Clawing Free

by Josh Roberts

  Turning into the alley behind Todd’s Fish Market, she saw the light was on inside. Neil—Todd’s nephew and only employee—was burning the midnight oil. He often waited for her to get home just to say hi before he left for the day. Such was their relationship. He was her best friend, yet she also hesitated to spend too much time around him because along with him came the memories of all they’d been through together. And those memories were something she’d spent the majority of her life trying to avoid. She averted her gaze this time and headed for the stairs that led to her apartment.

  As she ascended, the world started to spin. Afraid of falling, she stopped and grabbed hold of the railing. It didn’t help. Everything began to go dark. She dropped onto the stairs and lost consciousness.

  * * *

  When she opened her eyes, Lissy found herself no longer on the stairs but standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking Diamond Lake. Her toes hung over the edge. Instinctively, she took a step back and glanced around. She was standing on Pine Bluff.

  The scene in front of her created a dramatic conflict of emotions, each equally shaking her to the core. The fear came because the clearing in which she stood was one she’d avoided for eleven years and had sworn she would never again return to, especially at night. But there was also an odd sense of serenity, because at one time this clearing had been her most cherished place in the entire world. This was where Mia and she had hiked so many times throughout her childhood.

  Standing with her back to the lake, she glared at the massive, bisected boulder they’d laid on all those years before, talking about school, boys, the future. It’d been a long time since she allowed her mind to travel back to those conversations. Along with those memories came pangs of hurt, loss, even betrayal, although she knew it wasn’t Mia’s choice to be murdered. Her mind began reconstructing the scene in which Mia’s body lay burnt and broken on the boulder before her.

  She ripped her eyes away from the rock, directing them anywhere else but the place Mia had taken her final breath. Everything looked exactly as she remembered it from over a decade earlier. This sense of timelessness made her wonder if the whole thing could simply be a vivid recall stemming from her thoughts of the lake and the anniversary of Mia’s death, which would despairingly greet her the next day.

  The clearing was nestled amid the forest that capped the majority of the cliffs surrounding the end of the lake farthest from Mitchum. The expanse was only about a hundred feet across, causing the boulder in its center to become the automatic focal point of the space. The boulder itself was nearly twenty feet in diameter and rose about two feet from the ground. The immense structure looked as though it had once been a full sphere but had been split at some point, leaving only a single hemisphere with its face parallel to the sky.

  She turned back to the lake, unable to look at the place her sister had died any longer. The full moon reflected like a deflated ball on the water’s surface, just as it had appeared earlier that night outside the restaurant. She had to be dreaming; yet it didn’t feel like a dream. It felt real. She could smell the trees, feel the mist carried up from the water on the mountain breeze, and could hear—

  Shhhh . . .

  The sound was something between a subtle wind finding its way through the trees and a low voice commanding her to be quiet and listen. She wanted to believe it was just the wind, but deep in her gut, she was filled with dread and nagged by the idea that she wasn’t alone. This wasn’t just a dream.

  “Lissy,” a gentle voice whispered into her ear.

  She whipped around, but there was nothing there, no one in sight. Turning back and forth, she searched wildly. There were only the lake and the trees surrounding her, and—

  Suddenly, a man appeared, standing across the clearing at the mouth of the trail that led from the cliff to the lake below. He faced the opposite direction so she couldn’t make out his face. How had she not seen him before?

  “Lissy.” She jumped, flailing her fists at the disembodied voice. While it terrified her, there was something about the tone of the voice she couldn’t peg. It was so intensely calm—peaceful, even—giving her the feeling that the being from which it came was attempting to woo her more so than intimidate her.

  Out of nowhere, thunder clapped, then lightning streaked across the clear, black sky, pulling her mind away from the voice. Her face jerked up as terror gripped her. Dark clouds were rolling in, blocking out the light from the moon and stars. The darkness felt all-consuming. Lissy hated storms. The night Mia died, Mitchum had suffered one of the worst storms in the town’s history. And due to the burn marks on Mia’s body, lightning had become synonymous with death in Lissy’s mind.

  As rain began to pour, she looked at the man standing on the other side of the boulder. It appeared as though he was unaware that the inclement weather had set in. In the same way you garner knowledge in your dreams without discovering it, Lissy knew then she had to reach him. But as she planted her foot to run, lightning struck the ground in front of her. She froze.

  The storm raged around her and she began to feel something closing in. Visibly, there was nothing aside from the pounding rain, but it felt like the air around her had turned in and was trying to squeeze the life out of her. She was frantic, desperate to reach the man. She screamed to him, pleading. He didn’t turn. He didn’t even flinch. It was like he hadn’t heard her at all through the chaos.

  The quiet voice attempted to speak to her again, but she could no longer decipher the whispers over the storm and her own screaming. As she struggled to unbind herself from the invisible constraint, she began to feel tingly and numb, as if her veins were wires and someone was sending a low-voltage electric current through them. As her body was compressed more and more, the voltage rose, intensifying the pain already coursing through her entire body. Finally, the pressure was so great that her lungs gave out, sending a final gust of air bursting from her mouth.

