay, Pen?’ Bob asked. ‘What did Rita say?’

  ‘You don’t seem okay, Penny,’ Oscar added.

  The thing was, Bob and Oscar thought they were talking to Penelope. But they weren’t talking to Penelope.

  She was so angry and jealous, she wasn’t herself any more.

  ‘WON’T YOU TWO EVER GET IT? MY NAME IS PENELOPE! NOT PEN, AND NOT PENNY. AND NO, I AM NOT OKAY. AND I’M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT RITA SAID. THAT WAS THE WORST ASSEMBLY IN THE HISTORY OF ASSEMBLIES.’

  She turned to Oscar.

  ‘YOU GOT AN AWARD JUST FOR BRINGING A PLANT IN AND I DIDN’T GET A SINGLE ONE EVEN THOUGH I DID LOADS OF GREAT THINGS THIS WEEK! IT’S NOT FAIR. IF IT WAS ONE, TINY, TEENY BIT FAIR, I WOULD STILL BE AHEAD OF ALISON CROMWELL.’

  Then she turned to Bob.

  ‘AND IF ANYTHING IN LIFE WAS FAIR, YOU WOULD STOP GOING ON AND ON ABOUT STUPID JAZZ AND STUPID KARATE AND STUPID BRACELETS AND BE HAPPY WITH THE BEST FRIEND YOU’VE GOT.’

  Then (without even doing a Friday afternoon locker tidy) she grabbed her bag and stormed home.

  ‘It’s a CALAMITY,’ Penelope sobbed on the phone to Grandpa George that evening. ‘I just cannot believe what I did!’

  Penelope always regretted it when she had an outburst. But she regretted this one the most. If a time machine had been invented she would have jumped in and travelled to pretty much any other time in history. (Except perhaps the 1300s – she didn’t really fancy living through the bubonic plague.)

  ‘It’s a total catastrophe, Grandpa,’ Penelope continued in a wobbly voice. ‘I tried to keep a leash on my green-eyed monster. But I just couldn’t control my feelings. I went crazy. And I don’t think there’s anything I can do to fix it this time.’

  She thought about how she must have hurt Oscar. And Bob.

  ‘I didn’t even congratulate Alison,’ she said sadly. ‘Or little Hazel.’

  Penelope didn’t want to tell him about Rita Azul’s TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE comment. It was too embarrassing. In fact, she would probably never tell anyone. EVER.

  ‘Well, let’s start with Alison,’ Grandpa George suggested. ‘Can you contact her, and congratulate her belatedly?’

  Penelope dried her tears and thought about that suggestion. (She was used to Grandpa
using big words, and knew that ‘belatedly’ meant afterwards.) In fact, Alison Cromwell was the only other kid in their class who, like Penelope, had her own phone.

  ‘I could text her,’ Penelope said.

  ‘Good idea,’ Grandpa said. ‘You do that, and I’ll wait.’

  Penelope put Grandpa George on hold while she typed a message for Alison. (That was one of the lovely things about Grandpa George. He was never in a rush.)

  After pressing send, Penelope felt a little less like jumping into a time machine. And almost straight away she had to put Grandpa George on hold again to read Alison’s reply.

  ‘So that’s sorted,’ Grandpa said after she read him Alison’s text. ‘Now, can you wait until Monday to talk to Oscar and Hazel at school?’

  ‘Yes,’ Penelope said. She was pretty sure she could figure out a way to make things right with Oscar, and perhaps she could make something for little Hazel.

  But Grandpa must have sensed that there was still something BIG that could not be easily fixed – what she’d said to Bob.

  Penelope had always felt Very Lucky that Bob was her best friend. But deep in her heart (which wasn’t dancing or swinging or swelling any more – now it felt more like a popped balloon) she had always worried that one day Bob would find a better best friend.

  And now it had happened. Bob had found Jazz. And Penelope had given her the perfect reason to switch.

