I take a deep breath and close my eyes.
Don’t do it.
You’re ridiculous sitting here talking to the dead.
She can’t help you.
No one can.
“Shut up,” I hiss through clenched teeth as I drop the bouquet onto the ground and lift my hands to my head. It doesn’t help, it never does. I shake my head, pull at my hair and naively hope that the physical pain I’m inflicting upon myself will make the mental anguish disappear.
It doesn’t.
It never does.
These days it’s worse, the doubt more profound, the voice louder—my maker is in control and I’m living with a smile on my face but my soul is shadowed in darkness.
It’s a small price to pay, my heart cries in an attempt to be heard over the taunting my mind is doing.
A small price to pay for the gift of life.
Life, Blackie and I created.
Tears spill from the corners of my eyes and I stare back at Blackie’s flowers.
“Blackie’s going to be a daddy,” I whisper, averting my eyes back to Christine’s name. I drop my head into my hands as a sob escapes my lips. “I’m sorry,” I cry. “I know that’s a gift you dreamed of giving him at one time and it’s probably insensitive of me to be telling you. I don’t mean any disrespect but…” my words die on my tongue. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore, nothing makes sense. I thought coming here and talking to Christine, being close to her—I thought it would help. Since, I’ve found out that I’m pregnant I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell Blackie. I’ve put him through so much, I’m afraid the pregnancy will be the thing that sends him over the edge. Not because he wouldn’t want the baby but because the reality is I am sick and neither of us knows how my mind will play out while I’m pregnant.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this when I haven’t told him yet, and the reason is I need your help Christine. I need you to be the strong one because I’m already failing our guy. I don’t mean to but I can’t help it. It’s my mind, it makes me weak, and it destroys every bit of happiness I have.”
“I know I have to tell him and I will,” I pause, shaking my head. “The baby isn’t what I’m worried about. He wants to be a dad and even though this pregnancy wasn’t technically planned, it would only be a matter of time after we’re married before we started trying for a baby. He’s been patiently waiting, giving me time to graduate college and get my career off the ground. He did that for me, he put his wants and needs on the backburner so I could chase my dreams and now I have the chance to give him what he wants, a precious miracle, a piece of him and me that will always keep him smiling and I can’t even do that right. I fear my illness is going to overshadow this pregnancy that it’s going to ruin the beauty of bringing a child into the world and more than that I fear our innocent baby will fall victim to mental illness. What will that do to us? What will it do to Blackie? He’s been my rock for so long, my knight cloaked in leather always rescuing me from my demons but this, this might be the one thing that becomes too much for him,” I explain fearfully.
“I should be happy, because as much as he wants this, I do too. In a perfect world Blackie and I will live happily ever after with a house full of children. We deserve that, Christine, we deserve to finally be happy. He survived losing you, his addictions and has finally found peace. I deserve it too, I’ve been battling my mind for years and just when I think I’ve finally got a handle on being mentally ill, I find out I’m pregnant and everything I’ve learned about mental illness seems to have disappeared.”
I’m not the first bi-polar woman to become pregnant. Statistics show that woman like me go on to have healthy pregnancies and deliver perfect babies. Some doctors allow the mothers to continue treatment while pregnant and simply lower the dosage of lithium prescribed, others substitute it for a milder anti-depressant. There are also doctors that urge the mother to stop medicating all together.
Since I was officially diagnosed as a manic depressive I have never skipped my meds. It doesn’t always work, some days even lithium isn’t enough to silence my maker but after the episode I’ve just come down from my doctor isn’t certain that lithium is an option for me during the pregnancy. Imagine having no control over your hormones and your mind, add being responsible for the wellbeing of a child and well, you can understand my fears can’t you?
Wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hand I blow out a ragged breath and stare back at the headstone as a cold breeze washes over me.
“I guess I came here to ask you to watch over our guy, to be the watchful eye when the load I force him to carry is too much to bear. He won’t ever show me defeat, he’ll try to tackle my issues and forget all about his so please, please don’t let him lose what he’s worked so hard to maintain. Together we’ll keep him smiling, you and me, the two woman who share his beautiful heart. You’ll always have the young Blackie, the long-haired hot head and I’ll have the wiser version of that long-haired hot head, the calmer version of a man who’s lived more life than most and has survived. And I promise you I’ll find my way, I’ll beat down my maker and always find my way out of the darkness.”
Tears fall uncontrollably down my face and I rock back on my heels as I cock my head to the side and debate on voicing one more request.
“Christine, please,” I whisper. “If it’s not too much to ask please watch out for our baby too,” I say through my sobs. The wind picks ups, blowing some of the snow around and I feel a wet flurry fall onto the tip of my nose. Lifting my eyes to the gray sky, I touch my nose and smile faintly.
“Thank you,” I murmur, standing up and taking the bouquet I brought in my hands. I lean forward, placing it gently on top of her stone before bending and tracing my fingertips over her name. “Thank you so much.”
And then I gave her what she needed too.
