‘Excuse me, Miss Brooks?’ asked the front desk clerk.
‘It’s Mrs,’ she whispered, pain flooding her body. Was she still a Mrs when she had no husband?
‘Sorry. Mrs Brooks?’
‘Yes?’ she said, already weary of the conversation.
‘Well… someone left some stuff for you at the front desk, thought you might need it straight away. Been waiting for you to come back.’ He nodded down at the two garbage bags at his feet.
‘What’s in the bags?’ she asked suspiciously.
‘Feels like clothing, Mrs Brooks. I guess the people round here found out where you were staying. Not that it was hard, only motel in town and all.’ He laughed nervously, like he expected her to laugh with him.
Would she ever laugh again?
‘Can I bring the bags in?’ he asked, gesturing to them again.
‘Sure,’ Danni said softly as she slowly slid the chain along the length of its casing and gently let it go. It swung, knocking against the door frame with a hollow tap. She opened the door wider so he could pass through the bags. She didn’t want him in there for long. It may have been a shit hole, but it was their shit hole.
‘Thank you,’ she said as he receded, and she closed the door and put the chain on again. You could never be too careful, could you?
Once she heard the young man’s footsteps walking away, she turned to Mia. ‘Looks like someone is watching over us,’ she said to her silent daughter.
Danni put the bags on the bed, opened them, then upended them. There was a heap of clothes in there, clothes that she folded neatly into piles, patting them gently. Toiletries that she hadn’t even thought about when she was at the supermarket, and surprisingly, a prepaid phone with a note attached to it.
Thought you might need this. I put one hundred dollars credit on it. Call if you need anything, Susan Patrick. She had included her phone number and email address. Danni added her phone number to her contacts in the new phone. She never knew when she might need help.
Danni held the note in one hand and the phone in the other. She was touched by Susan’s generosity and thoughtfulness doing such a lovely thing for her and Mia. Danni figured that she should at least text her thanks to Susan, even if she wasn’t up to an actual phone call. Susan Patrick and Danni knew each other through the fundraising committee at the high school. They’d had dealings a few times but they were by no means close. Danni looked over at Mia, curled up, on the other single bed, facing the wall, silent, unmoving. Mia was so still, she might as well have stopped breathing. Danni resisted the urge to go over to her and touch her, just to make sure she was alive. Instead, she turned away from Mia, unable to look at her any longer. Danni was incapable of crying but when she looked at her daughter, the pain etched into her face, the stiffness of her shoulders, her eyes brimmed with unshed tears keeping her emotions to herself. She couldn’t fall apart, she had to mother Mia, to get her talking again. She couldn’t heal if she couldn’t talk about the… fire. Could she?
Danni cleared her throat and began to tap out a text message to Susan. She needed to say thank you. She needed… she needed so much that she couldn’t say.
Dear Susan, she wrote, then deleted. It sounded too formal. But what was right in this instance?
Hey Susan sounded too casual.
She settled for:
Hi Susan. It’s Danni. I wanted to thank you for the generous donations.
She couldn’t write any more. Just writing that had taken its toll on her and as soon as she hit send, she collapsed on the bed, knocking over the pile of neatly folded clothes. She didn’t even care, she just needed to sleep for a decade.
Danni was woken by a funny noise itching at the back of her mind. She thought it was Pooch, but then she remembered that Ryan had taken him back to his farm. Then the rest of it came back to her in pieces, like a kaleidoscope from hell. The burning house, the golden yellows and oranges of the flames licking up the back of her house, the ash that fell upon her head like dirty snow, the sound of popping and hissing, Mia’s screams. As soon as she thought of Mia, she bolted upright, for a moment not knowing where the hell she was. Then she remembered. A motel. A horribly depressing motel.