  Even Grandpa couldn’t help her with this.

  ‘Thanks for your help, Grandpa,’ Penelope said with a very big sigh, getting ready to hang up.

  But one of the funny things about Grandpa was that he often seemed to understand even the things Penelope didn’t say.

  ‘Sweetheart,’ he said, ‘like I told you and Harry the other night, everyone grapples with jealousy. It got the better of you this time. But maybe you can explain to Bob why you said what you said?’

  After Penelope hung up, she made a badge for Hazel.

  Then she wrote a list.

  Penelope had to admit that Bob had good reasons for choosing Jazz as her new best friend. The list was proof. Jazz had all of Penelope’s good bits and none of her bad bits.

  But perhaps Penelope could try to explain what had set her off? She could at least say that she’d TRIED to keep her jealousy under control.

  The best Penelope could hope for was that Bob might at least consider keeping her as a second-best friend. She hadn’t managed that in kindergarten with Elsie. Could she do it this time?

  On Saturday mornings, Penelope and her mum liked to have a late breakfast in their pajamas. But although their toasted cheese- and-tomato sandwiches were probably just as good as usual, Penelope couldn’t quite stomach hers. She put the toastie back on her plate.

  ‘Can I save this for later?’ she asked.

  ‘Sure, Poss,’ her mum said. ‘Are you okay?’

  Penelope sighed. ‘How long has Zoe been your best friend?’ she asked.

  ‘About ten years,’ her mum replied.

  ‘That’s a lifetime,’ Penelope said. ‘You must be very good at it being a best friend.’

  Her mum smiled. ‘Well to you it’s a lifetime I suppose.’ She paused. ‘Sweetie, has something happened with Bob?’

  Penelope put her head in her hands. ‘I don’t think I’m very good at being a best friend,’ she whispered.

  Then she lifted her head up again. She knew what she needed to do. ‘Mum, can I walk down to pick up Bob from karate?’

  Bob’s karate school was a ten-minute walk from Penelope’s house. She knew she was early, so she tried to dawdle. For Penelope, dawdling was a difficult thing. But she did stop to look at chalk pictures on a graffiti wall. Then, when she heard an interesting bird call (it went something like whyaaa, yaa, yaa, ya) she got out her phone and recorded the sound. Then she listened back to make sure it worked.

  Having an interesting bird call to play for Oscar would be a good way of starting a conversation with him on Monday. He would probably know what sort of bird it was, just from the sound of its call. And she hoped it would demonstrate that she had been thinking about him. She would also have to offer him an apology, along with the bird call, but she was quite sure Oscar would forgive her.

  This was important to Penelope. Because even though he was a boy, Oscar was probably going to have to step up to being Penelope’s new best friend.

  When she arrived at the karate studio, it was still fifteen minutes before the class was due to finish. Penelope walked through a courtyard and looked in through the studio’s glass walls. Everyone was sitting on the floor in pairs doing a stretching exercise.

  Penelope spotted the back of Bob’s head.

  The very first time she’d met Bob, Penelope had been shocked by her haircut. Penelope remembered wondering why anyone would choose to have their hair cut so short, with bits sticking up high like a cocky’s crest.

  Now Penelope couldn’t imagine Bob’s hair any other way. It suited her bright, fun personality perfectly.

  Penelope knew that Jazz was Bob’s training partner for the upcoming karate tournament. So she stood on tiptoes, trying to get a good look at Bob’s partner, the famous Jazz.

  It was as bad as she’d feared.

  Really, Bob and Jazz could just about be twins. It was Very Difficult to look at.

  ‘Hey, are you waiting for someone?’

  Penelope turned around. A girl from the class was sticking her head out the doorway. She was small, like Penelope. She wore her hair in two braids that went all the way down to her waist. Her dimples made her look smiley even though she wasn’t actually smiling.

  Penelope nodded. Before she could even say who she was waiting for, the girl continued.

