by Jerry Boyd
“You two and your shenanigans. I suppose Dee is the new director?”
“Right on the first guess.”
“I’m on my way.”
Abernathy was still trying some line of horsecrap. I spoke up, “That was the Police. You do want to be cooperating when they get here, don’t you? I’m sure John will be more than happy to honor any clause in your contract as to compensation for abrupt termination, as soon as his lawyer has a look.”
“Police, what do you mean?”
I looked at my watch, “Well, in twenty six minutes from now, you will be trespassing.”
Dee stepped up. “Sir, I have a great deal to accomplish today. I would appreciate it if you got your belongings out of my office promptly. Or, of course, you may pick them out of the dumpster at your leisure.”
Dee had been a firecracker before, but being with Dingus had taken her to a whole new level. I was surprised there wasn’t a puddle to clean up. Abernathy folded, and Dee followed him to her office, presumably to make sure no company property grew legs in the process of his leaving. John asked the receptionist, who was nearly quivering, “Is the medical director on the premises today?”
“No. Dr. Rankin only comes in when there is a medical issue.”
“I see. Does he have an office?”
“Yes, sir. Right there. “She pointed across the hall. John asked, “Do you have a key?”
She reached into her desk quickly. She seemed disturbed when she looked up to find John and me with pistols pointed at her. John said, “Easy now. No more fast movements that might get misinterpreted.”
I couldn’t see over the counter, but I thought I heard water trickling. She brought out a key ring and laid it on the counter. She stammered, “It’s got the room number on it.” We put our pistols away, and John’s doctor picked up the keys to check out his new office. He opened the door and sneezed. He turned to the receptionist and asked, “Could you call housekeeping, please?” She picked up the phone and did so. Soon a familiar face came down the hall, pushing a cleaning cart. When she got closer, she recognized me, as well. “Bobby Apples, is that you?”
“Yes, Reany Meany, it’s me. How you been?”
“Getting by. What’s up?”
“My buddy John here just bought the joint. His medical director wants to go in his office without sneezing.”
“Crap on a stick. I better get some help.”
She pulled out her phone. “Hey Sally, come up front and bring a couple of vacuums. We got a new medical director, and he wants to use his office.”
Sally arrived shortly, dragging a shop vac and a regular vacuum cleaner. “What happened, Doc Rankin finally get too loony to sign paperwork?”
Rena said, “New management.”
“Oh!”
They started on their version of Hercules shoveling out the stables, and Jack showed up. “Everything under control, Bob?”
“Seems to be. I expect problems any time now.”
The receptionist spoke up, “Officer, these men pulled guns on me.”
“What were you doing at the time, Ma’am?”
“I was reaching into my desk. Why?”
“Neither of them could see what you were reaching for?”
“I suppose not.”
“You moved very quickly, didn’t you?”
“I guess.”
“Things are kind of tense around here today, aren’t they?”
“They certainly are. I will be glad when you throw these people out and let Mr. Abernathy get back to running things.”
“John, may I see your paperwork?”
He looked it over, studying a couple of clauses. “I’m sorry, Ma’am, that isn’t going to happen. You obviously are hostile to these gentlemen. When you made a sudden move, they had no way of being sure what you were reaching for. They exercised an abundance of caution., but no harm was done.”
“Not exactly.” She motioned Jack close and whispered to him. He said, “I see. That would be a problem. But I can’t arrest them for that, I’m afraid.”
Abernathy emerged carrying a large box. Dee followed him. He seemed to have a slight limp I hadn’t noticed before. Probably best Dingus wasn’t here. Dee said, “I’m sure Mr. Branham will have your severance in the mail as soon as he can. Goodbye.”
She reminded me of that lady on ‘The Weakest Link’.
Dee turned to the receptionist. “Miss Pierce, I won’t be requiring the sort of service you provided for Mr. Abernathy. Please roll back from your desk.” Dee reached over and opened the gate. She started to enter, and then stopped. “You tried to draw on my friends. Bad move, Miss Pierce.” She grabbed the back of Miss Pierce’s chair, and pulled her out of her area. Then she called across the hall, “Rena, dearie, do you have a mop?”
