“Well, when you figure it out, be sure to let me know,” I say and then finish my drink.
“Oh, I will.” He looks out at the dance floor. I’m not exactly sure what he’s looking for, but I definitely have an idea. And my idea is proven correct when he says, “Look at him now, dancing with Kim Harden. Jesus, first you, and now Kim. Can’t you guys see through his bullshit? I know you don’t like her, but even I have to admit that Kim is elegant and smart and beautiful. If anyone should be able to see through James it should be her, especially since she can do so much better than James Morris. But here she is, dancing with him, laughing, smiling, as though she wouldn’t be anywhere else, given the option.”
“Jesus Christ, Robert, if you want to fuck Harold’s secretary, then quit talking about it and just do it already.”
Yes, that sentence came out of my mouth.
I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t control myself.
I’m so sick and tired of everybody complimenting Kim and telling me what an amazing person she is. Like I care! And now Robert’s going on about how amazing Kim is? I just… I had to explode. Sure, I probably shouldn’t have cursed and I probably shouldn’t have told my boss what I’m really feeling. I should have waited until I was calm and in Jewel’s presence, because Jewel would totally understand. I know she would.
But I don’t. I go off on Robert.
Because if Robert’s little speech doesn’t sound like jealousy, I don’t know what does.
James is right. Kim’s little secret admirer is Robert. It has to be. Why else would he go on and on about how great Kim is and how awful James is? He’s obviously jealous of James. And really, it’s silly for him to be because James may be taller and younger, but Robert just… shines. There’s no reason for him to be jealous of James at all.
Unless of course it involves a woman. And obviously it does. As far as I’m concerned, Robert and Kim have something going on and James is trying to figure out what and Robert’s jealous.
Of course, this doesn’t explain my reaction, but I suddenly realize I need to get away from Robert, away from Frank Sinatra, and James and Kim, and the beautiful starlets all clamoring for attention. I need fresh air or else I’ll suffocate. And maybe a cool breeze will calm me down.
I don’t even look at Robert as I leave. I don’t even say anything. What else can I say? Robert’s jealous of James because of Kim, and for whatever reason, this upsets me.
Chapter 15
The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Robert could tell that much. But even so, he couldn’t believe her choice in vocabulary had that particular swear word, especially since Maddy Perkins was known for the very fact that she didn’t swear. In a work environment conducive to stress, Maddy said things like ‘darn,’ and ‘jeez,’ and the like. Robert found that particular trait of hers rather endearing, though there were moments he wished she would just let go and indulge in a couple of curse words every once in a while. Not only would it be amusing to hear how foreign the word was on her tongue, but it would turn him on.
Except, hearing her say fuck in such a way didn’t do that for him. Okay, so maybe he was just a teensy bit aroused, but he was more concerned about her than anything. What she said was unprofessional and flat-out rude, and Maddy was none of those things on purpose.
Something had to be troubling her and he intended to find out just what that was.
Robert knew that her change in attitude came around the same time James Morris had. Obviously this was somehow his fault. Oh God, Maddy didn’t have a thing for the guy, did she? Okay, sure he was reasonably attractive and had a considerable amount of wealth from his freelance writing, plus Harold was his father, and James had a trust set up in his name as well. The kid could dress and he had those blue eyes that seemed to cause women to stop and rubberneck. Robert hadn’t talked to James or anything that much, so he couldn’t garner whether James was charming or anything, but he supposed it didn’t matter since whatever James did have, Maddy seemed to be under his spell.
But James wasn’t that great. Not great enough to get Maddy under his spell or anything.
Seriously? Maddy could do so much better. She deserved a guy who knew that the reason she chose to go to USC in the first place was because she remembered watching the football games with her father as a kid; that her favorite cartoon character was Butters from South Park; that someone as seemingly innocent as Maddy even watched South Park; that her first ever crush was on Shaggy from Scooby Doo; that her favorite flowers were not roses but heather; that if she could go back in time, she would choose to go back in the 1930s because the dancing was better, the clothes for women were more comfortable, and because she wanted to save John Dillinger from an untimely execution; that she had a delectable birth mark on her upper left thigh.
