‘Beth. What am I doing here?’
‘When I call, you come. Same as always. Nothing’s changed there, has it, little sis?’
Danni felt rage building up inside of her. Patient, yet coming, building within her like a blossoming flower.
‘So, what am I doing here?’ she repeated. Danni wondered why she had even bothered coming at all. She was a grown ass woman, and her sister hadn’t been a part of her or her life in years, so what was the point?
‘Didn’t you hear me, you’re here because I called you. There are some things that we need to discuss, and I thought it was about the right time to do it.’
‘You mean weeks after I lost my family, you absolutely have to talk to me? Where have you been all this time? Where have you been all these years?’
‘We need to talk about the money, Danni.’
‘What? The money you lent for the room and the spending money? I’ll pay you back when I can,’ she said sighing, running her hand through her dark hair. She hadn’t bothered to brush her hair this morning. It was a tangled mess, the total opposite to her manicured sister.
‘That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.’
‘About what, then?’ Danni said, not comprehending what Beth was talking about.
‘Money, yes. Specifically the insurance money. When it comes through, I want half of it.’ She said it so calmly, like it was no big deal.
Danni sat there, looking at her, dumbfounded, she literally could not find the words, while Beth sat there, admiring her nails and waited for Danni to catch up.
Danni laughed, a barking sound that seemed out of place. ‘What?’ Danni asked finally. ‘What are you on about?’
‘Are you fucking deaf?’ Danni shrank back, transported right back to when she was young, shrieked at by her older sister. ‘I said I want that money and you’re going to give it to me.’
Danni just stared at her sister, still not understanding what was going on. Her face obviously reflected her confusion.
‘Fucking hell, you’re still a stupid bitch. Ever wonder if Joe was being faithful to you? Being a good husband?’
‘That’s none of your business. Why do you want to know, anyway?’ Danni’s mind flashed back to the night she saw him leaving Mia’s room. Was he a good husband? She thought about the rumours. No, he wasn’t a good husband.
‘You’re doubting him,’ Beth said, twirling her long, straightened hair in her hand. Actually, she looked good. Good enough that Danni looked down at her donated jeans, top shop top and jacket and felt inadequate. ‘You never were good enough for him you know. We all knew it.’
‘Look, if this is going to turn into one of those bitter rants about how Joe should have been yours, then I’m leaving,’ said Danni, half-standing up.
‘Sit the fuck down!’ hissed Beth, her hands slapping the table. ‘There’s something you should know,’ Beth said, flipping her hair back over her shoulder as if she was annoyed.
‘Oh, so I’m going to get life lessons from a child-abusing, sadistic bitch—’
‘Your precious Joe was cheating on you.’
Danni stopped talking. She had heard the rumours, of course, but to actually be told it flat out still hurt.
‘You were just too dumb to notice. Now close your mouth, you look like a hooker waiting for her next client.’
‘Joe never cheated on me,’ Danni said, knowing it wasn’t true, but not willing to let her sister have the upper hand. Besides, she didn’t know; not for sure.
‘I can see the wheels in your brain turning so let you help me out. Your beloved husband Joe, who you married so young, has been sticking his dick wherever he likes for the better part of two decades.’
Danni looked up at Beth, who had a smug look in her eyes, and Danni stared at her blankly for a minute, then let out a faint exhalation. ‘You?’
‘You’re damn right, me. It should always have been me. I’ve been with him on and off for years. He’d come to me, whining about his life, how he felt trapped, suffocated by his kids, by you, especially. You never even stood a chance against me.’
‘He never divorced me, Beth. He loved me and he loved his children. You have nothing, your shrivelled pathetic heart doesn’t know what love is. He would never have left me for you. You have nothing.’
‘I have his son.’ Her eyes met Danni’s and she knew that Beth wasn’t lying.
There was dead silence as Danni digested the bombshell. Beth seemed to savour her victory, drawing out the silence until finally Danni spoke.
‘What did you say?’