“He’ll be back. He’ll always come back to you.”
CHAPTER sEVEN
BLACKIE
I couldn’t sleep.
Not without her.
Damn traditions, they’re all a bunch of bullshit. We should make our own traditions—the type that don’t involve me sitting in this empty house the night before our wedding.
I wasn’t on board with the idea of her spending the night at Jack’s but she insisted she was okay and she’d see me at the altar. I couldn’t say no to her… not when she looked so excited, so fucking happy. I miss that look on her face, been a long time since I’ve seen it, believed it was real but tonight, before she left… there was no denying the light in her eyes had returned.
And then she smiled.
The decision was made.
I’d do anything for that smile… even sleep alone.
I glance over at her side of the bed just as my phone dances across my nightstand. Turning on my side, I find my own smile that’s been lost in a sea of grief and stare at her name on the screen for a moment before answering the call.
“Tell me you’re coming home,” I say, not bothering with a hello.
“You miss me,” she replies and I can hear the happiness laced in her voice.
Girl, you’ve got no idea.
“Lace—,”
“It’s almost Christmas Eve,” she interrupts, pausing a moment and I picture her in my head, sitting with her legs tucked underneath her, biting on her lip as she holds the phone.
“I can’t marry you without giving you your Christmas present,” she blurts. “I’m outside the front door. Come open the door, I forgot my keys back at my dad’s.”
“You’re here?” I question, sitting up in the bed.
“Blackie, open the door,” she repeats.
I climb out of bed, pull on my jeans but don’t bother buttoning them and hurry down the stairs still holding the phone to my ear.
“I hear you coming down the stairs,” she giggles.
That fucking laugh.
It’s music to my ears.
The moment I pull open the door my eyes lock with hers and I feel my lips quirk at the sight of her. We’ve been living through hell but then she smiles and I forget all about the flames chewing at her feet because that smile, that look she gives me… it reminds me I know what heaven is. Heaven is her.
She breaks the stare by glancing down at the watch on her wrist and lifts her sparkling eyes back to mine.
“Merry Christmas, Blackie,” she whispers.
“Get over here, girl,” I rasp, holding out my hand. She fit her palm into mine and I pull her into my arms. “Merry Christmas, baby,” I murmur as my lips touch her forehead. She hugs me back but pulls away quickly, taking both my hands in hers as she sucks in a breath.
“You ready for your Christmas present?”
“Girl, you’re here… I don’t need anything else… don’t want anything else.”
“You’re going to want this,” she insists softly, angling her head as she stares back at me and squeezes my hands.
A snowflake falls onto the tip of her nose and she drops my hand to hold her palm out to the sky and catch some more. I watch her lift her eyes to the sky and somehow that smile widens, lighting up her whole face.
That, that, right there—is all I need. All I ever want.
“Lace— ““I’m pregnant,” she interrupts.
Everything stops.
For one moment in time there is nothing else that exists but her and the two words she just spoke.
“Say it again,” I hear my hoarse voice plead.
I search her eyes noticing they’re shining with unshed tears but they aren’t tears of torment and sorrow. There is happiness there. There is love there. A little bit of fear but, there’s a whole lot of hope reflected in those watering eyes.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispers. “You’re going to be a daddy.”
I lift my hands cupping her face and bend my head to kiss her softly, slowly, letting my lips worship hers. I’ve wanted her to say those words for a long time. She gave me a dream, one that revolved around her and a house full of children. She gave me hope that we’d have that, that we’d bring life to the world. We aren’t perfect—far from it, but we have a lot of love in our hearts to give a child.
“Say something,” she says against my lips. “Tell me you’re happy. Tell me we will be okay. Tell me our baby is going to be okay.”
“Sssh,” I murmur, pulling back a fraction and bending my knees so our eyes are level. Then I give her my smile.
“Girl, you’ve got no idea how happy I am. No fucking idea at all,” I say, pressing another quick kiss to her lips. “We’re going to be okay. There might be days we’re not but we’ll get through them and our kid? Jesus, our kid will be amazing. He or she will be more than we could ever dream of.”
I drop my hands from her face and lay them over her flat stomach.
“This baby will be everything we wished we were. She’s going to be perfect.”
“You said she,” she points out, wiping away her tears.
I said she.
She.
A girl.
A daughter.
Another angel sent to rescue the devil.
“I said she,” I affirm, laughing as I wrapped my arms around her. “Damn girl,” I say as I squeeze her tight. “What a Christmas you gave me.”
“And it’s not over yet.”
“No, it’s not.”
We were getting married today.
Me.
Her.
Leather.
Lace.
A temptation so joyful it brought hope to the hopeless.
To Be Continued.
The story of the knight cloaked in leather and the angel who rescued him from the depths of hell continues in Hopeful Temptations.
Coming soon.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Janine Infante Bosco lives in New York, she has always loved reading and writing. When she was thirteen, she began to write her own stories and her passion for writing took off as the years went on. At eighteen, she even wrote a full screenplay with dreams of one day becoming a member of the Screen Actors Guild.
