He didn’t move a muscle, just stood holding the door to his flat open, his eyes lifeless and flat. An excruciating minute of silence passed before he spoke. “Then why did you say it?”
I looked away for a moment. What I could see of his flat wasn’t comforting—it was done in stark black and white. I glanced back to the stone statue of a man who was standing before me. His jaw was tight, the knuckles on his fisted hand showing white, and he was very, very still, watching me like a predator watches its prey. This was one angry Alex.
I looked back up into his eyes. When you strip all of the pretence away, what you’re left with can leave you vulnerable. Not a comfortable feeling. I hoped I hadn’t misjudged him. “I’m not sure why I said something so asinine. I think perhaps you scared me.”
He became more still, if such a thing were possible. I wasn’t sure he was even breathing when he asked, “How did I scare you?”
“That kiss, Alex.” I smiled and leaned toward him to trail a finger across the lush curve of his lower lip. “Nobody’s ever kissed me like that before. I’ve never kissed anyone like that, either. In fact, I didn’t know it was possible to feel all those wonderful, marvelous, earthshatteringly fabulous things just by swapping a little spit.”
One chestnut eyebrow rose as he reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me toward him. I let my lips curl a little more. Suddenly he wasn’t a stone statue anymore, suddenly he was very much a man, a man who looked like he wanted the very same thing I wanted.
“Swapping spit?” he growled, and pulled me up against his chest. I let him. I’m a sucker for an alpha male. “Was that all it was to you?”
His eyes weren’t flat any longer, now they were hot with a promise I fervently prayed he intended on keeping.
“No, it was much more than just a kiss,” I smiled against his mouth. “It was—”
It’s a good thing he didn’t let me finish that sentence, because I had no intention of telling him just how important he had become to me, and how much I suddenly realized I wished I were a different person, one who could have a life with him. Luckily, I was saved from baring my soul by the sound of voices on the stairs. Alex pushed me into his flat, closed the door, and pressed me up against the wall in a kiss that was hot enough to scorch paint off a barn.
I held out against the lure of his mouth for as long as I could—about three seconds—then gave in to his wordless demand and parted my lips enough for him to sink inside. If I thought he had me burning with desire before, now he sparked a wildfire, starting deep in my belly and spreading out to warm every inch of my skin. Coolness from the wall I was pressed against seeped in through the thin cotton of my sleeveless dress, coating my back like ice from Siberia compared to the heat generated by the man covering my front.
“Please,” I begged when he pulled back just long enough to take his hands out of my hair, running them down the length of my arms before sweeping around to cup my breasts. I groaned at the marvelous way his hands fit.
“Please what?” he asked, grunting his approval when I slid my hands up his chest and over his shoulders, pushing his coat off. He shook his arms free of the jacket, then grabbed me by my hips and pulled me up tight for another mouth-plundering. I instructed the S.S. Tongue to lower its cannons and prepare to be boarded. Surrender was never so sweet.
Alex pressed harder against me, holding me steady when my hips instinctively tried to cradle his hardness. He groaned into my mouth, sending ripples of pure delight spiraling outwards. Pleasing him became far more important than seeking my own pleasure; I wanted to hear his moan of desire again, I wanted to see his eyes darken to inky blackness with passion, I wanted to watch him when he lost control and gave himself up to bliss. I tugged at the back of his shirt and freed it enough to slip both hands inside. My fingers stroked and sculpted along the strong planes of his back, caressing the muscles along his ribcage around his sides to his front. Two tugs and his shirt was pulled free. I spread my fingers out and slipped them under it to comb through the hair on his chest.
“Oh, God,” he murmured, pulling his mouth from mine for a moment. “I shouldn’t—”
It was my turn to cut him off. I used my free hand to grab his hair and pulled his mouth back to where I wanted it, then decided to do a little spelunking of my own. I let my tongue go to work on the roof of his mouth while I tried to bare his chest. His tie proved a minor obstacle in the process, but a little tugging and some onehanded help from him soon resulted in both the tie and the shirt being discarded. My plans to do a little chestal exploration went asunder when he tried to slip his hand down the bodice of my sundress. It was too tight and too awkward an angle for him to do anything more than tease the tops of my breasts.
