by Annie Weir
‘You’ve been away all week. You could have said where you were going. I’ve been worried about you and worried about Mum. I can’t cope with it all. You must keep in touch.’
Judith fought back the instinct to tell Fiona to mind her own business. She appeared close to tears again, and sounded tired. ‘Sorry. I was so fed up last week that I thought I would disappear for a week. I took an apartment in Tenerife and just read books in the sun.’
‘Well, that’s alright for you then! Mum had a fall and ended up having an operation. Rosie and I sat in the hospital half the night. She’s so weak and old. It’s heart-breaking.’
‘I know,’ soothed Judith. ‘Where is she now? Shall I go and see her?’
‘Yes, do. She’s still in hospital but they want her to go back to Mill View as soon as possible, probably tomorrow or the day after. I think she should stay for a few more days but they won’t take any notice of me. Try to persuade them, Ju, you’re better at that sort of thing.’
‘I’ll try, but I don’t really think I can fight the medical profession.’
‘Are you going straight away? I’ll meet you there.’
‘Yes. See you there.’
She put the Christmas presents she had bought for them in her bag, and applied a squirt of duty free Chanel to make up for the lack of a post-travel shower. Even she could see that she had some making-up to do. It turned out to be the best thing she could have done. Her mother was sitting up and was chatting happily to Fiona and Rosie when she got there. She recognised everyone and had no idea that Judith had been away. Judith handed out her gifts and they were all delighted. Rosie especially said that the antique earrings were exactly what she would have chosen for herself.
I’ve managed to do something right, Judith thought to herself.
‘Where did you get them, Auntie Ju?’
‘From that new antique shop, you know Phoenix Antiques, just round the corner from me.’
‘Oh yes, you’re quite friendly with Chloe, aren’t you?’ said Fiona.
Judith tensed as she remembered her last conversation with Chloe. ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I am.’
Monday 29th December 2008
Judith got to the office before Helen especially to look in the filing cabinet. She noticed that the blue sticker on S.L. James’s file had been replaced by a green one. Interesting. In her office she found a beautiful plant in a painted pot on her desk along with a Christmas card from Helen.
At lunch time Judith walked around the town and noticed Phoenix Antiques had a sign in the window telling customers that it would reopen on Saturday 3rd January.
Chapter 9
Carlisle, January 2010
Friday 1st January 2010
Oh my God, there’s a man in my bed. How on earth did I allow that to happen? It’s Ken, of course. We had a really good New Year’s Eve. He came round with steaks and oven chips, loads of wine and champagne for midnight. Oh yes, and a box set of Not Going Out. I love the humour in that; it’s so dry. I didn’t intend for him to stay the night but it was so icy and cold outside that I couldn’t have sent him home. He’ll have to go soon. A night of booze and passion is lovely but I don’t want him hanging around here all day. The worst thing is that he’ll think we’ve moved to a ‘new level in our relationship’. Actually I think he might have said that sometime during the evening. He’s so nice; I really wish he didn’t like me so much. I lie still, pretending to be asleep and plotting how I am going to get out of bed, to the bathroom then get showered and dressed without waking him up. I decide speed is of the essence so I look around for my jeans and a jumper so I can grab them along with undies and leg it to the bathroom. There’s a towel in there already so I wait for the moment then slide out of bed and execute my plan. As I leave the room, he turns towards where I had been lying, his arm feeling around for me. I disappear before he realises I’ve gone.
I emerge from the bathroom to the smell of coffee and toast. Really, he is simply too good to be true. I offer him a towel to go and shower after breakfast and sit down at the table which is in the kitchen. His dark curly hair is all over the place and I can’t help smiling at him.
‘How’s your head?’ he asks in a whisper.
‘Better than I dared hope,’ I say, ‘but I’ll have another sleep when you’ve gone.’
He looks slightly disappointed at the notion of going so soon, but he probably remembers my dead husband at that point, and the fact that I haven’t had sex for a long time or been close to another man for nearly two years. He is always gentlemanly and I know that he’ll take the hint. We’re both too tired for conversation so he dutifully goes for a shower and asks if I would prefer that he leave straight away.
‘I think I would, Ken, if you don’t mind. I have got a shocking hangover.’
‘What about a walk in the cold fresh air before I go. It might help.’
‘Yes, OK. I’d like that.’
We get dressed up in coats and scarves and walk along past the art college. I don’t want to walk down the hill into town in case it’s too slippery to walk back up.
Saturday 2nd January 2010
Maureen appears to be back with a vengeance. I look at the dark roots growing out into the blonde bob and wonder what’s happened to her over the holiday. It would appear that she needs to assert her control and her position as supervisor. Really! Now that Kirsty has gone back to the checkouts, there is no need to supervise anyone in here. It makes me mad when she tells me to do things that are part of my job anyway.
‘Judith, will you prepare the trolley for a change run, please,’ she says at ten forty-five. We do the change run at eleven o’clock and it takes about three minutes to put the change into the trolley. It was going to be the next thing I did anyway.
‘Judith, ring through to reception, please, and ask them to send Security down to do the change run with us.’
