by Ella Miles
More lies.
Whatever hold Black has is more than Enzo will ever hope to gain. Enzo won’t give up his freedom for me.
His hand comes over my hair, removing the bandana, and letting my dark black hair fall to my shoulders.
He grabs my waist and pushes up the thin material of the spaghetti strapped shirt I’m wearing.
Yes, I moan inwardly. Take me, make me yours. I’d rather die belonging to someone than alone.
But then, we’ve changed positions. My body is arched over the railing as he clenches my bruised neck again.
“Why do you follow orders?” I whisper.
“Because I’m just as trapped in my life as you are in yours. I’m wealthy, I have more money than you could ever imagine, but that doesn’t mean I’m free to spend it on the life I want. I do horrible things that are asked of me because I’m a monster. And even if I’m set free, the devil within will never let me go.”
Tighter his hands move, just enough that the oxygen I pull through my throat to my lungs thins to a whispered breath.
“You don’t seem trapped,” I say—another lie. I may not understand it, but he’s as confined as I am. If he weren’t, he would have fucked me like any other boy our age would when given the chance.
He squeezes tighter, and his eyes close.
Dammit! Look at me! But my throat is closed. I can’t scream at him.
He’s going to kill me without even looking at me.
My hands flail, fighting against his hand taking my life. But he has more strength in his hand than I do my entire body.
I try to kick his groin, as I did before, but he has my legs pinned to the railing.
I can’t move.
I can’t breathe.
And I can’t speak to get him to change his mind.
He’s shut out the world, gone to whatever dark place allows him to kill the innocent and condemn his soul to hell.
I close my eyes as the pain overwhelms me again.
I’m alone.
I stop fighting.
I let the darkness come.
But just before it reaches me, something happens.
I can’t explain it.
Maybe I’m already dead. I thought I would go to hell for the life I’ve lived. The stealing, the hurt I’ve caused my father, my disobedience. Maybe an angel saved me, and I’m going to heaven instead.
For a second, I’m floating. I must be out of my body.
And then just as quickly, I’m falling.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Until my body crashes into the cold water.
9
Enzo
The water burns my skin as I plunge into the ocean.
My skin is always hot, like fire. The water is frigid in comparison and slices through my flaming skin like ice.
I have a love-hate relationship with the sea. I love the freedom it offers, and yet it can just as easily cause death. The ocean, for all its beauty, has to be experienced cautiously. For it can take life as easily as it gives it.
I kick hard and break the surface of the water. I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs with oxygen.
I forget what caused me to tumble into the water. I forget everything as I breathe in the salty air. Right now, I love the ocean. I love how it makes me forget by stealing my brain cells and using my body to keep me afloat.
A gasp next to me brings me back to reality quickly.
My eyes bulge as I realize Kai is next to me, gulping for air. She’s not getting enough oxygen. And then she begins floating down, under the water.
Before I think, I’m next to her. Pulling her body up, above the waves. She keeps opening her mouth, trying to catch her breath, but it’s not enough.
Kai’s body is colder than usual, her throat has a bruise where my hand once squeezed too hard around her precious neck, and her body is limp in my hands.
Shit.
She’s going to die.
But that’s what I want.
She’s supposed to die.
I open her mouth and place mine over hers, giving her a breath. It’s not enough.
I squeeze hard around her stomach just under her chest. Over and over I press until finally, the water expels from her lungs.
She coughs and then shivers. Her body is trying to survive in the cold water that threatens to take her life as I did.
“Shh, Kai. I’ve got you.” I hold her against my heated body, trying to offset her temperature.
She lets me hold her. She shouldn’t. She should never trust me, but she does. Or she realizes she doesn’t have a choice but to accept my help for the moment, until her body regains its strength.
Her head rests against my shoulder, and her body shakes viciously trying to get warm. I continue treading water, keeping us alive.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
I should let her die.
But I don’t think about my responsibilities.
I don’t think about what I’m going to do after I keep her alive.
But holding her in the cool water makes my heart speed up. I don’t know what my heart is doing. It’s never beat so swiftly before. Never pounded in my chest before her.
My body never reacts to its surroundings. I’m hot as fire, but I don’t change. I let the burning build inside me, but never let it out. I don’t feel pain nor happiness. I feel nothing.
Until her.
I can’t make sense of what I’m feeling. Happiness maybe? Hope? Lust?
Something like emotion is there, stirring in my beating heart. But I can’t put a word to it.
Slowly we rock in the waves, drifting further away from the yacht in the middle of the night.
Kai’s eyes flicker open wide. She smiles at me.
Stupid girl.
And then the fear returns.
She begins thrashing in my arms.
“You…you tried to kill me,” her voice trembles.
“I did.”
“Help!” she cries out.
The ocean waves beat harder against us, giving her a silent answer. No one will save her.
