by Scott Blum
“Sadie, is that you?”
Don sat down in front of the box just in time to see a tiny black puppy being born. Sadie instinctively licked the shiny birth sac off the newborn and gently nudged the puppy to join its siblings, which were already beginning to nurse. Don counted five wrinkled black puppies that were happily squeaking and squirming amongst one another. He was struck by how innately nurturing Sadie was, and wondered how she knew precisely what to do. The volunteer at the pound had mentioned that she was a firsttime mother—it was incredible to watch firsthand how nature takes care of itself.
After a few minutes of watching the newborns enjoy their first meal, Don began to get up. “Welcome to the world,” he said as he stood upright. “I guess it’s my time to leave.”
“Sit down,” said the familiar voice inside his head. “I want to talk to you about something very important.”
Startled, Don sat back down and said, “You have to stop doing that—you scared the death out of me.”
“We’ll see about that,” Robert quipped.
“Bad choice of words.”
“Maybe not. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
Don didn’t understand and began to feel anxious. “Shouldn’t we get going? Suzanne will hear us out here and come to see what’s going on.”
“She’s still sound asleep. Just listen for a few minutes, and we’ll be on our way shortly.”
“Okay, talk.”
“First of all let me say I will absolutely honor my word and help you transition in the manner we previously discussed.”
“Uh-huh.” Don squinted incredulously. “But?”
“But, first I want to talk to you about the implications of what you’re doing.”
“I already know the implications. I’m going to die in order to stop my suffering and stop the senseless acquisition of debt. Suzanne will be sad at first, but over time she’ll understand that it wasn’t selfish at all, since she won’t have to pay any more money to the stupid doctors who can’t even save me.”
“Yes, those are the physical implications. But life is more complex than just what happens on Earth. There are serious soul implications of suicide.”
“Oh, great, now you’re going to get religious on me. What, am I going to hell now?” Don was starting to get angry. “Don’t you think this is a living hell? I have flippin’ cancer, and I can’t even pay for the treatment without ruining the love of my life’s financial future! All because of some stupid political statement that nobody even cared about!” The veins in Don’s neck began to protrude, and his face turned bright red.
Robert let him finish and then calmly replied, “I don’t know anything about hell—that’s really not my thing. But I do know that souls have their own time frame, and they are the ones who are traditionally responsible for deciding when it’s time to die.”
“Well, this time I’m deciding. Are you going to help me or not?”
“As I said before, I will help you in any way you want. Just listen to me for a few more minutes, and then we can go.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. Go on.”
“You might think that your body is in control, but ultimately it’s not. Your soul has its own path independent of which body it inhabits. The soul makes an agreement with a particular body before it’s born to help accomplish its goals.”
“If that’s true, why would my soul pick a body that was going to get cancer? Is my soul stupid, or does it just have a sick sense of humor?”
“Good question. There are many reasons why souls pick different bodies. The short answer is: because there is something very important to learn from them. Profound growth comes from overcoming adversity, and a soul that chooses a body with severe physical limitations is usually preparing to learn some very significant lessons during that particular lifetime.”
“Okay, I’ve learned my lesson: cancer sucks. Next.”
“Unfortunately, it’s not your decision what lesson you are to learn during this lifetime. Besides, I’m a hundred percent confident you haven’t learned it yet.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you’re not dead. If you were through learning, your soul would have already pulled the plug and you’d be on your way.”
Don’s frustration was deepening as he put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
“Obviously you have free will,” Robert continued, “and ultimately you can end your body’s life. But since you’ll be short-circuiting your current journey on Earth, your soul won’t have accomplished what it came here to do. And it’s a shame, too, especially after all that you’ve gone through. I would argue that you’ve gone through the worst of it already. Didn’t your doctors say you only had a few months left?”
“Three to six months.”
“Right. So you’ve endured thirty-nine years, and you’re going to risk having to learn all these lessons over again so you can save a few months. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“But isn’t there a time when suicide is a noble act?” asked Don. “Absolutely the right thing to do for everyone involved?”
“Yes, it’s possible. It really depends on the individual situation. If taking one’s life is completely selfless—entirely motivated by love—then it’s feasible that the soul’s journey on Earth will be fulfilled.”
“So that’s what I’ll say. I’m doing this for Suzanne—I won’t run up any more pointless doctors’ bills.”
“It’s not a negotiation, Don. You can’t talk your way out of this. I believe that you’re genuinely concerned about money, but it doesn’t feel to me like it’s coming from a selfless place. Are all of your money concerns simply about protecting Suzanne? Or is there something else that’s under all those feelings?”
“How would I know that?” Don asked indignantly.
“You know in your heart. If there is even a sliver of doubt, then you know what I’m saying is true.”
“But the pain is unbearable.”
“I understand it’s excruciating to be in your body right now, but maybe there is another option to consider.”
“What’s that?”
“We can get you a new body, and I’ll take over this one.”
“Very funny.”