“Yes, Ma’am. Be right there.”
Rena looked at Dee, confused. Dee said, “I know, dearie, it’s a lot to take in. We’ll talk later, okay? Miss Pierce tried to outdraw these gentlemen. She seems to have had a bad reaction to failing. Do you mind?”
“Not at all, Ma’am. Not at all.”
I think that’s the only time I ever saw anyone smile while mopping up urine. “That’s got it. Careful on the wet floor, Ma’am.”
“Thank you. Would you mind terribly answering the phone after you finish up in there?”
“No Ma’am.”
“Thanks.”
Rena pulled up her dust mask and went back to the stables.
Dee said, “Now for the drawer of mystery.” She opened the drawer Miss Pierce had been reaching for when things got exciting. Her face lit up. She pulled out a Baby Browning and read the serial number. “It is you, sweetie. Mommy has missed you terribly. Did that mean woman even clean you?” She slid it in her pocket gently. “Oh, look! Here’s Joanna’s brooch that came up missing. So good of you to keep it for her, Miss Pierce. I recognize some of these other things as well. I’m afraid I’ll be searching this whole desk before I let you clean it out, Miss Pierce. You’ve been a naughty girl, and I don’t just mean what you and Abernathy got up to.”
Jack asked, “Will you be pressing charges, Dee?”
“I don’t think that’s going to be necessary, Jack.”
Dee pulled out the drawer she had been going through. “Nothing in here belongs to you, am I right, Miss Pierce?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Those things all belong to me.”
I said, “Wait a minute, Dee. There’s something underneath that drawer.”
She held it higher, and John pulled off an envelope. He looked inside and found a list of items, and who they belonged to. Several entries near the top had been crossed off. Dee looked and said, “Oh, I see, You didn’t sell anything until the owner died.”
John pulled out a burner phone he used for ’special projects’, and stepped into Dee’s office. He came back out with a grin, but said nothing.
Jack said, “Well, it looks like all the excitement is done here. See you later.”
Miss Pierce said, “So you’re not having me arrested?”
John smiled. It was the smile he saved for special occasions, the smile of vengeance. “Oh, no, Miss Pierce. The Police have mercy. We can’t have that.”
Dee didn’t find any more pilfered items, so she packed up Miss Pierce’s belongings and sent her on her way. She stepped to the phone system, and announced over the intercom. “Nurse Collins, please come to the front desk.”
She said, “John, you better take this one, she might recognize me. I’ll be in my office.”
When Nurse Collins arrived, John said, “Hello, Nurse Collins. I’m the new owner, John Branham. Your services are no longer required. Please clean out your locker.”
“What! You can’t fire me! I demand to talk to Mr. Abernathy!”
“Feel free, if you can find him. I fired him half an hour ago.”
She went from belligerent to defeated in about three seconds. I wasn’t buying it. “Rena, can I bother you again?”
“Could you make sure Nurse Collins here doesn’t trip over anything on her way to clean out her locker?”
It must have been Shark Week, Rena got that same smile John had earlier. “I wouldn’t mind at all, Bob.”
She started off, saying, “Come on, Ratched.”
I looked at John, “It’s so nice to see someone enjoy their work.”
“Ain’t it though.”
Sally came out of the office. “I think that’s about as good as it’s going to get for now. See what you think.”
Dr. Brooks looked in. “That’s incredible! It looks so much better. Thank you.”
He went in and started looking through files.
Rena came back through, leading Nurse Collins by the arm. She showed her to the door and said, “Have a nice day, ma’am.”
“You will all pay for this outrage!”
She stormed out.
John pulled his burner back out. “It’s me again. Can you add a name? Irene Collins R. N., thanks.”
Rena asked, “What did your friend just do?”