‘I said,’ Beth said, speaking very clearly, ‘that I have his son. We’ve been together for three years solid now and yeah, we had a baby. His name is Joseph Junior. He’s adorable, looks just like his daddy.’ She twisted the knife that she’d plunged into Danni’s heart for good measure.
‘I can’t believe this. How could you stoop this low?’
‘Me? You trapped him first with Mia, and then Alexandra, and then that other one. He was dying inside, anyone could see that; he’d lost weight, he wasn’t sleeping as much, he had lost his love for life, then we had the baby and he promised me the moon. Said he’d divorce you, but I didn’t expect you to have the hold over him that you did.’
Was it her or Mia?
‘So finally, I gave him an ultimatum, choose one of us and fuck the other off. He chose. He chose me and made me promises.’
‘If he chose you, why was he in bed with the weekend before the fire?’ Danni asked.
Beth looked annoyed. ‘He was giving the kids one last weekend before he ripped the plaster off and changed their lives forever. Then the fire happened and neither of us got him.’ She actually managed to mimic tears then acceptance all in the space of a few seconds. ‘Anyway,’ she said, back to business. ‘I’m going to have half the insurance money from the house, since it was half his and he was all mine.’ Beth smiled slowly, the corners of her lips turning upwards. ‘Okay?’ She grabbed her bag and was about to leave the booth.
‘Over my dead fucking body will you get a cent from Joe’s estate. He had a will and you weren’t in it, so fuck off.’ Danni stood up, faced off with her sister for a moment before turning and leaving, bag held close to her chest. Beth had pierced her heart with her words, which Danni knew to be true, but she was counting on that money to get a small house in town and put the rest away, not giving to a home wrecking whore like her sister. That money was their future, hers and Mia’s.
Danni made it inside the car before the tears began falling. She banged the steering wheel and wanted so badly to scream. Of all the people he could have cheated with, he chose her sister. Why? Why would he do that, knowing what Beth had done to her for years?
She hated her sister for what she’d said. Could it be true? Joe could never answer her questions, never refute the claims, never confess about Beth and her bastard child. Fucker.
Danni drove around aimlessly for a while, bawling, the tears stinging her already swollen eyes. Joe had been seeing Beth for three years? For three years he’d lied to her, lied to their family. How could she ever forgive him for that? And his son, Joseph Junior, he was leaving them, her, his other three kids for this child. This faceless child who had contributed to her husband wanting to leave them.
If Joe wasn’t dead already, she’d have killed him.
How dare Beth demand half of the insurance money that she was going to use to set up her and Mia. After all she’d put Danni through, the taunts, the abuse, the hatred.
Finally, Danni remembered that Mia was back at the motel by herself. She turned the car around and headed back into town. Unconsciously, she had been heading to the farm. When she pulled into the motel car park, she grabbed hold of the rear-view mirror and turned it on herself. She looked a mess. Like she’d had a real kick to the teeth, which she supposed she had. Her eyes were swollen, her teeth bared like a wild animal, which matched the look in her eyes. Wild. She had to calm down for Mia’s sake.
Mia. Always on her mind. Even more so than her other children. Alexandra. Noah. Over and over so she could pretend they were still here. How she missed them, Noah’s cheeky giggle, Alexandra’s mothering way. The tears came again. She swiped at her eyes angrily, opened the door, slammed it with much more force than was necessary and locked it.
She took a deep breath and walked inside. Mia wasn’t curled up on her bed. She was sitting on the edge facing the door, waiting for her.
‘Where have you been?’ Mia asked, then cleared her throat after her voice cracked.
‘Mia, darling. It’s so wonderful to hear your voice.’ Danni dropped her bag and walked over to her quickly, cupping her face in her hands. Mia tried to turn her head away but Danni wouldn’t let her, staring into her eyes for a moment longer before she let her go. She paced in front of her daughter, trying to decide how much to share with her.
‘Do you remember Beth?’ she asked, nearly walking a hole in the threadbare carpet as she paced up and down.
