“I like this guy.” Will grinned. This was awesome—the people I loved becoming friends. Maybe it was time for me to tone things down, not be so hard to get along with. The past months had proven how vulnerable I could be, both to those around me and myself.
I liked having more people in my life.
WILL and Ali had gone home and the kitchen was now tidy. Connor grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the bedroom.
“So?” I asked.
“So, what?”
“What did you think of them?”
He grinned. “They’re great. Will and I seem to have a lot in common. Ali is a real firecracker. I bet she keeps him on his toes.”
I nodded.
“Just like you keep me on mine.”
I slipped off my shirt, Connor unclipping my bra. He slid his warm hands around my chest, cupping my breasts.
“I missed these.” He laughed against my neck. I closed my eyes at our renewed intimacy. Every time felt like the first time with him.
“I’m glad you like my friends. Might be awkward if you didn’t.”
He turned me around to face him, and I slipped my arms around his neck, linking my fingers together. “Are you okay with their news? I mean, it’s not like you could do anything else but support them, but are you okay?”
I leaned against his chest. “I’m happy for them. It’s not like the rest of the world’s reproduction goes on hold because I had a bad time.”
Connor held me tight, and for a moment I was lost in his familiar scent. My love for this man went so deep. “I guess the question is when you want to try for a baby of our own.”
There it was. The question that had probably been on the tip of his tongue all night.
“Well, as much as it would be nice to jump straight into that, it’d be good for us to be back together for a bit longer than two weeks.”
He nodded. “I know. That’s how I’ve been feeling too.”
“So, I think we should see how things go and in a few months, if we’re still hammering each other like dogs on heat, then maybe.”
He laughed and let go of me, unbuttoning his shirt. I slid my pants down my legs and pulled back the blanket, hopping into bed in just my panties. They’d come off soon enough.
“Ella’s due in six months. Let her have her moment of glory before we show the world how it’s done.”
Connor walked around the bed, dropping his clothes to the floor and climbing in beside me. “Who are you and what have you done to Vanessa?”
“What?”
“You’re incredibly chirpy about this.”
I opened my arms to him, and he leaned over me, giving me a tender kiss. “I’m happy. This makes me happy. You make me happy. We’re going to get there, Connor. I just know it.”
And then I was lost to this man who had come back to me, despite everything.
Chapter 23
Six months later
IT WAS a little after two in the morning when my phone rang. Ella had gone into labour the day before, and I sprung up to answer the phone, causing Connor to groan as I made the bed wobble.
“Hello?”
“Vanessa. It’s a boy.” Matt’s deep voice echoed down the phone.
I squealed. “Congratulations. I bet Mum and Dad are thrilled.”
“You’re the first one we called.”
I dropped my hand to my heart. They were so precious to me, and I was touched that I was the first person they’d thought of.
“Give me the details. How big?”
“Eight pounds, three ounces. Smaller than Finn, but bigger than Georgia. He’s beautiful, Ness.”
Matt’s first biological boy. Finn and Georgia would go nuts having a baby in the house. I couldn’t wait to see how excited they were. “Of course he is. With you two for parents, how could he not be? I’ve got work today, but we can come and see you over the weekend?
“That’d be great. Ella should be home tonight. It’s all gone very smoothly.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“I’ll let you get back to sleep.”
I smiled as I put the phone down, nestling into Connor.
“Good news?” he mumbled.
“Ella had a baby boy.”
He muttered something incoherent and pressed his nose against my forehead. I chuckled to myself, closing my eyes and letting sleep take me again. Ella and the baby were safe—that was all that mattered. I was an aunt again.
On Saturday morning, we drove to Kerikeri. I loved having Connor in the car with me. We travelled in comfortable silence most of the time, and we made our traditional stop for milkshakes in Whangarei. In the months that had followed our reunion, we’d slipped back into our routines like old slippers.
As I pulled up to the house, Finn and Georgia greeted us. Connor scooped Georgia into his arms as I hugged Finn. Every time we saw them, I grew cluckier, although I’d never have admitted it.
Mum stood at the back door and waved. “I’ll see you later. I’m sure you want to go and see your sister first.”
“No offence, Mum, but you’re right.” She grinned as I nodded toward her.
“Have you come to see the baby?” Finn asked.
“No, silly. I came just to see you.” He slid his hand into mine, and I squeezed it as we drew closer to the house.
The door was open, and I walked through and into the living room, finding Ella sitting on the couch. In her arms was the new addition, and she pulled faces at him.
“Hey, Sis.” I sat down beside her.
“Hey.” She smiled. Finn stood in front of her, staring at the baby as she kept rocking him.
“This is him,” he said, pointing.
“Oh. I completely missed seeing him.” I grinned at Finn as he rolled his eyes at me. That was getting to be a real habit of his. A habit he’d picked up from his Auntie Vanessa.
Connor sat down opposite us, Georgia on his lap. She sprung up as Matt walked in the room, leaping off him. “Daddy.”
“Hey, Ness, Connor.”
“Congratulations, Dad,” Connor said, holding out a hand for Matt to shake.
“Here you go,” Ella said softly.
