Danni slammed down the lid of the laptop in disgust, quickly repositioning it to where it had been so Joe wouldn’t know she had been snooping. Suddenly her mouth filled with blistering bile and she ran to the toilet, just making it before she vomited, over and over, emptying out her stomach till only the churning remained. Oh God, how could this be happening? Who was the man downstairs playing with their children? How could he do this to her? To them? To all those women, girls? Toxic fluid pushed itself into her mouth again as she leaned her head into the toilet, retching until she was left a shivering, quivering mess, holding onto the sides of the toilet bowl for dear life. How she’d ever leave the bathroom she wasn’t sure. How she’d ever look at him again she wasn’t sure. She had to confront him about this, didn’t she? But when?
It was times like this that Danni wished she had a close girlfriend. Someone to confide in. But even if she did have a best friend, how would you even bring that up into conversation? No, she was on her own here.
Danni stood up slowly on shaky legs that barely took her weight. Thrusting out her hands to support her, she turned on the tap, rinsing her mouth with handfuls of lukewarm water. She rinsed and spat over and over, then repeated the process with mouth wash. Over and over, cleansing herself, washing away the filth. She retched again as she thought of her loving husband, a man who she was in love with, looked up to, watching that shit and jacking off to it. A fucking teenager! She was so angry, so betrayed, so full of hate.
Staring at herself in the mirror, Danni wondered what the hell was wrong with her that he felt the need, the fucking desire to go and look at shit like that.
She couldn’t confront him tonight. The kids were here and she was just too damn distraught to even think straight. Her insides were hot and cold, her stomach roiling like she was going to vomit again at any second, her face ashen and covered with a layer of nervous sweat. She put her fingers to her heart, it was beating dangerously fast. Was it possible to have a heart attack from what she had just witnessed? Maybe, but she wouldn’t die and leave her babies with a fucking monster like him.
Two days went by. Two agonising and pain-filled days without her speaking to Joe about what she’d seen. She had come down from the bedroom, sure that her face was saying everything that her lips couldn’t, but as she walked into the lounge no one even turned to look at her. Since she wasn’t noticed, she took the opportunity to observe her husband. He was playing Monopoly with Noah and Alexandra, Mia sitting on one of the armchairs, long legs dangling over the side, reading a book, ignoring them all, in her own little world.
Joe laughed with the two youngest kids, rolling the dice to come up with two sixes, much to the loud noises of disgust coming from Noah and Alexandra. The three of them laughed as he moved his piece and landed on ‘go to jail’. She almost laughed at the irony of it but knew that if she started laughing, that she wouldn’t stop and it wouldn’t be the good kind of laughter. Her children would stare at her and they would know that something wasn’t right. No, she couldn’t start laughing.
When she confronted Joe, she needed to have a clear head and a game plan. After all, she’d be demanding a divorce and full custody of the kids.
Danni hadn’t consulted a divorce lawyer, nor had she told anyone her plan to kick Joe out of the house. When she realised that no one was even aware she was in the room, she sneaked back upstairs, accessed his laptop using his idiotic password and took photos of the picture on the screen, the web address and a picture of the browser history. Clearly he was cocky. She closed the laptop and went back downstairs. He would have to agree to her demand for divorce or people would be seeing him in a whole new light. So, when Danni had overheard two women that she knew talking about Joe and his new lover, she just didn’t care. She was done with him. But for now, she had to bide her time and play it clever. She had no money, except from her temp job. She’d only had that job for a few months. She hadn’t finished high school, so she wasn’t qualified for much. She had started once Noah began school, and the small wage went straight into the mortgage. There was nothing left over for her and the kids to live on.
Danni had enjoyed getting into the workforce, making money, being independent from her family. Joe had been initially resistant, but after Danni had explained that it was nice to sometimes leave the house for something other than grocery shopping and school runs, he said he understood.
