Judith Wants To Be Your Friend

by Annie Weir

  For the last hour and a half we have sat in silence, counting and balancing the takings in each till drawer from yesterday. I would like to say it was companionable, or at least professional silence but I can tell she hasn’t finished her line of questioning yet. I know what it’s all about: she fancies him. Tough.

  ‘Can’t you see that it is a potential risk?’ she tries that one more time.

  ‘Maureen, feel free to check my work at any stage during the day. Spot check me at any time at all. In fact, I think you should do that to all of us bearing in mind the missing money before Christmas.’

  ‘Don’t tell me how to do my job, Judith.’

  ‘Just a suggestion. Anyway, while you are watching me, Ken is probably right under the beady eye of the lovely Mary Morris, so I really don’t think you need to worry.’

  ‘I’m not worried. I’m telling you.’

  ‘Consider me told,’ I agree as the buzzer sounds to indicate that Sal has arrived to start her shift. She is always early. ‘Shall I go for lunch first?’

  ‘No, I’ll go first.’ She and Sal swop places in the little chamber between the cash office and the back of checkouts and when the inner door is shut, she lets herself out into the store.

  ‘What’s up with Maureen?’ asks Sal.

  I am unsure as to how much to say. ‘I think she’s cross with me,’ I venture.

  ‘About Ken? She’s furious. Don’t worry about it. How are you getting on? Do you need me to count money or shall I get the trolley ready for the change run.’

  ‘Trolley I should think. We’re almost done here.’

  ‘OK.’

  Sal starts to pull bags of coins from the safe to count into the trolley and I slip a twenty pound note from one of Maureen’s bundles. She has left her desk drawer open so I grab the Sellotape and stick the note to the underside of her desk like I did last time. It doesn’t seem to take any time at all. By the time Sal turns back to me to say that the trolley is ready to go I am back at my normal desk counting the money from the last till. It balances as do all the bundles of notes, bags of coins, vouchers and credit card slips.

  ‘What did you go to see on Wednesday?’

  My life really is an open book. I feel the slight intrusion annoy me, as always, but need to build my powerbase in here. ‘Avatar. Have you seen it yet?’

  ‘No, we’re going tonight. I haven’t done 3-D before at the pictures. We have at Disney World but not in little old Carlisle. Did you like it?’

  ‘I did actually. The 3-D effects are really good. I won’t tell you anything else about it in case it spoils it.’

  ‘I think everyone’s heard everything about it already. A good old-fashioned love story; that’s what I’m expecting.’

  ‘You won’t be disappointed then.’

  The buzzer sounds and this time Maureen and I change places in the little chamber so that I can go for my lunch break. She looks slightly more relaxed and I wonder whether she has had a swig of vodka to steady her nerves. She’ll need it later. Ken’s in the canteen and he comes over to join me. I don’t notice that the other managers have a problem with it.

  I don’t need to recount the events of early afternoon. It is a repeat of the last two times that money was found to be missing. Suffice to say that after we are searched by Security, again, that Maureen is summoned to the personnel office for a meeting with Mary Morris. I finish my shift before she gets back and go into the store to do a bit of shopping. Ken stops to talk to me at the fish counter. I do my best worried look.

  ‘Judith, I’m going to have to tell Mary Morris what you told me on Wednesday night.’

  I know I’m naughty but I couldn’t resist it. ‘What? How much I like having sex again?’

  He bursts out laughing as Maureen walks past us. She has seen us, and heard Ken laughing but she doesn’t look at us or say anything. She stares straight ahead and her eyes look a little bloodshot.

  ‘No, of course not; about her worrying about money.’

  ‘Do you really have to? I’m sure it’s just a mistake. The cash will probably turn up later.’

  ‘The last one didn’t. And you did the full search again, didn’t you?’

  ‘Oh yes.’

  ‘Anyway, you mean ‘another’ mistake. Even if it is a mistake, it’s not good enough.’

  I sigh and nod. ‘I suppose so. She likes to be seen as so efficient. This won’t be doing her any good at all.’