“It fastens in the back,” I whispered when he muttered in frustration, and let my hands wander over his wonderful chest while I nibbled my way over to his ear. He shuddered for a moment, his hands pausing on the buttons of my dress when I sucked on his earlobe, but the feeling of air on my lower back soon told me he hadn’t been immobile long. He pulled the dress down to my waist, then tugged again. It fell to the floor with a swoosh. The only thing I had on underneath was my underwear. Alex stepped back and stared.
“Christ,” he swore, not in the least offensively because of the reverence in his voice. It made me go hot and cold at the same time. His gaze flickered over the length of me, then settled possessively on my breasts. My nipples pebbled as if he were touching them. “Christ, Alix, this isn’t a good idea.”
“You’re absolutely right,” I said, kicking off my shoes and lunging for him. I bit his chin, nibbled on his lips, and let my hands go wild on his back. “It’s a better idea if you’re naked, too.”
After a second of hesitation, he ran his hands up my sides, then cupped the weight of my breasts against his palms. I couldn’t help groaning and rubbing myself against all of his various hard bits. Fingernails bared, I gently scratched them down his back, feeling his quickening breath as I moved away just enough to tease his belly.
“Buckle,” I said breathlessly as he started kissing a path down my neck to my collarbone. His buckle was undone in no time.
“Be…be…belt.” Good Lord, were my legs supposed to turn to jelly? Alex slipped one arm around to hold me up while the other went visiting with his mouth to the Wonderful Land of Breasts. I pushed his belt aside and reached for his zipper.
“Zipper,” I hissed as he took a nipple in his mouth. I pressed my hand hard against him as I pulled his fly open. He bucked in response and moaned against my breast, gently tugging on my nipple with his teeth. My legs gave up the fight.
“Pants,” I gasped, and shoved them down over his hips.
“Trousers,” he corrected, lifting his head from my chest long enough to shake off his pants and his shoes. I remembered that pants in Britain meant underwear, and nodded wisely as he turned his attention back to me.
“Pants!” I said triumphantly, snaking my hands along his hips, under the waistband of his underwear, then pulled them down as well.
“Christ,” he groaned again as he kicked them off. I stared down at what I had uncovered. I blinked at his nether parts. I stepped to the side to get a better look from a different angle. I leaned in to get a closer view. Alex moaned and twitched when I wrapped my hand around the Big Kahuna. He felt hot and hard and velvety smooth all at the same time. I straightened, letting my fingers trail up the long length of him as I looked him in the eye. The musky, wonderful smell of aroused male merged with his spicy cologne and almost did me in on the spot.
“That’s a very impressive undercarriage you have there, mister. You must have to beat the women off with a stick.”
He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them quickly when I rubbed up against him.
“Oh, God, no, Alix, don’t—oh, Christ, don’t touch me there. Just give me a minute—”
I relaxed my hold on his jewels and kissed a trail along his jawline. “You seem to be having trouble breathing, Alex. If you relax
a little, I’m sure all that twitching will stop.”
My fingernails raked gently along his tightened balls. He grabbed me suddenly and all but tossed me onto a pristine white couch.
“Don’t count on it,” he growled, and came down on top of me. I squirmed beneath him, trying to get my hands free, but he had pinned them between us. I gently bit the tongue stroking the roof of my mouth, and pushed back slightly on his chest.
Alex lifted his head and looked down at me, confusion written upon his handsome face.
“Raincoat!” I gasped.
“What?”
“Condom!”
He closed his eyes briefly, breathed heavily on my shoulder, then nodded and rolled off me, padding quietly across the room. I let my eyelids drift shut as a breeze blew over my body from a nearby window. Even though it was warm air, it felt cool on my overheated skin. Just as I was imagining it was Alex’s wicked fingers caressing me with a feather-like touch, he was back, hovering over me, kissing and licking my neck. He settled down on top of me, but something else was wrong.
I squirmed again.
“What now?”
“My underwear,” I explained, and tried to wiggle out of them without using my hands. It was a futile effort, but had the benefit of rubbing me all over him. “I’ve still got my underwear on.”
