by Jerry Boyd
“I’m Bob. What do we need to do?”
“The passenger side window isn’t down far enough to get my catch pole in. I need you to draw her over that way, so I can go in the driver’s side. Just don’t make her mad enough that she tries to get out the window.”
“Piss her off, but not too much. Sounds so simple when you say it.”
I walked up to the passenger window. “Hi there, I need my truck back.”
I don’t care if there is strong glass between you, that big a snake striking at you is no fun. “I think I have her attention, Henry.”
He slid his pole in the window while she was distracted. She was getting ready to express her displeasure with me again when he slipped his loop around her neck. John helped him get the door open without losing her. I brought his container up close to the door. Henry said, “Ready, Bob?”
“Hell no, let’s do it anyway.”
Henry brought the snake out, and dropped her in the box. It took some doing to get all of her in the box at the same time. “Now, Bob!”
I shut the box and fastened the latches. John helped Henry load it in his van. I leaned against the pickup and tried to catch my breath. Jack came over. “You okay, Bob?”
“I will be. Too much excitement lately.”
“Oh?”
“Ask me sometime when you’re wearing different clothes. I’d tell Jack, but Officer Conway would have to take notice, I’m afraid.”
“I see what you mean, Bob. Thanks for not putting me in that situation. As bad as this?”
“Right up there.”
He handed me his tablet. “Read that over and make sure I understood what you told me correctly. If it’s right, sign at the bottom.”
I looked through it, didn’t find anything I disagreed with, and signed.
Jack said, “I’ve got to go meet some State Troopers. I’m out of here. See you next week?”
“Yeah, I need some relaxation. See you then.”
Snitz came up for pets. “You’re a good boy, Snitz! Thank you!”
Henry came back over and looked around the cab of the pickup with his flashlight. “I don’t see anything else, Bob. I think you’re good to go.”
“Thanks, Henry.”
I shook his hand, and he left. I looked at John. “Ready to go?”
“Yep. You okay to drive?”
I looked at my hand. The after action shakes had set in. “Maybe you better.”
I gave him the keys, and we got in. Snitz still wasn’t happy with the idea. I figured it was just leftover snake smell, and didn’t worry too much. He sat in the seat between us, and I petted him all the way home. We got there, and John said, “I better go get Max, It’s getting to be supper time.”
“Might want to check if Lyla needs a ride. If she does, take the Yukon.”
He called, and sure enough Lyla didn’t have a ride. He took Nikki’s truck, and I went in to get a glass of tea. Dee was working on her stew, and Dingus was sitting at the table talking with her. “Hi folks!”
Dingus said, “Dang, Bob, you look rough. What happened?”
“Snitz had to save my life.”
“How’s that?”
“Some idiot left a rattler in my truck. He stopped me from opening the door.”
“Get it took care of?”
“It was right in front of Julie’s, so it was way more hassle than it needed to be. Couldn’t use a stunner in front of witnesses, couldn’t just open the door and let her crawl off in the middle of town, didn’t want to shoot up my truck.”
“How did you deal with it, then?”
“Called Jack. He got Animal Control out, and he caught the durn thing. I guess he’ll take it out in the woods and turn it loose.”
“With your reflexes, you could have caught it by hand. You know that, right?”
“I do. But suddenly being that fast, in front of people I’ve lived around all my life, doesn’t seem like a good way to keep a low profile.”
“I see your point.”
I got a glass of tea and sat down. “So, Dingus, what do you know about this Phonelia Rottum we’ve got in the barn?”
“Not a lot. She was my generation’s version of the ‘Lost Guide’ story.”
“She was a Guide?”
“She was. In those days, Slongums and Rottums pretty much ran the Guide. After she was lost, they blamed it on my Grandpa, and our family went into business instead. I had this crazy dream of restoring our family honor, so I went into the Guide.”
“So why are the Rottums in the Patrol, now?”
“The folks in the Guide that weren’t from either family didn’t think my Grandpa got a fair shake, and made it hard on them. Switching to the Patrol was easier than fighting it. The whole mess is one reason guides are required to wear recording badges whenever they’re on duty, and encouraged to wear them at all times.”
“So you’ve got footage of the whole time you were marooned? Bet there’s some interesting stuff in there.”
“I met a few interesting folks. Say, Bob, Topper ordered me some parts on your bank card. I’ll pay you back when I get my funds accessible here.”
“Don’t worry about it, unless they’re gold-plated platinum with diamond trim. I’ve got way more money than I know what to do with.”
I decided to get up and stir around a little, now that my nerves were beginning to settle. “I haven’t had a good look at my safe since they got through putting it in. Wanna have a look?”
Dingus said, “Sure. Might get some ideas for our place.”
“Oh crap! I need to run Jim back to Shady Oaks.”
Dee said, “I’ll get John to take care of it. Supper won’t be ready for a while yet.”
She called John. When she hung up, she said. “John’s ahead of you, Bob. He took him when he went in.”
“Good deal. Glad I have all you folks to clean up my messes.”
Dingus spoke up. “You’ve gotten surprised with life-threatening situations today and yesterday. You might want to cut yourself some slack, Son.”