“I don’t know. I like it better that way. So should you.”
“Oh, I see. Whatever it is we don’t know, I’m glad he did it.”
Someone was heading in. I told Rena, “Better get behind your desk and look official.”
The lady came to the desk and said, “Hi, I’m Jane Williams, I’m here to interview for the head nurse position.”
Rena replied, “Of course, One moment please.” She had obviously run the phone system before, as she got the intercom to Dee’s office on the first try. “Ma’am, there’s a Jane Williams here to interview. Yes Ma’am.”
Rena pointed to the office door. “Right in there, if you would.”
“Thank you.”
John looked at me and said, “Nikki’s quick.”
“Let’s hope she’s accurate, too.”
Rena said, “Nikki, who’s that?”
I held up my left hand. “The other end of that.”
“Wait a minute, she married you? We’ve got a mental patient finding our people?”
I looked at John. “She’ll fit right in.”
“That she will.”
My phone rang. “Bob Wilson, how can I help you today?”
“Caveman, I have people coming in to interview for Dee’s crew. Are you guys ready?”
“We better be, the first one is already in with Dee.”
“Oops! Should have called sooner. How did it go?”
“Way too smooth. I expect things to go sideways real soon now.”
“Murphy is our shepherd.”
“Are you about caught up there?”
“Seem to be, why?”
“Could you or Dingus come in to back John up? I need to take care of a few things for the boys.”
“I’ll talk to Grandpa. He probably would like to see Dee running the place anyway. I would too, for that matter. Okay if we both come?”
“As long as John has somebody watching his back, I’m happy, Space Cadet.”
“Love you, Caveman.”
“Love you too. See you soon.”
Doctor Brooks came out of his office, disgusted. “The files in there are years out of date.” He looked at Rena, “Do you know where they kept the current stuff?”
“The head nurse has an office. There are a lot of files there. Whether they are the current ones or not, I couldn’t tell you. There’s only so much eavesdropping you can get away with, even when you push the mop of invisibility.”
It took Dr. Brooks a second to catch that. “Nobody notices Housekeeping, you mean?”
“Exactly.”
Nurse Williams came out of the office with Dee at that point. Dee said, “Are you all right with starting right away? “
“Not a problem, Ma’am.”
“Let me introduce some people. This is Rena Jackson. She normally works housekeeping, but Miss Pierce had to leave. Rena, this is Jane Williams, our new head nurse. Over here we have Dr. Brooks, who is our medical director. This fellow here is John Branham. He is the owner of Shady Oaks now. And trouble, here, is named Bob Wilson.”
Jane said, “Ms. Jackson, Dr. Brooks, Mr. Branham, Mr. Wilson, nice to meet you all.”
Dee said, “Rena, dear, could you show Nurse Williams to her office?”
“Yes, Ma’am. I think Dr. Brooks wants to go there as well. It seems Dr. Rankin didn’t have current files in his office.”
“That’s no surprise. How long has it been since anyone was in there?”
“I never saw Dr. Rankin go in there, and he’s been director for eight years.”
“I can handle the phone till you get back. Just knock on the door and tell me when you return, if you would.”
“Sure thing. Right this way, please.”
She led the Dr. and Nurse Williams off. Two people came through the front doors. One of them spoke up, “Hi. I’m here to interview? I’m Milly Vance.” The other looked confused, and said, “I’m also here to interview, I’m Randy Moore.” Dee announced, “I’m Mrs. Sloan, the new director. I’m afraid things are a little hectic today, what with the change in management. Ms. Vance, you’re with me. Mr. Branham, would you be so kind as to speak with Mr. Moore?”
John said, “Of course, Mrs. Sloan. We can use Dr. Brooks’ office. Step this way please.”
Simple as that, there I stood, waiting for the next thing. It wasn’t long in coming. Rena and Nurse Williams came down the hall, escorting two people in scrubs with large boxes. As they left, Nurse Williams said, “I will speak to Mrs. Sloan about your severance pay. Goodbye.”