A slow, sensual smile curved his lips. He lifted himself slightly, his hands lightly caressing down my breasts toward my stomach. My back arched without my consent, pushing my breasts into his hands. He paused for a moment, then, kissing each one in turn, said, “Allow me to do the honors.”
His hands stroked over the curve of my hips as he shifted slightly to one side, then they slid around underneath me and cupped my behind.
“Oh, Lord, I’m going to die,” I moaned as he hooked his thumbs around the tops of my underwear and slowly peeled them off. His breath was hot on my belly, kissing it, lathering it with his tongue, nipping little love bites that made me want to scream with frustration.
“Alex, please, if you have a single bone of mercy in your body, stop toying with me and do it! Now!”
He kissed both hip bones, then slid his hands along my thighs. I pulled one leg up so he could remove my underwear.
“Slowly, sweetheart,” he said, tossing my undies aside. I caught him around the waist with both legs and locked my ankles on his behind, pulling him to me. “Slowly. We’ll do this very slowly. There’s no reason to hurry.”
“Oh, yes, there is,” I said, wrapping both hands in his hair and moving him down onto me. He was a couple of inches taller, several inches wider, and who knows how many pounds heavier, but we fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. “If you don’t make love to me this very second, I’ll die and you’ll be left to explain why you have a naked, dead, unsatisfied American on your couch.”
His arousal poked against my pubic bone as I arched up to kiss him. Who could imagine that something so mundane and functional as a tongue could start such raging fires? I sucked his tongue into my mouth and took his groan of pleasure deep into me.
“Alex!” Was that whimper mine? It had to be mine, his mouth was engaged in exploring the area behind my ear, an activity that made me shiver with delight. I tugged his hips and pulled my knees up higher on his back. I could feel him poking at my entrance, felt the tip of him slip along the wetness there, and wanted desperately for him to fill me.
I shifted and felt the thick head lodge just inside my opening. “Alex, if you’re not deep inside me in the next two seconds, I’m going to scream.”
He chuckled a rusty chuckle and grabbed my hips to keep me from thrusting up toward him. “We have all night, sweetheart. This is an important step for both of us; I want to make sure it’s right.”
I writhed and twisted beneath him. I’ve heard that men think with that all-important part of the male anatomy, but I’ve never heard of one thinking for itself, and yet I could swear that’s what Alex’s was doing. It was tormenting me, sliding along the length of me, teasing me by pushing ever so slightly into the place I wanted it more than I wanted anything else in the entire universe, and that included breathing and world peace.
I clawed his back and thrust my hips up toward my goal. “Damn you, it’s right! It’s right, I promise you it’s right! Just do it!”
He chuckled again and pushed into me slightly, allowing maybe an inch of him to sit just inside me. My body gave willingly, accommodating his size, clinging to the little part of him that had entered. I arched back, closing my eyes with the wonder of the feeling of him, so hot, so strong, so perfectly formed just for me. Tears leaked out the sides of my eyes as I waited for him to surge into me, to possess me fully, to join with me in body and soul.
“Open your eyes, Alix.”
Slowly my eyelids lifted to find him poised over me, his eyes glittering a dark, dark green.
“I want to watch the passion fill your eyes when I take you.”
He pressed in just a bit. Another inch. I moaned and raked my nails up his back as I bit at his shoulder. “I need you, Alex, I need you right now. Please, don’t tease me like this—just do it this once and I promise I’ll do anything you want. Oral sex, kinky stuff, anything you want, I don’t mind, just please do it now!”
The agonizing sense of loss was the first sign that something had gone wrong. He pulled out of me completely, but not to thrust back in as I had hoped. Instead, he rose up on one arm and narrowed his eyes at me.
“What did you say?”
My mind whirled around in a lust-crazed whirlpool of confusion. What did I say? How was I supposed to know what I said? Why had he left the warm sanctuary my body was offering? I whimpered in frustration.
“What? What I said? I said I needed you, Alex. I want you—please don’t tease me this way. I can’t take much more!”