“I suppose. Let’s check out that safe.”
If I hadn’t known where to look, I don’t think I would have been able to find the seams. I saw the loose knot Taz mentioned, and pushed it. The door came open smooth as silk. Dingus said, “Them boys of yours do some fine work, Bob.”
“That they do. This is just amazing.”
John showed up, and we all went to the porch while Dee’s stew simmered. I asked John, “How are the boys doing over at Dee and Dingus’ house?”
“Jim says he needs to come out again tomorrow, but they should be able to finish it up then.”
“He still okay with working?”
“Says he feels better than he has in years. He’d really like to get his competency back, and go into business with the boys. I think he’d like to take down the company his son stole from him.”
“I wish we had a way to make the Galactic technology public, so he could. According to Max, the only way to do that is more than we can do right now.”
“Oh?”
“We’d have to build a saucer with Earth technology, and show up at the Capital. Definitely a project for another day.”
“I’d say so. You really think you could pull it off?”
“Correct me if I’m wrong here, Max, but as I understood the rules, there is nothing said about using Galactic training to figure out how to go about all this.”
Max replied, “That’s my interpretation as well, Bob.”
“That makes it difficult, but just barely possible, I think.”
John said, “Like you said, a project for another day.”
Dee’s timer went off, and she went to put her biscuits in the oven. She poked her head back out. “About fifteen or twenty minutes left till supper. Why don’t you turkeys get cleaned up and set the table?”
We did as we were ‘asked’, and got ready for supper. It smelled delicious. When Dee served it up, the room was quiet until everyone began to fill
up. Lyla spoke up. “Bob wanted me to explain what I found and put in my story, so everyone knows what’s going on. First, I have a question. Dingus, why didn’t you mention that Genny was your cousin?”
“Genny? Who’s that?”
“That’s right. You were on your honeymoon when she was here. You remember us talking about Leelee and her Grandma?”
“I do. Taz’s friend.”
“Right. Well, her Grandma is Gennous Taurum. We called her Genny.”
“I think I remember hearing her called Genny, now that you mention it. Don’t think I ever heard her full name. Dad had a younger sister that took up with a Taurum. Guess that would be her folks. I wound up here before they had kids. Besides, after I went into the Guide, the rest of the family didn’t have a lot to do with me.”
“Well, it looks like everything that happened to Genny and Leelee was part of the same feud that got you marooned. Millous Mendum worked on her saucer when she stopped at the Patrol base, same fellow who tried to do in Mike and Tina. I haven’t figured out where that poisoned brooch came from yet, but I’m sure it leads back to a Rottum or a Mendum.”
“I know the Rottums believe my Grandpa sabotaged that saucer in the barn, but where do the Mendums come into it?”
“Phonelia’s daughter married a Mendum. She wanted revenge as bad as any of them.”
“So now they just run around willy-nilly, taking out Slongums whenever they see fit?”
“Up until lately, sabotaged and marooned saucers didn’t have much hope out in this part of the galaxy. I found several cases of Slongum family members going missing in this part of the galaxy. Until there were survivors, it was just written off as this being a dangerous region to explore.”
“So no one knows what happened to those folks?”
“There was at least a cursory investigation in each case, but nothing was ever found to indicate what had become of them.”
I spoke up. “Genny’s poisoned brooch doesn’t seem to fit in with what you’re telling us. Does she have another enemy trying to kill her?”
“When she was younger, she investigated some of the disappearances. The Rottums regard her as a particular threat.”
Dingus asked, “Why didn’t she mention any of this when she was here?”
“I asked her about that. She said she was trying to keep you folks as safe as she could.”
“If the Rottums are that opposed to all things Slongum, why did Major Rottum let us salvage the moon base?”
“I believe the Earth phrase is, ‘give him enough rope to hang himself’.”
“He thought we would get ourselves caught with off world technology, and solve his problem the easy way?”
“That’s the way it looks, Bob, from what I’ve been able to dig up.”
“A vacation in Gitmo, and Major Rottum for a travel agent. Oh boy!”
Dingus jumped in. “Aren’t the Slongums going to have cause to hate the Rottums, even if Phonelia says Grandpa wasn’t the cause of her getting marooned?”
“It sure seems that way. I don’t think they’ve realized before now that the Rottums were actively hunting them.”
John spoke up. “Aren’t we going to be on the front lines, if this erupts into clan warfare?”
Lyla answered, “Being allied to the Slongum clan definitely puts you at risk, but you’re on a planet where they can’t come at you openly. If they somehow force you to leave the planet, you’re fair game.”
I put in, “So there isn’t anything we can do to help keep a lid on this mess?”
“My article has already been published. The Slongums know all about their people being hunted. If bad things are going to happen, they’ve already started.”
I replied, “I thought you Galactics were supposed to be peaceful types. Guess I was wrong about that.”
Dingus spoke up. “I thought we were peaceful. All this is news to me.”
Max said, “Me too. I played with Rottum kids when I was little. I never knew any of this. Explains a couple of close scrapes I had when I was doing field work, though. I thought I was just bad at it, and gave it up.”
Dingus asked, “How do you mean, Reggie?”