“I’m serious. If you stay on Earth, you won’t erase the lessons you’ve already learned. And then you can continue to walk your current path without being burdened by the pain and suffering of cancer.”
“But the cancer will still be there. How are you going to deal with that?”
“First of all, I have a much higher threshold for pain than you do. But more important, since I won’t be attached to the underlying emotional trauma that created the cancer in the first place, I’ll probably be able to transcend it altogether.”
“You think you can heal my cancer?”
“Probably.”
“Then why don’t you just do it now so I can live a long, healthy life in my own body? You’re already inside anyway. If you can cure cancer, then just do it now.”
“It’s not that easy. Whether you want to or not, you’re still holding on to the root causes of it. In fact, the cancer is embedded in your soul. Your soul had a contract before you were born to use cancer as a tool of learning in this lifetime. There’s nothing I can do to separate you from your cancer.”
“Does that mean I’ll get cancer again in a new body? If so, what’s the point?”
“Another great question. I really don’t know the answer to that. However, it doesn’t seem very likely. It actually takes quite a lot of energy to summon a fatal illness such as cancer, and since the disease itself isn’t the real reason you got sick, it probably won’t happen again. That’s why this idea might be your best option. You’ll still have access to the energetic lessons that result from being conscious on the same plane as your disease, but you won’t have to deal with the suffering.”
“And what do you get out of it?”
“I get a body that I can use to accom
plish what I need to do on Earth.”
“Why don’t you just get a new body that doesn’t have cancer? Be born just like the rest of us.”
“To save time. You can already walk and talk. A new body takes several years to mature enough to do what I need to do. And it’s also convenient that you’re already living in the United States, which is where I need to be right now.”
“To do what?”
“Many things. Healing mostly. This is an important time for the spiritual development of the entire human race. And because of its relatively short history, the U.S. hasn’t been able to develop spiritually as fully as other parts of the world. That’s why there are so many of us coming here right now—to impart our wisdom and allow this country to catch up with the rest of the world.”
“Us? Who’s ‘us’? There are others taking over cancer victims’ bodies? Are you some alien race or something?”
“No,” Robert laughed. “We’re called Walk-ins. It’s not that unusual, really. We’re simply angels that need to have a body to accomplish what we have to do. It’s been going on for thousands of years, but it’s most commonly prearranged before the host body is born. So this conversation doesn’t usually take place here on Earth. But I have a soft spot for suicide victims. Someone very close to me killed herself, and not only did it hurt me deeply, but I saw firsthand what happened to her soul. She’s still trying to recover from it, and it’s already been many lifetimes since it happened.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you, but it’s the way it’s meant to be. It’s her destiny, and she’s living it with as much grace and determination as she can. It’s such a shame, though. Such a waste of time. Having to pay for a moment of release with lifetimes of additional suffering. So that’s why I do what I do. Trust me, it’s much easier to simply make a contract with a relatively healthy soul before it’s born. But I prefer to spend the extra effort to work with souls like yours, to hopefully prevent lifetimes of suffering that can be avoided.”
“Wow,” said Don. “That’s pretty incredible.”
“So you have a decision to make: we can continue with the original plan, or we can find you a new body and I can take over this one.”
“Okay, I’m in,” Don replied after thinking for several seconds. “Let’s do the swap. But where are we going to find a body that I can use?”
“We already have.” Robert used his will to gesture toward Sadie.
“A dog! You want me to become a dog? Are you crazy? Aren’t there any human bodies I can use?”
“I’m afraid that’s your only option. I’ve been working hard to arrange it for you, and there simply isn’t any more time to find another body. As you can imagine, human bodies are in quite high demand at the moment. And besides, you need to be near me for as long as possible in order to fulfill your soul’s contract. Therefore, being a dog is the most practical option since I don’t have the time to carry around a newborn human. They take much longer to develop.”
Don grumbled out loud.
“It’s actually not so bad,” Robert continued.
“I’ve been a dog several times myself. You get to accomplish a lot in a relatively short amount of time.”
“I don’t know …”
“Well, you have to decide quickly. There’s only one more opportunity left. There are eight pups in the litter, and the last one is on its way now.”
Don counted seven puppies nuzzling against Sadie. “They are awfully cute.”
“That’s as good a reason as any.” Robert laughed. “You wouldn’t be the first to choose a body based on its appearance.”
Don felt slightly offended by Robert’s offhand comment, but the more he thought about it, the more he liked it. “I guess it’s better to be a dog since they don’t live as long. Then I can move on more quickly.”
“That’s true. So are you ready?”
“Yes, but you need to promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?” asked Robert.
“That you won’t touch Suzanne. I want her to be happy and eventually find someone else, but it creeps me out to think you’d be with her in my old body.”
“I completely understand. You have my word. Anything else?”
“No, that’s it.”
“Okay, let’s begin. Lie down on your back next to Sadie—then close your eyes and breathe deeply.”
“Okay.”
“Shhh. Don’t say anything. Relax your mind and open your heart. Now, I want you to focus your energy on the top of your head—where your soft spot was as an infant. Concentrate on that point until it starts to feel warm.”