Mia regarded her with blank eyes. ‘I remember, she drove us here,’ she said quietly.
‘She claims that she and your father were having an affair for the past three years, that they have a son together. She’s just trying to get under my skin, yet again. What a fucking lie!’ she yelled, clenching her fists and squeezing her eyes closed briefly. It was all a show though. She knew it could be true but couldn’t accept it just yet.
‘It’s not a lie.’
Danni stopped pacing and stared at her daughter. ‘What?’
‘She’s telling the truth,’ she said in a whispered voice.
‘What? Tell me what you know.’ Danni’s eyes were intense as they focused on her daughter.
Mia scooted back further on the bed. ‘Dad – he was having an affair with her. I learned that they had a baby boy. He was leaving us for them. He was leaving us.’ Her bottom lip quivered. She looked so young and vulnerable.
The full force of Mia’s words hit Danni like a blow to her stomach. She couldn’t breathe. Spots appeared in front of her eyes, and her breathing, when it did start again, was shallow and unsteady. When she could talk, she said, ‘You knew about this?’
Mia nodded.
‘For how long?’
Mia looked away, ‘A few weeks, maybe a month.’
‘Mia, you didn’t tell me. Why?’
‘I don’t know. Dad said he was going to talk to you and asked me to give him the space he needed to find the right time. He begged me, Mum. I didn’t know what to do.’ Mia stuck a hunk of hair into her mouth and began chewing on it.
‘Oh, baby. I can’t believe he put you in that position.’
‘Then he was gone. Like really gone.’ Mia began to cry quietly. Danni went to wrap her arms around her daughter, but she shrugged her off again. Danni couldn’t seem to get through to her no matter how hard she tried. It was like there was a pane of glass between them; she could see her but not reach her.
31
Sports day was always a huge source of anxiety for her. Julie and her posse never let up on her, they just kept coming at her until they could break her. Some days she felt like an ice sculpture, ready to topple over and shatter into a million pieces, melt away into nothing. She couldn’t tell her parents. She couldn’t tell anyone. She was all alone.
Changing into her bathers, she cowered in the corner, trying to make herself invisible to the other girls, who were laughing.
A couple of the girls looked at her as Julie made her way over to her. There were some sympathetic glances, but no one came to help her. She was only half dressed and felt exposed. Julie stopped in front of her and said in a nice voice, ‘Hey freak. Where’d your tits go?’
Everyone could hear but, despite her frantic glances around the room, they all turned away, some looking guilty, but none helping her.
‘She’s got no boobs,’ Julie said with disdain, thrusting her own large chest in her direction. ‘You’re such a baby. Come on! We’re going to go swimming,’ she said brightly, snapping the strap of her bathers. Her two friends were wearing identical grins. She quickly pulled up her bather top, hiding the barely-there buds of breasts. Julie put a hand on her shoulder and propelled her towards the door out to where the swimming pool was.
They didn’t have one at their school, so they caught a bus down to the local pool, and she always scrunched herself down in the front seat, making herself small. Then the humiliation of getting changed into her bathers, then letting people see her scrawny, underdeveloped body. It was pure torture, although not as bad as changing back into her school uniform.
Julie pushed her way through girls, using her as a battering ram of sorts. She quietly and desperately apologised to all of them as she touched them, hoping someone would step in and end this madness. But of course, no one stood up to Julie. She ruled their class and that was that. She pushed her towards the pool, ever closer to the edge. Julie didn’t know that she had a deep fear of water, having almost drowned in the river during a camping trip when she was younger. She remembered the swirling of the murky water, pulling her under, violently turning her this way and that with the current. She thought she was going to die that day until the strong arms of a stranger dragged her to safety.