It was dark, she had been asleep for hours. Danni fumbled for the light in between the two single beds. Finally, she found the switch and turned it on, worried that Mia might have run away while she’d been sleeping, but she was still curled up on her side. She had been sleeping even longer than Danni. She guessed shock would do that to you. She heard the noise again, which, upon waking, sounded nothing like Pooch. It was more of a chirp. Danni figured out that it was a text message and went searching for the phone on the crowded bed.
Eventually she found it under a stack of fallen clothes. Not wanting to wake Mia, Danni put the phone on silent and read the message.
Hi Danni, thanks for your message, I understand that this is a time of incredible grief and I am happy to help. If you need anything else, just text or call.
Danni looked at the time at the top of the phone. It was after seven in the evening. Time for her and Mia to eat some food, although she wasn’t hungry and she guessed Mia wouldn’t be either, but they had to eat to keep their energy levels up for the coming emotional days. She stood and turned on the main light. Mia stirred slightly, as if roused by the sudden explosion of light, even though the bulb was dim and covered in a thick layer of dust. She wanted to clean it. In fact, she wanted to disinfect the whole room.
Danni walked over to the second bed and gently touched her daughter on the shoulder. Mia made a mewling noise in her half asleep state.
‘Mia honey, time to wake up. You need to eat and change your clothes.’
Danni went about making Vegemite and cheese sandwiches for them while Mia woke up slowly, as if coming back to the real world was the most difficult and exhausting thing she had ever done. Danni wondered if, in her dreams, her family was still alive. She balanced the plates in her hands and sat down on the end of the bed where it dipped alarmingly.
‘Mia, come on love, just a few bites,’ she coaxed.
Mia uncurled herself from her balled up position and turned her body to face her mum, crossing her long legs. She looked at the sandwich that Danni offered her.
‘All I could manage was Vegemite and cheese, but I know you won’t mind. You’ve never been fussy, not like…’ her voice trailed off, as she was going to say Noah. Danni swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, watching the tears fill Mia’s eyes.
Shit. She was trying to take care of her, not make her cry. Then Mia started to cry in earnest. She sobbed quietly and started rocking back and forth. This made the lump in Danni’s throat grow even larger. How could she have been so careless? Angrily, she ripped off a bit of the corner of the sandwich, which stuck in her throat, before standing up and taking the two plates back to the top of the bar fridge where she had prepared them. Mia wasn’t going to eat them now. She knew better than to try to reach out to comfort Mia physically.
Fuck!
She couldn’t push Mia to eat. Maybe she’d try again later. Danni looked over at Mia, who was back to being a curled up ball. She stood next to the bed, looking down at the girl, who had her eyes closed, but Danni knew she wasn’t asleep. She just didn’t want to talk to her mother.
‘Mia honey, I…’ How did she begin? ‘I want to hug you, but I want to respect your boundaries. I want you to know that when you’re ready to talk, I’m here.’ Danni bit her lip, hoping that she had said the right thing. She wanted Mia to be able to open up to her when she was ready. She didn’t push her. How was Mia going to handle their funerals?
The funerals.
How was Danni going to survive them? Saying goodbye to her family? While Danni volunteered at both the primary and the high school, she didn’t really have any close friends. Most of the time she felt isolated, she knew that she did this to herself, not wanting to get close to anyone in case they hurt her. She thought it was a hang-up
over the way Beth had treated her, she just didn’t trust people. Danni thought a lot of people might come to the funerals, as Joe was a popular figure around town and her two younger kids had lots of friends. Mia was reserved, like Danni was. Danni didn’t know if she could organise the funerals, let alone face going to see all those people. The idea was daunting.
She sighed, the thought making her tired and agitated. She paced the small living space. She felt like she was in another place as she stared at the blank wall and thought about her family. How much she missed them. About her other children, Alexandra and Noah. She let out a strangled half-sob but swallowed it down, lest Mia heard it.
Then the thought came to her.
She would text Susan, her kind fairy godmother. Surely she would help. Danni picked up the phone and started typing a message to Susan, then she erased it, then started again, then erased it. Susan had offered to help, and Danni was in such a state that she was willing to reach out and ask for it even if it hurt her pride.