“I killed you, but I also brought you back to life.”
She pants heavily just out of reach. Her strength has returned, and her blood pumps with adrenaline.
Even in the dark of the night, I can see her emerald eyes shine with resolution.
“Why would you do that? So you can have the pleasure of watching me die again?”
Her eyes scorch mine as she waits for me to answer.
I take a deep breath. “I don’t know why.”
She shakes her head, and laughs gently.
Her laugh, even though it is meant to be unnerving, is beautiful and light—like her.
The waves calm as do her arms, and she begins floating more than wading, letting the sea hold her up. She belongs here, in the water.
I can’t kill such a beauty.
Not because I love her or even care for her. I just can’t. Something has been holding me back from the moment I met her.
My father lied to me. There is a reason he wants her dead. She’s not an innocent, naive girl. She has a secret, one I haven’t discovered yet.
I can’t kill her.
And that makes me weak, a coward, a fool.
Killing Kai doesn’t make sense. I won’t kill her, screw the consequences.
“I think you’ve earned the power to choose your own fate.”
“Why?”
“You’re asking the wrong question. I don’t know why, only that I think you deserve more than to be killed at my hand.” I brush against the bruises I caused on her neck.
She straightens with a stoic expression.
“How do I get to choose my fate?”
“Because I have a choice other than death. I can kill you here and now. I could drown you easily in the ocean you love dearly. It would take but a minute or two. Or, you can live, but not in Miami. You will leave and never return.”
“You’ll le
t me live?”
“Yes,” I breathe.
“My father. I can’t leave—”
“Yes, you can.” I sigh. She continues to think of that bastard she calls a father over herself. She doesn’t understand she’s a million times more deserving of life than he is.
“I can’t just—”
“The choice is yours, but don’t worry about your father. He has a good job, and I’ll ensure his debt is taken care of.” I don’t know her father, but I suspect he works for my father, just as I know she does. She just doesn’t realize it.
Kai doesn’t speak, for a long time. The moon shines down upon us, lighting up the sky and the sea.
“Choose Kai, will you run away and live, or stay and die?”
“Live; I want to live.”
“Good,” I nod.
I soak her up one last time as she floats effortlessly in the water with a willpower I don’t understand. I hope to remember this image of her, forever. To remember what weakness feels like and what strength looks like.
I turn and swim hard to the yacht without looking back. I’m sure she is swimming after me, but it will make no difference.
I reach the yacht first and climb up the ladder in the back. I disengage the autopilot before Kai has a chance to make it to the yacht. When I walk back to the side and look down, I see Kai has stopped swimming and is floating a couple feet from the boat.
“I’ll die if you leave me in the ocean,” she whispers angrily.
She looks up at me. “You weren’t giving me a choice. I was going to die either way. You are just too much of a coward to kill me yourself! You’ll let the ocean take me instead.”
My heart does a weird fluttering in my heart again, trying to convince me to jump back in and warm her. But I can’t. This is the only way. My gut-wrenches as I force myself to stay on the boat.
“You won’t freeze or drown if you truly want to live.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“Kai may not be your given name, but it is who you are.”
“How do you know my real name isn’t Kai?”
I shake my head. “I don’t; you just confirmed my suspicion.”
“I’ll die.”
I lean against the railing, getting as close as I can to her, even though we are a deck away as I stand up on the main deck, and she floats in the depths of the water.
“Kai means sea in Hawaiian. You were raised by the ocean, just like me. You know how to tame it as easily as I do. If you want to survive, you will.”
Her lips part and her eyes deepen as she begins slowly drifting away from the yacht.
I could have Kai so easily. Steal her and make her mine, but as evil as I am, I won’t risk my own death to take her. Only to save her.
I shake my head as I watch her float further away. She knows enough about currents to make it back to shore. I’m not the one who’s saving her; she’s saving herself.
“Leave Miami, if you are strong enough to survive,” I say roughly into the night with a threat in my voice of what will happen if she stays.
10
Kai
My neck aches as if a thousand-ton elephant sat on it.
My throat burns with the salt of the ocean water sticking to my lips and hair.
And my core aches for a boy who left me here to die.
I’m alive, but for how long?
I shiver again in the cold water, wishing Enzo was here to keep me warm. If it were daylight, the sun would heat me, but at night there is nothing except my trembling muscles to regulate my temperature. And every second my body spends energy shivering is one less second I will have to survive. I can’t afford to waste any energy on anything but swimming to shore.
The yacht speeds away, further and further until it melts into the horizon and the sound of its engines no longer vibrate through me.
Dead.
That’s what I should be. He all but killed me with his hands before we plummeted overboard.
I don’t remember much after I fell into the ocean. I must have gone unconscious. And Enzo must have brought me back to life, only to wipe his hands of me.