  ‘It’s not for you to worry about her,’ he said kindly, and if we hadn’t been at work I think he would have kissed me on the forehead.

  ‘Hmmm. I suppose, but we’re all under the microscope. I don’t like it. Still, better get on. I want to go into town before everywhere shuts.’

  He spots Mary Morris and continues on to wherever he was going before he saw me.

  Monday 11th January 2010

  Maureen was unbearable yesterday. It’s the stress of being in trouble about the money but thankfully she is off today. Anita and I work happily together until Sal comes in, then the three of us work happily together until I finish my shift. It’s Spanish tonight so I get away smartly to go home, change and eat ready to be there at six. I like routine; it’s good to be starting the classes again.

  Wednesday 13th January 2010

  There are still a few shops having sales after Christmas. My God, they string these things out. I hate the shops when they are half full of last season’s old tat squashed up together smelling vaguely musty and half full of new stuff for the coming spring. I have saved some money at last and am thinking about a short break somewhere a bit warmer than here. A Nile cruise would suit me, I think. You get taken everywhere and fed endlessly. I go into a couple of travel agents then call in at Cafe Bar Sierra for a coffee and to read the brochures. Joanna isn’t there which, on reflection, is a good thing as I am supposed to be considering a holiday in Spain. Never mind, I’ll go back to one of the travel agents and pick up a brochure for there as well.

  I meander down the pedestrian shopping area and stop to look in the window of Marks and Spencer and who should I see in the reflection but Gaynor. I see her see me, and see that I have seen her, see her hesitate and half-turn to walk away then she turns back to approach me. I turn round to face her properly. I resist the urge to ask whether she still has a hangover from Christmas Day.

  ‘Hello Gaynor,’ I say evenly with a smile that deliberately doesn’t reach my eyes. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Hello Judith. I’m fine thanks. You?’

  ‘Yes, fine.’ I play my normal waiting game. I maintain eye contact like I do with Maureen at work, not exactly staring but not flinching, until she says something.

  ‘Um, about lunch time, on Christmas Day, you know?’

  I nod.

  ‘Well, I wanted to say that I’m really sorry for what I said.’

  I wait a bit longer.

  ‘Well, for my whole attitude really.’

  I continue to wait.

  ‘I don’t know why I was so funny with you. I thought you were snooping that day when you were babysitting. Anyway, Joanna explained everything, and I am really sorry. I know you’ve been a good friend to her for the last few months. She was feeling really down when, well anyway, she was, and she’s cheered up a lot.’

  I think I’ve made her squirm enough. ‘That’s OK, Gaynor. No problem. I can’t remember what you said anyway.’

  ‘Neither can I really. Friends again?’

  As Rosie used to say when she was about fourteen, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I am still not sure which one Gaynor is. ‘Yes, of course.’

  She starts to ask me what I have been shopping for when suddenly there’s a hysterical woman being held back by her companion.

  ‘Let me go, Tommy,’ she shrieks and tries to wriggle free of his hol
d. ‘It’s her! It’s her and I’m going to tell her exactly what I think of her.’

  ‘What’s going on there?’ asks Gaynor as she turns round to see what all the fuss is about. I turn in the same direction and find myself looking straight at Ivy Shipton. She used to be bigger than she is now; she seems to have shrunk to half her normal size. Tommy looks bigger by comparison although he always did look after himself. You’d see him jogging around the leafy suburbs of Hexham with his faithful Collie running along beside him.

  ‘I’ve no idea,’ I say and turn away.

  ‘Judith Dillon! Do not turn away from me!’ Ivy shrieks.

  ‘Judith, do you know her?’ asks Gaynor edging away.

  ‘I used to. You go. I’m fine.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere. She might attack you, or something.’

  ‘She won’t. Let’s both go.’