Just ask.
Fine then, she would. Danni tried again.
Hi Susan. I’m sorry to be asking this, I need help with the…
She mentally stumbled writing the words.
… the funerals.
Before she could change her mind, she hit send. What would be, would be.
Almost immediately, the phone chirped. She would have to change that text tone, it reminded her of the chirping cicadas outside her house in the summer. She couldn’t handle that, and bit back a cry, remembering Alexandra and Noah playing under the sprinkler in the back yard to the sounds of the bush. They would play for hours under the spinning sprinkler, coating their backs with the silvery water, splashing each other and squealing with glee. Danni felt her throat constrict as a hand gripped her heart and wouldn’t let go. She went to the bathroom, filling the small glass beside the basin with water, taking a small sip. She looked in the mirror, startled by her reflection. She had aged so much in just a couple of short, pain-filled days.
Biting back the tears, Danni looked at the phone in her hand with trepidation.
Of course, I’d be happy to help. I’ll get started tomorrow. Danni, I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you, to plan the funerals for your family. I’m so sorry and of course I’ll help wherever I can. I’ll organise everything. They are in good hands.
Danni drew in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. She didn’t know if she should be happy that the funerals would be planned for her or not. The thought of picking coffins and hearing people talk about her family as if they knew them made her break out into a cold sweat. But she and Mia had to go to the funerals, they just had to. She felt immense guilt that she had asked Susan to plan the funerals, but she knew it was beyond her and her focus had to be on her remaining child.
She knew she had to message Susan back, but her fingers didn’t want to cooperate. Eventually, after sitting in the half gloom of the room for God knows how long, she tapped the phone.
I don’t know when I’ll get them back.
As she wrote it, she choked on her breath. Was that the right thing to write? She didn’t know. She looked over at Mia, eyes closed, frowning even in her sleep. She began to twitch, so Danni walked over to her. Her eyes were shifting rapidly under her eyelids, her hands clenching and unclenching. Danni reached out and gently rubbed her arm, trying to soothe her daughter, but even in her sleep she jerked away from her, wanting to be alone.
‘I’m sorry,’ whispered Danni, moving back to her own bed. She wasn’t sure what she was apologising for. The fact that she wasn’t inside and didn’t die with her family? She sat on the edge of her bed and thought about her babies, her husband. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there, but when she became aware of her surroundings again the sun was just coming up. Danni moved aside the dirty curtain and looked at the colours streaking across the sky. The blush of dawn captivated her for a moment. Her body protested at the movement, her joints popping from what must have been hours of sitting.
Danni thought back to hugging Mia after she’d escaped and kissing the top of her head. She’d smelt petrol; she was almost sure of it. Did that mean that the fire was deliberately lit? Had someone tried to wipe out the entire Brooks family? Who would do that and why? The police would determine if the fire was deliberately set. But surely no one would want to do such a horrendous thing.
While Danni watched Mia struggle against her own demons in her sleep, she thought about the problems that Mia had been having at school lately. Mia hadn’t told her and Joe about them, it was only when another student told her mother, who then told Danni, that they knew anything was happening to their daughter at all. Mia was just seventeen, shy, like Danni had been, and smart. She didn’t date, although her friend Jane was boy crazy. Mia just didn’t seem to have any interest in that. She was all about her friends and school.
Danni smiled as she remembered overhearing a whispered conversation between Mia and Jane, in Mia’s bedroom. She had been walking past and heard Jane say, ‘He likes you.’
‘How do you know?’ Mia had whispered back, her voice sounding higher than usual.
‘I just heard it around. Why don’t you ask him out, Mia?’
There was a long pause before Mia answered. ‘You know why, Jane. I just can’t. Can we talk about something else?’ Her voice had changed, she sounded almost scared.