I can’t survive.
Enzo knew I would be dead before my body washed up on the shore.
I know how to float in the water, but I won’t be able to with my body shivering like it is.
I’m miles away from shore, much too far to swim.
And it’s too dark for other boats to find me except by pure luck. I’m more likely to get run over than found.
No, I’ll drown or freeze by morning. I’m too skinny to survive in this cool of water.
If I’m lucky, a shark will find me and give me a quick death. But that’s unlikely.
Fuck you, Enzo.
Fuck your evil grin.
Fuck your delicious mouth.
Fuck your masculine cologne.
Fuck your dirty, filthy mind.
Fuck your ability to make me trust you and want you, even though I knew I should never believe the devil.
I feel a cool plastic bump into me from behind.
I turn around slowly, not sure what has touched me.
A lifesaver floats amply behind me.
I eye it suspiciously for a second before throwing my body on it and clinging to it.
Life.
I choose life.
“Fuck you, Enzo!” I shout into the night, even though I know he was the one who left this lifesaver.
He wanted me to live, and he gave me all the help me could without risking his own life.
The waves pick up as does the wind, and I move a good ten feet as one wave pushes me further out to the ocean.
No.
I will not let the ocean take me, not after surviving Enzo. The sea is my friend.
I cling to the lifesaver as I kick hard, trying to move out of the current taking me further away from shore.
Kick.
Kick.
Kick.
I am strong. I can do this.
It takes everything I have, but I finally evade the pull of the current.
I pant heavily as I lay my head on the edge of the lifesaver.
Live.
Keep living.
But then what?
Can I really leave the only home I’ve ever known? The only connection I have to my mother? Can I leave my father, who can barely take care of himself? What explanation would I give him or my only friend Mason for leaving?
If I want to live, I will leave.
I will start over, maybe even convince my father to come with me. We need a fresh start. Perhaps someday we will find a way to return to Miami.
Right now, I just have to survive.
I need rest.
My eyes close. I’ll nap for a minute; then I’ll find the strength to find a current that will help guide me back to shore.
The sun starts coming up, waking me up. I slept most of the night.
Shit.
I cling to the lifesaver as I glance around. Shore is a couple of miles away.
I smile for the first time since I discovered Enzo planned to kill me. I’m going to live.
I consider my options. I could keep floating and hope I drift in the right direction, to shore. I could stay and wait, hoping a boat will pass by and spot me soon. Or I could swim to shore.
My first two options are the safest, but I could be out here for hours longer.
There is only one option I accept. I abandon my lifesaver and start swimming.
I’ve been swimming my entire life, since I was a baby. It comes easily and naturally to me, but it’s still difficult in my current state. I’m weak and exhausted from spending all night at sea.
Why?
The question floats around in my head encouraging me to swim harder.
Why was Enzo supposed to kill me?
Why did Enzo spare my life?
Why?
It doesn’t make sense. I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve seen nothing. I’ve stolen nothing from the man Enzo work
s for.
There is something I’m missing. Some secret I have yet to discover.
But it makes no difference now. My fate has been decided. I will leave my home, never to return.
I feel the sand beneath my fingers before I realize where I am.
Shore.
I made it.
I cough, my lungs panting for oxygen that isn’t tainted with salty ocean water.
My arms and legs ache and my stomach wretches, needing food.
I smile.
I’m alive.
I lay on the shore on the edge of the water, the waves still hitting me with each push of the tide, covered in sand and saltwater.
The sun bakes me, warming my freezing core. I want to stay here lying on the beach, but I don’t want Enzo or the people he works for to find me alive.
I force myself up onto my legs. Then, I walk.
If I thought the swim was lengthy, the walk is even longer.
I wish nothing more than to call my father or Mason to come to get me and drive me home. But I don’t have a phone or any money. The little money I had must have been swept away with the waves.
I walk…
And walk.
And walk.
Each step is hurting more than the last.
When my trailer finally comes into view, I stumble. Falling to my knees as tears pour from my eyes down my sand covered cheeks.
I’m alive but for how much longer?
I have no money to leave with, and right now, I don’t even have the strength to ride in a car, let alone walk or ride a bike out of town. I don’t even have the money for a bus fare. And if I don’t put food in my belly soon, I’ll end up sick.
Just a little further.
I’ll sleep in the trailer, hide away from all of this. I think there are some ramen noodles still in the pantry I can cook. And then tomorrow, I will find a way to leave.
I just can’t find the strength to stand up.
I feel cold hands wrap around my arms, dragging me to my feet.
“Who are you?” I try to say, but the words never leave my throat.
For a second, I can see the man’s face.
“Enzo?” I ask.
The man doesn’t answer.
And then I feel the coldness of his hand, the wretchedness in his eyes, and the rough, unbathed smell he oozes.