He was probably lying about that, too. Just like everything else. Danni wondered how old his new girlfriend was, if she did those things for him. She wasn’t shocked by much now. One night, Danni had fallen asleep on the couch after working most of the day, picking the kids up from school and taking Noah to karate and Alexandra to swimming. She was exhausted. She awoke, still on the couch, to find the house was quiet and her stomach was rumbling. She checked the time; it was nearly midnight. No wonder the house was so silent, only the cicadas outside making their unique chirping sounds. She had been sleeping for hours. Joe must have reheated some leftovers for the kids so as to not disturb her. Normally she would have been grateful that Joe had done anything for the kids without being asked, but she just didn’t have the energy to care what he had done these days.
Letting out a low groan as she swung her legs off the couch and onto the floor, Danni stretched her arms into the air, bending from side to side, working out the kinks in her back. What she needed was a hot bath and a long massage. While Danni was deliberating whether she should eat or go back to sleep she heard a small noise, a quiet click, and looked up the stairs. Standing in the darkened lounge, she wasn’t seen, but she knew what she saw.
Joe coming out of Mia’s room, after midnight.
Danni slapped a hand over her mouth to keep from verbalising her shock. What was he doing in there so late? Perhaps telling her to turn down her music, but she didn’t hear anything, or maybe he was telling her to turn out the light and go to sleep? Or maybe he was doing what her mind had immediately gone to. All she could see was the teenage girl tied to the bed, gag in her mouth. Surely he wouldn’t. Danni resisted the urge to barge into Mia’s room and demand answers. She would talk to her, she just had to get it straight in her head first. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing and alienate her even further. Now that she thought about it, Mia had been different with Joe for months now. Talking back, then ignoring him. Snapping and rolling her eyes, and generally disrespecting him. Surely he couldn’t be hurting her.
With her mind churning the way it was with accusations, there was no way she could go back to sleep. It was two in the morning when she went upstairs, knowing that Joe would be asleep by now. She stood at the foot of the bed, shrouded in darkness, staring at his body lying in the bed they shared. Eventually she went back downstairs and sat on the couch, staring into nothing until dawn spread across the sky. When she stood up and started her day, blinking the grit from her eyes, she felt devoid of any emotion except rage. A week later he was dead.
20
Danni sat in the dirt, staring at the charred remains of her house, remembering that night. She was angry and felt cheated that she had never had a chance to confront Joe about the videos, about seeing him come out of Mia’s room. She would never have a clear understanding of what he was doing in there. What he had done. It would forever remain a mystery. Unless she could get Mia to talk. So far, Mia wasn’t saying much of anything and Danni didn’t want to push her further. She wanted her daughter back and if she had to wait for answers, then so be it.
The wind picked up, throwing her hair around her face and into her eyes. She grabbed at the dancing streamers of hair and tucked them behind her ears. She had sat here long enough, mourned her dead long enough and was now ready to go and take care of the living. Fuck Joe.
Danni stood up, brushed the dirt and ash from her jeans and made her way slowly back to the car, dragging her feet. She knew this would probably be the last time she came out to the husk of her home, so she stopped, turned and soaked up the landscape for a little while. Burnt fields beyon
d the half dead grass of the interior yard stood out starkly against the vivid green weeds surrounding the fence line. Some were long, waving in the breeze, others were burnt to little nubs in the ground. It broke Danni’s heart to see what had become of their home. It looked so much worse now that the fire department had been through it. Total loss, they had said. Nothing to recover except the bodies. The accelerant had burned so hot that even her stove had melted.
A fly landed on her cheek and she raised her hand to lazily swipe it away, but it took flight as soon as her palm got near it. The wind kicked up eddies of dirt in the backyard, swirling around her ankles. Noah had giggled at the feeling, watching the dust swirl into the air. Danni would give anything to hear him laugh again.
Danni slowly walked back to the car and told the driver they could leave. She reached out to touch Mia, but pulled her hand back before she did.