She turned to me and asked, “Mr. Wilson, would you be so kind as make sure those two don’t trip over anything on their way off the property?”
“Certainly, Ma’am. Do I want to know what you caught them at?”
“I think it’s probably better for their health if you don’t.”
“I see.”
I stepped out the door to make sure those two didn’t get up to any mischief. Nurse Williams followed me out. “Do you know where Mrs. Sloan and Mr. Branham have gotten to? I need to report firing those two.”
“They’re conducting interviews. Mr. Branham is in Dr. Brooks’ office, and Mrs. Sloan is in her office. Any particular reason you need to report immediately?”
“First day on the job, I figured they would want to know what I was up to.”
“Did Dee, I’m sorry, Mrs. Sloan think you were competent for the position?”
“She did.”
“So do the work. All she really cares about is good patient care. If those bozos didn’t need to be here, we’ll find new people. My wife has been doing the personnel search, I’m sure she’s found enough candidates to at least get things up and running.”
“Your wife? I haven’t met her, have I?”
“If I understood what she told me on the phone, she should be here soon.”
Dingus turned into the parking lot, saw me standing there, and pulled the front wheel up. Jane spoke up, “Should I call the Police?”
“Jack’s already been out once today. I’m sure he’d be glad to say hi to Mr. Sloan, but I don’t see why that would be necessary.”
“Mr. Sloan? That’s the director’s husband?”
“It is. He’s still enjoying his new bike, I’m sure he will chill a little as time goes on.”
Dingus rode up to us, and shut down. “Hi Bob, who’s your friend?”
“Dingus, this is Jane Williams, the new head nurse around here.”
He nodded to her. “Nice to meet you, Ma’am. D-lightful already stirring things up then?”
Jane asked, “D-lightful?”
I answered, “Dingus and the director are newlyweds.”
Dingus spoke up, “Actually, we had a ceremony with my people, but we’ve yet to have one here. You’re invited, if you would like.”
I spoke up, “Do I get to carry the shotgun this time?”
Jane looked shocked. “Shotgun!?”
“He gave my wife away at our wedding. Carried a white shotgun loaded with confetti. He and Mr. Branham thought it would be funny to spring it on me at the ceremony.”
“I think I might like working here.”
I heard the call of the wild LS coming down the street. “Nikki’s here.”
“Is that her car?”
“Oh, no. That’s the director’s car. Nikki loaned hers to a friend of ours.”
“That’s Mrs. Sloan’s car?”
“We haven’t got the title transferred yet, so it’s still in my name, but my crew built it for her, yes.”
“Your crew?”
“I’ve got a bunch of illegal aliens working in a shop way back in the woods. They did the paint on Dingus’ bike, did you notice?”
She looked down at his bike, and realized the white stripe was a mane. Then she saw the eye. “It’s a horse. How cool!”
Dingus said, “Thank you. I like it.”
Nikki walked up. “Running around on me, Caveman?”
“Nope. This is Jane Williams, Dee’s new head nurse. She had to give a couple idiots their walking papers, and we were just making sure they didn’t trip on anything on their way off the property.”
“So. No coffee this time?”
“We could probably find some, but I’m thinking that’s one of the things that needs improved around here.”
Jane said, “I should get back inside.”
We went with her. Dee spoke as we went in, “Good, here’s Nurse Williams now. Jane, we’ve got you some fresh meat. Rena says you had to clean house?”
“Yep. Caught ‘em doing the horizontal lambada in the drug room. I think they helped themselves while they were there, but I couldn’t prove it.”
Dee replied, “I like you, Jane. You know anybody we could get to supervise the other shifts?”
“Let me call around, see who’s available.”
Jane took her new staff and went to work. I asked Dee, “How are you dealing with paperwork on all these folks?”
“Joanna is coming by this afternoon. How many more interviews do you have lined up, Nikki?”
“Three more, this afternoon. Two LPNs, and a CNA. How many more do you need?”