Danni broke the speed limit driving back to Mia. It was time to move on. And quick.
43
‘Mia! Mia!’ Danni yelled as she barged through the door. She saw her lying on the bed, facing the wall. ‘Mia. Get up, pack your bag, we have to go. Now.’ Danni turned around and started throwing clothes into her bag. Once she’d finished, she turned back to face her daughter. She was standing, but that was it. She wasn’t packing, she wasn’t doing anything.
‘Mia, did you not hear me? We have to get going.’ Mia didn’t move.
‘What happened, Mum?’ she asked, her voice barely audible from across the room.
‘Nothing, baby, it’s just time for us to leave is all.’
‘In the middle of the night?’
‘Yes, damn it, in the middle of the night! Now pack your things.’ This time Mia began to move, picking up clothes and slowly putting them into the bag. Danni flew into the bathroom and swiped all of the toiletries into the bag. They didn’t have the five grand, but they would make it work. They could still run. They had to run.
She felt the weight of Andrew’s phone in her pocket. Quickly she pulled it out and touched the front screen. It was pass code protected. Damn it. How was she going to get into it now? She quickly stuffed it into her handbag and grabbed Mia’s packed bag and her own.
‘C’mon Mia, to the car, quickly,’ Danni said, pushing her daughter towards the door and out into the car park. Danni opened the back door for Mia, watching as she folded herself into the seat carefully. Danni slammed the door and ran around to the driver’s side, throwing herself inside and locking the doors. She turned her head this way and that looking for Andrew. What if he’d come to the motel, what if he was going to follow her as they fled?
She reversed out of the car park, tyres crunching on the gravel. Danni had no idea where she was going, anywhere far from here. She drove, weaving her way through the streets until she reached the old highway. She wanted to keep off the main roads in case he found her. Did it count as paranoia if they were really out to get you?
Danni drove for hours, the headache building up, the pressure behind her eyes hurting her, making her wish she had painkillers in her bag. Danni was driving with her mind going in and out. She tried to remember what happened when she was at the psychologist’s office, but all she could remember was the waiting room, then nothing. Why couldn’t she remember what happened past that room? What did Andrew know that she didn’t? Did Andrew’s phone hold all the answers?
There was one way to find out for sure: watch the damn video. Mia was asleep behind her in the back seat, her head lolling to one side, bumping off the window every now and then. Danni kept checking on her in the rear-view mirror. She had been passing semi-trailers for the whole time she had been driving. They must have used the old highway so they could push the speed limit and not get caught by the police. Their trailers rocketed past her, and she was doing well over a hundred. Danni had taken the highway so Andrew couldn’t find her. If he came after her, he would assume that she’d linked up to the freeway. Danni kept driving for another half an hour before she could no longer take it. She was tired, her eyes gritty and when she looked in the mirror, for a moment, she saw another face before her vision cleared. She was so damn tired, she was hallucinating. That was not good. Danni pulled over onto the verge, tyres flattening the weeds that poked up through the cracked bitumen.
She grabbed Andrew’s phone and looked at it. She had no idea what the password for it was, of course. She could guess forever and never get it right. Then she had a thought, and typed in her own name. Suddenly it opened and all of the icons popped up. She was stunned. Who used the name of a girl you barely knew from nearly two decades ago? Even so, she was grateful, and scrolled through until she found the photos. There was a separate folder with her name on it, but she was too scared to open it. What would she find? Nothing good, she was sure of it. Looking at the information, she discovered that the video was nearly an hour long. Was she ready for whatever secrets it held?
Mia was still asleep so she decided that she would watch the video. Danni pressed the play button, feeling apprehensive and uncertain. The picture was grainy and the voices a little tinny as it was a recording of a recording. Danni turned up the volume to full, quickly making sure she hadn’t woken Mia.
‘Danielle? My name is Dr Parsons. Do you prefer Danielle or Danni?’ The doctor smiled reassuringly at the young girl.