She, on the other hand, did not deserve a guy who knew merely that she had an hourglass for a body, that she had a gorgeous face, that her eyes were probably the most expressive eyes anyone would encounter, that she has a ridiculously tiny nose, that her legs were long despite being only five-foot-five. Those things were superficial. They made up Maddy, but not who she was.
And if Robert was being honest with himself, he didn’t want to think about James being allowed to know those things about Maddy, figure them out, because he felt that those were secret things he knew about her, and anybody else with the same knowledge would just taint the inside joke. And God forbid James Morris ever taint the inside joke.
But Robert also wasn’t a fool. He knew that Madeline Perkins was too amazing to stay single for the rest of her life, no matter what she said about her job – Robert Swift – being number one on her priority list. Every woman he knew wanted a marriage and a family, and while Maddy was only twenty-four and didn’t seem to be on the hunt for a husband any time soon, he still knew that she believed in the concept, and though she would never admit it aloud, he knew she wanted it for herself. And okay, yes, Robert wanted her to have the amazing feeling that had been so elusive to him that he just gave up on it, but he’d be lying if he said if he’d be happy with her leaving him.
He didn’t want to watch her fall in love with someone else. Not when –
Okay, maybe he should have another Scotch. His thoughts were getting too carried away, and he needed to focus. In fact, he should probably go after Maddy and make sure she was okay. If James Morris was the cause of this – and Robert had a feeling that the kid was – he would have no problem performing a serious ass-kicking in Maddy’s defense.
Robert left the bar and headed to a balcony that overlooked the city of LA. He knew if Maddy didn’t outright leave, she’d be outside, reveling in the cool air and trying to find stars up in the sky that seemed to be just as elusive as love was. He wasn’t disappointed in his conclusion.
Maddy was there, leaning against the balcony’s edge and looking out at the dark horizon. He simply watched her for a moment, wondering just what it was she was thinking. There were moments when he couldn’t, for the life of him, figure it out, despite knowing her for three years. She looked gorgeous as ever, in a simple black dress that reached mid-thigh and hugged her curves like a racecar driver did a track. Her hair was up, but she still let loose strands fall in her face; Robert didn’t exactly know why she did that when her face was his definition of perfection, but he assumed she felt somewhat self-conscious about it. Or maybe it was psychological, like she wanted to hide from the world.
At that moment, the muse occupying his thoughts turned and looked at him. She knew he was upset with her, though he was more surprised at her uncharacteristic behavior than anything, and, if such a thing was possible, she almost looked shamefaced.
“What was that about?”
It was he who spoke first, and he didn’t sound happy. He wasn’t happy. But he wasn’t mad at her. He just wanted to know what was up and how he could fix it, especially if it meant socking James across the face.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and she really did sound it.
Her eyes looked lost, hopeless, and her lips curled down into that frown he hated seeing on her face. “I’m so sorry Robert. What I said was tasteless and inappropriate and I can promise you, it will never happen again.”
“Maddy, I’m not worried about that.” He took a step closer to her, and before he could help himself, he curled one of those stubbornly stray locks of hair behind her ear. Was it just his imagination, or did he feel her shiver at the innocent caress? “What’s wrong? And don’t tell me you’re fine because I know you, and I know you’re not. My Madeline doesn’t say ‘fuck’ as easily as you did.”
“Robert, it’s really nothing,” she murmured, her eyes pleading with his own. “I’ve just got a lot going on right now and I’m stressed, and when you started talking about Kim, I just – not that that’s any excuse, mind you, but I just, I don’t know.”
“Are you jealous of her?”
