by Grea Warner
“You would have thought.” He shook his head. “When she upgraded it a few years later and didn’t tell me, that should have been the bigger sign. She changed. So much changed ... so, so much ... both without noticing and in the blink of an eye.”
Having seen her upgraded ring when she and Ryan were “still married,” I knew it had bordered on ostentatious. Ryan had told me plenty of times about how much had changed since he and Kari had gotten together and were first married ... and how that was the initial breakdown of their relationship. And I knew that mental scar wasn’t buried too far under the surface.
“So, what were you first thinking of when you were considering a ring for me?” I decided on a more positive twist to our conversation. “Just you asking and knowing we were going to be together ... I didn’t even need a ring.” My heart seemed to be beating slower because it was finally regulating from the run but, at the same time, beating faster thinking of our love.
“That’s what made it difficult. There was nothing as perfect as you.”
“Please,” I scoffed.
He ignored my denial. “And then my mom offered.”
“She didn’t even really know me.” That was the part I didn’t get.
“But she knew how much I loved you, and so she loved you because of how happy you make me.”
I mentally shoved the Kari comparison aside. I did too much of that. It was my pointless, silly insecurity. I needed to let it go and realize there really wasn’t—or shouldn’t be—any comparing. We really were two completely different people. And I inexplicitly trusted my love for Ryan and his love for me.
So, I said just that. “I love you so much.” And then I tagged on something his little insecurities might have needed. “And I love my ring. And, you know, I even love this hot mess of a life we are living right now.” As I concluded my statement, I lowered my body onto the floor and kissed him.
“I love you, too, Lenay, but, good grief, I’ll love you more if you get a shower.”
I proceeded to smother my body right on top of his, landing us both flat on the ground. As if he were the kids, a couple mocking “ewwws” escaped from his mouth. But they were quickly replaced by a few loving kisses. I would then shower, and he would go back to the collective group of kids, and our crazy life would continue. But for as much I had needed my Bethany-break, I was also equally glad we had those few minutes of Ryan-and-Bethany time.
***
“Hey, everything all right?” Ryan answered my call the next day in a way that made me think he was flashing back to the call I made to him when he arrived at the airport.
“Yeah,” I reassured while sitting on the bench behind the coffee shop—the perfect, sunny, secluded spot for my work break.
“Good. Good. What’s up?”
“I wanted to run something by you. You have a minute?”
“I’ll make it happen.” I smiled at his answer. Ryan was just that guy—he had his priorities straight. “For you, even two.”
“Thanks.”
“Hey, but before you do ... I talked—well, messaged—with the school. They put you on with Joel and Sallie for the reading gig and said there’s no signage or anything with ‘mom’ written on it. It’s really casual. I mean, they’re not even usually open in the summer.”
“Oh, good. That should help.”
“Yeah. All right. Your turn. Go.” He definitely sounded in his work mode.
So, I dove right in. “I was thinking about everything that happened ... with Joel.” I realized I needed to clarify because, goodness, so much had happened in only a few weeks, never mind our entire relationship.
“Yeah.” His response sounded part question but mostly reflective.
“Remember when you asked me if the kids realize the privileges they have?” I couldn’t help but think of the one we had just spoken about—a small, private, exclusive primary school. “I think they do, but in a good way. It doesn’t hurt for them to be a part of helping others, though.”
“No. Sure. Absolutely.”
“I thought of a way we can thank the hospital for helping Joel the other day and for what they do for so many kids. But there are a lot of factors and people who would need to be involved and probably a little upstart money.”
“Great. I wanted to find a way for Joel to pay back Lyric’s bill. We’ll break into his piggy bank,” he jested. When I tsked at him, he made another offer. “No? Then, you better start writing another song.”
“Ryan!”
“Bethany, really, you know I’ll help if it means something for the hospital. I told you I wanted to do something to thank them.”
“I know. That’s what got me thinking. But you still might want to squash the idea.”
“I don’t even know what it is in order to squash it. You have to tell me first.”
“Okay, I’m getting there.” I was suddenly a little nervous about bringing it up, and, at first, I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized it was because it was really the first time I was truly stepping out with my own platform of sorts as Ryan’s pseudo-wife. Sure, we had been to social events and were recognized as a couple. But what I had in mind was different—it felt and meant something different. I had never truly been in that role, and I wasn’t sure what to make out of it or, for that matter, what Ryan’s feelings would be.
“Lenay?”
“Sorry.”
“Time is money. Your two minutes are almost up.”
“Ryan!”
“I’m kidding. Come on, tell me about your idea and why I might squash it.”
“Having a fundraiser,” I started, only to be cut off by his light moan. “Not a stuffy suit and tie thing,” I amended right away at his deflated response. “Something where we invite kids and their families and have the animal shelter bring some critters to play with. It would potentially help the animal shelter by sparking some interest for those who are looking for a pet. And the ticket price would raise money for the hospital. It’s a dual purpose. There shouldn’t be much of a startup cost or whatever. I’m sure I could get Gracie to donate coffee and pastries from the shop.”
“Okay. It’s sounding better. What exactly am I going to squash?”