Danni had been curious, wanting to know why Mia wasn’t interested in dating, but she felt that it wasn’t her place to ask her about it. Besides, then Mia would know that she’d listened in on a private conversation and there’d be hell to pay. Danni could already feel Mia pulling away the last couple of months, she didn’t need to give her more of a reason to freeze her out. One minute she was fine but then the next minute she was sad, moments away from crying, and she couldn’t or wouldn’t reach out to her mother. Danni had no idea how to breach the wall she’d erected around herself. Danni felt out of sorts as well, losing time and finding it hard to concentrate. Once she even noticed that the petrol gauge on the car had gone down and wondered if Mia had taken the car out without a licence.
A few days after that, Danni had been in the store, stocking up on chips and popcorn for the family’s Friday night movie marathon; they were planning on watching all of the Back to the Future movies, when someone had stopped Danni with a hand on her arm. The arm that was full of junk food, just barely managing to carry it all.
‘Hi Danni, how are you?’
‘Oh, Addy, sorry I didn’t see you there, I have too much stuff in my hands. Should have grabbed a basket!’ she said, laughing, juggling her items.
Addy quickly crossed the floor and picked up a blue basket from the top of the pile, handing it to Danni who gratefully put her goodies into it. It was then that Danni noticed the look on Addy’s face. She looked… worried, upset, and Danni wondered if she’d done something to offend her. ‘Addy, are you alright?’
Addy looked around the small store, as if she didn’t want anyone to hear the information she was about to impart. There was no one near them. Even so, Addy took a step closer to Danni. Danni set her basket down on the ground, waiting.
‘What’s wrong?’
Addy was the parent of a girl who went to Mia’s school. Not quite a friend, more of a classmate, but the mothers knew each other from school fund raising meetings.
‘Addy?’ Danni prompted again.
Addy looked uncomfortable. ‘Look, I’d want to know if it was my kid.’ She paused for a beat too long and Danni wanted to shake her so the words would drop from her lips. ‘I’ve heard that Mia is being… harassed, stalked even, by a boy in her class. His name is Oliver Marks, he’s new apparently.’
The colour drained from Danni’s face and she felt her heart skip a beat. ‘Stalked? Someone in Mia’s class is stalking her? Why? How long?’ she demanded.
‘I don’t know,’ sighed Addy. ‘I was going to call you but then I saw you. It was fate.’ She looked around the store
, her eyes darting from Danni’s like she had done something wrong. ‘I’d suggest talking to Mia, then going down to the school. Maybe they can do something about it. I’m sorry, I have to go. Good luck.’ She turned and walked out of the store without buying anything.
Danni paid for her purchases in a daze, forgetting momentarily how to use her credit card. She tapped the wrong spot twice before eventually being told where to hold her card. She hopped into the car after putting her bags in the boot and drove home on autopilot. They lived out the other side of town. Their house would have been very grand in its glory days and slowly she and Joe were restoring it. Right now, it was the perfect house for their young family. All three of their kids loved being outdoors and playing in the bush behind the inside yard. Noah especially loved helping his dad with anything tool related and was his little shadow when he was home, which was less and less often, but Danni didn’t have the brain capacity to dissect their relationship right now. She was thinking of Mia and how to broach the subject of this Oliver Marks and what was going on with Mia at school.
Danni drove down the long dirt driveway with no recollection of how she got home. She knew that wasn’t good, but she had been thinking hard about things. Did Mia ever plan on telling them? Or was she going to keep this huge problem all to herself? She and Joe could help.
In a cloud of dust, Danni pushed open the car door and Pooch jumped into her lap. She gave him a scratch behind the ears before setting him back on the ground, his rear end making a puff of dirt waft around him. Danni smiled a small smile. Pooch was a funny dog and could always make her laugh, more than once she had found solace in his warm little body, his soft fur. But today she had something else to do. Grabbing the bags, she went inside through the front of the house, the wooden door snapping closed behind her and locking automatically. She added it to the ever growing list of things for Joe to fix. One day someone was going to lock themselves out of the house without a key, and knowing her luck, it would be her.
The Silent Daughter Page 7