Okay, so maybe that particular question was a selfish question he wanted to know the answer to. He couldn’t exactly help it, however. The more he looked at her and thought about what had transpired between them, he realized that she might be jealous of Kim Harden because James was dancing with her. But for her to be jealous of Kim meant that she had to be interested in James.
“What? No.” She shook her head, as if that simple gesture would enhance her point.
But Robert knew better.
“Really, Maddy, there’s no reason for you to be jealous of her.” He slid his hands in his pockets, feeling the cool winter breeze nip through the thin material of his suit. So maybe he shouldn’t have been ironic by wearing the suit, because California nights could get cold, especially to native Californians like him. “I’m not going to go into detail about what I think of you because, quite frankly, I’m sure you know what I think, especially when you look the way you look tonight. To put it bluntly, Kim has nothing on you. Just because some guys find her sensuality alluring doesn’t mean all guys do.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this right now,” she mumbled, looking over the balcony rather than at him. “And I find it sad that you think my jealousy has anything to do with a guy, and no, I’m not saying I’m jealous of Kim at all.”
By the way she avoided his eyes, Robert could tell he said something wrong. Just what that was, he couldn’t be sure, but he fucked something up. Sighing through his nose, he raised his hand in order to run his fingers through his hair, looking out at the twinkling city lights.
“Do you want to get out of here?” he asked her in a low voice.
Sure, Robert wanted to continue to talk about it. He wanted to figure out what this was about, to reassure her, hold her, kick James’ ass. But Maddy looked like she needed to be away from all of this, and he wanted to be there for her as much as he could.
“Yeah,” she said in a soft voice, slowly turning from the balcony. “Yeah, I do.”
It’s been a week since the whole incident at James’s welcoming party. Robert’s been working in his basement workshop more than he graces his office with his presence. I suppose a little distance between the two of us can only be natural. But the more I continue to work without him, I realize I kind of miss him.
James and I talk at least once a day, and he tells me that he has yet to find out who Kim’s secret admirer is. Though he insists it’s Robert, I stand firm that it isn’t. I just feel that if it is, Robert would tell me. He wouldn’t keep that a secret from me, just like I wouldn’t keep someone I might be very interested in from him. We’re too close for that kind of nonsense.
I hope he’s still not upset with me, even though he has every right to be. In fact, I’m pretty mad at myself even though it’s been a week. I blush every time I think about what I said and the look on his face just adds to my lasting embarrassment. But I need to learn from my mistake and move forward. We talk at least twice a day; I keep him updated about how things are going on here, and sometimes he’ll request coffee or for me to pick up his dry cleaning or something miniscule. Which I do because not only is it part of my job, but it means I get to see him.
He doesn’t appear to still be mad at me.
That must be a good sign.
It’s Monday morning, and currently, I’m at Robert’s desk, going through my planner. I know the whole PA craze is to program things into smartphones and everything, but I revel in the whole writing-it-down thing. Plus, I never leave home without my planner and I know how to work it, while with a smartphone I can barely make a phone call.
“Ms. Perkins?” Kim’s voice floats on the intercom like an airy breeze, and even though she’s not actually in the room, I narrow my eyes at Robert’s phone.
What does she want?
I press the speaker button and say, “Yes?”
“James Morris would like to see you in his father’s office at your earliest convenience.”
I frown.
James is still here? I wonder why. Wouldn’t a writer be bored at an office building? I would be bored if I was a writer. And I feel kind of weird, knowing that James, who doesn’t even work here, wants me to drop everything I’m doing in order to talk to him. That’s kind of presumptuous, isn’t it? Shouldn’t he come up to Robert’s office and see if I can give him a few moments, or make sure I’m not busy before he wants to talk about his fantasy of Robert and Kim secretly hooking up?
I am kind of busy. But I suppose I could get this over with as soon as possible, rather than drag it out.
I stand up, head to the elevators, and reach the second floor, wondering just what James wants to talk about now. I decide that if it is this whole Robert-Kim nonsense, I’ll claim I’m ridiculously swamped and leave. Because even though I’m certain Robert isn’t with Kim, I still don’t like hearing about it.