Once they returned to the motel, Danni held the door open for her silent daughter. The day had been hard on them both. Running away from the funeral had seemed like an act of madness at the time but, as soon as they had driven off, Danni knew that Mia was right and Danni’s idea of going to the house to say goodbye had been more fitting. She pulled her phone out of her bag before throwing the bag onto the bench. There were missed calls from Susan on there. Four of them. No one else had her new number, otherwise she was sure there would have been more calls.
Mourning for her family had consumed her thoughts for the day but now her mind wandered to other things. Like confronting the person who had murdered her family. The person who needed punishment. Oliver Marks. She had no idea where to start. She didn’t even know what this boy looked like or where he lived. She would have to get her information from someone she trusted, and she knew just who to ask.
Another sleepless night followed, but in the morning she had a solid plan about what she was going to do. Danni told Mia she was going out for a while but received no response, not that she had expected one. Danni got into the beat-up car that her sister had loaned her, or given her, she wasn’t sure, which was rusty enough to give her tetanus while still being just about roadworthy. But a car was a car at this point, she wasn’t going to say no. It had shown up in front of her room, the key shoved under the door one night, and she had assumed it was from Beth. The car let out a belch of foul-smelling smoke with a burp, then puttered down the road. Danni was heading for the high school. She parked, then walked up the stairs, hoping that these were the doors the kids used. Otherwise, she’d have to come back another day.
She waited ten minutes until the bell rang and the teenagers came pouring out of the door. Then Danni saw her, beautiful and surrounded by friends. Were they Mia’s friends as well?
‘Jane!’ she called out. The girl turned at the sound of her name being called, made her excuses then hurried over to Danni.
‘Mrs Brooks, what are you doing here?’ she asked, a slight frown on her pretty face.
‘Danni, please. We’ve known each other for years, Jane, you’re old enough now to call me Danni.’
‘Is everything okay, Danni?’ She realised her mistake. ‘I mean… it’s not… I’m sorry…’ she said quietly. ‘I mean it, I’m really sorry. For everything that’s happened.’
‘It’s okay Jane. I just need your help.’
‘Help? What could I possibly help you with?’
Someone called out a goodbye to Jane and she turned to wave. Would Mia ever be carefree like that again?
‘I need to know about Oliver Marks. I want to talk to him.’
Jane turned. ‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ she asked, her delicate brows pinching together.
‘I am. I need to ask him some questions. The problem is I don’t know what he looks like. Where he lives. I want to know. Can you help me?’
Jane looked at Danni with desperate eyes, the set of her mouth, the clench of her jaw. It was clear she was weighing up the information given and was trying to decide whether to help her or not.
‘Follow me,’ Jane said eventually, heading back into the school.
‘Where are we going?’
‘The library. You wanted to see a photo of him, right? Want to know what he looks like?’ Danni followed Jane as she hurried along the long hallways, walking past rows and rows of lockers and empty classrooms. There were a few kids wandering around but most of them had left with the bell. Jane stalked into the library, heading towards the back of the building, bypassing shelf after shelf of colourful spines of books. Danni followed her, trying to look inconspicuous. Jane turned and began trailing her delicate fingertips across the spines until she came to the one she wanted and pulled it out.
‘Aha! Here it is,’ she said triumphantly, pulling out the yearbook for the current year. She took it over to the nearest table and set it down, sitting and motioning for Danni to do the same. Flipping through the pages, Jane came to the one she was looking for. It was of a good looking young man with neatly combed hair and a camera around his neck. The caption said: Oliver Marks, photographer.
That was him. Danni coughed and ripped out the page, folding it quickly and stuffing it into her handbag. Jane stood. ‘Is that all?’ Jane asked politely.
‘Can I have your phone number, please? My phone burned up… in the… fire,’ she finished lamely.
‘Of course.’ Jane said. She ripped a piece of paper from her notebook and scribbled her number on the back, passing it to Danni.