“I had a partner get hurt really badly, Dad. I thought I had failed to check the saucer over well enough, but now I think it was probably sabotaged. It’s why I left active duty.”
“I had wondered about that, Son. Now it makes perfect sense.”
I butted in. “Saucers can’t be detected unless they are close enough for the drive to show up on a scanner, right? “
Dingus said, “Yes, but that goes both ways. We can’t see them before they see us.”
“What about the scanners on that saucer you flew in?”
“Better resolution, but not better range.”
I commed Topper. “Yes, Boss?”
“Are you able to answer a few questions right now?”
“Nailing shingles is not difficult, Boss. Ask away.”
“You know those bigger drive emitters Ozzie put on our saucer with the pirate gear?”
“Yes.”
“Can the printer make more of those?”
“It made those. Ozzie couldn’t find what he wanted in the junkyard.”
“Do we have enough feedstock to upgrade all the saucers we have in stock?”
“If we recycle the old emitters, we have plenty.”
“How much structural reinforcement would the freighter need to be able to handle more power?”
“If we brought it up to the same speed as the upgraded saucers, we would lose about a quarter of the load capacity.”
“What would that leave us with?”
“About fifty of your tons. More than adequate for any missions you’ve flown so far.”
“How long ago did Ozzie run these numbers, Topper?”
“Right after you asked him about speeding up the freighter, Boss.”
“You guys are great. I have one more question, and then I’ll let you get back to what you’re doing. You copied the logs from Mikolec and Random’s saucer, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
“Mikolec said something about knowing another primitive planet where he could maroon people. Is there any indication of what planet he was talking about in the log?”
“It’s a large file, Boss. I’ll have you an answer in the morning, unless you need it sooner.”
“Morning is plenty quick enough, Topper. Just text me what you find.”
“Okay, Boss. Anything else?”
“Nope. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
I looked at Dingus. “At least we can outrun them, even if we don’t see them first.”
“Good thinking, Bob. You’re thinking of using that other planet for a fallback position?”
“If it’s not too nasty, I think we ought to at least look into it.”
“You do have some idea of the legal crapstorm we’re going to walk into if this place has any intelligent life, don’t you?”
“Not specifically. I’m assuming it’s a shitticane?”
“Category five.”
“My question is, how have the Rottums been getting away with all the things they’ve pulled? Seems like they’ve been pretty far over the line a time or two.”
Lyla answered, “Friends in high places, basically.”
“So how do we stand a chance, in a legal system that’s rigged against us?”
John replied, “Same as always, partner. Keep a low profile. Give them something else to look at. You know the drill.”
“I know the drill, but I don’t know the system we’re gonna have to run it against. So far it seems like all I’ve managed is raising our profile with Major Rottum.”
Dingus said, “Keep calm and carry on. We’ll find the way out of this.”
John’s phone chimed. “Sorry to break this up, but I’ve got to get home. I’ve got people waking up soon.”
“You need help?”
“If you and Dingus want to come along
, I’d appreciate it.”
John asked, “You ready, Max?”
“Coming.”
Snitz saw me get up. He raised his head, but when he saw more people going with me, he decided he had enough adventures for one day, and laid back down.
We climbed in Nikki’s Yukon and I drove us over. There was a car waiting. Jane was sitting with another lady on the porch. John said, “You should have called. We would have come back sooner.”
Jane replied, “We haven’t been here long. We were early, anyhow. It’s a nice place to just sit and relax.”
“Glad you like it. Shall we go in?”
John unlocked the door and shut off his alarm. Max went into the kitchen, and Dingus went with him. John said, “Jane, why don’t you and Wilma have a seat. Bob can help me get Wilma’s Dad up.”
“You sure you don’t need me?”
“I’ve got Bob up to about CNA level. That should be plenty of help.”
We went downstairs. Wilma’s dad was the fellow we had to bring in on a stretcher, so I wasn’t sure how strong he would be when he woke up. John said, “His clothes are on that shelf, Bob. Could you grab them, please?”
I got his clothes. “He wasn’t wearing shoes when he came in. I wonder if Wilma thought to bring some?”
“Go check, if you don’t mind. The floor down here gets pretty chilly.”
I went back up. “Wilma, do you have any shoes for your Pop? That basement floor is cold.”
“Crap! I never even thought. I didn’t bring anything.”
“I know where John keeps his house shoes. I think they’ll work for now.”
I grabbed John’s shoes and headed back down. “She didn’t have anything. I grabbed a pair of yours.”
“That’ll work. He’s coming around.”
“What? Where am I? Who are you?”
“I’m John Branham. You’re at my house. How do you feel?”
“I feel fine. What am I doing here?”
“We patched you up a little. Do you remember coming here?”
“Not really. Wilma took me for a car ride, and a couple of guys took me in a house on a stretcher. I think they had trouble getting me downstairs.”
“That’s pretty good, for as doped up as you were.”, John replied.
“Wait a minute. I was fixing to die. That’s why they had me so doped up. I don’t hurt no more. I had imagined Heaven a little different, I guess. No offense, but you two ain’t what I thought angels was supposed to look like.”