  ‘Can you do me a favour?’ the girl asked. ‘Could you be my stretching partner? Everyone had to choose someone their own size and, well, I’m left over. But you’re the perfect size!’

  Penelope knew what it was like to feel like a leftover. Before Bob came to Chelsea Primary, Penelope had felt that way quite a lot. She didn’t want anyone (even this girl she’d never met before) to ever feel like a leftover. But it would be Very Awkward to go into Bob’s karate class.

  ‘Sorry,’ Penelope said. ‘I don’t have a uniform, so I can’t really …’

  ‘There are spare uniforms in class,’ the girl interrupted. ‘Please? Pretty please?’ she begged, her hands clasped together in prayer position. ‘With sugar on top and marshmallows and M&Ms and chocolate topping and –’

  ‘Okay, okay!’ Penelope said. ‘If you keep talking like that you’ll give me diabetes.’

  Penelope didn’t think of herself as being funny. But the girl laughed as though that was one of the funniest things anyone had ever said. Then she pulled Penelope into the studio.

  Bob didn’t notice Penelope coming into the class. She and her partner (and new best friend) were too focused on the exercise. Penelope felt a Very Sharp Pang as she watched them moving in time together.

  Penelope sat on the floor opposite the girl with the braids. She held out her hands, but because she couldn’t help looking over at Bob and Jazz, she forgot about the leg bit.

  ‘Hey there,’ said Penelope’s partner. ‘Do you have feet? ’Cos I’m not feeling any.’ Penelope turned back to look at her.

  Even though she felt Very Sad about everything that had happened, Penelope started to smile. The girl was making the funniest face Penelope had ever seen.

  In the next exercise, Penelope locked legs with her partner and they did sit-ups, meeting in the middle to clap hands. The sit-ups were TORTURE of course, but they took her mind off Bob and Jazz. Plus, each time Penelope managed another sit-up, she rose to find her partner making yet another funny face.

  She made a mental note to try them again in front of the mirror, but her partner laughed A LOT so they must have been pretty funny.

  ‘All right, everyone!’ called the teacher. ‘Good work today. Class dismissed.’

  ‘Let’s just do five more,’ Penelope’s p
artner said with a giggle.

  Penelope shook her head. But she did them anyway, just to see some more funny faces.

  ‘And, five!’ Penelope counted, coming up into the last sit-up. But this time, her hands didn’t connect for the clap. Instead, they froze in the air. Because staring down at them were Bob and her partner.

  And Bob did not look happy.

  ‘What the HECK are you doing here, Penelope?’ Bob demanded, looking down at Penelope. ‘And how the HECK did you get to be partners with Jazz?’

  Penelope looked at Bob, who had possibly never used Penelope’s full name in the entire time they’d been friends. Bob was GLOWERING. (Not glowing, glowering, which was very BAD.) Suddenly Penelope wasn’t sure she ever wanted to hear Bob say her full name again.

  ‘You’re Jazz?’ she asked, in a voice that came out squeaky from the shock.

  The girl nodded. ‘The one and only,’ she said. ‘Oh my god, you’re Penelope? Bob has told me so much about you! I REALLY want to see the jewellery you make. It sounds awesome.’

  Penelope took a Very Deep Breath. It was nice to know that Bob had told Jazz about her. And she would actually very much like to show Jazz her jewellery. In fact, she had never got on so well with someone she’d just met. (Even with Bob it had taken some time, and with Oscar it had definitely been a slow build-up to friendship.) But this wasn’t the time to talk about her jewellery collection.

  Penelope looked up at Bob’s stretching partner. ‘So if you’re not Jazz, who are you?’ she asked.

  ‘Geez, Penelope,’ Bob said, putting her hands on her hips. ‘Not that it’s really any of your business, but this is Romy. She’s my stretch partner. Jazz is my partner for tournament training.’

  Penelope gulped. She liked Jazz. But she wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse. Either way, the whole STICKY situation needed to be sorted out.