My lips twitched as Ella handed their son to me. This precious bundle. I stroked his cheek, touching the waxy skin as he yawned.
“Oh come on. I’m not that boring.” I laughed, lifting his forehead to my lips to kiss. “He’s amazing, Ell.”
“I am completely in love,” she said, leaning her head against my own.
One by one I counted his tiny, wrinkled fingers, his lips forming an O as his eyes tried to focus on this strange-looking woman. My ovaries were in meltdown gazing at him, thinking of all the possibilities. I ached a little from my loss, now seeming so long ago, but since then my heart had been filled with so much love and grew a little watching him.
“Have you given him a name yet?”
She smiled. “We thought we might call him Sam.”
“Ella.” I gaped at her.
Ella lit up, laughing. “Seriously, we named him Zach.”
“It suits him.”
He was so beautiful, his head covered in dark hair. Maybe he’d be a little Matt clone. However he turned out, he’d be loved more than anything by all of us.
My stomach ached.
She dropped her voice. The kids were laughing with Matt and Connor, not interested in us anymore. “Maybe you should give it a go yourself.”
I looked into those clear blue eyes of Ella’s, the ones that drilled into my head, and swallowed hard. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“Do you want to know what I think?”
“Do I have a choice?”
She smiled. “I don’t think you’ll ever be ready. I think at some point you have to take a leap of faith that everything will be okay. You were so hurt by what happened, Ness, but next time might be completely different. Then you’ll be holding your own baby in your arms.”
“Vanessa, you okay?” Connor studied me from across the room, flicking
a sideways glance at Ella. A tear dropped onto one of my wrists, and I raised a hand to wipe the ones rolling down my cheeks. I hadn’t even known they were there.
“I’m fine. Just in love with my new nephew.”
The look Connor gave me told me just how much he loved me. We could do this. We were stronger than ever and nothing could stop us. Even if we hit a setback, I was confident we could get through it this time. The cost of being apart was too high.
“Maybe you’re right,” I murmured, turning my head toward Ella.
“I’m your big sister; I’m always right.” She smiled smugly, and I rolled my eyes before looking back at the baby in my arms. His face distorted, reddening before he let out an almighty wail.
“Time for Mum’s boobs.” Ella unclipped her nursing bra, and I handed him over, unable to take my eyes off him as he latched onto Ella’s breast and started feeding. So content and calm now. It was like magic.
“If only it was this easy all of the time.” She laughed, stroking his head as he fed. He was exactly where he wanted to be, getting the comfort and reassurance he needed, right along with the full tummy.
I looked back over at Connor. His gaze was still fixed on me with that stupid little smile of his. It grew as he looked at me from under that horribly cute floppy hair. He’d make a wonderful father.
Maybe it was time.
Chapter 24
Evie, Ella, and then Ali.
Ella’s little speech about taking a leap of faith had hit me hard. Whether it was the ideal moment for us to have a baby or not, getting over my fear of miscarriage had to happen sometime.
With my new nephew, and Ali and Will’s baby girl, Taryn, around, my ovaries exploded on a fairly regular basis. Enough to make me ache so hard I wanted to push through my concerns and go for it.
Connor watched TV as I sat on the other end of the couch, jiggling my feet while all the possibilities ran through my head. If we were successful, we could have our own baby in the next year. That was giving us a couple of months for things to work. There was no reason to think I couldn’t get pregnant; it was the weeks after that bothered me.
“Connor?”
“Hmmm?” He didn’t take his eyes from the television.
“Do you think we should try for a baby?”
Ever so slowly, he turned his head toward me with the weirdest expression on his face. He seemed to be fighting his eyebrows raising.
“Are you ready for that?”
I licked my lips. “Yes?”
His mouth twitched, forming a smile that wouldn’t stop growing. As it changed to a grin, he leapt at me, pinning me to the corner of the sofa as I burst out laughing. I guessed that was a yes.
“I would very much like to try for a baby with you. Even if it takes a while, think of all the practice,” he said against my mouth. “Want to go and practice now?”
I sighed at that puppy-dog look. It melted me every time. “I’ll go and practice with you.”
In the end, it took two months and a lot of practice.
I knew what was wrong the moment I woke up, overwhelmed by nausea. I’d never been so glad that this place had an en suite, running to the toilet and dry-retching, having had nothing to eat since the night before.
Sitting on the cold bathroom floor, I let out a deep breath. Despite my still icky-feeling stomach, I grinned and stood, reaching for a towel from the cupboard. It was confusing, but all I wanted to do now was eat.
I rolled it up, sneaking back to the bed. Connor lay on his stomach, still dead to the world, and I chuckled to myself as I rolled up the towel, throwing it at his head.
“Hey,” he cried out, sitting up. “What was that for?”
“That’s for impregnating me again.”
His vexed expression disappeared as the corners of his lips curled up and into a smile. He pushed that floppy hair out of his face and laughed. “Are you serious?”
“Could be. Unless I have some weird food poisoning that makes me sick and then leaves me so hungry I want to eat an elephant.”