‘Judith, don’t forget to double-check every bundle of notes before you sign them. We don’t want any more mistakes like before Christmas.’
Shut up, Witch-woman, you sound like my mother! ‘Yes, OK Maureen, no problem.’ She smirks. She can see that she’s getting on my nerves.
‘You can go on early lunch today, Judith.’
‘Yes, OK Maureen, no problem.’ She won’t make me answer her back. I play a longer game than that, and the longer she keeps this up, the sooner it will be when the next mistake does occur.
Tuesday 5th January 2010
Maureen’s monthly team briefing is the worst hour of the working week. There are only ever a handful of us in at any time, normally three now that it is so quiet in the store, but she insists on standing up and squeaking in a lower tone of voice to normal. She reads out the statement from Head Office about what a good Christmas it has been despite the difficult trading conditions generally, and how every member of staff is to be congratulated and thanked for their contribution. How nice!
She moves onto local issues; the duty manager rota for the month. She makes a point of handing it to me first, presumably so I can see when Ken is going to be working the late shift until store closing, then asks whether anyone has any particular requests for days off or shifts to be worked. Anita and I shake our heads. She asks whether anyone wants to book any holidays. Anita and I shake our heads, and Anita reminds her that she has requested all her remaining holiday days for the year.
‘Yes, I know you have, Anita,’ snaps Maureen. ‘Judith? You’ll have to use yours up by the end of March or lose them.’
‘OK,’ I say, ‘I’ll think about it and let you know.’
She handed me a couple of holiday forms. ‘You’ll need to complete one of these for each.’
‘Yes, I know,’ I say as I take them off her.
‘Steady on, Maureen,’ says Anita. ‘Judith’s worked practically every day these last two weeks so we could h
ave time with our kids.’
‘I know that, Anita,’ she says in a softer voice. ‘I was coming to that next, to say thank you to Judith for that. That’s why I need to make sure she has a break soon.’
‘Oh I see. Sorry Maureen. Good point you know, Judith, you should have a break soon.’
‘I know. I will. It’s just that, well, I was happier keeping busy over the holiday. You know…’
Anita gives Maureen a look that says ‘back off and leave the poor widow alone’, and Maureen does just that.
‘Right, moving on then,’ she says. Oh my God! Isn’t this briefing finished yet? ‘We are to be refurbished next month.’
‘Oh, how exciting,’ says Anita, ‘I love getting new stuff. These desks are a bit past it. I snagged the arm of my new jumper on the corner of mine last week. It was a Christmas present, as well.’
I would dispute the wisdom of wearing a new Christmas jumper to work in the cash office, but I need to keep Anita on side so I look sympathetic and say, ‘Oh no! What a shame.’
‘My mam mended it. It’s OK, but it could have been worse.’
‘Yes, indeed,’ I agree.
‘Ladies, can we keep to the briefing, please.’
‘Sorry Maureen,’ we murmur in unison. That strikes me as funny and I glance at Anita who is smirking, clearly trying not to laugh.
‘We haven’t got a date yet but when we do, we’ll have to pack everything up during the day and move it out overnight. The equipment people from head office will replace desks, chairs, shelves and filing cabinets, and then Security will get everything back in here for us ready for the next day.’
‘We’ll have to be very organised,’ I say.
‘Yes, Judith, thank you. I will be organising everything, and will issue a plan of what is to happen when. We’ll need more staff in on that day so there may be some changes needed to the rotas. I’ll let you know as soon as I have a date.’
She asks whether we have any questions or any other business. Anita and I shake our heads.
‘Right, back to work then, please.’
It is such a pleasure to get back to work just to have her stop talking.
Wednesday 6th January 2010
Ken and I have been to see Avatar. After all the hype I was prepared to be disappointed but enjoyed it in a strange sort of way. I like the tall blue people. Ken hesitates before asking whether I want to go for a drink or a coffee. I realise that he wants me to invite him back.
‘Yes, let’s go to Cafe Bar Sierra,’ I say and turn to walk in that direction.
‘OK,’ he says and catches me up to put his arm around my shoulder.
Oh, what the hell, it’s so long since I’ve had a proper relationship, I might as well enjoy this one while it lasts. I know he has to be at work early tomorrow so he won’t stay all night, or if he does, he’ll be gone early. ‘Actually, do you want to come back to mine instead? I have wine and coffee.’
‘Only if you’re sure, Judith,’ he says with concern. ‘I don’t want to be pushy.’
‘Yes, I’m sure. I’m certainly not ready to live with anyone yet, but staying over sometimes is nice.’
‘No pressure, honestly. You only have to say.’
‘Well, I do like my own space. I’ve just got used to it, I suppose.’
‘I’ll be gone early. I’m working tomorrow.’
He’s got the message. We walk to the bus stop and huddle in the meagre shelter out of the wind. It’s still too icy to walk up the hill and the bus stop at the top is just around the corner from where I live.
Inside my warm bijou half-house Ken opens some wine and I put the coffee on.
‘You worked a lot of hours over Christmas. You must be ready for a break,’ he says, keeping the conversation light.