“Well, it will work better—launch better—if I personalize it. And I know you don’t want the kids exposed.”
That time, I could legitimately hear the hesitation in his voice. “Exposed how exactly?”
“I really don’t know how to go about organizing something like this or really getting the right people interested. But using Joel’s story—putting it out there on social media—I am pretty sure would touch people’s hearts and make them want to be a part of it. And then I could see if other families who have kids at the hospital would like to share, too. Maybe like Darlee. But I completely understand if you don’t want ... if you don’t want me to do any of this. Maybe you simply want Joel to write a thank-you card.”
I heard his breath and couldn’t quite navigate how to interpret it. His equally as elusive response wasn’t any more help. “All right. Let me think about it. I really do gotta go, though. Can we talk about it later?”
“Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I know you’re busy.”
“All the time.” He sighed.
“Go ahead. I love you.”
“For real.” His words warmed my heart as I hung up the phone.
I sat for a few more minutes in the midmorning sun and thought about my grand plan. It really had just come to me during the opening hours of my shift. And I know I had presented it to him in a similarly disorganized manner as I had dreamed it up. Sitting there rethinking it through, I realized it probably wasn’t feasible at all. Besides making sure the animal shelter and hospital were on board, I didn’t know the first thing about organizing something of that caliber. Our wedding was even easier to plan—and, well, look what happened with that. Gathering strangers and asking them to donate a significant amount of money to make the purpose worthwhile? Who did I think I was? Ella was good at that stuff and .
.. Kari. Kari would have been able to do it with a snap of her fingers. Ugh! After sulking a little over my own inferiority, I made my way back inside to caffeinated central, a little less lighthearted.
***
Ryan rarely found his way to the coffee shop, but if he did, it was a surprise. That was the case a couple hours later. Instead of ordering his cinnamon Americano, though, he walked with purpose right over to my end of the counter.
“Hi,” I acknowledged with a tilt of my head.
“Hi,” he echoed.
I passed the iced caramel coffee over to the waiting customer and added the final touches to the next espresso. “Give me a sec.?”
“Yep.” He walked toward the wall at the end of the counter, which housed upcoming events and led to our back room.
When Gracie nodded and smiled in my direction, I knew I could take a few minutes to legitimately talk with Ryan without beans and milk and syrups in between us. “Hey, you want to go outside or—" I started saying on my approach.
“You have the most generous heart of anyone I have ever known.” His deep blue eyes could not have been more focused on me.
“And it belongs completely to you,” I answered the compliment, not really understanding why I deserved it or what exactly prompted the words or his unexpected appearance. When he flanked his hands on my cheeks and kissed me, I smirked. “I remember a time when we couldn’t do that in here. We had to hide in your car.”
He shook his head as if he was clearing the demons of our past hidden relationship. “So, so wrong.”
I instantly felt bad for bringing up something that no longer had any relevance on our current situation, especially when he had greeted me with beautiful words and an equivalent kiss. “I’m s—”
“You okay with having someone perform at this fundraiser shindig, too?”
“Huh?” I tried to catch up to his question.
“I’m getting one of our up-and-comers to perform. Kid-friendly, of course.”
“Yeah?” I pierced my eyes at him. “You’re good with it?”
“I talked with the hospital and the animal shelter. They are completely on board and grateful.”
“Ryan ...”
I hadn’t even been sure if he thought any part of my idea was doable, and there he went and orchestrated most of it already. Of course he had done it that quickly. He had the connections. It really wasn’t his money the project needed. It was his influence.
“I got some contact names and numbers for you to coordinate a date. But a little while off, okay? You need time to get the word out and, uh, to be honest, I’m not really in the social mood. But we’ll find a way to tell Joel’s story. It’s important on a lot of levels. And, you know, a thank-you card from both of the kids with the final check is a must.”
I managed to close my gaping mouth at his revelation before saying, “I didn’t mean for you to do all of that.”
“I know you didn’t. But it’s a great idea and, again, only one you would think of. Can I have my coffee now, with maybe an extra shot? I think I’m gonna need to work at a little quicker pace. I somehow managed to get roped into a side project and am behind.”
“You better look in the mirror when you are considering generous hearts, Ryan.”
“Don’t let that get out. It would kill my Mr. Mean reputation.”
I shook my head, kissed him quickly, and went back behind the counter. I added an extra touch of cream to the top of his coffee so I could make heart art. He smiled at my creation before securing the lid and making his way out the door.
Chapter Thirteen
Ryan texted me so many times during the reading event, I teasingly told him he should have come in drag if he wanted to know about it so much. I got a hysterical Mrs. Doubtfire GIF in return, but he did slow down his correspondence. It did go remarkably well, though. There were enough activities to keep the kids, for the most part, occupied and not concerned about who showed up and what their relationship was. Of course, there were children calling out for mommies, and while Sallie and Joel looked up on occasion, they remained focused on reading with me. The other women were all respectful to what the Thompson children were going through. They either completely gave us our space or talked about anything but Kari. The buzz, actually, was more about Joel’s water tumble the week before. Thankfully, they had found out from their own kid-witnesses—not any kind of press. Both the camp and hospital had strict policies when it came to their clients. And even though Ryan and I had talked more in-depth about how to have Joel’s story be one of the launching boards of the fundraiser, we had yet to actually post it.