Connor crawled toward the edge of the bed, grabbing for me as he reached it. He wrapped his arms around my waist loosely, pulling me toward him and planting a kiss on my belly.
“If you’re in there, that’s where you need to stay.”
I reached down, running my fingers through his hair. “One day at a time.” I sighed. “I haven’t even taken a test yet. This could all be my imagination.”
“So, how about I cook an elephant for breakfast, and then we can go for a drive and pick up a test?” He looked up at me, hope written all over him.
“That sounds like a great idea.” I bent, kissing that face I wanted to wake up to each and every morning.
“If it’s positive, we could drive up and see your sister.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“Ella will freak out. If it is positive, I still want to wait.”
He frowned. “You’re right.”
“I’m always right. You should be used to that by now.” I poked my tongue out and squealed as he pulled me onto the bed.
“I am. You’re always right, even when you’re wrong.”
Laughing as his mouth met mine, I let him kiss me over and over again to celebrate. Even if it turned out to not be true, it’d happen one day. Connor and I would start our family when the time was right, and we’d go with the flow of whatever happened. Neither of us would ever forget the awful time we’d had apart. We were so much better together.
He held me as we spooned, his hand resting on my stomach. Maybe a trip to the supermarket to get a test would end in disappointment later, but it wouldn’t matter. We had each other, and the love we had would conceive a child at some point if it hadn’t already.
I closed my eyes. There was no point rushing out when there was more sleeping to be had. I’d pulled back on the crazy hours, but any time I got with Connor had become more precious. I knew now what it was like to be without him, and I never wanted to go through that again.
My ideas of sleep however, were not shared by him.
“We should get ready to go,” he whispered.
“I want to sleep.”
“Don’t you want to find out for sure?”
I rolled over. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He grinned, and oh, that goofy grin tugged at my heart strings.
“Fine.” I sat up, and sighed. “Let’s go.”
WE TOOK MY CAR. I loved that car almost as much as I loved Connor.
I took the scenic route, to the irritation of my usually eternally patient boyfriend.
“Umm, why are we heading toward the motorway?”
“Because it’s a beautiful day, and we’re going to go for a drive.” I pressed my foot to the accelerator to meet the speed of the traffic, cruising along with my bare feet on the pedals, the windows down to get a breeze going. Auckland sucked sometimes. It was big with horrid traffic, but going for a drive like this with barely any traffic on the road was quite peaceful.
“If you’re not pregnant, you’re nuts.” Connor settled back in his seat.
“And yet, you still love me.” I reached down into the centre console, grabbing my sunglasses and slipping them on.
“Always.”
I grinned, indicating to turn off into the city.
“Where are we going?”
“Wherever the road takes us.”
“Are you scared of finding out the truth?”
As I slowed for a red light, I turned to smile at him. “Maybe a little. I just want today to be about more than a pregnancy test. Positive or negative.”
He placed his hand over mine on the gear stick. “I’m scared too.”
We weaved through the streets, stopping every so often for lights and emerging on the other side to drive along the waterfront. The sunlight sparkled on the top of the water, still and calm. People were everywhere, making the most of the good weather, and we slowed with the traffic, a nice weekend drive.
I pulled up at a block of
shops.
“What are we doing here? There’s no pharmacy.”
“I feel like hot chips.”
He laughed. “You are so holding off doing this. All you need to do is pee on the test, Vanessa.”
“Oooh you’re so serious. You used my whole first name,” I teased, grabbing a pair of sandals from the back seat where I’d thrown them with my bag.
“You’re driving me crazy.”
“As always. I want hot chips and to sit on the sand and watch the water.”
Connor threw his head back and groaned. “This is seriously going to take all day, isn’t it?”
I reached for his hand and brought it to my lips for a kiss. “There’s no rush. We’re going to be together forever, so what difference does one little day make?”
He grinned. “I love it when you talk like that.”
“Let’s get something to eat.”
WE SAT on the beach for more than an hour, sharing our hot chips wrapped in paper and watching boats sail back and forward in the distance. The sun warmed the sand, soft beneath us, and a gentle breeze brought with it the salty scent of the sea.
Calm and secure, leaning against Connor, my thoughts wandered to this test I needed to buy. I could pretend I wasn’t frightened all I wanted, but there was no point. We’d thought about it, talked about it, planned it to the Nth degree. I might be calm now, but if that test was positive, I had no idea how I’d react.
“I am scared.”
Connor reached for my hand, gripping it tight. “I know.”
“We can’t put it off any longer. Can we?”
“We could, but let’s take the test before you go into labour.”
I laughed and let out a big sigh. “Let’s go.”
“Do you have any other diversions to get out of the way?”
Shaking my head, I stood, and brushed myself down. “Nope.”
Connor rolled the paper into a ball and pushed himself up beside me. “So, let’s go do this thing.”
No more excuses; no more putting it off. I had to know the answer, no matter how terrifying it was.
I walked back to the car, arm in arm with Connor. As we approached it, he threw the screwed up ball of paper at a nearby rubbish bin. It landed inside, and he fist-pumped as I shook my head.
In a Heartbeat (Lifetime Book 2) Page 17