‘Danni,’ she mumbled.
‘Okay, Danni. I would like to talk to you for a little while. Is that all right?’
‘Yes.’ Danni watched her seventeen-year-old self chew on her nails, nibbling at them in fear. Danni didn’t know if she could actually watch the video or not. She had no idea what she would find. Would it help or hurt?
‘Danni, tell me a bit about your childhood. Did you have a good childhood?’
Young Danni looked down at her hands in her lap, one finger now bleeding at the quick.
‘Danni, tell me about your childhood,’ the doctor pushed gently.
‘I… I…’ she stumbled. ‘I didn’t have a very good childhood. My family was… uncaring, no that’s not right, they were evil. They never loved me. Especially my older sister, Beth. She was always hurting me.’ She opened up quickly. No one ever had ever asked her how she was like this before.
‘What kind of things did your sister do to you?’
‘She cut off my plait once. She used to punch and kick me all the time. I have healed fractures and breaks that were never set properly because my parents wouldn’t take me to a doctor in case they got caught.’ The more she spoke, the more she felt the electricity building in her body. She needed a release. An outlet, she felt like she might explode with… anger? Longing? Fear? She didn’t know.
‘Danni? Danni, are you with me?’
‘Danni’s not here. You’re talking to me now,’ answered a voice different to Danni’s. As Danni watched, her whole demeanour changed. She leaned back comfortably in the overstuffed chair, uncrossing her legs, spreading them a bit wider than was necessary, a deliberate and provocative act. Dr Parsons scribbled in her notebook. Danni watched, horrified, but she couldn’t look away.
‘Who am I speaking to?’ the doctor asked.
‘You want my name? I don’t normally give out my real name, but sure, I’ll play along. I’m Joanne.’
Joanne? Where did she know that name from?
‘Joanne, then. What role do you play in Danni’s mind?’
Joanne laughed loudly. ‘What role? Fuck, you do sound like a doctor. All right doc, I’m her protector. I take care of her when she can’t take care of herself.’
‘Like when?’ the doctor said, staring intently at the young girl before her.
‘Like when her sister would beat her up. When Danni fought back, that was me. When she attacked Beth, that was me, all me. Danni doesn’t have the balls and I, well, I have them and more.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘I gave her a life; I made her strong and desirable. She needed that.’ Joanne tossed her hair that she’d taken out of the braid Danni had done that morning. She was looking at herself, but it wasn’t her. She was a different person. Danni watched in horror, unable to tear her eyes away from the grainy screen. She wanted to believe that she had been joking. That she had been putting it on for the doctor, but deep in her heart, she knew it was true. The name Joanne resonated with her, in her soul. She knew her.
‘Joanne, how often do you come out?’
Suddenly her voice changed from the sultry, adult voice to a small, soft, younger voice.
‘Hi,’ she said simply, pulling her legs together neatly.
‘Hi, yourself. Who am I talking to?’ Dr Parsons asked, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that she was talking to someone else now.
‘I’m Christine,’ she said, sitting back in the chair and crossing her legs neatly, hands clasped in her lap, smoothing down her skirt primly.
Christine
.
‘Nice to meet you, Christine. Is there anyone else in there?’ Dr Parsons asked, still scribbling on her notepad.
‘No,’ Christine said absently, looking round the room at the decor. ‘It’s just me and Joanne.’
‘Do you and Joanne talk to each other, Christine?’
‘Jo and I talk, but Danni, beautiful, innocent Danni doesn’t know we’re here.’ Her voice was a song like a bird would sing, high and lilting. Danni was fascinated by her voice, her demeanour. So different from her own.
Danni watched as her body, but another person, spoke for her. Danni was both horrified and fascinated. These people lived inside of her? The more she thought about it, the more she understood – the blackouts, the time loss, the driving somewhere and not knowing how she got there, the ups and downs. The dots started to connect up. It was true.