With just enough time for a quick kiss and passing off kid-duty, Ryan got home from work a little earlier than usual so I could set off for my local songwriters group meeting. Held once a month in a community center basement, the meetings were casual for the most part. There was a topic of discussion, time to showcase what we were working on in order to get similar-minded feedback, sharing successes or events, and dinner delivery in between. I had joined the group before Singer Spotlight and, therefore, of course, before meeting Ryan. And I was grateful that once I got my fleeting opportunity on the television show and my relationship with Ryan was revealed, no one treated me any differently. And, by that, I mean, tried to use me as a connection to him. Because the fact was, we all were in the same boat. Every one of us still had to find the right words and the right music to even get looked at.
The news about the song I wrote for Finn Murphy being released definitely found its way to our songwriting group. There were others who had some success in the past. But at that meeting, it was my turn to shine. And even though it was a bit overwhelming and embarrassing to a shy, modest person like me, I needed it. I needed a little lighthearted, feel-good pouring of congrats. The song was, indeed, getting a lot of social media buzz and airplay. And the singer himself reached out to congratulate me, which I thought was incredibly kind, considering, without his name tied to it, there would be nothing to even discuss. It also motivated me to work on new songs. With things having been so hectic and stressful, creative writing and music were pretty much squelched where I was concerned. But maybe I was ready to actually write about some of it. So, once my peer songwriters left, I stayed a little longer to write in the solitude of the center’s basement.
When I returned home, it was around nine-thirty. The house had the unique stillness of sleeping children. I found Ryan in bed, too, but he wasn’t asleep. His sidelight was still on, and he was doing something on his tablet.
“Hey,” I met him with a kiss as I sat on his side of the bed.
“Hey, yourself.” He dutifully put the tablet aside. “How was your meeting?”
“Great.” I smiled, feeling every truth in my word.
“Good.”
“What did you three do? Did the kids tucker you out, old man ... already in bed?”
“Pretty much.” He laughed but also agreed. “We were all wiped. Just waiting up for you.”
“Thanks.” I stood to walk toward the master bath with accompanying walk-in closet. “It was a busy day. Did they say they liked the school reading thing?” I started shedding myself out of my jeans and putting on some sleeping attire.
“They did. Thanks for doing that. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
“You are very welcome, Mrs. Doubtfire,” I teased. After brushing my teeth, I reentered the main bedroom, stretched out alongside him, and threaded my leg through the middle of his two. “So, you gonna tell me? How was your evening? What did you guys end up eating?”
“You think we would starve without you?” His smile told me he was joking.
“Maybe,” I teased back.
“Thank goodness for takeout.” He chuckled.
“Really?” I don’t know why I was surprised—on our first date, Ryan had ordered out. “Takeout or delivery?”
“Takeout. They wanted the place where Kari would always order from—Thai Temple—and they don’t deliver.”
&nbs
p; “Hmmm.” I had to admit, Thai was a favorite cuisine of mine, especially if I could find a nut-free friendly establishment. It was one thing Kari and I had actually had in common. “Do I get any leftovers?” I decided to stick with the food part of his statement.
“Yes.” He smiled and touched my nose, knowing me so well. “I may have gotten you some pad thai and eggplant.”
“Mmmm,” the foodie in me pleasantly moaned. I swear my mouth instantly salivated, despite having had pizza at the meeting.
Lightly laughing, Ryan teased, “I think maybe we should have had you do jingle writing for those eateries when they offered that very first time I tweeted you. You really would know the target audience.”
“Ha! Ha!” I sat up to sit pretzel-style next to him. I wanted to get back to the underlying part of Sallie and Joel’s dinner choice. “So, the restaurant Kari really liked. There was a reason why they picked it today, huh?” When he sat up straighter to meet me more equally, I continued, “There weren’t any outwardly Kari comments at the school today, but I know the kids felt it ... being there ... with me.”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “Yeah. I think so. They didn’t say anything about it directly to me at first either. But the Thai place is right next to where she lived. When we got there, they wanted to know who lived there now.” On my piqued look, Ryan replayed the answer he told the kids. “All I know is that it was cleared out. So, Joel asked what happened to all her things that were in there.”
I could feel the topic turning a little more serious and could only imagine what it would have been like for him with Sallie and Joel. “And? What did you tell them?”
“We talked about how most of it will be theirs when they get older and might appreciate them more.”
I actually started to tear up a little. Once we had gotten past his bar encounter with Olsen, Ryan and I had talked about what he and Maks were going to do with Kari’s things. So, it wasn’t like I didn’t know. It was picturing Sallie and Joel’s faces listening to Ryan and understanding even more so how much they had lost. And, yes, how much Kari was losing out on, too. Not the silverware, jewelry, or artwork, but how she was not going to have the chance to watch her babies grow and thrive—to see Sallie giving up the training wheels on her bike, or Joel playing on the T-ball team, or graduations, or falling in love themselves. She wouldn’t get to see them becoming their own spectacular people.