His eyes narrowed farther as he pushed back, unlocking my legs around his hips, shifting to the side until he was lying next to me on the couch. “Did you say what I think you said? Did you offer sexual favors if I give you what you want now?”
I looked into the depths of his lovely green eyes, swallowing back the physical pain that came with our separation. Something was wrong, something was obviously wrong, but I’d be damned if I knew what it was. What had I said to him? I concentrated on his words, and tried to figure out what I had done to mess up the best thing that had ever come into my life.
“Sexual favors? Isn’t what we’re doing sexual favors? I don’t understand, Alex. Are you angry with me? What did I say that made you mad?”
He wrapped one big hand around my upper arm. “Did you mean what you said?”
I couldn’t stop the tears now, but they were tears of frustration, not joy. “I don’t understand why you’re so angry. All I did was promise to give you what you wanted, what every guy wants. It’s OK, really, I don’t mind a little oral sex, and as long as you don’t get too kinky on me—”
He sat up suddenly, swinging his legs off the couch, giving me his back. He ran a hand through his hair, then down his jaw. “Jesus Christ, Alix, what sort of man do you think I am that I would be willing to barter for sex? I thought you understood I am not interested in a quick tumble. I thought you were interested in starting a relationship, a real relationship, not just a bit of torrid sex to pass an hour or two.”
Damn it! Why didn’t I listen to Isabella? She had been right all along, and now I’d gone and ruined everything by throwing myself at Alex and showing him just how easy I was. I stared at him, speechless with horror at what I’d done, suddenly embarrassed and ashamed of being naked in front of him.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” I said carefully, looking at the hard muscles of his back. How could a man who spent his days using a computer have so many muscles? “Isabella told me you wouldn’t be interested in anything but a serious relationship, but I thought—I thought perhaps you felt the same thing I felt for you. I was hoping we could just enjoy each other’s company while I’m here.”
Alex cupped my chin
in his hand and wiped a tear with this thumb. He didn’t need to say a word—I could read the rejection in his eyes.
“It’s OK,” I said quickly, slipping out from behind him and hurrying into my dress.
“Alix, I do feel the same attraction you do, but I’m not interested in casual sex—”
“No, really, no explanation is necessary. I’ll just grab my shoes and go. It was a bad idea all around.”
He caught one of my hands and tried to stop me. “Alix, please allow me to—”
I pulled free, slapped a brittle smile on my face, and snatched up my shoes. “Not necessary. We’re on two different wavelengths, you and I. Hell, when it comes right down to it, we’re from different worlds. You belong to the Isabellas of the world—classy and chic, and not at all given to throwing themselves at men they’ve just met. You don’t have to worry that I’ll bother you again; if nothing else, I do learn from my mistakes.”
I threw the last words at him as I slipped out the door, closing it quietly behind me.
“Christ, woman, will you listen to me for a bloody minute?” Alex’s words reverberated around the landing, counterpointed nicely by the sound of his door being thrown open. I glanced back as I ran down the stairs, holding the front of my dress against me since I hadn’t been able to button it up.
I raced off the last step and grabbed my key from where I kept it above the lintel. Footsteps thundered behind me. His bare feet came into view for a minute; then he swore when he realized he was wearing nothing but a scrap of latex. “God damn it, Alix, I’m not done talking to you!”
“Goodbye, Alex. It was nice knowing you. I hope someday you find a woman who deserves you.”
He swore again and started down the steps, but I skipped inside my door and made sure he heard me close it. I half hoped he’d pound on the door, demanding that I let him in so he could apologize to me and ravish me on Stephanie’s daybed, but no sound penetrated the door.
The evening ended as so many have in the past—in tears and a good old-fashioned pity party. Without a doubt, I felt like the biggest loser on the planet, friendless, alone, and with the morals of an alley cat. I couldn’t believe I’d thrown myself at Alex like that. What had I been thinking? I knew, I knew he wouldn’t be interested in a meaningless little fling, and yet, let me get within ten feet of the man and I forget everything except the lure of his seductive self. The really tragic thing was that he was completely different from anyone else I’d ever lusted after, and I doubted if anyone would ever come up to the standard he had set.
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