‘Yes. I’ll need to go and visit my mum again soon, and my sister.’ We move through to the small sitting room and I flick on some music while we settle down on the sofa to enjoy our drinks. ‘Actually I think it’s Maureen who needs the time off more than me.’
‘Really? How come? She had quite a few days together over New Year. That’s a luxury in the wonderful world of retail.’
‘I know but she seems really stressed; more than when we were busy in December.’
‘In what way?’
‘Are you sure you want to talk about this?’
‘Of course, if it’s worrying you. What do you think it is?’
‘Not sure, really. She’s really snappy and bossy, and she was moaning about how much money she’d spent over Christmas. She doesn’t go on about it, but I felt that she needed to say it. Oh, forget it; I’m not making much sense, even to myself.’
‘No, you might be right to be concerned,’ he seemed thoughtful, ‘we’ll need to keep an eye on her; to make sure she’s OK, I mean.’
‘Yes, I know what you mean.’ I do know what he means, and it’s exactly what he is supposed to mean. I feel quite mean, actually. I don’t know why I’m continuing with this when everything is quite nice here. She just winds me up so much. We’ll see.
Thursday 7th January 2010
I walk down to Bitts Park to feed the ducks with Joanna and Ricky. Now that the first rush of January sales is over with, she is back to her normal rota. We throw bread and the ducks seem more grateful, or greedy, than normal. Perhaps the slivers of ice on top of the pond hinder the food available. Anyway, it’s soon gone and we walk into town to get some lunch. We choose a cafe that we haven’t been to before, order soup, bread rolls and drinks and sit at a quiet table. She looks a bit uneasy.
‘Judith…,’ she hesitates.
‘What is it?’
‘Christmas Day – my mam – her shocking behaviour. I am so embarrassed.’
‘Don’t be. We’ve all had too much to drink in our time. It was Christmas Day after all.’
‘I know, but when I thought about it later, I though she seemed quite rude. I didn’t see it quite that way at the time, probably because I’d had a few as well.’
‘We all had. I can hardly remember what she said. Forget it.’
‘Really?’
‘Really!’
‘Thank you. I didn’t want any bad feeling. You and Ricky get on so well. I just don’t know what Mam’s problem is.’
‘Maybe it’s what you said; that she’s afraid of anyone getting close to the family after your friend disappeared.’
‘Yes, I expect that’s what it is. It’s no excuse to be rude, though.’
‘Maaam, can I have another Coke? Please, I mean.’
‘No, but you can get some milk or juice.’
‘I want Coke.’
‘Ricky, Ricky, Ricky,’ I say, ‘Christmas is over for everybody, you know.’
He stops to work this one out. ‘I know.’
‘So…’
‘So what?’
‘So, none of us can have what we want all the time any more. Your mum, your nana and me, we all have to go back to work. You can’t have Coke all the time. It’s the same thing.’
‘Is it, Mam?’
‘Yes it is. Thank you Judith, for explaining that so clearly.’
‘Pleasure. I will explain to Ricky any time why working is the same as not drinking Coke.’ He realises that I’m teasing again and gives me that funny sideways look. Joanna is laughing before he and I are, and he decides he doesn’t want anything else to drink after all.
‘It’s not all bad,’ I continue my conversation with Joanna, ‘Spanish starts again on Monday. Have you got your Monday evenings off sorted yet?’
‘Oh yes, I mean si. No puedo esperar para el lunes.’
‘Yo también,’ I reply as Senor Rossi has taught us.
‘What did you say?’ Ricky asks.
‘Well, your mum said, No
puedo esperar para el lunes, and I said, Yo también. What did you think we said?’
He stares at me hard for a few seconds, clearly deciding how to reply. ‘Uno, dos, tres. Spanish,’ he says eventually.
‘Correct. Well done.’
Saturday 9th January 2010
Well, she’s made my mind up for me today. She hasn’t stopped from the moment we started work at seven-thirty. There was only she and I here until Sal came in at midday. The store is so quiet that the rotas have gone the other way and we are practically a skeleton staff. We were wheeling the trolley down the line of checkouts inserting the till drawers with their cash floats neatly arranged when she suddenly started on about Ken again.
‘I hear he spent the night with you,’ she said sort of conversationally, but with an edge to her voice. She didn’t look at me when she said it; she just carried on unlocking the tills, slotting in the drawer, then snapping them shut again.
I didn’t answer. I cannot believe the cheek of the woman. I’ll be thirty-five this year; I think I can decide who I sleep with. This is going to take all my self-control.
‘So?’
‘So what?’
‘So did he? Stay the night with you?’
‘It’s none of your business, Maureen. If you have a problem with my work in the cash office, please speak to me about it. If you have a problem with accommodating my requests on the rota, please speak to me about it. My personal life, however, is my own.’
‘It’s a possible security risk; a member of the cash office staff going out with one of the managers.’
‘Well, rest assured, we are not planning the next great heist.’
‘But there is potential, you must be able to see that.’
Thankfully the checkout supervisor arrived and confirmed times for the change run and the note-lift. She told Maureen how many operators she planned to have on so we can gauge the amount of change that will be needed at twelve-thirty. I waited patiently by the door to the cash office. I couldn’t go on in as there must be at least two people in there at all times.