The edge of the pool loomed closer and closer. Inch by inch Julie pushed her forward. She looked frantically around for help, a teacher, a lifeguard, but none were watching her and she knew if she called out, she’d be in for so much worse. So she let herself be pushed ever closer to the edge. She stared down at the clear water just as Julie gave her an almighty shove. She landed in the pool with a splash and immediately began thrashing about. She looked towards the edge of the pool, so tantalisingly close, just as Julie jumped in beside her with a whoop. Julie grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed down, shoving her under the water. She began to panic, opened her mouth to scream, but only water rushed in. She gulped it down in an effort to not breathe but holding her breath made her lungs burn and tears streamed from her eyes, mingling with the chlorinated water.
She was back in the muddy water, thrashing about, not able to get out of the current. Julie popped up for air, let her up for a second where she grabbed a deep breath before being dragged down again. She tried holding her breath, eyes wide, looking into Julie’s eyes, which were half closed, staring at her, her mouth stretched into a smile. It was terrifying; Julie was getting off on this.
She was running out of air and feared she would be drowned while the people from her class looked down at her, not helping. She could see their blurry faces when she looked up, distorted by the water. Not one of them helped her. She would have to help herself. She grabbed Julie’s wrists and tugged at them, releasing the grip on her shoulders, shoving her down. As she flailed her arms in an attempt to get to the surface, she felt Julie grab her ankle. She kicked out with her foot and felt it connect with something hard that jarred the bones in her foot. She managed to wade her way through the water, the faces fast becoming clearer. She pushed through the surface, her head bobbing out of the water, gasping for much needed air. She flailed about and tried to swim her way to the edge, reminded again of the swirling current of the river.
Julie popped to the surface right beside her. ‘You broke my nose, you bitch!’ she yelled, blood streaming from her nose, colouring the water pink.
Teachers came running after seeing the blood in the water. ‘Oh my God, Julie, what happened?’
‘She kicked me in the face!’ Of course she didn’t say that she had tried to drown her first.
The teacher crooked her finger at her. ‘Was this an accident?’
She nodded her head, close to tears. Everyone was staring at her, witnesses that didn’t want to be involved. The teacher could see she was about to cry but put her arm around Julie and walked her away. Julie looked back at her and narrowed her eyes. She knew she was in for it now.
32
Sweating and grunting, the man on top of her thrust into her like a freight train and she loved every minute of i
t. She felt powerful, in control, sexy. She knew that picking up a random stranger at some unknown bar and going home with him was risky, but this wasn’t her first rodeo. She had no friends to tell them where she was going, but she didn’t feel she needed to. She could protect herself.
He rolled her over so she was on top, now she had all the power. The stranger finished in record time. She crawled off him and pulled her underwear on, annoyed that he had come so quickly. Now she felt empty inside. Empty and alone. She finished getting dressed and left, slamming the door behind her.
She came face to face with a woman, blonde, plain but pretty in her own way. ‘Who are you?’ she asked, gesturing to the house she had so recently left.
‘A friend.’
The blonde stared at her. ‘Who were you visiting?’ she asked, eyes narrowed.
‘Um…’ She had no idea what his name he was. They had never got that far.
‘Did you just screw my boyfriend?’ the girl asked hysterically, her bag slipping from her shoulder to land on the floor with a soft thump.
‘No, I was just—’ She never even saw the fist coming. The girl punched her across the cheek, causing an explosion of pain. Finally, she felt something.
‘Well, shit,’ she said as she aimed a punch at the girl’s eye. Her fist connected and when the girl dropped, she took off walking at a fast pace, heading for the corner so she could catch a taxi home.
Yes, finally she felt something.
Fulfilment.
33
Danni sat on the leather couch, her mind drifting in and out. She was sitting beside Michelle, otherwise she would have taken off by now. She did not want to be sitting in the waiting room of Dr Parson’s office. She did not want to see a head shrink, a doctor, another person telling her how she should feel, asking questions that she didn’t want to answer and analysing those answers. She didn’t need the added stress and extra layer of drama; she’d had enough of that to last a lifetime. Michelle prattled on beside her, perhaps sensing her reluctance.
The Silent Daughter Page 20