Janine writes emotionally charged novels with an emphasis on family bonds, strong willed female characters, and alpha male men who will do anything for the women they love. She loves to interact with fans and fellow avid romance readers like herself.
Janine loves interacting with fans feel free to contact her on any of her social media sites.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Janine-Infante-Bosco-Author/491551810973318?fref=ts
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8095100.Janine_Infante_Bosco
Website: http://www.janineinfantebosco.com/
Other Books by Janine Infante Bosco
The Tempted Series: *all can be read as standalone*
Illicit Temptations (Book One) – Michael & Nikki
Forbidden Temptations (Book Two) – Anthony & Adrianna
Uncontrollable Temptations (Book Three) – Jack & Reina
Reckless Temptations (Book Four) – Riggs & Lauren
Lethal Temptations (Book Five) – Blackie & Lacey
The Riverdale Series: *should be read in series order*
Pieces – Book One
Broken Pieces – Book Two
Fitting the Pieces – Book Three
Jake’s Journal (Book 3.5) novella – companion to the series.
Dancing Snowflakes
MADISON STREET
CHAPTER 1
Life in the city was easy. I don’t understand how so many people had issues living in New York. Great food, great people, many attractions to choose from. To me…this is the life.
I didn’t have any issues finding a pretty girl to pass the time with and frankly I always had multiple girls to choose from. I’m a New Yorker, born and raised.
I grew up in the Bronx and spent the best years of my life surrounded by a great group of friends. The four of us did everything together. Even after school ended, we somehow managed to keep in touch.
Of course, we did have a couple of rough years, losing contact with some while others kept hold of unwanted grudges. But in the end, we all found each other again and our friendship can withstand anything right about now.
I consider myself a very lucky man. Lucky in family, friends, health, and love.
Love, such a defining word in our era. I’ve always had a girl by my side, waiting patiently. I never ever mistreated a woman, but then again I’ve never been the kind of guy to settle down. I think my longest relationship has been about six months.
To the average woman, that’s terrible. I’m still young, only twenty-seven years old, so there’s no rush for marriage or anything. Perhaps, I need to find the right girl first. Well, who am I kidding? I’m not even looking. The way I see it, when the right girl comes along, I’ll know it.
Why force anything? That’s always been my motto. To live life one day at a time. Never rush. What’s the point in looking for something when you’re not even sure what you’re looking for? Nobody should live that way.
Somehow, I’ve been able to live my dream following that motto. After college, I got into law school, and now I’m a high-powered associate at a predominant firm in the city. I have access to the company card, receive regular bonus checks, and am on my way to becoming junior partner. I’ve been with firm for almost four years. It was my first job right out of law school and I’ve loved it ever since.
I specialize in contracts law but I’ve been dying to get my hands on a little bit of torts. I love being in the courtroom and battling it out with my opponent. It’s a rush, standing in front of the judge and jury and giving them my reasoning for why my client is right.
In fact, earlier today I just won a big case, so all of my associates decided to take me out for some celebratory drinks. Nothing beats spending time in the city with a couple of great friends, co-workers, and awesome beer.
<
br /> The crowd fills the bar as I make my way to my group of co-workers. As I arrive in their line of vision, they all cheer with joy. “Rob!!”
I laugh at their excitement. “Yup, the man has arrived.”
A few of my co-workers pat me on the back and ask what am I drinking tonight.
“Jack and Coke.”
It’s my go-to drink. The nice heat from the whiskey mixed with the splash of cola. You can’t beat that. The bartender hands me my drink and I sip, letting the cool mix of liquor and soda slide down my tongue. Damn, that’s good.
Music blares from the inside the bar as I converse with my co-workers. It’s a great atmosphere, full of life. A couple of hot girls at the other end catch my eye but tonight I’m keeping it simple. No chasing girls tonight. Well, at least that’s my plan for now.
A couple of my best friends call me a ladies man. I mean, it’s true in a sense. I’m not tied down to anyone and like I said earlier, longest relationship was six months. And even that was a long ass time for me.
Before I know it, it’s been hours since we’ve been at the bar. My voice is strained from shouting over the crowd and the music. My body is beginning to overheat from the alcohol and amount of bodies in this small space.
I pat my co-worker’s shoulder telling him, “I gotta hit the head.”
He nods as I make my way toward the bathroom. Finishing my business, I wash up and head back toward the bar. I see the hot group of girls off toward the corner. I catch a couple of them glancing toward my direction and offer a wink. Their smiles brighten as giggles escape their lips.
Oh yeah, it’s go time.
I roll my shoulders, going in for the kill and stride toward the group in the corner. As I descend upon them, I glance over each girl, already picking out the prettiest one and set my sights on her.
Don’t get me wrong, each one of them is cute. But this one, she knocks it out of the park. Completely my type of girl – bleach blonde and big boobs.
“How’s it going, ladies?”
Christmas in the City II Page 25