Don concentrated on the top of his head until it became warm.
“Good. Now imagine the bones that came together to form your skull have started to become pliable again.”
The thought of this made Don feel queasy at first, but he relaxed and imagined the top of his head beginning to soften. It was remarkably relaxing, and within a few minutes he felt like he was floating.
“Okay, stay open like that. Now I’m going to help you out of your body. Just relax. Remember this is perfectly natural—it’s perfectly safe. I’ll be with you the whole time.”
Don began to feel nauseated, as if he had just eaten something that didn’t agree with him. The feeling grew until he felt as if he had a huge ball in the pit of his stomach. The bloating was so pronounced that he almost opened his eyes to see if his belly was distended. But as quickly as it came, it dissipated and he felt an intense rush of energy flow from the base of his spine, travel down his legs, and accumulate in his feet. The energy warmed his feet, and his ankles began to throb in time with his pulse. His feet then started to swell, and when they felt like they had swollen up to three or four times their normal size, the energy shot back up his legs; up his spine; through his stomach, heart, and throat; and out the top of his head. As the energy traveled up his body, it felt like it was sweeping out every last bit of physical sensation he had left. By the time it reached his head, there was no feeling remaining in his body from the neck down.
Don hadn’t realized how much he’d become used to the constant pain in his body until it was gone. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from his torso, and he felt light and free for the first time in years. When he finally opened his eyes, he was surprised to find himself floating near the rafters of the garage. Looking down, he saw his body lying still below.
Don began to swirl in circles, faster and faster, until everything was a blur from spinning. Then, as if a huge vacuum was pulling him down, he was thrust toward the ground below, and immediately before reaching Sadie, he blacked out.
CHAPTER EIGHT
When morning came, Suzanne once again woke up to an empty bed. Ever since the diagnosis, Don’s insomnia had gotten much worse, and she was becoming used to regularly waking up without him. She also hadn’t slept very well because she had been disturbed by bad dreams all night. She couldn’t remember exactly what they were, but it had something to do with her relationship with Don. Her dreams had been more and more upsetting in the past week, and she surmised that they stemmed from her anxiety surrounding Don’s illness.
Once she was fully awake, Suzanne made her way to the kitchen, where she heard whimpering sounds coming from the garage. Knowing exactly what was making the noise, she excitedly flung open the door to the garage. On the floor was the most precious thing she could have imagined. Her husband was lying asleep with a tiny wrinkled puppy curled in a ball on his chest. Sadie was nearby inside a cardboard box, with seven puppies nursing enthusiastically. They sang a chorus of new-puppy sounds, alternating between grunting, slurping, and whimpering.
Suzanne stood in the doorway for several minutes while her face began to get sore from grinning so widely. She bent down and carefully scooped up the newborn puppy that had been sleeping on her husband’s chest. She was able to nuzzle the soft fur with her nose and cheek before he started to wake up. The puppy squirmed and wiggled until she gently placed him ne
xt to his siblings. Instinctively, he began to nurse, clearly famished from his recent journey.
Suzanne smiled at her husband as he slowly opened his eyes and rubbed them with the back of his hand. He seemed to have a difficult time sitting up but finally managed by contorting himself sideways.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Suzanne said to him sweetly.
“G-g-g,” Robert attempted to respond to Don’s wife. “M-m-m-orn-n.”
Suzanne could see that her husband’s yellowed eyes were sunken more deeply than they had been before. Clearly the cancer was progressing quickly, and it now seemed to be affecting his speech. She had been warned that Don’s personality might start to degenerate if the cancer metastasized to his brain, and for the first time since he got sick, she began to wonder if she had the strength to see him through it. Her friends had advised her to put him in a hospital or at least hire an in-home hospice worker to take care of him, but she had promised Don that she wouldn’t. However, seeing him having difficulty speaking that morning made her question her resolve.
“Did you see the birth?” she asked after a long pause.
“Y-y-e-s-s.”
“Was it beautiful?”
Robert forced a cockeyed smile and nodded slowly.
Suzanne turned her attention to Sadie and crouched down near the new mother. “How are you doing, Mama? Did you have a long night?”
Sadie looked at Suzanne without moving her head. The dog had the distinct look of exhaustion and bliss that is shared among mothers. Suzanne felt a wave of sadness overcome her when she finally accepted that she wouldn’t be able to experience motherhood, at least not with Don. She looked back at her husband, who had pulled himself up by grabbing on to the grille of her car. She considered helping him up, but he was much too proud. He would need to get over that soon enough, but she decided to leave him to his own devices a little while longer.
Robert used the wall to steady himself while shuffling into the house. When he reached the door, he turned his head and said as clearly as he could, “Y-y-ou s-s-tay here. I’m g-g-oing to b-b-ed.”
As soon as her husband left, Suzanne burst into tears. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to see him die a slow death. She wished he would agree to at least try the chemotherapy. Although the doctors said it wouldn’t necessarily extend his life, it would likely make him more comfortable.