  2

  August 16, 2019

  Rolling to her side, Lissy felt the warmth of a blanket over her body and the soft comfort of a pillow beneath her head. Opening her eyes, she realized she was in her own bed. The sun streamed in through the thin white curtains that had hung in the apartment since she started renting it years prior. She squinted. What happened? She tried to remember how she’d gotten to her bed or even into her apartment but . . . there was nothing.

  She remembered going to work, locking up, walking home—

  The memory of last night’s dream flooded her mind, destroying any inkling of peace she’d felt in the sunlight the moment before. She remembered the cliff, the whispering voice, and the man who couldn’t hear her no matter how loud she screamed. She’d had nightmares in the past, but never like that. The blood drained from her face as she shot upright in the bed with a gasp.

  Taking heavy breaths, she tried to sort it all out in her mind. But none of it made sense. Then it occurred to her: she was on the stairs when it started. Who had brought her into the apartment? She glanced down. She was still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

  Listening, she could hear rustling from the other room. She took her best guess and asked, “Neil?” Her voice sounded thinner than she’d expected.

  Neil popped his head around her doorjamb. “Yes, dear?” He grinned.

  Lissy suppressed a smirk.

  “What happened?”

  He entered the bedroom. “I have no idea.”

  He sat on the edge of her bed. She took note of the oven mitt on his left hand and the spatula in his right. His dark hair was disheveled, and he looked tired, but he still had the same boyish handsomeness as always. Mia had often talked about how good Lissy and she would look, each with a Sheridan on their arm. Lissy sighed at the thought of her big sister.

  “I saw you trying to avoid me,” Neil began. “Heading straight to your apartment—which, incidentally, I was gonna let you get away with. Then, the next thing I know, I hear you screaming bloody murder. Scared the crap outta me.” He paused, adopting
a more serious tone. “You were swinging your fists and screaming for a solid minute. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  She shook her head. “Man. It was weird, Neil. Scary.”

  “What exactly was it? I mean . . . I assumed you’d had too much to drink.”

  They both knew he hadn’t thought that at all. Humor was his way of coping. What he was really getting at was that he was very concerned.

  “I don’t know what it was. Too much stress, probably.” She sighed again.

  “I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance. You were screaming and then just kind of passed out.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “One minute you’re screaming at the top of your lungs and the next you dropped. If I hadn’t already run outside, you might’ve cracked your skull.”

  “Man . . .” she replied absentmindedly.

  There was a quiet pause as she thought about the clearing and whatever had been crushing her. It all felt so real. Neil sat patiently by her side.

  “Well,” he said, “I’ve got breakfast in the oven and orange juice coming right u—”

  “Coffee,” she interrupted. “Just black coffee, please.”

  “You got it.” He stood to leave.

  As he reached the door, she spoke softly. “Neil”—he turned back—“thanks.”

  He smiled and went to retrieve her coffee. She chided herself for thinking how much she did enjoy his company.

  * * *

  The breakfast was perfect. Neil was a surprisingly good cook for a bachelor. Lissy laid the fork on her empty plate.

  “So where did you sleep? Or—I guess—did you sleep?” she asked.

  “The couch. I was gonna snuggle up in bed, but I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  “Funny.”

  He picked up the plate and sat it on her nightstand. “What do you have planned for today?” he asked coyly.

  “You know exactly what I’m doing.”

  “Do you want some company? Case you go ballistic again?”

  “I’m fine,” she retorted. “Like I said . . . just a lot on my mind. I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “How ’bout a date?”

  The question caught her off guard, although it shouldn’t have. Neil had been alluding to being more than friends with her for years. She was sure he had some misguided fantasy about their being soul mates, just as his big brother and Mia had been. Lissy had no desire to be in that type of relationship. Especially after how it turned out for Mia.

  “Not today,” she replied.

  He stood up. “This is where I tell you that I think you should probably stay home and rest. You say no. And then you tell me it’s time for me to leave now. Does that about sum it up?”

  “I was just gonna open the door and hope you eventually wandered out. But I like your version. Let’s go with that.”

  It was snarky and she knew it, but she needed to get on the road if she was going to finish at the lake before nightfall. Being near Diamond Lake after dark was not an option. The mere thought caused her skin to crawl. She could never pinpoint why, but of all the things David had recounted to her mother about that last night at the lake, the part that stuck with her had always been the way he started the story: It had just gotten dark when it happened. She shivered.

  “I’ll have my phone with me. I want you to call if you get into any trouble. If you fall off the cliff or something like that.”

  She attempted to be kinder this time. He did genuinely care about her.

  “Sure.” A thin smile graced her lips. It was forced, but it was a smile nonetheless.

  Lissy read the sign as she pulled the car into the lot: Pine Bluff. The wooden letters were worn, making evident the lack of upkeep that specific area of the lake had succumbed to. The sign would lead one to believe the bluff was a destination leaving something to be desired; therefore the locals had allowed it to become dilapidated. In reality, it was much the opposite. Pine Bluff was one of the lake’s most appealing locations, but due to many deaths over the years, it had become the least kempt part of the state park within which they resided.

  She shut the car door and stood stoically in front of the path that carved its way through the forest, leading to the lake.