Dr Parsons was talking again. ‘Christine, can I talk to Danni now?’
‘Danni doesn’t want to come out to play, she’s scared.’
‘I know she must be very frightened, but I need to speak with her. Please.’
‘Okay, but don’t you hurt her,’ Christine said sweetly, ‘otherwise Joanne will come out. You don’t want that.’
Danni watched as the little girl disappeared and the real Danni, her, came back. She knew it was her by the way she sat, uncrossing her long legs. Her hand went up to her hair, touching the long loose waves before pulling them back into a messy bun.
‘Danni?’
‘Hmm? Yes?’
‘Do you remember anything we just talked about? Any of the questions I just asked you?’
‘You didn’t ask me any questions yet,’ she watched herself state.
She had had no idea who was living inside her head, but she had seen for herself.
Joanne. Christine. Two somebodies. A woman and a girl. How long had they been there and why didn’t she know about them?
On the video Danni looked at the clock. She checked again, then looked at her watch. Dr Parsons noticed her looking with a frown on her face.
‘Wondering where the time went?’
‘Yeah. I just sat down, didn’t I?’
‘No, you’ve been here but you haven’t been here. Tell me, besides the abuse you suffered at the hands of your sister, did anything else happen to you?’
The heaviness of his body, the blood, the smell of smoke, the screams, her blood-slickened hands.
Yes, something happened.
Dr Parsons could obviously see something written on her face. ‘Do you want to share what happened?’
Danni was back to biting her nails, something she was also doing in real life as she watched the video with all the interest of a rubber-necker watching a car crash as they drove by slowly. She couldn’t look away.
‘I don’t think I can. She’d kill me.’ Poor choice of words.
‘All right. Danni, during your childhood, you have suffered much abuse, but there was one event, one so bad, so devastating that it caused your mind to fracture. One person became three people. You, Joanne and Christine.’
‘What? What do you mean? What are you saying? I don’t understand.’
‘I spoke with a woman named Joanne and a girl named Christine. They know about each other but your mind is protecting you from knowing about them. I’m telling you this so you understand that your mind works differently to other people’s. That’s why you do things you don’t remember doing, you black out, you do things without any particular reason, right? Time passes and you don’t remember where it went or what you were doing?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered.
‘Well, these are the times when one of these women takes over. They’re protecting you. It means that one or more other personalities live within your mind. They each have their own personalities; Joanne told me she is in her late teens now and Christine is halfway through high school. Do you understand what I’m saying to you, Danni?’
No, she couldn’t. The younger Danni on camera became very agitated, then began to cry. Danni in the present shook her head in confusion. This couldn’t be possible. Could it? Again, she mentally ran through her life, the times when she did things without remembering, so many other things that all added up to the doctor being right, but if so, why did she never remember that conversation? Did she deliberately delete it from her mind or did someone else? Joanne or Christine? Had they stolen this memory too? Why? How many more memories had they taken from her?
Maybe one of them had taken over when the doctor spoke, or she couldn’t handle the truth, so she just shut down mentally.
Christine and I are right here, a voice said. Danni felt panic rising inside her, so she switched off the video by stabbing at the button on the phone. She didn’t want to listen to another word. She’d heard the details she needed to hear. But the voice. It wasn’t from the video, it was inside her mind.
She had two other people living within her. She had to try and wrap her head around it. How would this help her moving forward? Danni was scared.
We can help. Just let us in.
‘No, no, no,’ whispered Danni, not wanting to wake Mia. She put her hands over her ears as if she could block out the voice in her head.
Danni, please. It was the little girl’s voice. Christine. Danni pulled the car back onto the road, driving way above the speed limit, trying to outrun something that was a part of her. She began to cry, something she hadn’t done much of, still in shock from the death of her loved ones. Alexandra. Noah. Joe. Did they ever realise that she was three people? Did Joe? The closest person to her? Had he known, or suspected, that she was different? Was that one of the reasons he was leaving her?