  At that moment Ivy breaks away from Tommy and rushes right at me. I drop my bags and catch hold of her wrists. My God, she really does feel quite frail. I hold on firmly until Tommy comes over to regain possession. Gaynor picks up my bags and moves a few paces back. A few people have gathered around us, openly awaiting the next move. Ivy stares at me wide-eyed and red in the face.

  ‘You ruined my boy’s life,’ she shouts. ‘He’s never worked again because of you. I’ve never worked again because of the way he is. You don’t even care. You just walk away from it all like it never happened. I hate you and I will never forgive you.’ Her voice quietens as the tears start to roll down her bony face, then she starts sobbing. Tommy is holding her more gently now and with a sad but unforgiving look at me, he turns and leads her away. He always was a man of few words. Some things never change.

  ‘Thank God they’ve gone,’ I say and take my bags back from Gaynor. ‘Right, I’d better get going. I’m going out tonight.’

  ‘What was all that about?’

  ‘Nothing. Well, something that happened a long time ago. A sort of misunderstanding.’

  ‘Well, they clearly blame you.’

  ‘Yes, they do, but it wasn’t my fault.’

  ‘What wasn’t?’

  ‘The misunderstanding; the incident. It wasn’t anything to do with me at all. They have always blamed me and it is quite unfair. However, I refuse to lose any sleep over it. They are simply wrong.’

  ‘You must tell me what it is,’ she insists.

  ‘Gaynor, I must not!’

  ‘You babysit for my grandson. I need to be able to trust you.’

  ‘Joanna needs to be able to trust me. He’s her son, which is surely more important.’

  ‘It’s important for me too. I’m waiting for an answer.’

  Now she starts to play the waiting game. Really, we can’t have two of us doing this. A few people are still staring and I dare say at least one of them works at Cost-Save. This could well be all around the store by tomorrow. I can’t risk a row with Gaynor in the street, and I also don’t want to risk her turning Joanna against me. I lower my voice so she has to lean in to hear what I am saying. That makes the crowds think we are friends and that there won’t be any more action.

  ‘It was a long time ago. It wasn’t round here. It wasn’t my fault. And I am not going to discuss it any more. Goodbye, Gaynor.’

  My knees feel unsteady as I turn away, and I clutch my bags close to stop my hands from shaking. So much for a relaxing day looking for a holiday and maybe something new to wear in Egypt. Bugger Ivy Shipton. Bugger Gaynor being there. Bugger it all. Won’t it ever go away?

  Ken has suggested going out for a meal tonight instead of the cinema. I think we are comfortable enough with each other now to have a whole evening of conversation, easy though it is to sit and watch a film for most of the time. I get the feeling he wants to talk to me about something. I dread to think what it is so I catch the bus home and as I stand under the shower I try to think of what it might be so that I can be prepared. I decide it might be us going away for a holiday together, which would be a precursor to living together so I don’t want that. He may want to ask me more about Maureen which would be OK but I somehow don’t think so. I can’t think what else it might be so I’ll have to play it by ear and think on my feet; not something I like but that’s how it will have to be. I consider my mix of metaphors and decide they work together. He’s even going to come to the bijou half-house to pick me up rather than meeting me in town so it’s like a proper date. I dry my hair and wonder how long it will be before he hears about the incident in town today. He’s bound to sometime soon but I hope not yet.

  We walk into town. It’s cold but not raining and the river looks lovely with the moon shimmering in its flow. Ken has booked a table at an Italian restaurant and the food, the wine and the service is just right. He’s been chatting away and I had forgotten that I should be expecting a question of some sort.

  ‘Judith, I wanted to ask you something. I’m a bit nervous, actually, but I’m getting a bit of pressure put on me.’

  ‘That sounds ominous,’ I say, trying to keep my voice light. ‘I don’t like surprises, you know.’

  ‘I know but there’s no roundabout way of asking you.’

  ‘God, Ken, what on earth is it?’

  ‘Well…’

  ‘You’re making me worried now. If you don’t say, whatever it is, the answer is no.’

  ‘You might say no anyway.’

  ‘Any more of this and the answer is no.’