Once I reach Harold’s office, I knock on the door before letting myself in. Surprisingly enough, it’s only James, currently standing by his father’s window which overlooks a small park. His back is to me, and it’s almost like he’s deep in thought. Maybe he’s thinking about his next novel or something, considering his last book came out three years ago. Or at least that’s what Melinda keeps telling me. I haven’t read it, and I’m not sure I want to. Maybe if I had more time I would.
“You came, Maddy,” James says while he turns to face me, after hearing me come in.
I falter upon hearing my loathed nickname come from his mouth. “It’s Madeline,” I say automatically. My face heats up when I realize what I’ve said and how I’ve said it. “Sorry. It’s just, I don’t really like it when people call me Maddy.” I bite the inside of my bottom lip to add that Robert just says it differently. Maybe it’s because I’m so used to hearing Robert refer to me as Maddy, but anyone else calling me that is just… It’s foreign, awkward… weird.
“Oh.” He pauses, pressing his lips together. Then, “I just hear Robert call you Maddy on an almost constant basis so I thought that that was your nickname or something.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’ve given up on trying to correct Robert because he’ll do it no matter what I say, probably because I’ve told him not to. I would just really prefer it if you stick with Madeline.”
“So it’s kind of his own personal nickname for you?” James asks, perking his brow. I open my mouth to object at the ridiculous notion, but James quickly continues on, as though he knows I’m about to deny his claim. “But of course. Madeline it is then.”
“What is it that you wanted to see me about?” I still can’t believe I have to ask him that. He doesn’t even work here and yet … Well, okay, no need to reiterate points in my head. Especially when it won’t make any difference.
“Right,” he says, taking another step towards me. “I wanted to tell you, personally, before you hear it through the grapevine, that I’m leaving tonight on a redeye back to New York. My mother’s mother is in the hospital and I just found out she’s going to need heart surgery, so I’m heading back there to be with them.”
I feel deflated at his confession, and that maybe I shoul
d have reserved judgment before thinking the worst of him.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell him, and I really do mean it.
I never knew my grandparents, but I still remember sitting in the hospital my parents were brought to after their accident quite vividly.
“Is there anything you need, anything I can do?” I ask.
“No, no, no,” he says, placing his hands gently on my shoulders as he shakes his head. “You’re sweet, Madeline Perkins. You know that? You’re sweet, but no, I don’t need you to do anything for me. In fact, if I’m being completely honest, you’ve already done too much for me.” He reaches out and curls a stray strand of my hair behind my ear, smiling softly at me. “When I first got here, I was nervous to say the least. Being a New Yorker, I had heard so many stories about LA and the people, the environment here, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised. Everyone here has been so welcoming… especially you, Madeline. As a result, there’s something I wanted to tell you…”
He lets his voice trail off and I can’t help but inhale sharply.
Oh my gosh, he’s not going to tell me he’s falling for me, right? Because, okay, I think maybe I may like him and everything, but falling into something is too serious too soon for me, you know? Can you even fall for someone in a week? Sure, he’s good-looking and has pretty blue eyes and a heart-faltering smile, but I don’t think it’s anything more than a slight attraction.
There’s no way it can be more than that.
At least, not on my end. I think.
I mean, how am I supposed to know? I’ve never really been in love before or fallen for anyone, unless my undying adoration of Stephen Colbert counts. But what I feel for James and what I feel for Stephen are way different.
So it’s not love. I don’t think I’m even smitten with him.
And aren’t I supposed to just know? That’s what I hear. Like, Melinda says she just knew Harold was the one after their first date. I’ve been with James every day that he’s been here and the thought of him being The One or possibly The One hasn’t even crossed my mind.
Four Sides of a Triangle: An Austen & Cufflinks Novel (The Austen & Cufflinks Series Book 1) Page 14