44
Mia didn’t know why, but she woke suddenly from a deep slumber. She’d been dreaming about being a famous ballerina, something she’d wanted to be when she was much younger. Now she wanted to be a veterinarian. The radio was playing softly in the background. ‘Oh, What a Night’ filled the room. She loved the golden oldies channel. They had great music back then. Sometimes she thought she was an old soul caught in the body of a seventeen-year-old. Did the radio wake her? Unlikely, she had it on the same volume every night, number three.
Something was wrong.
She could smell something that she couldn’t identify at first, her tired and sleepy mind refusing to process it. It took her a moment. Petrol. She could smell petrol. It was strong and growing stronger by the minute. Her brain kicked into gear and she felt her heart start to hammer. Why was there petrol in her room? She threw back the covers that had tangled around her body and went to open the bedroom door so she could see what was going on, but when she tried to open the door, she found it locked. Since when had her door ever been locked? There was no lock on her door, her mind screamed.
She heard a noise, a small snicking sound, and suddenly she could smell smoke. Black, oily and greasy. It snuck its way under her door and she jumped on the bed. What could she do? She was too scared to remember that her dad was just across the landing. She couldn’t even let out a scream, such was her fear. Perspiration broke out on the back of her neck and she could feel the heat coming in from under the door along with the smoke. Thick, black smoke that began to make her choke, and she realised that she could just open her window. The flames were licking at the worn carpet now. She had to get out.
Mia jumped off her bed, over the flames, and tried to open her window. It wouldn’t budge. She lifted it again with all her might, making a primal grunting sound, but it wasn’t opening. She screamed in frustration. In horror, she watched the flames roar higher, eating at the walls, the floor, the furniture. She looked out of the window at the night beyond longingly. Freedom.
Then she unfroze and kicked into action. Mia picked up her desk chair and threw it at the window, the sound of breaking glass not heard over the sudden swell of flames. Quickly, Mia moved over the windowsill, being careful of the shards of glass that threatened to cut her, the flames making her more desperate. She rolled out onto the hot vera
nda roof, burning underneath her bare feet. She looked over the edge, at the drop to the ground. She had no choice. Looking out from her vantage point, she saw something so horrific that her already reedy breath caught in her throat.
She saw her mother, on the back lawn, just standing there, watching the house burn, and she realised something. Her mother was laughing.
45
The driver’s side window was rolled right down, the cold air buffeting her face, cooling her cheeks. Goose bumps adorned her arms. It was like she needed to be uncomfortable, needed to hurt, to feel. She drove down the highway, thinking about how hers and Mia’s lives were going to change yet again for the second time in just a few short weeks. They had finally left the shitty motel they had lived in and were speeding towards probably another in a long line of shitty motels. Their lives were going to be hard until they settled and she found a job, but first they had to get far enough away that neither Beth nor Andrew could track them down. Sweat pricked her forehead, dried by the night air. She had no idea why her face was sweaty; sweat was also pooling in the small of her back. She rubbed her back left and right on the chair, trying to dry it.
Danni thought about Alexandra and Noah. Her sweet little babies, taken all too soon. She had almost forgotten what it was like to hear their laughter, the sight of them under the sprinkler slowly fading. Was this a true death? When no one remembered what you were like? She looked at the sleeping Mia, head bent at an awkward angle, and smiled sadly. What a legacy to put on such young shoulders. She was now everything to Danni.
She thought about Joe, but she promised herself it would be the last time she indulged herself. His lie had hurt her more than she cared to admit. Through all the ups and downs, she had thought that they still loved each other, were in love still. He had taken their weddings vows, said so long ago, and had made a mockery of them and her. And with Beth. Banishing Joe to the deep recess of her mind proved easier than she thought, it was like she had scrubbed her hard drive, all memories, both good and bad, just… gone.
The Silent Daughter Page 26