  ‘OK. Will you come and have dinner with my family one evening. At home, I mean. They want to meet you.’

  I am taken completely by surprise. I had definitely not anticipated that and definitely do not have a suitable answer prepared. ‘Yes, of course, I’d love to,’ I hear myself say. I am clearly going mad, but after the day I’ve had I suppose it’s not surprising.

  ‘That’s brilliant. I’m so pleased. My mum and dad are really OK, you know. My sister will want to be there as well, probably with her boyfriend.’ He is positively glowing and I realise that there is no way out of this one. All I can do is avoid agreeing to an actual date.

  ‘How old is your sister?’

  ‘She’s twenty-three; a bit of an after-thought I reckon, or an accident. She’s OK. I didn’t like her much when I was a teenager and had to look after a toddler but since she went away to uni and came back we’ve got on really well.’

  ‘What does she do?’

  ‘She studied accountancy and has got a job with a local firm. She’s doing well so far. Her boyfriend works there as well.’

  ‘Nice.’ My God, that’s all I need, to mix with young accountants. Still, it’ll only be for a couple of hours.

  ‘She’s the brainy one in the family. I’m a bit of a disappointment career-wise I think.’

  ‘What ambitions have you got, Ken?’

  ‘Nothing earth-shattering. Cost-Save ask me to apply for more senior jobs from time to time, but they involve moving away.’

  ‘What’s wrong with that? You could move away for a while, get some experience then move back.’

  ‘I could do. I thought seriously about it every time the opportunity came along. I know people at the stores in the North East, and in Lancaster. I probably would have done it if I’d had anyone to move away with me. Just didn’t fancy it on my own.’

  I sense the conversation is moving in a direction I don’t want to follow, but wine has been consumed and Ken is in full flow. I decide to let him keep talking; it gives me thinking time.

  ‘I had a girlfriend for a lot of years. She wouldn’t move with me. She’s Carlisle born and bred and had no intention of going anywhere. She’s married with kids now. I stayed because of her then when she fell for someone else, I moved back with my parents temporarily and never moved out again; frightened of commitment I suppose.’

  ‘I understand that,’ I say
, fully understanding that.

  ‘I know you do Judith. That’s why I would never put any pressure on you to live with me or even go on holiday.’

  ‘Thank you, Ken,’ I say and really mean it. Suddenly a few hours at chez Wilson doesn’t seem so onerous. I invite him back to stay the night.

  Thursday 14th January 2010

  Ken brings me a cup of tea before he leaves. It’s not too early as he is working late this evening and doesn’t need to go in until midday. Before going home to change he sits on the bed and says how about next Wednesday evening to meet his family. I can’t think of a reason to say no. My phone beeps with a message. It’s a cheap pay-as-you-go thing that only three people have the number of. It isn’t Ken; I doubt that it is Gaynor so it must be Joanna. I read her message.

  ‘Hi J. Can’t make the park today. Unexpected other plans. J.’

  With a rush I remember the events of yesterday afternoon and guess that Gaynor has warned her off me.

  ‘Everything alright?’ Ken asks.

  ‘Yes. Change of plan for today. I think I’ll stay in bed and read.’

  He passes my book over to me before kissing me on the head and getting ready to go. I think I can hear him humming to himself as he puts his coat on. For God’s sake, Ken, don’t fall in love with me. It really is not a great plan.

  Saturday 16th January 2010

  I’m working the late shift today. It’s still icy underfoot so I set off for work in good time then find I have arrived too early. I go into the ladies’ locker room to change my boots into comfortable shoes and to get the book I keep for occasions such as this. I plan to go and sit in the canteen for half an hour in peace. I am concealed from the door by a bank of lockers in the middle of the room, but I hear the door open. Two familiar voices are in the middle of a conversation.

  ‘I can’t believe what she said this morning, either. Fancy blaming Judith for her own silly mistakes.’ Sal’s voice.

  ‘I know. Well, if it is a silly mistake,’ Anita’s voice replies.