  Her stomach started its climb into her throat as she moved onto the path. She thought it odd that, although she’d come back to the lake every year on the anniversary of Mia’s death for a decade, it still filled her with a dread so haunting that it made her queasy.

  The pine trees and spruces climbed high into the sky on both sides of her as she traversed the half-mile trek toward the end of the lake farthest from Mitchum. It was an easy walk, the path having been smoothed over after years of trucks carting loads of people back to the lake, yet Lissy found herself short of breath as she neared the exit. She knew that soon she would spill out of the dense forest and into the field between the lake and the foot of the cliffs. The anticipation was almost too much to bear.

  As she emerged from the forest, she felt an odd sense of momentousness and intimidation. She gazed up at the five-hundred-foot cliff to her right, Pine Bluff, then followed its face down to the hiking path at its base and wound all the way through the forest and up to the clearing. The mouth of that path was the last place David had seen Mia alive. Lissy looked up to where she knew the clearing sat atop the cliff. Her lungs felt hot as she remembered the constricting feeling from her strange vision the night before. She shook off the dream—or whatever it was—and walked toward the lake. In the eleven years since her sister’s brutal death, Lissy hadn’t been able to bring herself to hike the trail. Although in previous years she hadn’t had any horrific visions to deter her, the very thought of returning to their place alone was unbearable.

  The closer she came to the lake, the more off she felt. The view was serene. Diamond Lake extended out before her, gleaming in the sunlight; birds sang in the trees all around; a cool breeze flitted her hair as she walked. Serene. What, then, was causing her such unrest? It was . . . deeper than she’d ever felt when returning to the lake, as if there was something other than Mia’s death eating at her.

  She inhaled deeply in an attempt to relax. That’s when it hit her. The usually crisp mountain air was tinged with a bitter smell. It was slight, but once she realized it, she couldn’t stop herself from focusing on the odor. She wondered if a wounded animal had found its way to the lakeside and died. Perhaps something one of the local hunters had shot and was unable to track. She peered around, trying to find the source of the stench.

  Bzzt! Bzzt!

  She jumped as the phone vibrated in her pocket. That would be her mom. She called every year at the same time. And every year, once a year, Lissy ignored her call. Lissy had been able to blame her failure to answer on the horrible reception at the lake, but they’d since added a tower, rendering that excuse moot. But tower or no tower, she had no desire to discuss Mia. Not with her mom, and certainly not on the anniversary of her death. Squeezing the phone’s power button, she ignored the call.

  Stepping to the lake’s edge, she peered down at her reflection, wondering what Mia would think of her little sister if she saw her now. She figured she would be disappointed. Lissy had been unable to move forward, unable to pick up the broken pieces and make a life out of them. Instead, she had taken the pieces and erected a wall around herself. A wall that would not only keep anyone from getting too close, but would also harbor within it the many insecurities she’d cultivated over the years.

  Wiping her eyes, she whispered, “Always,” then released an involuntary scoff. It was the last word Mia had spoken to her before climbing into a Jeep and leaving her life forever. She would never forget the exchange, though she’d tried. Mia had been walking down the driveway to join David and the crew when Lissy ran out of the house and almost knocked her over with a hug.

  “I just gave you a hug inside, goofball.” Mia chuckled, squeezing her little sister all the same.

  “I know. I
just love you,” Lissy said, laughing.

  “And I love you.” She leaned in as if she were telling her little sister a secret. “You can always have a second hug.” Then, looking Lissy in the eyes, she whispered it again, “Always.”

  With that, Mia turned and got in the Jeep.

  Kicking some dirt into the water, Lissy said, “I’m not doing very well without you, sis.”

  Glancing at the sun, she noted it was beginning to sink, casting an orange hue across the clouds. That, combined with the souring smell that seemed to be worsening by the minute, told her that it was time to get out of there. Although, she found herself conflicted at the idea. Something seemed to be tugging at her. She shot a flitting glance at the plateau atop the bluff, wondering what had really gone on the night Mia was killed and if she would ever know.

  Turning to leave, the overwhelming sensation that she couldn’t yet walk away flooded her with anxiety. It was as if someone was there with her, pulling her toward the lake.

  Lissy began to panic. She’d felt the draw of the lake in the past, but this time it was far more pronounced. She couldn’t shake the feeling of standing on the precipice of something bigger than her. She shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the absurd thought. There was nothing more here than a girl who couldn’t cope. After a few moments, she firmed her resolve enough to walk away from the lake.

  Just before she took to the path leading to the parking lot, something nagged at Lissy to look back, just one more time. Stopping, she fought with the notion. It was dumb; surely there would be nothing. She took a deep breath and then sighed. She lacked the willpower to fight the pull of this place. She looked back and saw nothing out of the ord—

  Her eye caught movement about a hundred yards away in the grass a few feet in front of the cliff and the slosh at the edge of the lake. Whatever it was, it was glistening black and rippling up and down. Lissy considered leaving, but now the curiosity was too much. Was this the thing that had called to her? She banished the thought as quickly as it surfaced. But still, she found herself moving toward the writhing black object.