After thanking her, Danni folded the precious piece of paper and put it in her bag along with the photo of Oliver Marks. ‘I don’t suppose you know where he lives too, do you?’
Jane stared at Danni then her eyes slid away. ‘No, I don’t,’ she said quietly.
Danni remembered all the times Jane had been to their home. All the times she had seen her and Mia playing dolls together, running under the sprinkler, sitting across the table from her for breakfast, then, as they got older, whispering and gossiping when no one was looking. Danni knew when Jane was lying, and she was lying right now.
‘Thanks,’ Danni said and followed her out of the school grounds. She watched as Mia’s best friend jumped on the late bus.
Danni drove into the drive-through of the local burger store, grabbing two meals for her and Mia. She drove back to the motel thinking about Oliver Marks, finalising her plan in her head. She felt a rage build deep inside her, clawing to get out to be let loose on the world but Danni swallowed it back down. For now. Sitting outside the room in the car, unable to go in yet, she pulled out the torn photo as the young man smiled at her. Chiselled jaw, neatly combed hair, deep blue eyes. She could imagine many a girl falling in love with him, just not her girl. Her girl had been harassed by this apparently fine, upstanding young man who had teachers vouching for him. But who was vouching for Mia? Angrily, she stuffed the photo back inside her bag just as her phone chirped. Fishing around in her bag, she found the phone. She didn’t really want to check it, but it chirped again, reminding her she had a message waiting.
It was Susan.
I understand why you couldn’t come to the funerals.
The funerals. She hadn’t even thought about them for hours. She shook her head, dislodging the guilty thoughts and kept reading. But they were over now and she had said goodbye to her family.
It must have been so hard on you, too hard to bear and I hope I didn’t contribute to the stress of the day. I saw you pull up, then drive away. Please call if you want to talk. I’m here for you.
Breathing shallowly, Danni made her fingers type a response.
I just… couldn’t. It was overwhelming. All those people. They would have stared at me, judging me for not being in the house, for not protecting my family…
She couldn’t finish. She pressed send before she could change her mind. She threw the phone back into the cheap black patent leather handbag. She was done with Susan.
Unlocking the door was… difficult. Not that the lock was difficult to navigate, she just found it difficult to walk into the room, to
face Mia. She knew what she’d see. Mia curled up on the edge of the bed, facing the wall, and that’s exactly what she found. Danni put a smile on her face, holding up the crinkled brown paper bag, hoping her cheerfulness would catch on.
‘I went and got us some hamburgers, love. One with the lot for me and a cheeseburger for you. Let’s dig in.’
Mia ignored her.
‘Mia, you have to eat something, you’re going to starve to death.’ Exasperated, Danni slammed the food down on the bench. She unpacked her hamburger and sat on the bed, stuffing her face full of juicy meat. She had a mouthful of lettuce, meat and egg when Mia rolled over and looked at her.
‘What?’ Danni said, mouth full. ‘You all right?’
All she received was blank look from her daughter, with what looked like a hint of hatred. What had Danni done to deserve hate? She wanted to ask but she was sure she’d get no answer, and what if she did get an answer, one that she couldn’t handle? She swallowed her mouthful. She tried anyway. ‘Baby, what’s wrong?’
Mia turned away from her yet again and Danni took another huge bite of her hamburger. It tasted like ash in her mouth, but she kept eating because she needed to fuel up for what she was going to do. That and she was trying to set an example for Mia.
Later that night, lying on the lumpy mattress, Danni tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable but failing. Between her body and her brain, there was no sleep to be had. She watched as the night sky receded, the moon fading to a pale crescent of itself. Dressing in the relative paleness of the room, and after checking Mia was still sleeping, she gently picked up the car keys, holding the key away from the key chain so it made little noise. Danni left the motel and drove to the high school where she staked out a spot near the bike rack. It was time to do a little stalking of her own. Jane had told her that Oliver rode his bike to school and put his bike in the rack out the front.
The Silent Daughter Page 13